Let's reflect. A man is looking for some advice, preferably by others who are also going through intimacy issues with their wives. He states councilling is not an option. I give him (and possibly others who might be facing similar problems reading this thread drawn in by the title) tried and true advice. Some of the other suggestions might be helpful in a perfect world where everybody does what the Bible says. However, there exists situations where some woman (or men) just do not care to get intimate, regardless of their spouse's efforts. I am addressing his problems (that other share) with how I dealt with it. I'm not sure what clarity I lack. All things considered, I suggest you sit down with your teddy bear and maybe he can better explain reality to you. Where's the love Lynn?
Married and lonely
- Thread starter Sola-Leonis
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One thing is clear ... this issue is a much more common problem with Christian men and women than many would openly talk about. I concur with the OP (trying to get into the swing of the forum lingo) that there is something much stronger and even more necessary that occurs between a man and wife during sex that transcends merely just the physical reactions.
I also ageee with Kaylagrl that, although Hungry has found some sort of balance with the lack of intimacy, it still isn't Godly. There is a reason that God intended a man and wife to come together sexually, and if one denies the other repetively it does cause turmoil in the marriage. In my opinion, the problem is, because it is an uncomfortable subject to broach, people decide not to make it a priority because it's easier for them to not have to discuss it. It's a time of bonding, release, pleasure, as well as an expression of one persons love and affection toward the other. You can put it off just like maintenance for your car, but even if you do everything else right but don't get the oil changed, eventually something is going to break
I also ageee with Kaylagrl that, although Hungry has found some sort of balance with the lack of intimacy, it still isn't Godly. There is a reason that God intended a man and wife to come together sexually, and if one denies the other repetively it does cause turmoil in the marriage. In my opinion, the problem is, because it is an uncomfortable subject to broach, people decide not to make it a priority because it's easier for them to not have to discuss it. It's a time of bonding, release, pleasure, as well as an expression of one persons love and affection toward the other. You can put it off just like maintenance for your car, but even if you do everything else right but don't get the oil changed, eventually something is going to break
From doodahdad: "One thing is clear ... this issue is a much more common problem with Christian men and women than many would openly talk about. I concur with the OP (trying to get into the swing of the forum lingo) that there is something much stronger and even more necessary that occurs between a man and wife during sex that transcends merely just the physical reactions. "
I would ageee, and frankly I believe it's is an effective area of attack from the enemy because some couples have difficulty being open with each other and working thru it.
Because from the the loving advise I have received from some of you, I will tell you that I am not in the same place I was when I started this thread.. the need is still there but I am more equipped to deal with it than I was a few days ago .. this has been helpful....
I would ageee, and frankly I believe it's is an effective area of attack from the enemy because some couples have difficulty being open with each other and working thru it.
Because from the the loving advise I have received from some of you, I will tell you that I am not in the same place I was when I started this thread.. the need is still there but I am more equipped to deal with it than I was a few days ago .. this has been helpful....
Right. When you're married, you don't get married again (Rom. 7:2, 3)--unless you live in Utah.
You are both a bit clueless aren't you?
Exodus 21:10
[FONT="]If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.
Deuteronomy 21:[/FONT][FONT="]15 If a man has two wives, and he loves one but not the other, and both bear him sons but the firstborn is the son of the wife he does not love,[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]16 when he wills his property to his sons, he must not give the rights of the firstborn to the son of the wife he loves in preference to his actual firstborn, the son of the wife he does not love.[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT]
...From the guy 'keeping it real'
by promoting serial adultery?
Rom. 7:2, 3, Heb 13:4
I'm sorry you don't know what marriage is (Matt. 19:6). Show up at the Great White Throne without your wife (fire of life) lilfe אִשָּׁה [ʾishshah /ish·shaw/].
Find out what the consuming fire who kept his vow (Mal 2:15) thinks about that.
