Single forever because I'm divorced??

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cinjo

Guest
#1
#1
So, long story short....I was in a relationship for a few months and my boyfriend broke up with me because he decided that he couldn't be with me because I'm divorced and he didn't want to be an adulterer. He talked with his preacher and his preacher agreed that he should not be dating me or even talk to me. He will not even be friends with me. I have never had anyone treat me this way. Maybe I'm being naive, but I'm shocked that someone would be this way to another person. Has anyone else ever experienced this before?
 
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imfinallyfree

Banned
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Dec 17, 2013
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That is shocking and a example of why I don't have anything to do with organized religion of any sort.

Im a born Christian ya know technically because my ma had me baptized at birth but reasoning like the type that you've described has warned me of that non sense im not saying that ALL organized religion is bad I mean if going to church and congregating with like minded people is a person's type of thing I think that that is great it's what is passed off as words straight from Gods mouth that is bad and probably condemning.

Some will say say racism,incest,pedophilia,fornication etc. Are perfectly OK and God even told them so ...that's terrible.

I think that these trials are necessary for the individual to prove to God that they can make it in Heaven without corrupting it.

I can't see why being divorced would make you so bad well I don't know you or your circumstance possibly you are bad but I think that only God is the one to say so.

Organized religion is so ridiculous what's more ridiculous is people not seeing that it actually says somewhere in the Bible that people will be condemned by others that think that they are doing His work ,that sounds exactly correct as it pertains to the current situation in the world.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#3
Jul 19, 2014
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Philippines Age 40
#3
I had a relationship with someone who was separated because his wife committed adultery. If he divorces his wife, he will not be guilty of adultery because his wife cheated. Because of my own desires, I thought it will be ok to have a relationship with him and possibly marry him in the future. But I still had doubts because the word of God about remarriage is absolute. "Let no man separate what God has joined together" which means only death obliterates marriage. Divorce is permitted but it is not a license to remarry. Seek God about this and He will answer your question because it's only God's opinion that will matter in the end.


Psalm 73:26

My flesh and my heart may fail. But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

There are many threads here about this topic. You can use the search bar.

christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/147563-remarriage-after-divorce.html
 
jesussavesbro7

jesussavesbro7

Senior Member
#4
Jan 5, 2016
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#4
did you divorce because of cheating your hubby cheating than you can marry again but if you did not divorce because of adultery you cannot get married again until your hubby dies.
 
Sheepman

Sheepman

Senior Member
#5
Aug 13, 2016
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cinjo said:
So, long story short....I was in a relationship for a few months and my boyfriend broke up with me because he decided that he couldn't be with me because I'm divorced and he didn't want to be an adulterer. He talked with his preacher and his preacher agreed that he should not be dating me or even talk to me. He will not even be friends with me. I have never had anyone treat me this way. Maybe I'm being naive, but I'm shocked that someone would be this way to another person. Has anyone else ever experienced this before?
Click to expand...
We get shocked by things like that because the norm is so far away from a living church wich demands things in love. _After Gods commandments and not by the commanding flesh. And its not getting any easier as the ends times pressing the grapes. The times with its upside down norms makes it impossible to find a good partner in certain parts of the world.

If you are in a place with a living church where men still are supposed to be men and women still women. Then praise God.

The constant disgusting sex associations everywhere all the time 24/7 is one of our times greatest roadblocks. They just stumble all the time and gollow the world.

I had a date. I thought it was the answer after one year of grieving my cheating wife. I wanted love. I asked her about her past. I never ever got an honest answer. She subtly belittled my wonders. I ended it but that made her all the more anxious we where ment to be. I actually had to send her away in the middle of the night coming knocking at my door. I tried to tell her I had sleepin kids inside the house. Her eyes just went blank. She had obviously no idea what its like to deal with little children.

I tell this only as an example how hard it is in an environment where you have no church to go to. When you are in a complete christian desertzone. The pressure is so hard it make you literally faint when fighting the good fight.

You mockers out there selfblessed and with no understanding. Wich like Jobs friends speak wisdom upside down. Please try to muzzle.
 
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Miri

Guest
#6
#6
I'm not the best to answer as I have never been married. But I believe when two born
Christians marry who are truely devoted to God and each other, then the divorce rate
should be minimal. Very few couples in my church divorce, it's hardly heard of.

