Leave or Stay in my marriage

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NicoleG85

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So we have been together 17 years we have twin boys that are 12 . My husband has cheated on me a couple of times. I have separated from him but now I was diagnosed with a rare brain disease. I work and go to school. Last week we got into an argument that made him slap me . I was in shock but what scared me was my hearing gave out. We are planning a big party for my twin boys but, I want to leave even after all the money we spent. My husband is moody all the time and even after tests and imaging done to my brain he says i fake my illness. I want out but, i feel scared now like i dont know how to gauge him. Like i am scared but i am planning after this event in two weeks to leave. Is this right? I mean i know its wrong but i feel scared. I went to a girlfriends house with my boys last week and he was outta town he had a big attitude with me all day. I just told him that to watch his words and he said for me to file for divorce if i was out partying all night. First off all I dont party the medications and illness dont allow me to even have a soda pop. But when i first got ths news of my condition he went out partying and left for the whole weeked. I am done and i think its time . I guess i just need prayers.
 
Prayers to you Nicole, for health and protection. Letting God lead you! I pray for your husband too, mostly your children. I can imagine what they will be going through. You don't need the abuse, and I hope this is not in front of them. Much love your way!
 
Father God we pray for NicoleG85, let you please heal her from all the wounds in heart, whole body and also the brain. we pray for her husband, let you change his attitude towards NicoleG85, let his attitude be full of love and respect for her. Lord remove the problems from her family and bless her life. we agree together with this prayer. In Jesus Gracious name, Amen!
 
I don't know what to tell you in your situation right now...it is quite tough...I can imagine it...you are dealing a difficult husband and your illness...continue to pray and trust in the Lord. No matter what your circumstance and the situation right now God is with you. I will pray for you and your family sis. God bless you.
 
I’m so sorry to hear that, mommy. This is a hard thing to go through after 17 years of togetherness. My heart ached as I read your post, and I wish I could give you a hug. Words seem inadequate to convey my care and concern for you. I just said a prayer for you, asking the Lord to touch you with His healing hand and bring healing and hope to your marriage. Have you ever considered talking with a counselor? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? A good counselor might be able to give you some solid guidance. Do you think your husband might consider going with you? I know your situation may seem impossible right now, but I do believe there is hope. Stay strong. Sending hugs & prayers your way!
 
So sorry to read about your situation.Your husbands mans whose heart is sinful towards you and the face that he slapped you ,makes me wander if he would physically strike you again?(there is a good chance he could).You are trapped in a sense.It is very distressing to read your story and getting out of that environment seems the logical thing to do as you could be in danger of being physically hurt by him again.Find somewhere that you wil be safe and seek support from your local church as to what your options are and with this brain disease you have,this makes you even more vulnerable.Whilst separating from him isn't the thing I would normally recommend,however in this instance there seems no other way at this stage.

He isn't a nice fellow at all and while I would never say divorce him...I would most certainly recommend that u separate yiu sled from him for a while and get support and god will direct you as to what to do long term.

may god give you courage at this time and clarity and wisdom at this dark time in your life!!
 
He has cheated on you a couple of times already, and will continue to do so. From personal experience 4 times over, once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. AND he's physically abusive, AND you're terminally ill.. You have legal and biblical grounds for divorce. File papers, and move out and on with your life and focus on getting better, which will NEVER happen if you stay with this jerk..
 
Basically that's it really.If you file for divorce you won't de sinning or disobeying god.God know!!
while I wouldn't tell you to divorce him (as god can also change a marriage around)..I know that you have every right to and what's where you need support and prayer. X
 
I'm so sorry you're going through this (((HUGS))) I am praying for you. May God bless you and your family.
 
This is not a stable environment for you to continue on in. He wants YOU to file for divorce. He is protecting himself only.

I can't possibly say if divorce is the answer you are looking for, but you certainly have grounds for it. I think the fact that he is pressuring you and pushing you towards filing is a big clue as to what he is after. Sounds like he could have a little plan in mind and wants to remain "innocent" in his own eyes. Creating an environment in your realtionship that would push you to wanting to divorce him might be what he is after.

For now, I think it's best to get away from him for a period of time and put some distance between you and the emotional upheaval. The vicious cycle may continue otherwise.

I would also like to encourage you to seek wise counsel from a church pastor who follows what the Bible says. God's Word is the final authority on these kinds of issues, and you will feel better knowing what your options are. Don't be afraid to do what is right for you.
 
