U
Two years ago my son met a girl (his roommate's sister). He texted and called her b/c she lived in another city. After 3 weeks he told us about her, said she lived there with her sister after a breakup with an alcoholic boyfriend (it took her 9 months to realize he was an alcoholic) who broke into her apartment. He told us she did not trust men and had always leaned on her sister for emotional support. He also told us she got "hurt" whenever she met a boyfriend's family. Then two weeks later she invited her brother to bring him for the weekend. My son was there for 24 hours when this girl called him aside and told him she did not trust him and he invaded her safe space. Her father and brother told him she was crazy so he stopped talking with her.
Duriing the next 9 months she dated 3 different guys. We know that she broke up with one who helped her with her car, helped her with her townhouse (she had moved out of the sister's home b/c of another child in the sister's family), took her to nice places, supposedly made $600K, etc. Her reason for breaking up with him was because he took her trash out without her permission.
The second breakup we know about happened after she met the guy's family. Supposedly there was talk about someone else in the family being involved in an adulterous affair. She decided the family and the guy were bad people. Then 5 weeks later she found out she was pregnant with his child. He asked her to get an abortion and told her he wanted nothing to do with a child. She moved home about 5 months later.
Our son told us of the pregnancy and the fact she was moving back to our town when she was around 5 months pregnant. One time when we were with him his phone kept ringing and buzzing and he was quite frustrated. When I asked him why he told me it was her and that she was contacting him all the time. I told him to block her and his response was "I'm going to handle this like an adult. I'm going to tell her there is nothing between us. I will help her if she h as car trouble and can't reach her dad or brother but there is nothing between us except friendship. And I do not want to become the father to someone else's child".
It got to a point when he would not look at me, his Mother, or hardly talk to me. We called him one night and he told us he could no longer have a weekey dinner with us b/c other people wanted to spend time with him. We still saw him at church on Sunday but no more weekly dinners. Then after another month he said he would have dinner with us and proceeded to tell us he had been dating her for 2-1/2 months.
I have great trepidation about this relationship for the following reasons:
she has bad relationship history -- we know of other guys and we have gotten the impression that she has had multiple sexual relationships. his father asked him once if he knew her sexual history and the reply was just "yes"
her crazy reason for breaking off relationships
she has had bad judgment decisions -- can't elaborate on them
she blames her bad judgment on a hormonal issue
she does not even have a good work history. she has been out of school for4 years and has not held any job longer than 9 or 10 months.
she began datinig my son while she was pregnant with someone else's child. Yes, it is my son, but I feel her primary goal should have been creating a life for herself and her child without any man. I am suspicious of her intentions toward my son and her statements of "I didn't know you were still here" yet my son lives with her brother and her statement"Oh, I didn't know there was a chance for us again"
my son is very vulnerable right now. he concentrated on his degree and then a master's degree and has not had a girlfriend for 9 years. I feel like she jumped into his lap and he is just settling.
he is also settling for other things in his life which are out of his character. He graduated with his master's degree in May 2015 and is yet to get a job in his field. he is limiting his search to here because she cannot leave this state unless the baby's father gives up his rights which the father says he is not going to do. my son has declined 2 job offers in other states.
he lives in conditions with her brother that he would not have tolerated at home. he is settling for less than God's best.
Am I off base or would other parents, be concerned about this relationship? I know I cannot "say" anything to him without potentially pushing him toward her even more. How and what do I pray for?
Duriing the next 9 months she dated 3 different guys. We know that she broke up with one who helped her with her car, helped her with her townhouse (she had moved out of the sister's home b/c of another child in the sister's family), took her to nice places, supposedly made $600K, etc. Her reason for breaking up with him was because he took her trash out without her permission.
The second breakup we know about happened after she met the guy's family. Supposedly there was talk about someone else in the family being involved in an adulterous affair. She decided the family and the guy were bad people. Then 5 weeks later she found out she was pregnant with his child. He asked her to get an abortion and told her he wanted nothing to do with a child. She moved home about 5 months later.
Our son told us of the pregnancy and the fact she was moving back to our town when she was around 5 months pregnant. One time when we were with him his phone kept ringing and buzzing and he was quite frustrated. When I asked him why he told me it was her and that she was contacting him all the time. I told him to block her and his response was "I'm going to handle this like an adult. I'm going to tell her there is nothing between us. I will help her if she h as car trouble and can't reach her dad or brother but there is nothing between us except friendship. And I do not want to become the father to someone else's child".
It got to a point when he would not look at me, his Mother, or hardly talk to me. We called him one night and he told us he could no longer have a weekey dinner with us b/c other people wanted to spend time with him. We still saw him at church on Sunday but no more weekly dinners. Then after another month he said he would have dinner with us and proceeded to tell us he had been dating her for 2-1/2 months.
I have great trepidation about this relationship for the following reasons:
she has bad relationship history -- we know of other guys and we have gotten the impression that she has had multiple sexual relationships. his father asked him once if he knew her sexual history and the reply was just "yes"
her crazy reason for breaking off relationships
she has had bad judgment decisions -- can't elaborate on them
she blames her bad judgment on a hormonal issue
she does not even have a good work history. she has been out of school for4 years and has not held any job longer than 9 or 10 months.
she began datinig my son while she was pregnant with someone else's child. Yes, it is my son, but I feel her primary goal should have been creating a life for herself and her child without any man. I am suspicious of her intentions toward my son and her statements of "I didn't know you were still here" yet my son lives with her brother and her statement"Oh, I didn't know there was a chance for us again"
my son is very vulnerable right now. he concentrated on his degree and then a master's degree and has not had a girlfriend for 9 years. I feel like she jumped into his lap and he is just settling.
he is also settling for other things in his life which are out of his character. He graduated with his master's degree in May 2015 and is yet to get a job in his field. he is limiting his search to here because she cannot leave this state unless the baby's father gives up his rights which the father says he is not going to do. my son has declined 2 job offers in other states.
he lives in conditions with her brother that he would not have tolerated at home. he is settling for less than God's best.
Am I off base or would other parents, be concerned about this relationship? I know I cannot "say" anything to him without potentially pushing him toward her even more. How and what do I pray for?
