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I have had to apologize for my part in several arguments, even when he was the [blank] who started it in the first place. But regardless of how he is acting, I still need to maintain my integrity as a Christian woman, and at times I have not followed through with that calling. During those times I need to apologize for my impatience, short temper, etc.
But anyway, my advice... one thing that has helped me, is not to hold him to TOO high of expectations, but not let him get away with slacking off either. I am the more energetic partner, and sometimes I find that the more I do, the easier it is for him to watch me do it all. Not cool. We have to revisit this issue often. On the other hand, I am the more energetic partner so I can't expect him to do as much as I do in a day. Fair enough.
It is great to be optimistic about your life and your partner, but the reality is that you are both imperfect, and he will be selfish, lazy, irritating, etc. at times. When my husband gets on my nerves too much and I feel the anger rising, I retreat and tell on him to my Father. That's right, I tell my Abba what a meanie hubby is being, and it's not fair, and I thought Abba should know. It helps me to put into words exactly what I am angry about, get it off my chest to someone who really does care about it, gives me a few moments to consider how I should address the issue. Then I go fight my battle with hubby much better equipped.
The other thing that is INVALUABLE to marriage is girlfriends. You need some sisters to have girl-time with and help talk you through the big "what should I do" questions that inevitably will arise. The trick, though, is making sure those girlfriends aren't going to let you get away with complain complain complaining without making some changes to make the situation better. It has been my experience that women love to get sucked into relationship drama, but it is the ones who help pull you out that are truly invaluable friends. So if you don't have some already, build up your support network of strong christian ladies. Healthy support for you and your husband will only make your relationship strong (but BE CAREFUL of those that are not healthy!!!)
I hope this is practical and helpful.
Be blessed
But anyway, my advice... one thing that has helped me, is not to hold him to TOO high of expectations, but not let him get away with slacking off either. I am the more energetic partner, and sometimes I find that the more I do, the easier it is for him to watch me do it all. Not cool. We have to revisit this issue often. On the other hand, I am the more energetic partner so I can't expect him to do as much as I do in a day. Fair enough.
It is great to be optimistic about your life and your partner, but the reality is that you are both imperfect, and he will be selfish, lazy, irritating, etc. at times. When my husband gets on my nerves too much and I feel the anger rising, I retreat and tell on him to my Father. That's right, I tell my Abba what a meanie hubby is being, and it's not fair, and I thought Abba should know. It helps me to put into words exactly what I am angry about, get it off my chest to someone who really does care about it, gives me a few moments to consider how I should address the issue. Then I go fight my battle with hubby much better equipped.
The other thing that is INVALUABLE to marriage is girlfriends. You need some sisters to have girl-time with and help talk you through the big "what should I do" questions that inevitably will arise. The trick, though, is making sure those girlfriends aren't going to let you get away with complain complain complaining without making some changes to make the situation better. It has been my experience that women love to get sucked into relationship drama, but it is the ones who help pull you out that are truly invaluable friends. So if you don't have some already, build up your support network of strong christian ladies. Healthy support for you and your husband will only make your relationship strong (but BE CAREFUL of those that are not healthy!!!)
I hope this is practical and helpful.
Be blessed
K
Those are some excellent ideas 
Yeah I realised a while ago that I need to get over my selfish aversions to female friends and as soon as Im settled back home it will be a priority of mine. Its hard to make female friends at the moment cos Im either studying or travelling. The majority of my friends are male and I know on getting engaged these friendships will have to go on the backlog a bit until Ive evened up the ratio by getting some God driven women around me. Its just hard...
Except in my history of abuse, I'll be honest and say I have thoroughly enjoyed male company in my life. Their more honest, they tell you when theyre mad, and most of the time when they say theyre gonna do something, they usually do it. Their not emotionally nosy or gossipy. The only woman I truly trust is my mother. But given her history, Im finding it increasingly hard to ask her for female advice that I know will be from God.
Yeah I realised a while ago that I need to get over my selfish aversions to female friends and as soon as Im settled back home it will be a priority of mine. Its hard to make female friends at the moment cos Im either studying or travelling. The majority of my friends are male and I know on getting engaged these friendships will have to go on the backlog a bit until Ive evened up the ratio by getting some God driven women around me. Its just hard...
