Faith, test, failure

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Gracie2017

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I feel like God put me to the ultimate test of faith. I failed and the consequences were catastrophic. I prayed for a sign and I got it. I prayed again,and again I feel like I got my answer. Then when everything seemed hopeless I think he sent me a life line and I didn't grab hold.
If this makes no sense I will elaborate if needed but it's a very difficult subject for me and sharing the details is very hard.

I know God forgives our sins,but how do I forgive myself? Especially when I can't help but wonder if I spoke up if things might not have ended so tragically.
 
Yeah, you are being very vague, but we can only assume "it" ended tragically either for you or another. Whether you interceded on someone's behalf or moved accordingly to God's warnings, if it ended tragically you can at least gain this insight. God cared. He sent you signs, and a life line. Sadly you didn't take it, but instead of being hung up on forgiving yourself, rest in the fact that God is faithful to forgive and that He is still by your side.

Pick yourself up, and make right what needs to be made right. Next time God gives you wisdom for a situation take it and implement it. I am not so sure that it was a test of faith as it was you dealing with the consequences of your actions (if it pertains to you).

The optimistic perspective of all of this is that your failure can be a lesson learned. Now you know better.
 
My granddaughter was born very ill. I prayed for a sign she would be ok and she opened her eyes (which she hadn't done up until that point). She had 3 surgeries and during the last I prayed if it was his will that she not come out of everything whole that she pass during surgery and she made it through. A few days later the doctors came in said there was nothing more they could do and they were all in agreement that it was in her best interest to let her go. However, the doctor that did her first surgery couldn't bring himself to come to the room but asked others to let us know that he didn't want us to give up hope. Obviously, the decision to let her go wasn't mine to make but I do know I have enough influence over my daughter and husband I could have convinced them to not let her go.
 
Gracie2017 said:
I feel like God put me to the ultimate test of faith. I failed and the consequences were catastrophic. I prayed for a sign and I got it. I prayed again,and again I feel like I got my answer. Then when everything seemed hopeless I think he sent me a life line and I didn't grab hold.
If this makes no sense I will elaborate if needed but it's a very difficult subject for me and sharing the details is very hard.

I know God forgives our sins,but how do I forgive myself? Especially when I can't help but wonder if I spoke up if things might not have ended so tragically.
Click to expand...

This is like that story where a guy is hanging from a tree branch in a flood, and a boat comes by to save him, and he says "No thanks, my God will save me." And later comes a helicopter, but he says "No thank you, my God will save me." And he drowns to death, goes to heaven, and asks God why He didn't save him, and God says "I sent a boat and a helicoptor to save you."

Sometimes we recognize those lifelines God gives out, sometimes we don't. But if we fail to take it, for whatever reason, God, like GPS, just redirects us from that point where we made a wrong turn. All we can do is apologize and live and learn so that we are wiser next time around.




I will share with you one of my experiences. I once worked with a guy who talked with me about God on our lunch breaks. He was a really nice guy, but I thought he was following a false church doctrine, so my focus was on trying to get to the point where we disagree- then I could show him in the Bible.

Well we talked about other things too, and one day it was medical. He told me what medicine he was on, and I told him I knew someone who was on that, and one day they quit cold turkey, and never had a problem again. I was just sharing my thoughts- not suggesting that he do the same.

He died. My heart broke when I found it it was because he stopped taking his pills. And if that wasn't hard enough, I found out we went to the same church- only in different towns.

I had to forgive myself for that, even though I had no bad intention. But I learned from that. I lost weight drastically fast one time, and someone asked me how to do it, but I wouldn't tell them so that they'd have to listen to thier doctor and not me.

Nothing can be done about the past, but lessons learned can effect the future.
 
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Gracie2017 said:
I feel like God put me to the ultimate test of faith. I failed and the consequences were catastrophic. I prayed for a sign and I got it. I prayed again,and again I feel like I got my answer. Then when everything seemed hopeless I think he sent me a life line and I didn't grab hold.
If this makes no sense I will elaborate if needed but it's a very difficult subject for me and sharing the details is very hard.

I know God forgives our sins,but how do I forgive myself? Especially when I can't help but wonder if I spoke up if things might not have ended so tragically.
Click to expand...

As long as you are looking/listening for God he will answer. For the one expecting to hear God will be spiritually awake to the voice of God. Even though God can speak to us in big ways a lot of times he speaks to us in a whisper.

Feeling sorrowful should bring you to repentance and back into the trust of Gods promise to forgive you of all sin.

As you repent pray for strength in the Spirit to help you in times of trials and temptation. After God gives you a way out of all them by remembering to trust in him.

Trials have torn many people away from faith but the wise will exercise obedience to put their trust right back into Jesus.