Recommended reading:
The Divorce Myth by J. Carl Laney
Recommended reading:
The Divorce Myth by J. Carl Laney
The only reason I can now say what I said in post #125 is in reference to what Potter referred to in post #135 "WORKBOOTS"!... Now Potter can add to it or say that is not what he meant... But to me the implication is a good marriage does not just drop in your lap?... You take the good with the bad and grow by it... A good marriage is a learning experience and it is a daily one, that you work on!... It is similar to following the Lord, do we always follow the Lord?... I don't, I stumble and fall, get up, dust myself off and try again... I believe that is also true with marriage!... Marriage has it valley's and peaks, and those who work through the valley's reach the peaks... But we are not always in the valley's and not always on the peaks but sometimes in between... I also look at marriage as seasons... Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... Is the times of Spring and Summer in your marriage going to help you through the Fall and Winter seasons... Did you not pledge in your vows for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sick and in health, forsaking all others, until death us do part?... I have been through it all!
I very seldom bare my soul but I never told you about my first wife... We were married in 1972, I was 32 and she was 28 and at that time my wife was told by her family doctor that she would NEVER have children. So being Christians we both decided well we love each other an if God wants us to have children he will provide... So we carried on as all couples do in an intimate way... Fast forward 6 years to July 12, 1978... This is the God honest truth incase someone thinks I'm making up this story... My first wife Charlotte decided to go visit her aunt in North Carolina and I was going to pick her up at the airport that evening, she had been gone two weeks... Upon seeing her I said: Charlotte if I didn't know any better I would sware you are pregnant... She laughed and said Get Real you know what the doctor said... So we got in the car and went home... Btw incase you are all wondering Charlotte was about 5' 9" and weighed 120 lbs.
At about ten that night she said: I am not feeling well and my stomach is really hurting and went to the bathroom... She was in agony and there was nothing I could do... So I called her Mother and she could hear her moaning in the background and came over... When her Mother showed up she was sitting on the toilet... She said Charlotte honey what's wrong?... I don't know Momma?... Well let me help you up honey... As she did so she said: Oh My Lord... IT'S A BABY!... She though the tiny baby was dead... She and I helped Charlotte in the tub, as the baby was still attached to her and as her Mother held the baby, got the baby crying... Then she turned to me and said get a butcher knife... I gave her the knife and she cut the umbilical cord, we wrapped the baby in a towel, dressed Charlotte and headed out the door. We live next to the freeway and I hit the freeway her Mother turned to me and said... Put the pedal to metal and FLOOR IT!
I did for ten miles to hospital and not counting the miracle at the house another miracle soon followed... We showed up at the Emergency Entrance and as they tended to Charlotte, they whisked the baby to the Neo-Natal Unit of the Hospital and a doctor from the Intensive Care Unit happened to be in the area and saw the baby in respiratory distress and took it immediately to ICU... Later on that night Charlotte was united with our baby... This baby was a tiny thing... Weight in at 3lbs 8oz... I looked at Charlottes face and she was glowing as tears of joy ran down her face... I said Charlotte what are you going to name our baby?... You mean our little Girl?... There is only one name for this baby... Her name is FAITH!
There is an addition to this story Faith was born Hearing Impaired, has a Learning Disability and has Cerebral Palsy... She is now 36 and lives in Arkansas with her daughter Bethany... Almost two years later after her birth she had a brother Travis, he came full term.. He was born in 1980 and is Profoundly Deaf, has a Learning Disability and has Cerebral Palsy... He is now 35 and lives in a group home for Deaf Men, in Hemet California... Both children went to public school and were mainstreamed... In my life God has been better to me than I ever hoped for... He's turned tragedies into triumphs... In the two women he blessed with I found his LOVE!... With the two children he blessed with I found his COMPASSION... How has God blessed you?... What's your story?... Brother Glen
I very seldom bare my soul but I never told you about my first wife... We were married in 1972, I was 32 and she was 28 and at that time my wife was told by her family doctor that she would NEVER have children. So being Christians we both decided well we love each other an if God wants us to have children he will provide... So we carried on as all couples do in an intimate way... Fast forward 6 years to July 12, 1978... This is the God honest truth incase someone thinks I'm making up this story... My first wife Charlotte decided to go visit her aunt in North Carolina and I was going to pick her up at the airport that evening, she had been gone two weeks... Upon seeing her I said: Charlotte if I didn't know any better I would sware you are pregnant... She laughed and said Get Real you know what the doctor said... So we got in the car and went home... Btw incase you are all wondering Charlotte was about 5' 9" and weighed 120 lbs.