Except in my history of abuse, I'll be honest and say I have thoroughly enjoyed male company in my life. Their more honest, they tell you when theyre mad, and most of the time when they say theyre gonna do something, they usually do it. Their not emotionally nosy or gossipy. The only woman I truly trust is my mother. But given her history, Im finding it increasingly hard to ask her for female advice that I know will be from God.
S
The only thing I can say is: Let God guide you every day. With God all things are possible. Put God 1st always - everything will follow nicely. I was married 24 years with my 1st marriage and it ended bkz of abuse; he started drinking and things got bad. Now I have been married for 12 years and it's a wonderful marriage. I have always turned all my worries/problems/frustrations, etc. to God and have let Him guide me in all my decisions.
M
The secret to a happy marriage is a happy wife.
Leviticus tells us not to put a stumbling block before the blind nor curse the deaf. This means do not take advantage of another's weakness. In marriage, spouses are especially attuned to one another's strengths and weaknesses. In an argument it can be very tempting-and easy-to point out the other's faults or weaknesses. Resist this temptation. A cooling off period may be in order.
Marriage is a holy union. Because it is holy, it ought to be treated with care. Marriage requires work. And as with most things, the harder you work, the greater the reward.
It's not a bad idea to be up front with your expectations of each other. Misunderstanding and miscommunication often arise from assumptions about what was to be done and by whom. When expectations are not met (even if the expectation was never voiced, because it just seemed obvious) frustration follows. And this can lead to resentment and bitterness. Discuss what your expectations are. Not every expectation may be workable. In which case, compromise may be necessary .
Have fun together. In a healthy relationship both parties get enjoyment out of it. It is assumed that people who decide to get married enjoy one another's company. They like being together and doing things together.
It's also important to have fun apart from each other. It's good and healthy to have your own separate activities or hobbies that don't necessarily involve the other party. Neither should feel like they are missing out on stuff they enjoy doing for the sake of being together.
Communication is really important. As is prayer. And love. Love each other by giving of yourself. Give attention, give help, give encouragment, give affection. And your return will be great indeed.
Leviticus tells us not to put a stumbling block before the blind nor curse the deaf. This means do not take advantage of another's weakness. In marriage, spouses are especially attuned to one another's strengths and weaknesses. In an argument it can be very tempting-and easy-to point out the other's faults or weaknesses. Resist this temptation. A cooling off period may be in order.
Marriage is a holy union. Because it is holy, it ought to be treated with care. Marriage requires work. And as with most things, the harder you work, the greater the reward.
It's not a bad idea to be up front with your expectations of each other. Misunderstanding and miscommunication often arise from assumptions about what was to be done and by whom. When expectations are not met (even if the expectation was never voiced, because it just seemed obvious) frustration follows. And this can lead to resentment and bitterness. Discuss what your expectations are. Not every expectation may be workable. In which case, compromise may be necessary .
Have fun together. In a healthy relationship both parties get enjoyment out of it. It is assumed that people who decide to get married enjoy one another's company. They like being together and doing things together.
It's also important to have fun apart from each other. It's good and healthy to have your own separate activities or hobbies that don't necessarily involve the other party. Neither should feel like they are missing out on stuff they enjoy doing for the sake of being together.
Communication is really important. As is prayer. And love. Love each other by giving of yourself. Give attention, give help, give encouragment, give affection. And your return will be great indeed.
N
I really like this post....but.....
Saying that the "secret to a happy marriage is a happy wife" ..?? well.....it just sounds .."off" to me. It's like saying everything rests in the hands of the woman. I'm not sure that's what you mean, but it sounds ...wrong to me to put it this way. A happy marriage is acheived when we each strive to make the other happy.
The other thing that I'd like to comment on is, that while yes "It's good and healthy to have your own separate activities or hobbies" I feel that these activities or hobbies can be shared in a way that does involve the spouse. As exaqmples; I bowl every week on a womans league.......but I come home and share my scores and the fun we had. Papabean golfs every weekend with cousins......and we share what went on at the course once we are together again. It's the same with our work days...we share what is important to us to talk out or remember.
I really DO like your post though! hahha I just wanted to add these thoughts...
P.S.....I TOLD you (Many people call marriage "work" or say that it "takes work...to make it work".)
Saying that the "secret to a happy marriage is a happy wife" ..?? well.....it just sounds .."off" to me. It's like saying everything rests in the hands of the woman. I'm not sure that's what you mean, but it sounds ...wrong to me to put it this way. A happy marriage is acheived when we each strive to make the other happy.
