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Married and lonely
- Thread starter Sola-Leonis
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Could be worse. Could be married to you. Meet ignore.Ex 20:14
He though about committing adultery.I don't know what you call love.
He didn't mention contemplating murdering her--which frankly would have been more loving--like ripping off a Band-Aid. Poor woman.
That'll come up again (Heb 13:4, Mt 12:36).
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I never doubt you love her. I'm asking if you show it in the usual manly ways (fixing stuff for her, taking care of stuff she doesn't like doing, bringing home the paycheck, going shopping with her because she wants you to, etc.) or if you ever try the stuff women like for romantic (bouquets just because, getaway weekends with no expectation of sex, date nights, back rubs with no expectation of sex, etc.)
Sometimes men think women think like they do. We just don't. (Whew, huh? lol) If hubby cooking dinner was foreplay, than him cooking dinner would feel too much like I'm one of Pavlov's dogs. Granted, sometimes dinner is foreplay, but he does things for me that he knows I like, just because he knows I like it. That's a turn on right there.
And foreplay? Sometimes it's all about me, with him expecting nothing in return. That also gets me to want to return the favor at some unexpected time in the future.
No idea how Serpent got telepathy, but obviously she doesn't. Just wanted you to know where I was going with this.
Be intimate with the Lord (spiritually, of course) walking with Him in a close personal relationship... He can be trusted and will never let you down and posses the ability to teach you how He disallowed the desire for physical intimacy in His thoughts and feelings when He was here on Club Earth.
If your mate isn't interested in intimacy, then getting rid of the desire is the thing to do and once the Lord absorbs this out of you (purges you so you bear more fruit unto Him)... you won't miss it and will rarely think about it.
The enemy has really done a number on most people to get them to believe they are missing out on something if they have no physical intimacy but that's not true... Jesus never needed that when He walked the earth and He can teach anyone that needs to be delivered from this how to obtain it in their lives and be free.
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GraceRevelation
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I have no idea what the problem is with people that they can't give advice on a subject such as this... what's the problem? This is what this site is for, helping other's along with helpful christian encouraging advice. Anyway, ignoring these people 
I haven't personally had issues with this, however, it's a common problem that can arise in marriage. Like anything you give it to the Lord, pray about this situation and ask God what can you do to get your wife in the "mood". He will open your eyes to maybe something your doing...or not doing. It may not be about you at all, I know pretty much nothing of the situation and it seems like you are just as lost as of what's causing her to refrain from sex. Give all things to God and allow Him to lead and guide you through what needs to be done, He may just supernaturally heal her of something physically that's causing her sex drive to go down, you never know, but allow God to work this out for you.
Ill Pray that God help you with this. Be Blessed!
I haven't personally had issues with this, however, it's a common problem that can arise in marriage. Like anything you give it to the Lord, pray about this situation and ask God what can you do to get your wife in the "mood". He will open your eyes to maybe something your doing...or not doing. It may not be about you at all, I know pretty much nothing of the situation and it seems like you are just as lost as of what's causing her to refrain from sex. Give all things to God and allow Him to lead and guide you through what needs to be done, He may just supernaturally heal her of something physically that's causing her sex drive to go down, you never know, but allow God to work this out for you.
Ill Pray that God help you with this. Be Blessed!
hello all... I humbly appreciate the input I am receiving from ... well... most of you. I do truly appreciate your perspectives. I think the bottom line is, there just is no easy answer. While the comment about abstinence seems logical, I don't feel it's Gods heart for a man and wife who have come before Him in marriage ("and the two shall be one flesh") ... but I believe the heart was the suggestion to not allow those feelings to tarnish the union.
I guess the best way to sum it up is that we have possibly allowed life to get in the way, and not made 'us' a priority.
Because we are created beings, I know that God also bestilled in us emotions, happiness, joy, sadness, desire .... and while it up to us to police those with prayer and meditation, when needs are not met in any of those areas we struggle... when you're hungry, you eat ... and if you don't... your body yells for food. I can't imagine doing anything that would cause my spouse harm.... because I accepted the responsibility to love and care for her as Christ loved the church and will continue to do so...but this has been very difficult for me. Thank you for your prayers, I will take all I can get!
I guess the best way to sum it up is that we have possibly allowed life to get in the way, and not made 'us' a priority.
Because we are created beings, I know that God also bestilled in us emotions, happiness, joy, sadness, desire .... and while it up to us to police those with prayer and meditation, when needs are not met in any of those areas we struggle... when you're hungry, you eat ... and if you don't... your body yells for food. I can't imagine doing anything that would cause my spouse harm.... because I accepted the responsibility to love and care for her as Christ loved the church and will continue to do so...but this has been very difficult for me. Thank you for your prayers, I will take all I can get!
I have said a prayer for God to resolve the extremely hard situation that you are in.
