Dating and Family Oppositions: Parents do not approve my 'single parent' GF

[Bethuel]

I have been friends with a lady who has a son from her previous relationship (not marriage).

We got to know each other for close to a year before we committed to formally dating each other with the purpose of getting married in the near future.

Knowing my parents' bias, I decided to give them a heads up about this lady. Unfortunately they can't meet her until August because she is away for work related stuff.

My parents started preaching to me how wrong it was to date (or think of marrying her) since that is not what God intended. To quote, "Why do you want to marry someone else's wife!??"

I am thinking of scripture or words to answer them that will show them that what one was in the past does not matter but who they are. She is saved and has been walking with the Lord for three years now.

 

[Ugly]

II Corinthians 5:16-21

 

[Bethuel]

II Corinthians 5:16-21

[FONT=&quot]16 So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here![/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]21 God made him who had no sin to be sin[b] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.[/FONT]

 

[Bethuel]

Thank you @ugly.

I had forgotten about this. I will be going home next month and have a chat with them. Since the day they told me those words, I haven't been home but those words really hurt me.

My parents are Christians, they brought all of us in a Christian life and that is who we all are. It felt like a generational gap (when when they married back then the issue of single parents wasn't as big an issue as it is now - 65 years).

I have just been thinking what to tell them and hope we will discuss this from a Biblical perspective and not personal biases.

I guess more than the Bible verses and explanations, I am just in need of prayers from you guys that all goes well if it is God's will for us to be together.

Besides the fact that she has a kid, she is really a nice lady. Very obedient and charming, intelligent. When we were just friends, I always thought to myself, "Such a nice lady but she has a kid!" But as I got to know her more, that stopped being a hindrance/deal-breaker. I saw all these other attributes she has and she really is a nice lady in Christ. She has helped me work more purposely on my spiritual journey and I am happy with her.

I feel like the problem is just because my parents haven't met her because when they do and experience her heart, they will understand why I am in so much peace being with her.

Long story short, prayers from you guys...thanks.

 

[kaylagrl]

Thank you @ugly.

I had forgotten about this. I will be going home next month and have a chat with them. Since the day they told me those words, I haven't been home but those words really hurt me.

My parents are Christians, they brought all of us in a Christian life and that is who we all are. It felt like a generational gap (when when they married back then the issue of single parents wasn't as big an issue as it is now - 65 years).

I have just been thinking what to tell them and hope we will discuss this from a Biblical perspective and not personal biases.

I guess more than the Bible verses and explanations, I am just in need of prayers from you guys that all goes well if it is God's will for us to be together.

Besides the fact that she has a kid, she is really a nice lady. Very obedient and charming, intelligent. When we were just friends, I always thought to myself, "Such a nice lady but she has a kid!" But as I got to know her more, that stopped being a hindrance/deal-breaker. I saw all these other attributes she has and she really is a nice lady in Christ. She has helped me work more purposely on my spiritual journey and I am happy with her.

I feel like the problem is just because my parents haven't met her because when they do and experience her heart, they will understand why I am in so much peace being with her.

Long story short, prayers from you guys...thanks.

At 29yrs old your choice really has nothing to do with your parents opinion,you are an adult.Im sure you'd like them to approve your choice but they may never. But I'd like to ask you to think about your decision from another angle,she has a child. Just be good and certain that you are able to parent her child.My sister married a man with a child and that brought up a lot of issues in the marriage. Be sure you are ready to take on this responsibility!

When you said "very obedient" can I ask who you were speaking of,your gf or her child?

 

[Bethuel]

You understood me well...I really want my parents to approve my choice. They said very bad things when I first called them to notify them about her. I know they don't make the choice for me.

I love the son but more the son really loves me. She has brought him up really well. I am so sure I will never have an issue with him. we plan to adopt him when we get married (take my names and be officially my son - our son!) since his dad kind of denied him from pregnancy so even on his birth certificate, there are no details of him..it's blank!

I still (sometimes) think about the dad and what if he comes later and just tries to bring havoc but I realize, I can't have answers to every situation in life. I trust that by then, if anything happens, we would have built a strong bond as a family that none of such issues will rock our boat.

I was referring to her - my girlfriend - she is a nice lady, there is not enough words to explain it. I wish I wasn't having this discussion with my parents until they have met her but yep! gotta face them in three weeks.

 

[Bethuel]

At 29yrs old your choice really has nothing to do with your parents opinion,you are an adult.Im sure you'd like them to approve your choice but they may never. But I'd like to ask you to think about your decision from another angle,she has a child. Just be good and certain that you are able to parent her child.My sister married a man with a child and that brought up a lot of issues in the marriage. Be sure you are ready to take on this responsibility!

When you said "very obedient" can I ask who you were speaking of,your gf or her child?

You understood me well...I really want my parents to approve my choice. They said very bad things when I first called them to notify them about her. I know they don't make the choice for me.

I love the son but more the son really loves me. She has brought him up really well. I am so sure I will never have an issue with him. we plan to adopt him when we get married (take my names and be officially my son - our son!) since his dad kind of denied him from pregnancy so even on his birth certificate, there are no details of him..it's blank!

I still (sometimes) think about the dad and what if he comes later and just tries to bring havoc but I realize, I can't have answers to every situation in life. I trust that by then, if anything happens, we would have built a strong bond as a family that none of such issues will rock our boat.

I was referring to her - my girlfriend - she is a nice lady, there is not enough words to explain it. I wish I wasn't having this discussion with my parents until they have met her but yep! gotta face them in three weeks.

 

[wonderwoman]

Sorry to heard that.. sad to know that your parents start judging her without knowing her past...

