How would you feel if this were your son?

[renewed_hope]

I empathize with you in this, however if she bases decisions based on emotions and how she has been hurt when she has met family of the person she is seeing, for one pregnancy can change all of that because it can stabilize their hormone levels. Another thing you can do is pray and maybe show up unannounced and accept this child as your grandchild, take her shopping and try to be a support without passing judgement. I think she has been hurt because one of her past relationships family has judged her causing a breakup and her to be uncomfortable. Her and your son just needs a good solid support system and a family who will love and support them in every decision they make, it doesn't mean that you have to agree with it, but just accept it. I don't really have a relationship with my grandparent because they are Mormon and tried destroying my parents marriage the night before the wedding because they didn't like my dad. If you want a relationship with your son, support him and love him without trying to persuade him to stop seeing her. If anything you should be proud that your son is stepping up and being a man to this woman and who knows he may be planting seeds with her

 

[Ariel82]

Most girls I know who "sleep around" were raped at an early age. Some as early as 8 years old.

 

[Ariel82]

Most girls I know who "sleep around" were raped at an early age. Some as early as 8 years old.

I am guessing something happened to her when she 14 or 16?

You might not like it and your Christian counselor might not believe it, but..... God might be using your son to help her heal and she might help him heal too.

God can change people. You should try and love and bless your son and support his choices. You might not like it, but you need to find ways to show you still love him even if you don't agree with his choices.

Like I and others mentioned, showing love to the baby might be the key. Agape love that doesn't ask for anything in return. Then you will be displaying Christ type love to them.

 

[kaylagrl]

I will try to answer everyone's questions:

He told us most of the things we know about her before he ever started dating her. Most of it was told when he was only texting and talking to her via phone and after she told him she did not trust him. Other things were told to us between that time and when she moved back here. He has shown frustration in what she has done when he talked with us about these things.

Many people have said that they are probably sexually involved and that greatly explains why he said he would not become involved with her and then did so. he has told us twice that he was finished with her but then he proceeded to become involved with her. And we have received impressions from conversations with our son that she has had multiple sexual partners. Yes, she could change but I have also been advised that she will probably need professional counseling to overcome some of her problems and to our knowledge she has had none. Her emotional security problems go back 12-14 years. To our knowledge her involvement with other guys goes back 7-8 years. We have also been advised by our Biblical counselor that our son cannot say he is in God's will to help her and save her if he is also having sex with her. he has said that being intimately involved with her is against God's Word and therefore he could not say he sees God's will to save her. They are contradictory to each other.

My son has never liked DRAMA, especially from girls. This girl is entirely drama and sometimes I feel she creates drama when there is none.

Not dating anyone for 9 years. He was deeply hurt by the actions of his two previous girlfriends. By the time he broke up with the second he was working on his bachelor's degree and then he began his master's degree. he said he needed to concentrate on school and he also worked so he did not have much time to spend on a girl. His father and I have also decided that he does not "search" for girls, most of the time they have pursued him (which also explains why he became involved with this girl. I think she jumped into his lap). He was also in a field of study that had very few females in it so there was not much of a chance to meet anyone. I do know of girls who were interested in him but nothing ever went forward.

My son was raised in church. With that being said I can say he is a Christian but not a disciple of Christ. I now see that he does not walk the talk. I can now say that his father and I have not been as strong as we should have been. He served for a while as a leader of middle and high school groups for kids in our community through our church. He "went" to church with us up until 6 months ago; however, how much he truly received from it is uncertain. But the background is there. He needs to be reading and studying the Bible and praying but I cannot say that he does that. The girl is a Christian; that is all he has told us. However, I feel she is probably in the same boat as he is, not a true disciple. Not living as they should.

My son does have the desire to be a fixer. However, his past attempts at fixing have all fizzled out as he has gotten tired of the individuals not helping themselves. So, he somewhat gives up after a certain period of time if they show no desire to improve themselves.

Unless both of them change -- my son and this girl -- I do not see that they can be successful in a long-term relationship. Their motives are potentially wrong, their desires are wrong, etc. I pray for him every day and some for her. They would be taking on alot of responsibility in addition to just starting their lives and careers together.

Quote " We have also been advised by our Biblical counselor that our son cannot say he is in God's will to help her and save her if he is also having sex with her. he has said that being intimately involved with her is against God's Word and therefore he could not say he sees God's will to save her. They are contradictory to each other."


​Your counselor is right,your son is out of Gods perfect will in this situation. But that does not mean he's out of Gods permissive will.And by that I mean God can still change the situation for His will as you continue to pray.It seems your son has a savior complex,which is a double edged sword. Prayer is the key. I still say pray that God will open his eyes and take the blinders off.

Quote "My son has never liked DRAMA, especially from girls. This girl is entirely drama and sometimes I feel she creates drama when there is none"

I dont know the girl but this is how some girls get attention and keep a guy interested and doing her bidding. They know how to play on the strings of a mans heart and gain sympathy,some are quite expert at it.


Quote " His father and I have also decided that he does not "search" for girls, most of the time they have pursued him (which also explains why he became involved with this girl. I think she jumped into his lap).

Your sound sounds like a catch. But a sweet,caring,responsible young man is also a target.People who tend to use others find people like your son like he has a target on his back. And because your son is a gentleman he feels responsible for her.


Quote "My son does have the desire to be a fixer. However, his past attempts at fixing have all fizzled out as he has gotten tired of the individuals not helping themselves. So, he somewhat gives up after a certain period of time if they show no desire to improve themselves.

That is a positive thing for certain. If this girl is playing mind games and drama as it seems your son will pick it up for himself. If her past is any indication,he'll give up fairly soon if you step back and let the chips fall.


Quote"Unless both of them change -- my son and this girl -- I do not see that they can be successful in a long-term relationship. Their motives are potentially wrong, their desires are wrong, etc. I pray for him every day and some for her. They would be taking on alot of responsibility in addition to just starting their lives and careers together.

The only way either will change is through prayer. I know it must be hard to pray for someone you think is hurting your son. God wont force her to change. But you should pray she accepts the Lord or He moves her on down the road. She just may not be mature enough yet to change. But God can move her along if she is unwilling to change.

 

[Angela53510]

I happen to agree with Blue! If your description of this girl is even half right, (of course, I am only seeing one side of the story!) then it sounds like she has some kind of mental illness. Either a personality disorder, or perhaps bipolar disorder, with what sounds like mood swings, and hypersexualty.

Which is not to say that either of those things is a death sentence, if she gets medical help. The problem with most personality disorders, though, is they will not get help, to say nothing of how hard it is to change and fill up that emptiness.

But you have spoken your piece with your son, and he is not having it. So, to continue to put her down, jeopardizes your relationship with your son. As for the baby, well it is innocent of all this intrigue. What will you do with that?

If your son was a lot younger, I would advise some kind of intervention. But at 29, he is big enough to make his own decisions. Some of them may be wrong, but sometimes we learn more from our mistakes than from our successes. So, another reason to stop badgering him about what he should and should not do.

I hope you will take this to God in prayer, and let his will unfold for your son's life. God is in control, and you need to trust God for your son, one way or another. And stop trying to control your son's life.

PS. I confess that to me it sounds like she is abusing him, keeping him away from his friends and family is one sign of emotional abuse. Unless it escalates to physical abuse, though, you have to just stand back and let things unfold they way they are going. Again, prayer has to be the answer to this situation!