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The get along shirt.
Really, we were required to hug and kiss after fighting when we were kids. My mother once made us read and write a report about a chapter of the Bible, but she dropped that as reading the Bible should not be a punishment, lol. Some of those reports are hilarious to read. Sometimes, we had to write apology notes to each other.
The most effective thing with kids if they are fighting over a toy, is to simply take the toy away- that way neither kid gets the toy and the kids learn quick to sort out their differences among themselves or lose their toys.
You have to hit on something that is right for your kids, not all kids are the same.
Really, we were required to hug and kiss after fighting when we were kids. My mother once made us read and write a report about a chapter of the Bible, but she dropped that as reading the Bible should not be a punishment, lol. Some of those reports are hilarious to read. Sometimes, we had to write apology notes to each other.
The most effective thing with kids if they are fighting over a toy, is to simply take the toy away- that way neither kid gets the toy and the kids learn quick to sort out their differences among themselves or lose their toys.
You have to hit on something that is right for your kids, not all kids are the same.
My two girls started fighting about 4 to 6 months ago and at first, I just separated them or took the thing they were fighting over away or spanked their butts. Sadly, it didn't end or lessen the fighting. I actually think it made it more frequent. Now I'm trying the "talk it out and help them find their own solution" approach.
I sometimes thought of letting my 2 girls just duke it out. Problem is the 10 year is almost the size of a small adult woman, 5 feet tall and 97 pounds. The 8 year old is a foot shorter and 40 pounds lighter. So I can't let them do that.
Fortunately the 10 year old is not prone to using her hands, though she does, actually they both do, have big mouths and loud voices.
I am thinking maybe future opera singers in the making?
Fortunately the 10 year old is not prone to using her hands, though she does, actually they both do, have big mouths and loud voices.
I am thinking maybe future opera singers in the making?
Being the slight sadist I am, I would show my future kids all the horror stories I could find of that relate to fighting. I would show them lots of documentaries which talk about fights like this ending in serious injury/death/imprisonment. If they actually understand and care about their and each other's life and wellbeing, there you go. This, in my opinion, is the least violent, albeit slightly traumatic way to get them to stop.
As Dr. Epstein said, (a non-christian author of Psychology Today) many still believe that anger is some sort of force that you can bottle up. Paul Meier (a psychologist who professes to be a Christian) has his own clinic and has written many self help books, taught that repressed anger causes depression and therefore he recommended ventilating anger, verbally expressing anger, and talking about anger.
While many teach that anger can be bottled up, and therefore it is healthy to vent or let go, research has demonstrated just the opposite. When you express anger it increases; when children, for instance, are encouraged to act out their anger, they become more aggressive and belligerent in their subsequent behavior. While people may initially feel relieved to ''get it all out”, their anger does not go away. It actually (like an addiction) continues to grow and cause further problems. As researcher Dr. Carol Tavris declares in her article ''Anger Diffused'':
The understanding that venting anger causes more anger makes sense as all sin is addictive. The longer you practice any sin, the harder it will be to stop. However, God does expect us to control our anger.
He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly. - Proverbs 14:29
AND
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: - Ephesians 4:31
AND
But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. - Colossians 3:8
While many teach that anger can be bottled up, and therefore it is healthy to vent or let go, research has demonstrated just the opposite. When you express anger it increases; when children, for instance, are encouraged to act out their anger, they become more aggressive and belligerent in their subsequent behavior. While people may initially feel relieved to ''get it all out”, their anger does not go away. It actually (like an addiction) continues to grow and cause further problems. As researcher Dr. Carol Tavris declares in her article ''Anger Diffused'':
The understanding that venting anger causes more anger makes sense as all sin is addictive. The longer you practice any sin, the harder it will be to stop. However, God does expect us to control our anger.
He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly. - Proverbs 14:29
AND
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: - Ephesians 4:31
AND
But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. - Colossians 3:8
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So, as a premise, as we look at our lives - as followers of Jesus, the results in our lives is not a dream of pretentious 'do's and don'ts', in essence it is not a dream at all, it is a real life that calls upon us to give of our all to become involved in the walk along with God's auspices in accomplishing His goals. So, the question, practically speaking is not "How do I get them do a thing" It is, "How do I allow them to understand the will of God about fighting?" Hmmmm..... That sounds harder....It is! For it is more time consuming and costs you more to administer parenting skills. But the good news is - this is a team effort. In fact, the Holy Spirit will take the lead if you let Him; working together to get His intentions and purposes accomplished; godly-counsel not withstanding.
So, first off - practically speaking - you must live a life of Christ centeredness yourself. Second, you must understand God goes before you and commissions you to speak and act toward the goal of His will on the issue of fighting. So research and pray as to what that will is. Thirdly, be active in your kids lives in other areas of life, such as school and friends and priorities of fellowship with like-minded Christian youths etc..in a non-militant loving capacity.
Listen actively, by asking good questions as to why they love to fight? And let them answer without pressure, accepting their point of views respectfully as the Holy Spirit directs you into how He would want you to give of yourself in helping them develop in the ways of the Lord. There are no magic bullets to this, just practical steps governed by the Holy Spirit. Good godly-counsel is also available so seek that out with the H.S. leading the way in that area as well. I will pray for you and your kids. May God richly bless you and your family.
So, first off - practically speaking - you must live a life of Christ centeredness yourself. Second, you must understand God goes before you and commissions you to speak and act toward the goal of His will on the issue of fighting. So research and pray as to what that will is. Thirdly, be active in your kids lives in other areas of life, such as school and friends and priorities of fellowship with like-minded Christian youths etc..in a non-militant loving capacity.
Listen actively, by asking good questions as to why they love to fight? And let them answer without pressure, accepting their point of views respectfully as the Holy Spirit directs you into how He would want you to give of yourself in helping them develop in the ways of the Lord. There are no magic bullets to this, just practical steps governed by the Holy Spirit. Good godly-counsel is also available so seek that out with the H.S. leading the way in that area as well. I will pray for you and your kids. May God richly bless you and your family.