The other thing that I'd like to comment on is, that while yes "It's good and healthy to have your own separate activities or hobbies" I feel that these activities or hobbies can be shared in a way that does involve the spouse. As exaqmples; I bowl every week on a womans league.......but I come home and share my scores and the fun we had. Papabean golfs every weekend with cousins......and we share what went on at the course once we are together again. It's the same with our work days...we share what is important to us to talk out or remember.
I really DO like your post though! hahha I just wanted to add these thoughts...
P.S.....I TOLD you (Many people call marriage "work" or say that it "takes work...to make it work".)
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O
Dear
I congratulate you for putting God first in your intended marriage. Marriage was instituted by God (Gen 2:24). God's conception is that the two will become one- as in one.The woman becomes the other part of the man and the man a part of the woman.Neither is on his own: Both are one together. This will take a lot of sacrifices on the part of the both of you. Here is a lesson for you both from Paul:Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.......So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.(Ephe 5:21-29). Other references of relevance are Ge 3:16; 1Co 14:34; Eph 6:5; Col 3:18; Tit 2:5; 1Pe 3:1
; and Ac 20:28; Ga 1:4; 2:20; Eph 5:2; Col 3:19; 1Pe 3:7
For two to become one, they must love each other with the love exemplified by Christ, they must submit to each other and to God. Both are each Ambassador of Christ in this oneness. Each must leave self and selfishness and be determined to put in the sacrifices like Christ, nothing must be allowed to come between them, not even career or money. You are now a new being with a new vision and mission given you by God. This is why it is difficult for unbelievers to have a successful home. You must be following Christ closely to be able to act for Him.
Most people can not leave self: they want to have their own things, not us-things. Hear The preacher (Ecc 4:9-12). Whatever you bring into a marriage becomes that of the new one. Even where there is fault, there love must ensure that it is forgiven as Christ forgave us. Marriage has its own enemy, it is Satan and you must not allow yourselves to be used to destroy that which God has made you overseer on.
Finally, Marriage typifies the union that must exist between the church and Christ.The wedding will take place in Heaven- if we err in this one i.e put it asunder, it is difficult to be in the other one. Do your own quota. Ask Christ to help you always.
Wishing you the best.
oapercy
Married Since 2004
I congratulate you for putting God first in your intended marriage. Marriage was instituted by God (Gen 2:24). God's conception is that the two will become one- as in one.The woman becomes the other part of the man and the man a part of the woman.Neither is on his own: Both are one together. This will take a lot of sacrifices on the part of the both of you. Here is a lesson for you both from Paul:Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.......So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.(Ephe 5:21-29). Other references of relevance are Ge 3:16; 1Co 14:34; Eph 6:5; Col 3:18; Tit 2:5; 1Pe 3:1
; and Ac 20:28; Ga 1:4; 2:20; Eph 5:2; Col 3:19; 1Pe 3:7
For two to become one, they must love each other with the love exemplified by Christ, they must submit to each other and to God. Both are each Ambassador of Christ in this oneness. Each must leave self and selfishness and be determined to put in the sacrifices like Christ, nothing must be allowed to come between them, not even career or money. You are now a new being with a new vision and mission given you by God. This is why it is difficult for unbelievers to have a successful home. You must be following Christ closely to be able to act for Him.
Most people can not leave self: they want to have their own things, not us-things. Hear The preacher (Ecc 4:9-12). Whatever you bring into a marriage becomes that of the new one. Even where there is fault, there love must ensure that it is forgiven as Christ forgave us. Marriage has its own enemy, it is Satan and you must not allow yourselves to be used to destroy that which God has made you overseer on.
Finally, Marriage typifies the union that must exist between the church and Christ.The wedding will take place in Heaven- if we err in this one i.e put it asunder, it is difficult to be in the other one. Do your own quota. Ask Christ to help you always.
Wishing you the best.
oapercy
Married Since 2004
M
I really like this post....but.....
Saying that the "secret to a happy marriage is a happy wife" ..?? well.....it just sounds .."off" to me. It's like saying everything rests in the hands of the woman. I'm not sure that's what you mean, but it sounds ...wrong to me to put it this way. A happy marriage is acheived when we each strive to make the other happy.
The other thing that I'd like to comment on is, that while yes "It's good and healthy to have your own separate activities or hobbies" I feel that these activities or hobbies can be shared in a way that does involve the spouse. As exaqmples; I bowl every week on a womans league.......but I come home and share my scores and the fun we had. Papabean golfs every weekend with cousins......and we share what went on at the course once we are together again. It's the same with our work days...we share what is important to us to talk out or remember.