At about ten that night she said: I am not feeling well and my stomach is really hurting and went to the bathroom... She was in agony and there was nothing I could do... So I called her Mother and she could hear her moaning in the background and came over... When her Mother showed up she was sitting on the toilet... She said Charlotte honey what's wrong?... I don't know Momma?... Well let me help you up honey... As she did so she said: Oh My Lord... IT'S A BABY!... She though the tiny baby was dead... She and I helped Charlotte in the tub, as the baby was still attached to her and as her Mother held the baby, got the baby crying... Then she turned to me and said get a butcher knife... I gave her the knife and she cut the umbilical cord, we wrapped the baby in a towel, dressed Charlotte and headed out the door. We live next to the freeway and I hit the freeway her Mother turned to me and said... Put the pedal to metal and FLOOR IT!
I did for ten miles to hospital and not counting the miracle at the house another miracle soon followed... We showed up at the Emergency Entrance and as they tended to Charlotte, they whisked the baby to the Neo-Natal Unit of the Hospital and a doctor from the Intensive Care Unit happened to be in the area and saw the baby in respiratory distress and took it immediately to ICU... Later on that night Charlotte was united with our baby... This baby was a tiny thing... Weight in at 3lbs 8oz... I looked at Charlottes face and she was glowing as tears of joy ran down her face... I said Charlotte what are you going to name our baby?... You mean our little Girl?... There is only one name for this baby... Her name is FAITH!
There is an addition to this story Faith was born Hearing Impaired, has a Learning Disability and has Cerebral Palsy... She is now 36 and lives in Arkansas with her daughter Bethany... Almost two years later after her birth she had a brother Travis, he came full term.. He was born in 1980 and is Profoundly Deaf, has a Learning Disability and has Cerebral Palsy... He is now 35 and lives in a group home for Deaf Men, in Hemet California... Both children went to public school and were mainstreamed... In my life God has been better to me than I ever hoped for... He's turned tragedies into triumphs... In the two women he blessed with I found his LOVE!... With the two children he blessed with I found his COMPASSION... How has God blessed you?... What's your story?... Brother Glen
Those that don't know how to take every though cpative to the obedience of Christ tend to go off the deep end when trouble comes to their lives not knowing how to go to the Lord and find out what to do... in this case ditch the hot pants (desire for sex) and his problem would be solved.
If you spouse refuses, what are ya gonna do???... rape them?
No, in these situations sometimes all you can do is learn to control thyself like Jesus did... He will teach you how and it's His power (fruit of the Holy Spirit), so what's the problem?
OK, jumping bananas aside, Jesus taught something different, so His teachings under the New Covenant supersedes (replaces) teachings on this subject under the Old Covenant:
Matthew 19:5,6
For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate
See, now Jesus ain't said nuthin 'bout having more than one wife which is a reflection of God's original will as shown in the Garden of Eden when He made ONE wife for Adam... not a concubine. (see Genesis 2:24)
Matthew 5:32
whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery
Mark 10:11
Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her (see Mark 10:2-12)
1 Corinthians 7:10-11
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife
1 Corinthians 7:39
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord
Luke 16:18
Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery
Romans 7:2-3
For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress
Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous
If you spouse refuses, what are ya gonna do???... rape them?
No, in these situations sometimes all you can do is learn to control thyself like Jesus did... He will teach you how and it's His power (fruit of the Holy Spirit), so what's the problem?
OK, jumping bananas aside, Jesus taught something different, so His teachings under the New Covenant supersedes (replaces) teachings on this subject under the Old Covenant:
Matthew 19:5,6
For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate
See, now Jesus ain't said nuthin 'bout having more than one wife which is a reflection of God's original will as shown in the Garden of Eden when He made ONE wife for Adam... not a concubine. (see Genesis 2:24)
Matthew 5:32
whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery
Mark 10:11
Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her (see Mark 10:2-12)
1 Corinthians 7:10-11
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife
1 Corinthians 7:39
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord
Luke 16:18
Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery
Romans 7:2-3
For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress
Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous