how do you handle grief?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#61
#61
Depleted said:
It has been said that the emotions are there, but the volume is lower than most.
I suspect you have, merely differently.
Click to expand...
If I process grief differently, it's something I do unconsciously. I've never cried at the news of the death of a family member, nor at their graveside services, nor weeks or months later. They were alive, then they weren't. They aren't around anymore. Okay. Moving forward. I don't know. It bothers me somewhat that I don't seem to feel what others do, but I can't force myself to feel things. Either I do, or I don't. It's been an issue all my life and still is. I can accept Christianity, but it doesn't make me "feel" anything.

This topic of grief has given me a lot to think about on many other topics. Lots of self-examination.
 
J

JamesD

Guest
#62
#62
It helps me when I hang out with my friends and my younger sisters. I have two sisters who are 24 and 27. Sometimes we'll all get together to watch a movie or play a board game. Spending time with others helps you take your mind of things.

I also really like to work out...it helps me forget about my current stresses.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#63
#63
I too am good at the denial bit :p I think I tend to overdo it though. When my grandmother died I felt nothing at the funeral. Nothing at all. ...and I kept thinking "the others will see I don't feel sad and they will think didn't love her".
 
J

J7

Banned
#64
Apr 2, 2017
1,915
13
0
#64
I find myself howling. Then I choke up and nearly asphyxiate..

Then I realize that I don't want to die, so life must go on.
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#65
#65
wwjd_kilden said:
I too am good at the denial bit :p I think I tend to overdo it though. When my grandmother died I felt nothing at the funeral. Nothing at all. ...and I kept thinking "the others will see I don't feel sad and they will think didn't love her".
Click to expand...
I have had that same thought many times. I've even been accused of being (and pardon my language) a "cold, unfeeling, heartless bastard" because I didn't cry at funerals.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#66
#66
Yahweh_is_gracious said:
I have had that same thought many times. I've even been accused of being (and pardon my language) a "cold, unfeeling, heartless bastard" because I didn't cry at funerals.
Click to expand...
Wow
and that made them what? loving, compassionate people?
Let me at 'em....
 
notmyown

notmyown

Senior Member
#67
May 26, 2016
4,927
1,273
113
#67
JamesD said:
It helps me when I hang out with my friends and my younger sisters. I have two sisters who are 24 and 27. Sometimes we'll all get together to watch a movie or play a board game. Spending time with others helps you take your mind of things.

I also really like to work out...it helps me forget about my current stresses.
Click to expand...
well, thank you! there's an obvious one i overlooked. a hard workout, endorphins... yeah! :)
 
notmyown

notmyown

Senior Member
#68
May 26, 2016
4,927
1,273
113
#68
wwjd_kilden said:
I too am good at the denial bit :p I think I tend to overdo it though. When my grandmother died I felt nothing at the funeral. Nothing at all. ...and I kept thinking "the others will see I don't feel sad and they will think didn't love her".
Click to expand...
i did the same thing when my maternal grandfather died. i sat in the bathtub while my parents packed for the trip to the funeral and wondered why i wasn't crying.

i mean... i was 7. what does a 7 yo know about anything? :p
 
notmyown

notmyown

Senior Member
#69
May 26, 2016
4,927
1,273
113
#69
Yahweh_is_gracious said:
I have had that same thought many times. I've even been accused of being (and pardon my language) a "cold, unfeeling, heartless bastard" because I didn't cry at funerals.
Click to expand...
your feelings are your own. it's the same for us all, for better or worse.
we can try to exercise control as to how we respond to our feelings, but the feelings themselves? nope.
 
GandalfTheWhite

GandalfTheWhite

Senior Member
#70
Jan 25, 2015
9,225
3,204
113
#70
wwjd_kilden said:
I too am good at the denial bit :p I think I tend to overdo it though. When my grandmother died I felt nothing at the funeral. Nothing at all. ...and I kept thinking "the others will see I don't feel sad and they will think didn't love her".
Click to expand...
I didn't cry at my grandmother's funeral but there was never a loving relationship. I was sad but not to a point where I had to cry..... when my brother died, I did cry. I was sad and emotional.
 
L

LittleBit1987

Guest
#71
#71
GandalfTheWhite said:
I didn't cry at my grandmother's funeral but there was never a loving relationship. I was sad but not to a point where I had to cry..... when my brother died, I did cry. I was sad and emotional.
Click to expand...
its really strange how certain family members you cry your eyes out for and others you just don't know what to do?

My grandma and uncle From my dads side passed away.... and I didn't cry... cause I wasn't close to them, like at all and I disliked the way they BOTH treated my dad... like he was always the horrible son or brother you could ever have.

But when my uncle passed on my moms side... boy howdy did I cry! I was close with that uncle and he always made the whole room laugh.. he was the comedian out of 7 kids...

But anyways just a random thought.
 
notmyown

notmyown

Senior Member
#72
May 26, 2016
4,927
1,273
113
#72
i'm getting so old, i cry... at tissue commercials. :rolleyes:
 
L

LittleBit1987

Guest
#73
#73
notmyown said:
i'm getting so old, i cry... at tissue commercials. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
I cried at the littlest things on tv when we first found out we were pregnant lol..

but i I also cried my eyes out to the lord Sunday during service... the struggles I've been through...
 
notmyown

notmyown

Senior Member
#74
May 26, 2016
4,927
1,273
113
#74
LittleBit1987 said:
I cried at the littlest things on tv when we first found out we were pregnant lol..

but i I also cried my eyes out to the lord Sunday during service... the struggles I've been through...
Click to expand...
i wish i had pregnancy as an excuse. well, uh, no, not really, but you know. ;)

praying for you, dear one.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#77
#77
Yahweh_is_gracious said:
I have had that same thought many times. I've even been accused of being (and pardon my language) a "cold, unfeeling, heartless bastard" because I didn't cry at funerals.
Click to expand...
I was raised not to cry at funerals, thus... I don't cry at funerals. I try not to cry in public altogether, unfortunately tears come with any extreme emotion for me -- happy, sad, angry, frustrated beyond endurance. (Very annoying to cry when angry, because usually I think the person thinks I'm hurt. I'm not. I'm :mad:!!! And, when I'm crying the stupid words don't come out in English. They come out in Blubber! Arggghhhhh!)

Something you might enjoy the humor of though. Lynnie training in action.

Mom died sometime during the night, and because she was so very sick, we kids had been farmed out to uncle and aunt's house. (I was 16.) So, aunt wakes me up at 7 AM. (BTW, I am not a morning person, so this is NOT a good way of waking me up.) And she tells me Mom died even before I could go to the bathroom. Immediate crying, of course. Then she tells me "Don't cry." So, I try to suck it up. Then she tells me, "It's all right. Let it out."

Me? I'm thinking, "What do you want from me anyway? Yeesh!" :rolleyes:

Then she asks me to go with her to wake up 5 year old brother in other room, (BTW, STILL haven't gone to the bathroom), to tell him. Well, he's going to cry, so I'm busy putting on brave face.

I honestly don't know what normal is other than thinking that wasn't it! (And, BTW, considering both of us were sleeping in rooms with one cousin per room, by the time everyone faced this together, FOUR people really needed the ONE bathroom.)

I don't think there is a normal. I don't know why people expect there to be one. Death just isn't normal, and we only have to do it once, so why try to make it normal?
 
J

Jessie_1

Guest
#79
#79
I seek out my pets. They let me cry without question. They let me hug them without pulling away. They exude a sense of innocent peace. They listen without judgment... and they never tell me "to just get over it an move on". ~ An animal's love is truly healing, albeit a dog, cat, horse, goat, bird... etc.
 
Katy-follower

Katy-follower

Senior Member
#80
Jun 25, 2011
2,719
155
63
#80
Jessie_1 said:
I seek out my pets. They let me cry without question. They let me hug them without pulling away. They exude a sense of innocent peace. They listen without judgment... and they never tell me "to just get over it an move on". ~ An animal's love is truly healing, albeit a dog, cat, horse, goat, bird... etc.
Click to expand...
Yes!! And they're very in tune with our mood, so always know when we feel rotten.

They're God's little (furry) gifts to us :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.