I really DO like your post though! hahha I just wanted to add these thoughts...
P.S.....I TOLD you (Many people call marriage "work" or say that it "takes work...to make it work".)
Saying that the "secret to a happy marriage is a happy wife" ..?? well.....it just sounds .."off" to me. It's like saying everything rests in the hands of the woman. I'm not sure that's what you mean, but it sounds ...wrong to me to put it this way. A happy marriage is acheived when we each strive to make the other happy.
The other thing that I'd like to comment on is, that while yes "It's good and healthy to have your own separate activities or hobbies" I feel that these activities or hobbies can be shared in a way that does involve the spouse. As exaqmples; I bowl every week on a womans league.......but I come home and share my scores and the fun we had. Papabean golfs every weekend with cousins......and we share what went on at the course once we are together again. It's the same with our work days...we share what is important to us to talk out or remember.
I really DO like your post though! hahha I just wanted to add these thoughts...
P.S.....I TOLD you (Many people call marriage "work" or say that it "takes work...to make it work".)
The "happy wife" part was a bit tongue in cheek.
For me, it puts responsibility on the husband to ensure his wife's happiness. For the record, I do agree that "[a] happy marriage is achieved when we each strive to make the other happy."Yes, you can share your separate activities with your spouse in a way that makes them feel included. I like your example. I'm suggesting that a spouse need not feel like she *has* to go do something she'd rather not do for the sake of being together every possible moment.
F
Yes I belive i Can Help You. My Chat name is fisherman and i have been married 23yrs to my wife. It was not a bed of roses. It takes prayer and patence. Running away from trouble instead of talking thru it is what most due. before you marry you should make sure there is a true commetment and that He is a man who will pray with you and be sensitive to you as a woman not a object. jealousy is the killer of a good marrige. seek a pastor before marring and get council from him. but most of all Pray and wait upon the Lord. if you follow the scriptures about marriage then i belive you will be happy.
I will be praying for you both. I pray this has helped. Your friend in Christ. Fisherman also can find me in face book at this e-mail -- [email protected]
I will be praying for you both. I pray this has helped. Your friend in Christ. Fisherman also can find me in face book at this e-mail -- [email protected]
B
I dunno what to tell you. I've been married for 13 years now. There is no formula. Simply Love God and Love your spouse and let no one else get in the way of those two things.
BTW, he's not your husband once you get married. You two are one. One. If you meditate on two becoming one flesh for a while, it is really full of some interesting implications.
Be prepared for it being harder than you imagined. More than 50% of all first marriages fail including so called Christian marriages. 60% of all second marriages fail and upwards of 70% of all third marriages fail. The odds are not good that you will succeed.
As for my wife and I we resolved from the beginning that divorce simply was not an option. In spite of that we both very nearly ended our marriage at various times. Marriage is difficult, it takes resolve and dedication.
Being in love is not reason to marry. You will be out of love at some point aka no more goose bumps.
BTW, he's not your husband once you get married. You two are one. One. If you meditate on two becoming one flesh for a while, it is really full of some interesting implications.
Be prepared for it being harder than you imagined. More than 50% of all first marriages fail including so called Christian marriages. 60% of all second marriages fail and upwards of 70% of all third marriages fail. The odds are not good that you will succeed.
As for my wife and I we resolved from the beginning that divorce simply was not an option. In spite of that we both very nearly ended our marriage at various times. Marriage is difficult, it takes resolve and dedication.
Being in love is not reason to marry. You will be out of love at some point aka no more goose bumps.
M
Okay... here's the thing... I'm a newlywed but I want to say something...
We've been married for 7 months and have had to deal with health problems... and not something like a flu or small things like that
He was diagnosed with Typhus (an infection that causes nausea, body aches, severe fever, uncontrollable shivers, diarrhea, and weakness) when we were married 6 months... The hardest time for me was when I had to take him to the emergency room at 4 am!! For a week before and about 10 days afterwards, I had to nurse him to health, keep up our apartment, and also work to make up the days that he missed out on work.
By myself, I know that I would've never been able to make it... but by God's grace, he was nursed to health and was soon back at work. This was not planned out or prepared for lol in my mind, the only reason we would be at the hospital was to give birth to our children... not see my husband be poked and tested for sickness...
