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So,.hmm,. now that you have the other thread, hmm,.
What's gonna happen with this one? LOL :p

With Love,
~Ren
 
Christianrkchk89 said:
Why must you change the subject? This is about people putting up personal's ads...not about whether or whether not we have Biblical discussions in chat.
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I don't know why so many people are having a hard time understanding what you're saying. I've been thinking the same thing and have also been wondering why no one else has said anything.

First of all, the way that I see it all you're saying is that you want this forum to be used appropriately. Asking for and/or giving advice or chatting or whatever is not the same thing as posting a single's ad. So, if one says "I am 28 and single and would like to meet the right person. Does anyone have any advice on how I could go about doing this?" or "I am 28 and single and feeling lonely. Can someone please cheer me up?" Those are appropriate ways of using the forum. But to say "I'm 28 and single, if you want to marry me please contact me" That is a personal ad. And, like you said, there are many other websites for that purpose.*

Secondly, although I'll be the first to admit that I can get on tangents in threads, I have a low tolerance for posts that are not directly relevant to the topic of the thread. I have seen personal ads that put right in the middle of threads, I find that kind of disrespectful to the user who posted the original thread. I read things on threads and I'm left thinking "If I was the original poster of this thread I'd be like 'Hey, back on topic, people.'"

Thirdly, yeah, this is a free forum where people can post whatever they want (provided it doesn't conflict with the terms of agreement) but that doesn't mean one is off the hook for using good manners. Like the other day I saw a post right in the middle of a thread here on the Singles forum by a guy recruiting for his organization. That didn't have anything to do with the thread or even the forum and I thought very inappropriate and disrespectful to the posters. So what I'm saying is, all we have is collective pressure to insure that everyone uses this site appropriately.

Fourth, you're not suggesting that people shouldn't meet each other on this site for the purposes of dating. People can always send each other private messages. I'm wondering why that's not enough. I mean, members locations and ages are on their profile. If I was available and all the guys on this forum lived in my city, I'd have a pretty good idea of who I would and would not like to meet just based on what they've written.

*if you don't want to join a Christian on-line dating website because you don't want to pay for it or don't like the stigma, I suggest you work to get over that.
 
I agree with Bams. Just don't read them! People can post what the want as long its not against the rules. I don't agree with it but sometimes complaning really doesn't help either. Stirs a lot of stuff up. So don't read them.
 
:-) Thanks so much for understanding!! I definitely agree with those points!!


Ancilla said:
I don't know why so many people are having a hard time understanding what you're saying. I've been thinking the same thing and have also been wondering why no one else has said anything.

First of all, the way that I see it all you're saying is that you want this forum to be used appropriately. Asking for and/or giving advice or chatting or whatever is not the same thing as posting a single's ad. So, if one says "I am 28 and single and would like to meet the right person. Does anyone have any advice on how I could go about doing this?" or "I am 28 and single and feeling lonely. Can someone please cheer me up?" Those are appropriate ways of using the forum. But to say "I'm 28 and single, if you want to marry me please contact me" That is a personal ad. And, like you said, there are many other websites for that purpose.*

Secondly, although I'll be the first to admit that I can get on tangents in threads, I have a low tolerance for posts that are not directly relevant to the topic of the thread. I have seen personal ads that put right in the middle of threads, I find that kind of disrespectful to the user who posted the original thread. I read things on threads and I'm left thinking "If I was the original poster of this thread I'd be like 'Hey, back on topic, people.'"

Thirdly, yeah, this is a free forum where people can post whatever they want (provided it doesn't conflict with the terms of agreement) but that doesn't mean one is off the hook for using good manners. Like the other day I saw a post right in the middle of a thread here on the Singles forum by a guy recruiting for his organization. That didn't have anything to do with the thread or even the forum and I thought very inappropriate and disrespectful to the posters. So what I'm saying is, all we have is collective pressure to insure that everyone uses this site appropriately.

