What would u do in this situation??

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JaimeMartinez26 said:
i agree

probably best post so far

wouldnt you say leaving is best course of action?
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She should have left already. Living in fear of your significant other is unacceptable. His out of control behavior has crossed all boundaries. Right now it sounds like the abused woman is making excuses for the abuser about how bad it is and why, while he pushes the limits of what she will take from him. Nothing is going to change until something drastic happens. That means the woman has to leave, which it does not sound like she is going to, since at this point she has even stopped calling the police even though the abuse is getting worse.

Mania Star, there isn't much you can do besides keep telling her she is in danger and that it is not going to get better if she keeps letting him get away with worse and worse behavior and not doing anything about it beyond cowering in fear. Get in her face about it constantly. Her life is in at stake.

 
Chokmahiel said:
Calling the cops sounds reasonable, but it's probably not the best idea. I mean for them to arrest him she has to say that he does whatever to her. If she's not willing to the call the cops herself, how likely is she to tell the cops he does these things if you call them? Then if she doesn't report him but denies it, then he's going to be wondering quite a bit who called the cops, why they called the cops, what she has told others about him, and so forth. That's pretty bad cocktail. At the same time it's a bit of an over-reaction I think to say oh this guy is going to kill her and all that sort of stuff. You don't know that. You don't even know if this guy has ever even actually touched her. Let's assume he is as bad as is said about him. Well you got two paths, you can either get to him and try to get him to change, and best case scenario is he does and they live happily ever after. The other option if it were me, and I saw no hope to try to convert the man, then you have to try to work on the girl and convince her to leave him, in this case, I would think tell her parents, and let them make the judgement.
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The dude choked and dragged her and that's a bit of an over-reaction? wow dude is lucky that wasn't my sister if calling the police wouldn't help me and father would pay him a visit until he gets the point.
 
Chokmahiel said:
Calling the cops sounds reasonable, but it's probably not the best idea. I mean for them to arrest him she has to say that he does whatever to her. If she's not willing to the call the cops herself, how likely is she to tell the cops he does these things if you call them? Then if she doesn't report him but denies it, then he's going to be wondering quite a bit who called the cops, why they called the cops, what she has told others about him, and so forth. That's pretty bad cocktail.

At the same time it's a bit of an over-reaction I think to say oh this guy is going to kill her and all that sort of stuff. You don't know that. You don't even know if this guy has ever even actually touched her. Let's assume he is as bad as is said about him. Well you got two paths, you can either get to him and try to get him to change, and best case scenario is he does and they live happily ever after. The other option if it were me, and I saw no hope to try to convert the man, then you have to try to work on the girl and convince her to leave him, in this case, I would think tell her parents, and let them make the judgement.
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Yeah, cuz a grown woman living in sin and allowing herself to be terrorized by her live in boyfriend is going to listen to her parents. NOT.
 
PrynceNY said:
The dude choked and dragged her and that's a bit of an over-reaction? wow dude is lucky that wasn't my sister if calling the the police wouldn't help me and father would pay him a visit until he gets the point.
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Do you know if he actually did that or not though? Though I think the idea of getting family involved might actually be a pretty good idea, non-violently of course I mean.
 
Magenta said:
Yeah, cuz a grown woman living in sin and allowing herself to be terrorized by her live in boyfriend is going to listen to her parents. NOT.
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Why is she living in sin? You don't know that. She might listen to her parents. Even if she doesn't listen to her parents, the boy might. Even if neither one of them listens, well then the parents can be the ones to call the police.
 
Chokmahiel said:
Why is she living in sin? You don't know that. She might listen to her parents. Even if she doesn't listen to her parents, the boy might. Even if neither one of them listens, well then the parents can be the ones to call the police.
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She is living with her boyfriend for years but you have to ask that? Grab a clue, would you?
 
Chokmahiel said:
Do you know if he actually did that or not though? Though I think the idea of getting family involved might actually be a pretty good idea, non-violently of course I mean.
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That woman came out of a family that shaped her psyche into a mold that accepts abuse as love. They are probably not going to be much help at this point, in terms of guidance, though they could certainly let her know she is loved, if she is. Please note that I am not saying any of this is their fault.
 
Magenta said:
She is living with her boyfriend for years but you have to ask that? Grab a clue, would you?
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That's not a sin. As far as any of us know she is not living in sin, and even if we suppose her to be a hell of a sinner, it doesn't matter. I think if the boy can't be reached and his mind renewed, then going to the girl's parents is the best idea. In the best case scenario she will listen to her parents. In the worst case scenario they call the cops, and it will treated more seriously by the police if the parents are the ones to call them.
 
For all you know she has been abandoned by her family and is herself a drug addict or something. Or maybe she has abandoned her family because she is a drug addict or has something else to hide from them. I would be more interested in finding out why the woman is acting the way she is rather than trying to find out what is wrong with the guy. The guy is criminally insane, what more needs to be known. Lock him up and force him into rehabilitation. The woman is just insane. Neither is beyond hope.
 
Magenta said:
That woman came out of a family that shaped her psyche into a mold that accepts abuse as love. They are probably not going to be much help at this point, in terms of guidance, though they could certainly let her know she is loved, if she is. Please note that I am not saying any of this is their fault.
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Well that could be, but even if they are terrible parents, the parents are going to be able to affect her more, whether they can convince her to leave, or call the cops, or who knows, they might even be able to affect the boy and make their relationship work. It's that strong authority figure that's missing in this equation, perhaps for them both.
 