The moral of the story?? Rely on God... fully!! In good and bad times! You both follow Him, and it will bring you closer together
We've been married for 7 months and have had to deal with health problems... and not something like a flu or small things like that
He was diagnosed with Typhus (an infection that causes nausea, body aches, severe fever, uncontrollable shivers, diarrhea, and weakness) when we were married 6 months... The hardest time for me was when I had to take him to the emergency room at 4 am!! For a week before and about 10 days afterwards, I had to nurse him to health, keep up our apartment, and also work to make up the days that he missed out on work.
By myself, I know that I would've never been able to make it... but by God's grace, he was nursed to health and was soon back at work. This was not planned out or prepared for lol in my mind, the only reason we would be at the hospital was to give birth to our children... not see my husband be poked and tested for sickness...
The moral of the story?? Rely on God... fully!! In good and bad times! You both follow Him, and it will bring you closer together
F
You will have problems. You will cry. If you are in it til death then do it. Don't be like those people that love conditionally. If the problem is big enough to diviorce......no ! Love suffers all, love remembers no wrong...etc..
If you are not ready to suffer dont do it. Be like Paul
Just die to yourself. Always pray. Love God first. Keep him praying. And always be the person he fell in love with. Dont change. Be his friend, wife, sister, mom, fantasy, be it. Let him not lack anything in you. Keep him happy and he will keep you happy.
If you are not ready to suffer dont do it. Be like Paul
Just die to yourself. Always pray. Love God first. Keep him praying. And always be the person he fell in love with. Dont change. Be his friend, wife, sister, mom, fantasy, be it. Let him not lack anything in you. Keep him happy and he will keep you happy.
A
i have been married more then once.....and unfortunately none of them lasted....i tried my darndest to make them work but they failed...my last husband i was married to for 7 yrs and he got seriously sick...in the hospital for 4 weeks and then months of recovery....its all about being there together through thick and thin ....through good and bad , in sickness and in health.....but in the end unfortunately he was neglectful and abusive......thankfully now i have wonderful husband now that loves god and loves me....we never go to bed angry...we communicate...something i never had in my other marriages...we take care of one another........remember you are only human and you are gonna screw up and make mistakes...try to remember the love and not be to hard on one another....blessings
J
I'm a widow now, but was married for almost 15 years before he passed away. It's very important that there be 3 in the marriage: God, the husband and wife. The husband must be the priest of the family also. This will bring blessing beyond measure to the entire family. The husband will be blessed by God for manning up and being obedient. The wife will feel safe and cherished. And the children, especially the male children, will understand what a real man is.
It doesn't take long for a godly woman to understand that a godly man is given special guidance and wisdom for his family by the Lord. The trust and respect that comes from this makes that whole submission thing so much easier. And we can never emphasize enough the importance the respect of his wife is to a man and the trust a woman feels for her husband. Husbands are to love and cherish their wives as Christ loves the church and brides are called to respect their husbands, so don't marry if you don't feel you can fulfill these requirements, as they are the formula for marriage that God intended.
When our husbands are wrong, they don't need us to tell them they are wrong. They know it And they hate it more than we do when they are. But they learn from their mistakes and become all the wiser for it, as the rest of us do, ya know? So give 'em a break ladies and pick your battles!
Love one another. Worship together. Spend time together. And remember to LAUGH together! Your life together is precious....
It doesn't take long for a godly woman to understand that a godly man is given special guidance and wisdom for his family by the Lord. The trust and respect that comes from this makes that whole submission thing so much easier. And we can never emphasize enough the importance the respect of his wife is to a man and the trust a woman feels for her husband. Husbands are to love and cherish their wives as Christ loves the church and brides are called to respect their husbands, so don't marry if you don't feel you can fulfill these requirements, as they are the formula for marriage that God intended.
When our husbands are wrong, they don't need us to tell them they are wrong. They know it
And they hate it more than we do when they are. But they learn from their mistakes and become all the wiser for it, as the rest of us do, ya know? So give 'em a break ladies and pick your battles! Love one another. Worship together. Spend time together. And remember to LAUGH together! Your life together is precious....
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S
I think the biggest thing is always be kind to each other. And be realistic...there will be difficult times...there will be distant times....Marriage is like a roller coaster ride, it is full of hills and valleys. When youre happy you think nothing can ever go wrong, but when your unhappy you think its permanent. Its not....give it a chance to come back around to a hill. Pray...talk...stay connected.