How it all started with the guy from Italy...

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Gracie_14

Guest
#1
Hey guys to all who have seen and replied to my post thread “Kinda new here...need some advice.” I wanted to make everything clear to you and explain how I met up with my boyfriend who lives in Italy. For those who have no idea what I’m talking about check out the post thread. So let me begin...
One day at home I happened to be feeling like reallyyyyy bored and so I decided to go online to a chat website, chatstep.com. I scrolled through the available rooms and clicked on a room named ChristianChat. There was no way I was going to go in a room that was not Christian. So I entered and it was not what I expected. Most of the people there were not Christians at all! There were a bunch of people conversing about topics that weren’t at all in a Christian manner. I was very disappointed. I did not fit in there at all. I was wondering, what am I doing here? As I was planning to get outta there a message popped up addressed to me. Now I don’t remember the message very well...but it was not pleasant at all. All I do remember it was abusive in its words and just plain mean. I looked to see who would dare write that to me and saw an awkward nick called “qwer”. Weird, I thought. So I foolishly typed back... “that was so mean of you to say that!” I couldn’t think of anything else but that. so pls, don’t blame me. Anyway, I got an answer a few seconds later that read... “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say all that.” I was still appalled so I replied, “are you a robot?” I literally thought he was! No human being can say what he just said, I was thinking. The chatter replied that he was not then a few seconds later he pleaded with me that he needed help and wanted me to join him in a separate private room on that site. I was hesitant of course but he was insisting that he was sorry and that he needed desperate help. Little did I know, this chatter was a 17yr old guy from Italy who had been struggling with his salvation and was going through some “guy” stuff that was causing him to say those things to me. I felt compelled to help this poor guy so I reluctantly logged into his room. Thats where I learned what was going on. Sadly, he thought by watching pornography, he could control his desires. Which is clearly wrong. I told him he must stop watching that kind of stuff and its just going to make things worse. He was listening attentively to me. Later on in the conversation he said he had to go. But before he left he wanted to have my email. Now I was a bit hesitant so I said no. Surprisingly, he just gave me his. (btw, his name is Kevin )He said to me that he wanted to talk more about other stuff so I agreed to write him... (I found out he came from a family of five; one brother, his parents, and an uncle who is a priest. He has shown me a pic of him and I agreed that he was of Italian descent...his name is **edited**...but prefers to be called Kevin)
Well, to make a long story short we started to chat about life and I answered his questions wisely when he needed advice. We started to email each other more occasionally and I sensed something springing up between us. During this time, I started to trust him more and little did I know I actually saved him from deep trouble if I didn’t come to his rescue. He has repeatedly told me that. well, we became friends and conversed in regular conversation. I was not interested in being more than friends...yet. I told him that and he respected that even though he really wanted it. Slowly by slowly, I began to realize my feelings for him and I couldn’t deny it anymore. About 8 months later, we began a relationship, if I can say that. let me show you a portion of a personal email he’s given me that has really cleared my doubts:

"sorry for my bad english i hope you'll understand what i'm trying to say. everyone can save souls because i believe God will do everything to save everyone's souls. we are instruments and objects of salvation. i believe He wanted me to find you, because i need you to guide me to salvation. i was so lost before meeting you and now i feel so blessed..."

Yep, beautiful right? I've never shown anyone that...but i felt that i should. Now, im afraid if i do tell my parents, they'll stop my communication with him. that will break his heart if i one day disappear from his life. sooo...i would love your response and if you have questions....be free to ask.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
4,586
1,045
113
#2
hi, Gracie. i'm a mom, and saw my kids go through the teen years to adulthood, not to mention having done it, myself.

please, do be careful. you still don't KNOW this person is a 17 yo Italian boy.

it's a well documented fact the human brain isn't fully developed till about age 25 (YMMV). in particular, the prefrontal cortex is still developing, which plays a huge factor in complex planning, impulse control, risk management, and decision making.

yes, the adolescent brain is capable of doing those things, just it's not yet at a point where those skills are able to be used to their fullest.

this is why God gave you parents. :)
it's their job to assist you in navigating the difficult waters of life. believe it or not, most parents love their kiddos and want the best for them. not that we always know what that is, but we do tend to know what that is not. lol

think about all your mum and dad have invested in you, all the time they've loved and cared for you, as opposed to this person you met online.
i do understand what you're feeling right now. i really do remember being a teenager.

i haven't read through your other thread, and i implore you to tell your parents what's happening.
be smart, and be safe. pray, let mum and dad help you, and trust God with the outcome.
why wouldn't you tell them, other than you don't want to hurt someone you don't really know?
if you think about it, you're choosing rather to hurt them, you know?
 