Fourth, you're not suggesting that people shouldn't meet each other on this site for the purposes of dating. People can always send each other private messages. I'm wondering why that's not enough. I mean, members locations and ages are on their profile. If I was available and all the guys on this forum lived in my city, I'd have a pretty good idea of who I would and would not like to meet just based on what they've written.

*if you don't want to join a Christian on-line dating website because you don't want to pay for it or don't like the stigma, I suggest you work to get over that.
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Well, and the other thing is that when posters (especially young women) post personal ads, I worry about them getting scammed or hurt. I worry that this site can be targeted for scammers, because they might see Christians as wealthy (seeing as so many of us are from industrialized countries and we all have Internet access, something that's still considered a luxury in most of the world) and naive. Secondly, I saw a book at the library called "how to get married after 35." Well, if you live in Canada, the USA, Australia, Japan or most of Europe, getting married is pretty easy. All you need to do is find someone from a developing country who really wants to emigrate, and he'll propose to you in a second. Yeah, that does sound a bit crass, but the reality is that the world is full of inequality, and there are many, many people in this world who love a quick and easy way to get into a country that they think will offer them the opportunity to escape poverty. If you've ever been on a short term mission you'd probably been warned of this. I actually had a classmate who was on a mission to a country that was so bad for that, the single team members were actually paired off with a member of the opposite sex, to discourage the locals from hitting on them. Now, you'd have to wonder how one could share the Gospel with people whom they are also lying to about having a boyfriend, but... I don't know, that's just what she told me. Anyway, that definitely happens on on-line dating. When I did it I got e-mails all the time from men overseas saying they've been told by God I'm the right one for them, or whatever. I know that they're being insincere because my profile says that I'm only interested in local guys. So interested can they be in me if they don't even bother reading my profile? That's because they didn't read my profile. They sent identical e-mails to all the other girls from countries they're interested in. I hope that doesn't sound Xenophobic or cynical. I just want everyone to stay safe. When I was in university I wrote a paper personal ads. I stumbled upon some mail order bride sites. I think I found about 200 of them, and about half of them were Russian. And that was in... either fall of 2000 or spring 2001. So, there's probably a lot more now. It's very sad, if you think about, that women in those countries were so desperate to get out that they were willing to marry a virtual stranger in the US or wherever.

Anyway, let me get to the point: as much as I love Internet dating, you need to be careful and don't be naive. On this site you're not supposed to have multiple accounts, but it is totally possible. On a pay dating site, you'd probably need multiple credit cards to have multiple profiles. You can also probably lie about were you live on this site, although obviously not tried, so I don't know for sure. So, like, on internet dating one does have the option of lying about who they are but whatever they decide to be that is consistent for all users. One can't change their profile to cater to certain users. Does that make sense?
 
it sure does. it's sad but true. especially the part about the guys not reading profiles but sending identical emails to lots of girls. i'm sure girls do it too tho....but yah. i really hope people who date on here be careful. more often than not these relationships do not work..
 
Ok I normally don't screen through the singles forum but I do feel that Christianrkchk89 has made a valid point. This is indeed a christian chat room. Designed as such. NOT, I say again NOT a dating site. I agree that this sight was created so that Christians could come together to talk about life, the Bible, and other topics including seeking advice and encouraging each other in the down times of life.
 
Christianrkchk89 said:
I've had enough of the personals ads on the singles forum. This site wasn't designed to be a Christian E-Harmony. Sure sometimes by chance two chatters talk for a good amount of time and fall inlove....but don't go throwing it out there in a forum. There are plenty Christian dating sites out there. Use the singles forum for advice, to complain, and to keep eachother's chins up. Don't use it to promote the fact that u are single, looking, and hope that some mate will come along and reply...and then you'll run off and get hitched. Thanks.
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THANK YOU! I get so tired of reading all these blogs about people getting impatient with god and how they are getting tired of being single and blah blah blah. yeah its hard at times and it can really suck, but the point of being single is to fall in love with GOD. and if you are relying on the internet to find a mate, then you arent really relying on god to bring that person into your life. but i stated that in a different forum. :)
 
Betsy, I usually agree with you, but I think I have to take issue with this whole thread.