Here are some of the opinions that I have come across on this matter from others.

1) If neither party or one of the parties was not a Christian when they divorced, it doesn't count.

2) If adultary occurred, then the person who did not commit adultary is free to remarry,
but not the person who committed adultary.

3) If the marriage breaks down due to spousal abuse, then it doesn't count as this is a form
of mental adultery and betrayal.

4) The bible customs of the day don't apply to modern situations.

5) The woman at the well had several husbands but both she and Jesus knew they were
not really marriages. Some marriages are never real in the first place.

6) Forced/arrange marriage does not count.



As I saw these are just a few of the different opinions I have come across. Best thing to do is
pray about it and ask God to show you and guide you on this matter as you will get loads of
different opinions on here as well.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#7
Mar 26, 2014
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#7
cinjo said:
So, long story short....I was in a relationship for a few months and my boyfriend broke up with me because he decided that he couldn't be with me because I'm divorced and he didn't want to be an adulterer. He talked with his preacher and his preacher agreed that he should not be dating me or even talk to me. He will not even be friends with me. I have never had anyone treat me this way. Maybe I'm being naive, but I'm shocked that someone would be this way to another person. Has anyone else ever experienced this before?
Click to expand...
There are far too many people around here who hold that opinion and believe it Biblical. So many so that I finally wrote up my thoughts and made a blog entry about what the whole counsel of the Bible seems to be.
http://christianchat.com/blogs/cinder/7040-what-bible-says-about-divorce.html
Probably won't change anyone's mind who likes to develop a theology from one verse, but hopefully it can encourage you and give you the ability to make a good rebuttal when someone throws that crap in your face.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#8
Aug 13, 2014
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#8
Nota bien: The guy in this story is doing what he thinks is right. Don't hold it against him. He is doing what his pastor told him he should do, against what he wants to do. If he and his pastor are wrong that is regrettable, but don't let regret turn to anger. Just let it - and him - go.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#9
Jun 30, 2015
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#9
This post is directly to the quotation, and not directly related to the original post.

imfinallyfree said:
That is shocking and a example of why I don't have anything to do with organized religion of any sort...

I think that these trials are necessary for the individual to prove to God that they can make it in Heaven without corrupting it.
Click to expand...
Friend, you have admitted that you have nothing to do with organized religion. That is evident in the bolded part, because Christianity does not teach what you assert. It's not even remotely biblical. What Christians believe is that without Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice, we are all wretched sinners who only deserve everlasting punishment for our sin. God reached out to us in the form of Jesus, took the punishment in our place, and made us holy and blameless in His sight. By His grace alone we are redeemed and cleansed, changed from the inside out.

Instead of making it up as you go along, perhaps it's time for you to find a Christian church and learn the Truth. :)
 
C

cinjo

Guest
#10
#10
We divorced because he became a severe alcoholic and was verbally abusive to me at times. I felt like he was also putting our kids in danger and I refused to raise my children in that type of environment.
 
C

cinjo

Guest
#11
#11
jesussavesbro7 said:
did you divorce because of cheating your hubby cheating than you can marry again but if you did not divorce because of adultery you cannot get married again until your hubby dies.
Click to expand...

We divorced because he became a severe alcoholic and was verbally abusive to me at times. I felt like he was also putting our kids in danger and I refused to raise my children in that type of environment.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#12
Jan 12, 2016
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#12
cinjo said:
We divorced because he became a severe alcoholic and was verbally abusive to me at times. I felt like he was also putting our kids in danger and I refused to raise my children in that type of environment.
Click to expand...
Given the circumstances for your divorce and me reading the bible, I would have to agree with the boyfriend that split.

Is your husband doing something about his problem? Could that lead to reconciliation?
 
C

cinjo

Guest
#13
#13
Tommy379 said:
Given the circumstances for your divorce and me reading the bible, I would have to agree with the boyfriend that split.

Is your husband doing something about his problem? Could that lead to reconciliation?
Click to expand...

No, he is not trying to get any help. I've tried to help him, but he doesn't want help. He is enjoying his life. He doesn't even spend his visitations with the kids because of his problem.