Chokmahiel said:
That's not a sin. As far as any of us know she is not living in sin, and even if we suppose her to be a hell of a sinner, it doesn't matter. I think if the boy can't be reached and his mind renewed, then going to the girl's parents is the best idea. In the best case scenario she will listen to her parents. In the worst case scenario they call the cops, and it will treated more seriously by the police if the parents are the ones to call them.
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Sin doesn't matter? Okay, good to know where you are coming from.
 
Magenta said:
For all you know she has been abandoned by her family and is herself a drug addict or something. Or maybe she has abandoned her family because she is a drug addict or has something else to hide from them. I would be more interested in finding out why the woman is acting the way she is rather than trying to find out what is wrong with the guy. The guy is criminally insane, what more needs to be known. Lock him up and force him into rehabilitation. The woman is just insane. Neither is beyond hope.
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Oh yea that's possible, for all I know she totally made up everything and is a drama queen and she is the one actually beating her boyfriend. I've seen that case before believe it or not. I don't think either one is insane, insanity doesn't work like that. This is more like Maury Show insanity than actual insanity.

If we assume the story is as it is written, they both care about each other and don't want to lose each other, but then that fear of losing her is what makes him possessive and insecure and the fear of losing him is what keeps her from leaving. Fear is the root of the problem for them both.
 
Chokmahiel said:
Do you know if he actually did that or not though? Though I think the idea of getting family involved might actually be a pretty good idea, non-violently of course I mean.
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It would also be useful if she had male friends who looked after her as well. Giving the dude a dose of intimidation would do the trick.
 
Chokmahiel said:
Oh yea that's possible, for all I know she totally made up everything and is a drama queen and she is the one actually beating her boyfriend. I've seen that case before believe it or not. I don't think either one is insane, insanity doesn't work like that. This is more like Maury Show insanity than actual insanity.

If we assume the story is as it is written, they both care about each other and don't want to lose each other, but then that fear of losing her is what makes him possessive and insecure and the fear of losing him is what keeps her from leaving. Fear is the root of the problem for them both.
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They are both insane. They have totally lost any healthy perspective on life and are repeatedly acting out in ways that put their lives in danger. When danger is not at hand, the threat of it is. Alcoholism and addiction go hand in hand, in fact they are one and the same. They need help and they need help now. Do they know how to ask for help? The woman has been asking for help. The guy? Not so much. His help comes in the form of thinking he can completely control the woman, which backfires, because nobody wants that level of dominance, control, and violence 24/7 in their life, not even those who play at it or with it.
 
PrynceNY said:
It would also be useful if she had male friends who looked after her as well. Giving the dude a dose of intimidation would do the trick.
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No that probably not be too wise. Then dude would be paranoid through the roof that she be cheating on him. Though actually yet again, hidden in there is not a bad suggestion. If they could have friends that they could share in common, that could be helpful. I think the parents suggestion, albeit not quite like you detailed lol, is pretty much pure gold, I think that's the best judgement is get the parents involved.
 
Chokmahiel said:
No that probably not be too wise. Then dude would be paranoid through the roof that she be cheating on him. Though actually yet again, hidden in there is not a bad suggestion. If they could have friends that they could share in common, that could be helpful. I think the parents suggestion, albeit not quite like you detailed lol, is pretty much pure gold, I think that's the best judgement is get the parents involved.
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If dudes confronted him saying stay away from her or else that will be the end off it. Doesn't matter at that point if hes paranoid because their relationship would be over anyway. That is if parents are not an option.
 
Maybe you should call the cops and get her in custody, or u take her over to your house. Dont try to change her mind, it wont help. See if u can get the police and maybe a psychiatrist into this. I dont know about the things u can do in the US besides the police. Thats all advice i got for you.
 
People get off of your dang legalistig ''living in sin'' bull. This is serious and we dont need hard headed pharasies here! Sorry for being nasty but somehow some people have to get off of their ''im so holy and going to judge someone in a situation I am not in'' horse. Im tired of the judgemental people jeez
The safety of this lady has to be at front here
im outta here. This is sickening me
 
PrynceNY said:
If dudes confronted him saying stay away from her or else that will be the end off it. Doesn't matter at that point if hes paranoid because their relationship would be over anyway. That is if parents are not an option.
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She doesn't want to stay away from him though. If she wanted to do that she would have just left and this topic would have never existed. Plus it never leads anywhere good if a woman is friends with a guy or a guy with a girl, let's just be frank, one of the two is going to want something more. Also, ending the relationship should really be the last course of action if it cannot be salvaged in any way whatsoever. I mean try to empathize with them both; how would you feel if you were the guy and just like him? Or how would you feel if you were the girl and just like her based on all the information provided? If I were the guy and I been in prison, and I been an alcoholic, and this girl is the only one whoever cared for me, I'd probably be a little possessive too. If I were the girl and I invested so much time and effort into this guy, and I been with him through thick and thin, I'd probably not want to walk away from it so quickly too.
 
Demi777 said:
People get off of your dang legalistig ''living in sin'' bull. This is serious and we dont need hard headed pharasies here! Sorry for being nasty but somehow some people have to get off of their ''im so holy and going to judge someone in a situation I am not in'' horse. Im tired of the judgemental people jeez
The safety of this lady has to be at front here
im outta here. This is sickening me
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Yup know exactly who your talking about to
 
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