Question for married couples

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K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#1
#1
Hi folks

This is partcularly aimed at couples who have been married a decent while, so please dont answer this if your a newly wed lol.

In a months time I will be engaged to a wonderful man. We've discussed everything from expected roles and family values etc etc. We have discussed what we would do if theres a crisis in our relationship/marriage, but can you really plan that much?

What I would like to know is how to pesevere and weather through those marital storms, and how to serve my spouse in a God driven way.

I dont have anyone to talk to in my family about this. My mum (despite loving her to bits) has been divorced twice (neither men being christian nor loving) and both my grandmothers husbands are non christian. I have never witnessed a marriage with God in the middle.
 
I

iraasuup

Guest
#2
#2
Never let the sun go down on an argument. Even if it's midnight and you're really upset...make sure you don't go to bed cranky.

Talk it out, and then go to bed. Often times a good night's sleep changes everything, but letting it simmer over night doesn't help.

My tip - married nearly 6 years.
 
T

Tisha

Guest
#3
#3
I think you might consider me a newlywed still since I've been married for almost 2 years. But I have been with him for 5 yrs and before we were married we already felt that we were and others thought we were married before we were.

My Tips:

Fight fair no name calling or bringing other topics into the situation. If your fighting about how he didn't help with dinner for your friends than fight about that not about how he didn't take the garbage out last week for the trashmen to pick up.

Never give up on your marriage and do what you have to, to fight for your marriage. I mean if he is abusing you or cheating on you than get help or leave him. I think people give up on their marriages too easily. If you have to sleep in separate rooms for a month or 2 than do so.

Be open with your spouse if he hurts your feelings than say hey you did this and it really hurt my feelings and I didn't appreciate it so could you not do that again.

If at all possible kiss him goodnight and tell him you love him every night before you go to sleep even if your fighting because he needs to know even though your upset that at the end of the day you still do love him.

Pray every night for your spouse that the Lord will lead them to make the right decisions and to be a man of the Lord.

Pray that the Lord will protect your marriage and help you to solve problems that may occur in your marriage.

You don't have to take my advice if you don't want to.

Tisha
 
K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#4
#4
Thankyou Tisha!
 
S

sunshine_debbie

Guest
#5
#5
Wow, marriage advice.

- Love God more then him
- Love him more then yourself
- Be kind always, even when its really hard
- Have patience
- Compromise, Pray, Compromise, Pray, Compromise, Pray (you will need all that prayer in order to compromise all the time)
- Give in when you can
* Most importantly pray every day for your spouse.

Debbie - married 13 years & truthfully, I love him more now, then I did when I married him.
 
N

nanabean

Guest
#6
#6
kiwi_OT said:
Hi folks

Hi kiwiOT,

This is partcularly aimed at couples who have been married a decent while, so please dont answer this if your a newly wed lol.

I always hesitate to give out marriage advice, because even though I've been happily, successfully, married for almost 25 years now, it's not like I have all the answers!!!

In a months time I will be engaged to a wonderful man. We've discussed everything from expected roles and family values etc etc. We have discussed what we would do if theres a crisis in our relationship/marriage, but can you really plan that much?

No, not really, but talking things out is always good for any relationship, and if you have some idea on how you want to resolve things, should they occur, it does give you something to go by. Just remember, life is always full of curve balls too though!! We truly cannot "plan" for everything!

What I would like to know is how to pesevere and weather through those marital storms, and how to serve my spouse in a God driven way.

This area is another reason I really don't give out generalized marriage advice very often.......I am not bragging, not saying I am perfect (or even that my hubby is, but he comes closer to it than I!!) but we haven't really had much in the way of "marital storms" ....only twice can I remember actually disagreeing/getting signals crossed to the point of tears. So I don't know how much insight I can give on this one.........but,,,,,every marriage needs open, honest comunication above most all else.

The Pastor who married us, told us that to make a marriage truly work, each person needed to give 100% of themselves to the committment, 100% of the time. It works. Don't "meet halfway", don't expect to put in 50/50..........just go into it with a 100% committment and love. Many people call marriage "work" or say that it "takes work...to make it work". While I understand to some degree what they mean, I don't find it work, per sey, to love my husband and family and give truly all I have, to enjoy a happy, fullfilling marriage/family life.


I dont have anyone to talk to in my family about this. My mum (despite loving her to bits) has been divorced twice (neither men being christian nor loving) and both my grandmothers husbands are non christian. I have never witnessed a marriage with God in the middle.
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Ohhh us women!!! We sure do like to talk things over don't we?? hahahaa Seriously though, I am sorry your examples of marriage have been unfocused on God being the center. I would like just to encourage you, that while this may be the case, your own marriage doesn't have to follow suit!!!! Just be all you can be to each other, and look to God for strength, courage, love and joy......you will be fine!!! God Bless!!




 
S

silverwind

Guest
#7
#7
kiwi_OT said:
Hi folks

This is partcularly aimed at couples who have been married a decent while, so please dont answer this if your a newly wed lol.

In a months time I will be engaged to a wonderful man. We've discussed everything from expected roles and family values etc etc. We have discussed what we would do if theres a crisis in our relationship/marriage, but can you really plan that much?

What I would like to know is how to pesevere and weather through those marital storms, and how to serve my spouse in a God driven way.