He is currently "talking" to several of the women he was in contact with before we got divorced. There is absolutely NO chance of reconciliation.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#14
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
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Philippines Age 40
#14
cinjo said:
No, he is not trying to get any help. I've tried to help him, but he doesn't want help. He is enjoying his life. He doesn't even spend his visitations with the kids because of his problem.

He is currently "talking" to several of the women he was in contact with before we got divorced. There is absolutely NO chance of reconciliation.
Click to expand...
Maybe he is trying to upset you as a form of revenge for whatever happened to your marriage? The wicked seem to be enjoying life like they don't have to pay for their sins but we all know their destiny.
 
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Infusion

Guest
#15
#15
I can understand why this would sound very harsh and judgmental to most. I mean it does sound aweful. I am not the same as this guy, my beliefs are not at all alike. But it is very important for me to get married in a culturally traditional way. This means alot to me, its my people and who I am. Because of this I want to marry a woman that has to have conditional standards. My family legacy and bloodline is something I take very seriously, we are talking about my children. So I would have to reject many women for things they would find ridiculous. But for men who are religiously or culturally devout you must remember marriage is not the same for others or like finding people randomly and going on a date all in good times and falling for each other later. It is like this in alot of cultures around the world also. I dont think its intended to judge you and relationships in my opinion are too lenient and not taken seriously enough in modern American culture.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#16
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
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#16
cinjo said:
No, he is not trying to get any help. I've tried to help him, but he doesn't want help. He is enjoying his life. He doesn't even spend his visitations with the kids because of his problem.

He is currently "talking" to several of the women he was in contact with before we got divorced. There is absolutely NO chance of reconciliation.
Click to expand...
When I read the bible, I take it as it says what it means.

When I read Matthew ch. 19, Mark ch. 10, and 1 Corinthians ch. 7, I have to conclude that if a woman separates from her husband, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.

It may not make it any easier, but those chapters may help explain why the guy split.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#17
Aug 2, 2009
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#17
cinjo said:
We divorced because he became a severe alcoholic and was verbally abusive to me at times. I felt like he was also putting our kids in danger and I refused to raise my children in that type of environment.
Click to expand...
I want to side with you, I really do. And if I was the bf, I wouldn't care if you were divorced.... But when it comes to the bible, there are only 3 ways that a marriage can end that are acceptable to God..

1) The spouse dies
2) The spouse committed adultery
3) The unbelieving spouse divorces the believer (1 corinthians 7:15)

Unfortunately, abuse by a spouse isn't one of them even though it would seem logical. It's just not in the bible for some reason. When you think about it, Jesus was severely abused by his captors and so were the apostles, but they did not flee from them. I'm not saying that one should stay in an abusive relationship. I think its best to get out of one and I think you did the right thing. Just saying that the bible doesn't seem to say anything about getting away from an abuser.
 
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imfinallyfree

Banned
#18
Dec 17, 2013
822
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#18
I completely agree with infusion,I think that many problems in the world domestic violence being one and teaching domestic violence to the children being an even bigger problem can be averted with people taking a more mature view on life as a whole not just marriage.

People do things impulsively and frivolously marriage being a great example ,the problem is that adults aren't supposed to be impulsive they are supposed to take time to consider their actions especially when those actions will effect them long term maybe forever if some nuts are to be believed(I don't believe that) some say that divorce is a "sin" and people got to hell for it.

I think that it's the byproduct of these impulsive choices that people make that they go to hell for.

Like teaching children to make the same mistakes that we did? Yep I think that that is a mistake worthy of sending your ass to hell for.

You know it doesn't have to be our children literally kids look up to adults because they are supposed to ...its natural.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#19
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
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Philippines Age 40
#19
Yeah because people don't take anything seriously anymore, people have forgotten who they are, forgotten how to love deeply and everything is disposable now, even marriage. :-(
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#20
Aug 13, 2014
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#20
I would mention one other thing. There are a lot of people who have a lot of opinions, and all of them are useless (including mine.) There is right and there is wrong in this matter, and we have the Bible to clearly define it. Though I do think that in this thread a lot of people have opinions that happen to line up exactly with what I understand the Bible to say.

I would also mention that in a sea of opinions it's easy to fish out the ones that say what you would like to hear. Be careful about that. Consensus does not make something right. (Although if everybody you know are all saying the same thing, it is probably at least worth investigating.)
 
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