G

Gracie_14

Guest
#3
hi, Gracie. i'm a mom, and saw my kids go through the teen years to adulthood, not to mention having done it, myself.

please, do be careful. you still don't KNOW this person is a 17 yo Italian boy.

it's a well documented fact the human brain isn't fully developed till about age 25 (YMMV). in particular, the prefrontal cortex is still developing, which plays a huge factor in complex planning, impulse control, risk management, and decision making.

yes, the adolescent brain is capable of doing those things, just it's not yet at a point where those skills are able to be used to their fullest.

this is why God gave you parents. :)
it's their job to assist you in navigating the difficult waters of life. believe it or not, most parents love their kiddos and want the best for them. not that we always know what that is, but we do tend to know what that is not. lol

think about all your mum and dad have invested in you, all the time they've loved and cared for you, as opposed to this person you met online.
i do understand what you're feeling right now. i really do remember being a teenager.

i haven't read through your other thread, and i implore you to tell your parents what's happening.
be smart, and be safe. pray, let mum and dad help you, and trust God with the outcome.
why wouldn't you tell them, other than you don't want to hurt someone you don't really know?
if you think about it, you're choosing rather to hurt them, you know?
oh but i do know him. well, its been like a year or two. i dont blame you for thinking he might not be the person who says he is. but its not like that. i dont know how to explain that he's a trustworthy person and someone who's not to be linked as a pedophile. i really want to tell my parents but im scared of their reaction. i really do. i know its the right thing. im trying to figure it out. im also praying God will give me a way to tell them. somehow
 

Rosemaryx

Senior Member
May 3, 2017
3,708
4,072
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#4
Hi Gracie...I am a mother of 4 daughters and 2 sons, a grand mother to 13 and a great grand mother so i do understand lot`s about what it is like to be going through your teenage years :rolleyes:...Now i want to say something to you and i say it with love...If someone posted on here and said to you " Yes Gracie, keep doing what you are doing, have an on-line relationship, he sounds wonderful, don`t matter what your parents think just carry on", what part of that statement would you be most uncomfortable with, i imagine it would be the part about you hiding it from your parents :(, well you see sweet child, nothing good is going to come from this untill you come clean with your parents, you will never be at peace with this guy, you will start looking over your shoulder wondering if you will get caught speaking to him, remember, nothing stays hidden, secrets come out, i remember a few times my children hid things from me, and when i found out my heart was broken and it took time for trust to be built back up again, if you tred in mirky water, the water will become black, sin is dark, no good comes from being dishonest, and you really are making one happy and that is the devil himself, so if i was you, i would put on my big girls panties and speak your to your mum at least, and leave it to her to tell your dad, she will always remember what an honest child she has through a very hard time :), this is sent to you with love in Christ...xox...
 
W

weezer

Guest
#5
Hey guys to all who have seen and replied to my post thread “Kinda new here...need some advice.” I wanted to make everything clear to you and explain how I met up with my boyfriend who lives in Italy. For those who have no idea what I’m talking about check out the post thread. So let me begin...
One day at home I happened to be feeling like reallyyyyy bored and so I decided to go online to a chat website, chatstep.com. I scrolled through the available rooms and clicked on a room named ChristianChat. There was no way I was going to go in a room that was not Christian. So I entered and it was not what I expected. Most of the people there were not Christians at all! There were a bunch of people conversing about topics that weren’t at all in a Christian manner. I was very disappointed. I did not fit in there at all. I was wondering, what am I doing here? As I was planning to get outta there a message popped up addressed to me. Now I don’t remember the message very well...but it was not pleasant at all. All I do remember it was abusive in its words and just plain mean. I looked to see who would dare write that to me and saw an awkward nick called “qwer”. Weird, I thought. So I foolishly typed back... “that was so mean of you to say that!” I couldn’t think of anything else but that. so pls, don’t blame me. Anyway, I got an answer a few seconds later that read... “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say all that.” I was still appalled so I replied, “are you a robot?” I literally thought he was! No human being can say what he just said, I was thinking. The chatter replied that he was not then a few seconds later he pleaded with me that he needed help and wanted me to join him in a separate private room on that site. I was hesitant of course but he was insisting that he was sorry and that he needed desperate help. Little did I know, this chatter was a 17yr old guy from Italy who had been struggling with his salvation and was going through some “guy” stuff that was causing him to say those things to me. I felt compelled to help this poor guy so I reluctantly logged into his room. Thats where I learned what was going on. Sadly, he thought by watching pornography, he could control his desires. Which is clearly wrong. I told him he must stop watching that kind of stuff and its just going to make things worse. He was listening attentively to me. Later on in the conversation he said he had to go. But before he left he wanted to have my email. Now I was a bit hesitant so I said no. Surprisingly, he just gave me his. (btw, his name is Kevin )He said to me that he wanted to talk more about other stuff so I agreed to write him... (I found out he came from a family of five; one brother, his parents, and an uncle who is a priest. He has shown me a pic of him and I agreed that he was of Italian descent...his name is Nicola Kevin Genova...but prefers to be called Kevin)
Well, to make a long story short we started to chat about life and I answered his questions wisely when he needed advice. We started to email each other more occasionally and I sensed something springing up between us. During this time, I started to trust him more and little did I know I actually saved him from deep trouble if I didn’t come to his rescue. He has repeatedly told me that. well, we became friends and conversed in regular conversation. I was not interested in being more than friends...yet. I told him that and he respected that even though he really wanted it. Slowly by slowly, I began to realize my feelings for him and I couldn’t deny it anymore. About 8 months later, we began a relationship, if I can say that. let me show you a portion of a personal email he’s given me that has really cleared my doubts:

"sorry for my bad english i hope you'll understand what i'm trying to say. everyone can save souls because i believe God will do everything to save everyone's souls. we are instruments and objects of salvation. i believe He wanted me to find you, because i need you to guide me to salvation. i was so lost before meeting you and now i feel so blessed..."

Yep, beautiful right? I've never shown anyone that...but i felt that i should. Now, im afraid if i do tell my parents, they'll stop my communication with him. that will break his heart if i one day disappear from his life. sooo...i would love your response and if you have questions....be free to ask.
I didn't respond to your last post because I honestly thought you were trolling, but seeing as you keep posting about this and everyone else keeps condoning this cross continental online relationship with some guy you've apparently never seen and whose first thing he ever said to you was an abusive comment on some random online chatroom, I'll be the adult in the room and tell you this is a bad idea. You're 15 years old, I know you may feel like you're in love, but honestly, and I don't mean to sound condescending, but you're too young to know what it is.

As far as not telling your parents, that right there shows you the problem. You are deliberately lying to your parents, deceiving them, afraid to tell them. Well guess what? If you're heart is telling you they won't approve, it's probably because you know somewhere inside of you it isn't right. If we knew it was right and we knew there was no problem with it, why would you be scared to tell them? Because you know that being 15 years old talking to a "17 year old" from "Italy" who just wants your help to find God...I mean come on, I hope for your sake I'm wrong but this is straight off an episode of Catfish.

Regardless of all of that, maybe this guy is real, maybe he's nice, maybe you're in love, but the bottom line is, you're 15 years old. Focus on school, focus on your family, focus on your life. You don't need to be finding your soulmate right now. I don't know if I'll get flack for this but I can't keep reading these passive "well just be careful" or "I know people who got married at X age"...etc. and not saying anything. Anyway that's my opinion take what you will from it.
 

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
4,586
1,045
113
#6
oh but i do know him. well, its been like a year or two. i dont blame you for thinking he might not be the person who says he is. but its not like that. i dont know how to explain that he's a trustworthy person and someone who's not to be linked as a pedophile. i really want to tell my parents but im scared of their reaction. i really do. i know its the right thing. im trying to figure it out. im also praying God will give me a way to tell them. somehow
it won't get easier with time, dear heart. i'm sure you already figured that out.

i'd say your conscience bothers you about it or you wouldn't be telling people online. it might be uncomfortable for a while, but they love you and will forgive you for keeping it from them. i believe you're getting ready to say something to them.... courage! :)

i have prayed for you. you can do this! ♥
 
G

Gracie_14

Guest
#7
it won't get easier with time, dear heart. i'm sure you already figured thatk out.

i'd say your conscience bothers you about it or you wouldn't be telling people online. it might be uncomfortable for a while, but they love you and will forgive you for keeping it from them. i believe you're getting ready to say something to them.... courage! :)

i have prayed for you. you can do this! ♥
[/QUOTE

aww, thank you! i have really thought about it and am planning to tell them very soon. just scared of their response. and really scared that i'll hurt him so bad. he will never be the same. . i might ruin his life. thats what worries me
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#8
I do understand your hesitation. I think however that you are short-selling God. God is the one responsible for Kevin's salvation, not you. Yes, you were an instrument, because God is wonderful that way and delights to make our actions a part of his wonderful plan of salvation. But God has his loving arms around Kevin; hopefully you will be allowed to keep in touch with him, but if your parents really forbid you to do that, do you think that God, who has brought Kevin this far, is going to leave him stranded? You can't look ahead and plan everything out. That's God's job. You can only look at the information you have and obey the commands of God. Right now, that looks to me like telling your parents. I'll be praying for you!
 

Channa

Senior Member
Mar 1, 2014
381
2
18
#9
Hey!