I dont have anyone to talk to in my family about this. My mum (despite loving her to bits) has been divorced twice (neither men being christian nor loving) and both my grandmothers husbands are non christian. I have never witnessed a marriage with God in the middle.
Click to expand...
Spend regular time together in prayer. It is the glue that holds together any marriage. Go out and have fun, spend time with your friends too. Both my husband and I love going out and waste gas (shhhh!) since we love to be on the road, even if we don't have a specific goal of where we're heading. It forces us to talk, have coffee, and just be with each other. (plus the kids can't listen in) :)
 
K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#8
#8
Thankyou Nanabean and silverwind, much appreciated :D

We already spend quite a bit of time and enjoy praying for each other and with each other and doing bible study together.
 
C

carpetmanswife

Guest
#9
#9
Its all trial and error , you both will learn as you go , all marriages are different just as all people are, been married 24 yrs , be and stay God centered is best i can tell you . Best wishes , sincerely
 
E

enduretotheend

Guest
#10
#10
iraasuup said:
Never let the sun go down on an argument. Even if it's midnight and you're really upset...make sure you don't go to bed cranky.

Talk it out, and then go to bed. Often times a good night's sleep changes everything, but letting it simmer over night doesn't help.

My tip - married nearly 6 years.
Click to expand...
What she said + ... Humbly apologize when you know you are wrong ... even if you didn't start the whole thing you may need to apologize for your reaction to the offense.
 
G

godsbluesman

Guest
#11
#11
Don't go to bed mad at each other is the first advice-second,you can't really know what you will do in a crisis untill youre in one
all the planning wont help if youve never been in a situation before.mainly keep your salvation and keep the lines of communication open with each other and God
If you are wrong just admit it instead of trying to win under a false pretense. Nobody really ever wins the argument anyway,because one of you will always get hurt.
if you are really upset,don't jump into a disagreement right then-take time to think about the situation and approach it calmly-not in the heat af the discussion.
 
Last edited:
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#12
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#12
Do not try to change each other, simply work to make good and see as good that which you think you should change.
Never allow pride to divide you, and always , always maintain intimacy of mind and heart.
29 years this year as lovers and marrried!
34 years as friends!
God bless, pickles
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#13
May 5, 2009
2,569
21
38
#13
kiwi_OT said:
Hi folks

This is partcularly aimed at couples who have been married a decent while, so please dont answer this if your a newly wed lol.

In a months time I will be engaged to a wonderful man. We've discussed everything from expected roles and family values etc etc. We have discussed what we would do if theres a crisis in our relationship/marriage, but can you really plan that much?

What I would like to know is how to pesevere and weather through those marital storms, and how to serve my spouse in a God driven way.

I dont have anyone to talk to in my family about this. My mum (despite loving her to bits) has been divorced twice (neither men being christian nor loving) and both my grandmothers husbands are non christian. I have never witnessed a marriage with God in the middle.
Click to expand...
How do you know you're getting engaged?
 
A

aeon

Guest
#14
#14
kiwi_OT said:
Hi folks



In a months time I will be engaged to a wonderful man. We've discussed everything from expected roles and family values etc etc. We have discussed what we would do if theres a crisis in our relationship/marriage, but can you really plan that much?

What I would like to know is how to pesevere and weather through those marital storms, and how to serve my spouse in a God driven way.

_______________________________________________________________________________________
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oh, i've been married for more than a married couples adjusment period. i planned some but majority in it did not work because our experiences in natural life it taught us to be firm and strong. it even caused us severe or majorly problems because of such i want to make our marriage work at peace by planning, but still who can tell what's it gonna be in tomorrow?;) and through that i i understand why that why there is a thing called adjustment period. it is to settle your individual differences and remember that experience is the best teacher. Trust God to what God wants for you and you're soon to be husband . goodluck!;):)
 
M

Meridoc

Guest
#15
#15
Sharp said:
How do you know you're getting engaged?
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because we have long discussed it, despite the inability to actually act on it until we are in the same city.
 
C

charisenexcelcis

Guest
#16
#16
Your faith in God must be the axles of your life, everything else must be the spokes. Your marriage must a ministry to God and conducted as such. Do everything as unto the Lord.
 
F

freylbm

Guest
#17
#17
Thank you for your reply. I suppose my question is "Is this marriage UNTO THE LORD" built on the premise that we were both living for the world when we decided to marry and now only one of us is willing?
 
E

enduretotheend

Guest
#18
#18
Love God first. Love God more than your (soon-to-be) husband. If we love God more than our spouse we will love our spouse more than if we had put our spouse first in our affections. God must be first in our lives.
 
K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#19
#19
enduretotheend said:
What she said + ... Humbly apologize when you know you are wrong ... even if you didn't start the whole thing you may need to apologize for your reaction to the offense.
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WHAT?! Im sorry but that doesnt make sense!

I sure will apologise if I started something and I would also apologise for my accountability in things, but why should I apologise for my reaction if something is done against me?
For example if my husband beat me up (which he wouldnt do but this is theoretically), my reaction would be that I would be traumatised and very angry. Why should I apologise for that?
If he did something like not do the dishes for an entire week and out of frustration I screamed at him - yes I would apologise for that.

But there are certain levels of reactions and I dont think people should say you should apologise for all of them.
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#20
May 5, 2009
2,569
21
38
#20
kiwi_OT said:
WHAT?! Im sorry but that doesnt make sense!

I sure will apologise if I started something and I would also apologise for my accountability in things, but why should I apologise for my reaction if something is done against me?
For example if my husband beat me up (which he wouldnt do but this is theoretically), my reaction would be that I would be traumatised and very angry. Why should I apologise for that?
If he did something like not do the dishes for an entire week and out of frustration I screamed at him - yes I would apologise for that.

But there are certain levels of reactions and I dont think people should say you should apologise for all of them.
Click to expand...
Woah slow down....you expect him to do the dishes?
 
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