NicoleG85 said:
So we have been together 17 years we have twin boys that are 12 . My husband has cheated on me a couple of times. I have separated from him but now I was diagnosed with a rare brain disease. I work and go to school. Last week we got into an argument that made him slap me . I was in shock but what scared me was my hearing gave out. We are planning a big party for my twin boys but, I want to leave even after all the money we spent. My husband is moody all the time and even after tests and imaging done to my brain he says i fake my illness. I want out but, i feel scared now like i dont know how to gauge him. Like i am scared but i am planning after this event in two weeks to leave. Is this right? I mean i know its wrong but i feel scared. I went to a girlfriends house with my boys last week and he was outta town he had a big attitude with me all day. I just told him that to watch his words and he said for me to file for divorce if i was out partying all night. First off all I dont party the medications and illness dont allow me to even have a soda pop. But when i first got ths news of my condition he went out partying and left for the whole weeked. I am done and i think its time . I guess i just need prayers.
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My understanding is that there is one instance where the Lord allows divorce: When your spouse has been guilty of unchasity:

“And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery." Matt 19:9 RSV

If he has been unchaste, I believe you are free to divorce him.
 
NicoleG85 said:
So we have been together 17 years we have twin boys that are 12 . My husband has cheated on me a couple of times. I have separated from him but now I was diagnosed with a rare brain disease. I work and go to school. Last week we got into an argument that made him slap me . I was in shock but what scared me was my hearing gave out. We are planning a big party for my twin boys but, I want to leave even after all the money we spent. My husband is moody all the time and even after tests and imaging done to my brain he says i fake my illness. I want out but, i feel scared now like i dont know how to gauge him. Like i am scared but i am planning after this event in two weeks to leave. Is this right? I mean i know its wrong but i feel scared. I went to a girlfriends house with my boys last week and he was outta town he had a big attitude with me all day. I just told him that to watch his words and he said for me to file for divorce if i was out partying all night. First off all I dont party the medications and illness dont allow me to even have a soda pop. But when i first got ths news of my condition he went out partying and left for the whole weeked. I am done and i think its time . I guess i just need prayers.
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The argument didn't make him slap you. He slapped you!

Don't give him an excuse, because there is none.

I don't often tell people to divorce, but Resurrection is right. The Bible is clear on the ground for divorce, and he met that ground twice. (Three times, since physical abuse is also he is cheating on you.)

I so get you want this party to keep going. Sounds like the boys will have a birthday to remember. When is that birthday party? I'm guessing this weekend.

You spent the night at your girlfriend's house? So you have a support system near you. Can you stay there or stay at your parents' house until the party? And then can your sons go with you? (I'm assuming he is as abusive to them as he is to you.) If so, call it "a mini-vacation." That's not a lie, because you really do need a vacation from him.

Then continue the birthday as planned. If possible, don't stay home that night either, but try to work it out that the boys don't learn about the divorce on their birthday, or their birthday will be forever tainted. (Not first thing the next morning either.)

From what your husband says, he's hoping you will leave him, so he can sue you in the divorce for desertion. Can you prove the affairs, because that is desertion. You win that one!

Also, remember. You don't ever need to divorce him. Legal separation is good, because that means he has to support the boys, and maybe you. And the reason I'm suggesting you don't have to get a divorce is because I'm guessing you won't have time to fall in love again in the next six years (when your sons are old enough to take care of themselves), so why bother? That's just mounting an already piled-high plate.

The hardest part for you will be dealing with one disease, one job, school and two boys. It can't be done. You're going to have to give up one of those things, and let us assume it won't be the disease, (although I'm sure you would if you could) or your boys. I'm afraid it may have to be school, but maybe you can finish online, later. When the dust has settled.

And, got to tell you now -- that brain disease is going to hit you hard. You WILL need help, so wherever you move to, make sure you have your support system nearby, because you will be needing heavy support for quite a few years to come.

I usually tell people who are considering divorce to search hard in scripture to hear what God is telling you. I say that because he tells different people different things using the exact same words. But, in your case, you're dealing with infidelity (and who would think that would be the least of the problems?), physical abuse and your own health issues. So get out! (Divorce is optional, but get out!) But make it semi-temporary (staying at friends or family for a mini-vacation) and then use that time to come up with a definitive permanent plan to stay out after the birthday party.

Oh, in case you're vacillating over this one, yeah. Seriously. You keep your sons, because even if he only abuses you now, if you leave them with him it is highly likely, one or both of them become his next target. That happens the majority of times. And, honestly, even if it doesn't happen, do you really want them raised by him, so they get so much of his negative traits?

I too will be praying for you and your sons. You're going to need God even more than your support network.
 
Nicole I hope when you read all these messages you realise that we do care about your well being and whilst we cannot physically help you,we can most certainty pray for you.
It takes courage to walk out of an abusive relationship and may god guide all your steps and fill your heart with courage and close you ears to the voice of fear that would say'he will find you...you will never escape him of be free frim him ect"
Let us know how you get in though because we all want what's best for you and your children!
 
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