I am sorry for your bad news and I dont know if this helps or not but that precious little child will be right where God wants us all and thats in our eternal home with him. I had a young one die in my family and i was enlightened to see it this way. But to me being in heaven just for being a child and not having to deal with the things that come from adulthood. They remain pure in mind and oh so beautiful in spirit.

Just saying as long as you feel this way get back to Jesus and his promises and he will send a life line over and over.
 
Gracie2017 said:
My granddaughter was born very ill. I prayed for a sign she would be ok and she opened her eyes (which she hadn't done up until that point). She had 3 surgeries and during the last I prayed if it was his will that she not come out of everything whole that she pass during surgery and she made it through. A few days later the doctors came in said there was nothing more they could do and they were all in agreement that it was in her best interest to let her go. However, the doctor that did her first surgery couldn't bring himself to come to the room but asked others to let us know that he didn't want us to give up hope. Obviously, the decision to let her go wasn't mine to make but I do know I have enough influence over my daughter and husband I could have convinced them to not let her go.
Click to expand...
Before I go on, a little back story of what I've been through that you will get.

In November 2015, my husband finally let me take him to the ER at the VA hospital. He hadn't been able to breathe when he laid down in 2 days and had increasingly worse "indigestion." A different kind, but he checked Google and Google said it was indigestion, not a heart attack. By the 4th day, he hadn't laid down for two days, and he sounded like he had just sprinted a marathon.

It was a heart attack. The word "massive" rings in my ears still. I got the message loud and clear. No one expected him to make it through that first night. No one expected him to make it through the transfer to another hospital (two blocks away) for the stents. (He was semi-conscious and heard a man's voice say that as he was being whisked through the corridors on the stretcher.)

My prayer, "Lord, your will be done." But no doubt God knew what my will wanted.

He had two stents put in that day and did survive the night. No one knew the extent of the damage to his heart for four weeks though because he went from that to pneumonia, then an infection so bad the nurses told me a white blood count of 20 was really bad, 40 was deadly, and his was 47. Another doctor told me that first night he had a 10% chance of surviving. That doctor was in charge of the ICU. "35 patients in this ICU, and your husband is my sickest patient. He has a 50/50 chance of making it through the next 24 hours."

Again, I prayed, (and kept praying this), "Your will be done, but understand my will is for him to come home to me, not you."

He made it through that night but his kidneys failed and he was put on dialysis.

FOUR weeks before they found out what happened to his heart, simply because they were trying to get him stable enough for whatever came next. There are three huge valves that go into the heart. He blew one out so hard it also blew out the muscle to the heart that keeps that valve in place.

I won't tell you what God's will was for my husband. This isn't a testimony about him. This is about you and me seeing signs.

I saw them. The first was a tiny little blue flower in a sea of ground cover in a pocket garden between three renown hospitals (skyscraper size) in Philadelphia. Lots of people going by that garden and me with their own fears or their own jobs. Traffic going by that can only be that crowded in a city, and three huge buildings surrounding me and that flower. God cared about that flower. He cares about me. That's what he was telling me. He did NOT tell me which home my husband would be going to when it was over -- home with God or home with me.

Right before that operation (which was Dec. 23 -- Christmas Eve eve) I came up from a parking garage under one of those hospitals and in the elevator I heard the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah. In the lobby of that hospital (where I would leave it to cross the street to go to the hospital hubby was in) a choir was finishing their Christmas celebration concert with that song.

God was reminding me that even in this his glory is the most important thing, but he still gave me the courage to cross the street and find out when hubby's operation was coming... or find out hubby died while I was on my way to see him. (I refused to use my cell phone, because I take too much time to figure out how to turn it on, and I wanted to know when I was in a place to hear, instead of driving down a highway and finding out right then... or even a phone call in the middle of the night.) It was also a big reminder that God still remembered me and cared.

Did I fail? Nope. Was God testing me? Nope. Maybe? Death is guaranteed to all before we go home. Real home. With God. Real home. God is our home!

Did you fail? No! Is God testing you? I doubt it. He's mostly reminding you of this -- Rom. 8:28 [FONT=&quot]And we know that for those who love God all things work together [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]for good,[/FONT][FONT=&quot] for [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]those who are called according to his purpose.[/FONT]

I really get how horrible this feels. I faced the emptiness of home without hubby. His death is my biggest fear, not because I don't trust God, but because I can't imagine life without hubby. God keeps reminding us that he cares and he is doing all of this for our good and his glory. Even your granddaughter.

Let go and let God. Will your granddaughter live? Pray to God that she lives eternally with him, because no matter what, eternity starts today. Ask for God's will. Be brave and trusting enough for that, because my other fear was hubby would live but not have quality in life.
 