 

[Chokmahiel]

Bless the Lord, for your parents be wise and greatly love you in truth. Hear them because from a biblical perspective indeed, they are correct on this matter.

 

[Bethuel]

Bless the Lord, for your parents be wise and greatly love you in truth. Hear them because from a biblical perspective indeed, they are correct on this matter.

Sorry, what do you exactly mean??!

 

[Chokmahiel]

Sorry, what do you exactly mean??!

Listen to your parents, as you have said that they have said not to date another man's woman, so they are correct from a biblical perspective. Praise God, for while it might be a hard thing for you to bear at this current time, the Lord has given you good, wise, honest, and loving parents.

 

[Bethuel]

Where do I find the Biblical basis for this? I will highly appreciate.

Listen to your parents, as you have said that they have said not to date another man's woman, so they are correct from a biblical perspective. Praise God, for while it might be a hard thing for you to bear at this current time, the Lord has given you good, wise, honest, and loving parents.

 

[Tinuviel]

I'm getting that she wasn't a Christian when she was in this other relationship, yes? What is her attitude towards it? That will tell you a lot.

 

[Chokmahiel]

Where do I find the Biblical basis for this? I will highly appreciate.

1 Corinthians 6:15-16

[SUP]15 [/SUP]Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
[SUP]16 [/SUP]What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.


Matthew 5:32

[SUP]32 [/SUP]But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.


Genesis 26:34-35


[SUP]34 [/SUP]And Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite:
[SUP]35 [/SUP]Which were a grief of mind unto Isaac and to Rebekah.

 

[Bethuel]

Christian!
She was brought up in a Christian family always had such values in her. She hadn't though had a personal relationship with Christ back then. In college she met a man, got her pregnant and left her! She started her serious journey with Christ. And has been on that journey since then, six years now.

I got to know her as a friend in 2015, and have seen her in her walk. Last Christmas we started dating and she has never made me doubt her commitment to Christ.

She has resolved the past and doesn't hold grudges anymore. She is at peace..so far so good in my view.


[Tinuviel;3070378]I'm getting that she wasn't a Christian when she was in this other relationship, yes? What is her attitude towards it? That will tell you a lot.[/QUOTE]

 

[tourist]

How in the world do your parents know whether or not God is against this relationship? You're a man and free to marry who you choose. Having a child out of wedlock is a common occurrence. Your parents need to get over this bias. The answer your parents gave stating their objection makes absolutely no sense.

 

[tourist]

Bless the Lord, for your parents be wise and greatly love you in truth. Hear them because from a biblical perspective indeed, they are correct on this matter.

I really don't think so.

 

[Bethuel]

1. Help me answer the brethren above who gave Bible quotations of how this is wrong from a Biblical perspective.

2. I think that is the same logic/reasoning my parents used.

It is easy to respond that way but that will likely just increase the animosity that there is. I well know this lady and that gives me the peace to know this is right. But I can not go to my parents and tell them "I am free to marry who I want!" They well know this, but I wanted to approach this in a civil manner. Try to let them see where they are misinterpreting the Bible.

How in the world do your parents know whether or not God is against this relationship? You're a man and free to marry who you choose. Having a child out of wedlock is a common occurrence. Your parents need to get over this bias. The answer your parents gave stating their objection makes absolutely no sense.

 

[Bethuel]

1 Corinthians 6:15-16

[SUP]15 [/SUP]Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
[SUP]16 [/SUP]What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.


Matthew 5:32

[SUP]32 [/SUP]But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.


Genesis 26:34-35


[SUP]34 [/SUP]And Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite:
[SUP]35 [/SUP]Which were a grief of mind unto Isaac and to Rebekah.

All have sinned and come short of Gods glory,1st John1:9.A strong christian man should see and think about you the way God does.having the mind of Christ and eyes,your to be thought of as a sister in the Lord and a treasure,very important,loved,useful ,incorporated in Gods great and mighty plan,Jeremiah 29:11-13.Also if the christian man sees u,you first should be seen as a child of God if your truly living for God,John 1:11-13 says,when we receive Jesus,believing in his name,he gives us the right to become children of God.Thats the way i see my wife,she is Gods first then mine,after all God gave her to me,i didnt give her to God.There are many single woman that love and truly live for God,plus the child is a heritage of Gods as we are,meaning we are made out of the finest materials bar none,put together craftsmanship wise by the finest craftsman of all,God Almighty.

 

[Chokmahiel]

All have sinned and come short of Gods glory,1st John1:9.A strong christian man should see and think about you the way God does.having the mind of Christ and eyes,your to be thought of as a sister in the Lord and a treasure,very important,loved,useful ,incorporated in Gods great and mighty plan,Jeremiah 29:11-13.Also if the christian man sees u,you first should be seen as a child of God if your truly living for God,John 1:11-13 says,when we receive Jesus,believing in his name,he gives us the right to become children of God.Thats the way i see my wife,she is Gods first then mine,after all God gave her to me,i didnt give her to God.There are many single woman that love and truly live for God,plus the child is a heritage of Gods as we are,meaning we are made out of the finest materials bar none,put together craftsmanship wise by the finest craftsman of all,God Almighty.

Aye all have come short, and I know you would overlook whatsoever her past is. However, the weightier verse I think is notice of your own parents approval, moreso than any objection from the Bible about she herself. Now I think their objections be based perhaps on such lol and maybe you can take that tired old heartthrob case to them, but if your parents think it is a dishonor and vexation to their souls for you to marry this woman and be with this woman, maybe consider that moreso. I do not mean this to be harsh either, I would not think much differently than you would, and were I transplanted into your shoes I'd probably be saying much the same thing. The only difference being my parents are not particularly religious and I all ready have a good idea of what they would not tolerate me marrying.