 And here is why: A while back, I posted a personal ad on a christian chatting site much like this one. They had forums there too. Well, I got alot of replies. Positive ones, mostly.... Anyway, this one girl, Maria, responded within the first week. A very sweet christian girl. I was 23 at the time, she was 21. We had much in common and I started falling for her..and fast! She was sweet, funny, charming, and beautiful. WOW...You should have seen her pics! Gorgeous.

So, We would chat sometimes into the early morning about everything. I really admired her spirit, and her love for others...and how she always wanted to do what is right. I knew this was something special. I really couldnt believe how close I had become to someone I had met online.

Anyway, after about a year, I finally was able to fly to Florida to meet her.

It was a 43 year old dude and he was wearing a diaper....

But..... yea...that doesnt mean someone cant find Mr or Mrs right on here....does it? (staring blankly at the wall)....
 
shovelmaster said:

Anyway, after about a year, I finally was able to fly to Florida to meet her.

It was a 43 year old dude and he was wearing a diaper....
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Are you serious? Wow. This is why I like to make the distinction between meeting someone on-line and forming a relationship on-line. I'm a big fan of meeting people on-line (but I sure wasn't when I was 19!) but I like to meet them in person before e-mails go beyond small talk, because I really don't know someone unless I've met them in person. This is why when I've done on-line personals I don't understand why guys from all over contact me. Well, like I said, some of them are after me for the wrong reasons. But, out of those do no want to get into Canada, I do wonder what is going through their minds. I mean, like I said I've said before on the long distance relationships thread, how do they see this playing out?

You know, when I was in grade 10, I told a classmate that I was going to e-mail my boyfriend. She's like "How do you know he's hot? How do you even know he's even a guy?" Well, just because he lived far away and I e-mailed him that I must have met him on-line and not in real life. The joke there is that my dad met my ex's aunt when he was in grad school in about 1968. When my mom first met my dad my mom thought my dad was dating my ex's aunt. Well, needless to say, I'm very glad my dad married my mom instead otherwise my ex-boyfriend would be my cousin, and how awkward would that be?
 
how do you know that the singles room was made for like an e-harmony thing... i mean it does say for singles right. Instead of being critical of what people say on here perhaps you should just ignore it.
 
i know this 'cause i've been around since '05 and i know how this chat room operates...for the most part. we've never agreed to letting chatters just openly flirt and court and stuff right in the midst of all the other chatting. if you want a Christian dating site...there are plenty of those around. we're not changing our ideals now just so everyone can try and get hitched off this site. a majority of online relationships don't last anywayz...
 
jaylynn83 said:
how do you know that the singles room was made for like an e-harmony thing... i mean it does say for singles right. Instead of being critical of what people say on here perhaps you should just ignore it.
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First of all, you've never used eHarmony, have you?

Secondly, just because something is for singles doesn't mean it's a blatant meet market. I think it's nice that there's a place for Christian singles to talk about singles issues (of which there are many, in my view) without the exclusive focus of meeting member of the opposite sex.

Third, we all have a duty to remind people to use this forum appropriately.

Forth, while I am a fan of on-line dating sites. This forum is not set up that way. Posting a personal ad on this site, for reasons I've already said... well, quite frankly I think it verges on foolish.
 
So pretty much Ancilla, we've been posting on the same forums all day and I just want to say thank you! You have good points!
 
Keep the 'hitching' from the big room, if you want to meet someone, fine, get to know them, and, maybe a 'pm' will arise. My best advice and my LIFE motto is simple: The Lord leads. So let Him. Trust Him to find you the perfect mate on here in His way, and, if not sure, ask how he wants you to go about that. Ask anything from Him, making sure to do it 'in His name,' and, it shall be given to you.

Common sense says that c.c. is a place for fun and chat and building each other up in Christ like christianrockerchicky sez. HEY, where's my green smiley ? Waaahhh, I want my green smiley :)
 
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