BenFTW said:
Yeah, you are being very vague, but we can only assume "it" ended tragically either for you or another. Whether you interceded on someone's behalf or moved accordingly to God's warnings, if it ended tragically you can at least gain this insight. God cared. He sent you signs, and a life line. Sadly you didn't take it, but instead of being hung up on forgiving yourself, rest in the fact that God is faithful to forgive and that He is still by your side.

Pick yourself up, and make right what needs to be made right. Next time God gives you wisdom for a situation take it and implement it. I am not so sure that it was a test of faith as it was you dealing with the consequences of your actions (if it pertains to you).

The optimistic perspective of all of this is that your failure can be a lesson learned. Now you know better.
Click to expand...
God is our lifeline. When we cannot hold on, he does the holding. He does the holding even when we hold on, so losing grip on the lifeline isn't failure. He's got us tight!
 
Gracie2017 said:
My granddaughter was born very ill. I prayed for a sign she would be ok and she opened her eyes (which she hadn't done up until that point). She had 3 surgeries and during the last I prayed if it was his will that she not come out of everything whole that she pass during surgery and she made it through. A few days later the doctors came in said there was nothing more they could do and they were all in agreement that it was in her best interest to let her go. However, the doctor that did her first surgery couldn't bring himself to come to the room but asked others to let us know that he didn't want us to give up hope. Obviously, the decision to let her go wasn't mine to make but I do know I have enough influence over my daughter and husband I could have convinced them to not let her go.
Click to expand...

Not sure exactly what "letting go" means but it sounds to me like the your prayer WAS answered. Just not in the time frame you requested.

In either case, the Lord's will was done. You have nothing to be regretful over. Rest in the joy of Him and thank Him for letting your granddaughter be with Him.

Peace, love, and Grace to you!
 
Gracie2017 said:
I feel like God put me to the ultimate test of faith. I failed and the consequences were catastrophic. I prayed for a sign and I got it. I prayed again,and again I feel like I got my answer. Then when everything seemed hopeless I think he sent me a life line and I didn't grab hold.
If this makes no sense I will elaborate if needed but it's a very difficult subject for me and sharing the details is very hard.

I know God forgives our sins,but how do I forgive myself? Especially when I can't help but wonder if I spoke up if things might not have ended so tragically.
Click to expand...
I suspect you are involved in a complicated matter that would be difficult to describe here. One thing about your post did stand out to me. You said you asked the Lord for a sign and he gave it to you. You might want to read this:

[38] Then some of the scribes and Pharisees said to him, "Teacher, we wish to see a sign from you."
[39] But he answered them, "An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign; but no sign shall be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. Matt 12:38-39 RSV

My one piece of advice would be something Paul wrote:

Pray constantly. 1 Thess 5:17 RSV
 
resurrection33 said:
I suspect you are involved in a complicated matter that would be difficult to describe here. One thing about your post did stand out to me. You said you asked the Lord for a sign and he gave it to you. You might want to read this:

[38] Then some of the scribes and Pharisees said to him, "Teacher, we wish to see a sign from you."
[39] But he answered them, "An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign; but no sign shall be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. Matt 12:38-39 RSV

My one piece of advice would be something Paul wrote:

Pray constantly. 1 Thess 5:17 RSV
Click to expand...
Now read post 3 to see if you might not want to amend this advice.
 
resurrection33 said:
Well, we aren't supposed to ask for signs and praying constantly is always good advice.
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Don't think of it in terms of signs, but in terms of confirmation. If someone is taking an action and they feel the Lord may be leading them a certain route, sometimes people ask the Lord to confirm that decision. To let them know that this is the right route or that it is the will of God. God does give that confirmation, if necessary.
 
Understand Justification by Faith - Romans 3:23

This is why we must understand what justification is and why it is the first subject in the book of Romans. It lays down the foundation as I go through sanctification.

Justification gives me the ability to get back up from every failure no matter how many times and stand up and go through this process and learn it. Justification gives us a legal standing with God that is not cancelled because of the acts of sin. So if I fail at this same thing a thousand times, God forbid, I remain justified by faith (Romans 3:23); For I have kept the ways of the Lord (2 Samuel 22:22; Psalm 18:21; Romans 8:2). Remember, Jesus said, "I did not come to condemn (John 3:17)."

Justification is not what we do, and not what I am, and not what I worked for. It is what Jesus did and my faith in it that gives me the standing with God that I need to carry on my Christian experience. Sometime I do it well, and sometimes I do it not so well, but his justifying Grace will not fail unless my faith fails. It is just if I have never sinned and just if I have always obeyed (Romans 8:1; Romans 8:2).
 
Depleted said:
God is our lifeline. When we cannot hold on, he does the holding. He does the holding even when we hold on, so losing grip on the lifeline isn't failure. He's got us tight!
Click to expand...
I believe this with my whole heart! We think we hold to Him when in reality He holds us. We have no strength in and of ourselves to hold to Him.
 
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