Why in the world would he pray for God to remove the desire to be intimate with his wife? This is not an evil desire but rather natural healthy one that should exist in marriage. I believe that Jesus was very lonely as He walked the earth because He was not understood or appreciated. He was certainly lonely while dying on the cross for our sins because His heavenly father turned His back on Him.
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I am that older person you feared we saw as you. lol
Our sex lives have changed. Health issues caused abstinence for a while. Now fear-of-health-issues makes us apprehensive. One of the advantages to this is the old signals don't work anymore. We have to say what we're thinking. AND, it has to be said delicately, because we both know the other one is disabled too, so mood isn't always enough.
People change. That's okay. Why not just talk to her and see what the new ground rules are for having her interested? And, if never interested, it can be sort of like the guy holding the pocketbook outside the ladies dressing room. He does not want to be there, but he's there for love.
If you've ever been the guy holding the pocketbook outside the ladies dressing rooms, you know how that feels. How about approaching this knowing that feeling?
It's taken hubby decades to try to get me interested in football. Still not, however I easily accept "Thou shalt not talk during and Eagles play." And, I have become something of an Eagles fan. I care if they win or lose. I simply don't want to watch the game. BUT in all this time, I do not hate it because he loves football more than I do. I really can see where you're wife might not be interested. You're never going to be the couple who tries to set records on how many times in any given weekend. But I can see you two working something out where she is willing every month or so. Can you two meet somewhere in between "Never" and "Always?"
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kaylagrl
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As was already said,perhaps trying to start at the beginning will help. Planning dates,romantic picnic,something to get things jump started. I know that sounds terribly simple. Someone in my family has this very issue and I said to them that part of their problem was that they focused everything in the bedroom. They are never intimate in other ways like holding hands, going on dinner dates,a walk in the park. They'd just meet in the bedroom and then all the pressure was there to be romantic and try to jump start an intimate night. It may be a slow start but it just may help to move things in the right direction. And I do not believe you should try to bury your need for intimacy,it is not Biblical and I think will only lead to feelings of resentment.
We saw your heart. It stinketh (Jn 11:39).
You’re an America. You only wanted support for your evil desires (Jer. 16:2).
Don’t talk to you wife--the married and lonely one on the couch. Talk to perfect strangers.
Sometimes you gotta go where everybody knows your name.
…Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19–21 (NKJV)
First you'd have to have dignity (Ro 1:32, Heb 13:4).
I'm not a marriage and family therapist. I only play one on the internet.
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Yep.... more garbage from the self proclaimed Christian...I just had to take her off ignore long enough to see what other uneducated trailer trash she could come up with. I wonder how long she will continue to spew and embarrass herself?? I guess that's why The Lord speaks of 'casting pearls before swine...' do us all a favor, stop wasting your breath and everybody's time .. you clearly need more help than any of us... just go crawl back into your box of Cheezeits, turn Jerry Springer back on and turn off your phone so we can go on ignoring you. Wow now I understand what Psalms is taking about in referring to a 'contentious woman' .. whew!
Are you writing to me? Ga 4:16
Something about Thou shall not that you don’t get?
“Truth is hate to those who hate the truth.” ~ Bob Enyart
Pearls like I want to betray my God and my wife? Those kind of pearls?
I’ve got a savior. Helps on the way.
Good luck with that alimony.
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Helpful hint on the ignore feature on this site. You can view the post without ever having to take the person off ignore. (I'm not gonna, but you can. lol)
It amazes me that folks who claim to be Christian and behave like that, while claiming it to be 'in the name of the Lord' ... it's really sad. While I have encountered some friendly folks on this site, its people like that with a Jezebel spirit that have caused me to ask the administrators to delete my account, so I will only be here as long as it takes them to do so. The only thing I can say is repeat Jesus's words in Matthew 7 - "You will know them by their fruit" (Matthew 7:15-20). I would never speak to anyone in that fashion, can you imagine if our Lord had? No one would be saved today.....
So to those of you who responded, once again I humbly appreciate your caring and thoughtful responses, and appreciate your prayers. I will also pray blessings on you, and remind you of what Jesus instructed us to do when confronted with someone like that -- "Have nothing to do with them."
God Bless!!
Are you gossiping about me again?
You can’t get good fruits from bad roots. Ask yourself why your tree produces adultery (Ex 20:14, Ga 5:19–2). Could be
Sit in a padded pew and get yourself a fluffy puffy, cotton candy preacher (Is 30:10).
Mt 12:34, Lk 19:27
Jesus loves you (Jn 3:16). Jesus is willing to save you (2 Pe 3:9). Repent (Eze 18:30-32; Ac 17:30). Believe (Mk 9:23).
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kaylagrl
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First you'd have to have dignity (Ro 1:32, Heb 13:4).Response following...
I'm not a marriage and family therapist. I only play one on the internet.Eph 4:14
Im not sure if your first comment was meant to be funny or an insult so I'll wait on the clarification.