First: Maybe you should remove his full name. O:)
Second: May sound rude, but It's impossible to 'love' someone, you never met.
Everyone shows one side online, the other sides of their personality you'll only meet offline.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to him, maybe meet someday?
Be careful,

Love, Channa
 
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Gracie_14

Guest
#10
I do understand your hesitation. I think however that you are short-selling God. God is the one responsible for Kevin's salvation, not you. Yes, you were an instrument, because God is wonderful that way and delights to make our actions a part of his wonderful plan of salvation. But God has his loving arms around Kevin; hopefully you will be allowed to keep in touch with him, but if your parents really forbid you to do that, do you think that God, who has brought Kevin this far, is going to leave him stranded? You can't look ahead and plan everything out. That's God's job. You can only look at the information you have and obey the commands of God. Right now, that looks to me like telling your parents. I'll be praying for you!
hey, thanks so much! you are so right! i should let God take care of this right now. i did try tell my mum about this but whenever i did i couldnt utter a word and then i busrt out crying…its so hard. i cant do this! how can i tell my parents when i cant.bring myself to say a single word?
 

Rosemaryx

Senior Member
May 3, 2017
3,708
4,072
113
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#11
hey, thanks so much! you are so right! i should let God take care of this right now. i did try tell my mum about this but whenever i did i couldnt utter a word and then i busrt out crying…its so hard. i cant do this! how can i tell my parents when i cant.bring myself to say a single word?
Hi Gracie...I think we have all given you enough advice on this matter, there is nothing really left to say...Know one can advice you any more because it kind of feels like we are here to shield you from facing your mum, it`s her you need to be going to, the longer you leave it the harder it will get, that`s what is happening in your heart right now, it is becoming hard, little stones are gathering on it, you don`t need that, break them off seeking God, do what you should of done a while ago, then we will be here for you should any brokenness should need to be healed, who knows you could come back praising the Lord \o/ now wouldnt that be wonderful...xox...
 

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
4,586
1,045
113
#12
hey, thanks so much! you are so right! i should let God take care of this right now. i did try tell my mum about this but whenever i did i couldnt utter a word and then i busrt out crying…its so hard. i cant do this! how can i tell my parents when i cant.bring myself to say a single word?
maybe write her a letter? there will still be crying, but the ice will be broken.
may the Lord help you.
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
12,818
8,594
113
#13
Ok. I know you want to hear something along the lines like, "Yes, you will have bumps, but it is wonderful you found someone, who loves you, and is appreciative of YOU, and how you have helped him"
Time for a bucket of cold water to the face.
THERE IS NO CHANCE OF A POSITIVE OUTCOME HERE!!!!
That is the reality. No one has an interest in hurting you here. We honestly just have YOUR best interest at heart.
Is this guy 17, 18, 19, or 20? His age keeps changing.
I guarantee he hasn't magically given up his porn addiction.
You don't seem to respond to those who give you this reality check. I'm just hoping you read them.

We have lived, and are wise in areas because some of us have made naive terrible mistakes as youngsters.

I PROMISE YOU, This will not end well in some fashion. Either the relationship itself will hurt you or you will damage your relationship with your parents.

YOU asked us. Please heed what we are saying. Especially that of men who KNOW men.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#14
oh but i do know him. well, its been like a year or two. i dont blame you for thinking he might not be the person who says he is. but its not like that. i dont know how to explain that he's a trustworthy person and someone who's not to be linked as a pedophile. i really want to tell my parents but im scared of their reaction. i really do. i know its the right thing. im trying to figure it out. im also praying God will give me a way to tell them. somehow
Pedophile isn't the only way strangers can cause problems online.
http://www.rd.com/health/conditions/munchausen-syndrome-by-internet/
 
G

Gracie_14

Guest
#15
Ok. I know you want to hear something along the lines like, "Yes, you will have bumps, but it is wonderful you found someone, who loves you, and is appreciative of YOU, and how you have helped him"
Time for a bucket of cold water to the face.
THERE IS NO CHANCE OF A POSITIVE OUTCOME HERE!!!!
That is the reality. No one has an interest in hurting you here. We honestly just have YOUR best interest at heart.
Is this guy 17, 18, 19, or 20? His age keeps changing.
I guarantee he hasn't magically given up his porn addiction.
You don't seem to respond to those who give you this reality check. I'm just hoping you read them.

We have lived, and are wise in areas because some of us have made naive terrible mistakes as youngsters.

I PROMISE YOU, This will not end well in some fashion. Either the relationship itself will hurt you or you will damage your relationship with your parents.

YOU asked us. Please heed what we are saying. Especially that of men who KNOW men.
oh my gosh!! did i say im looking for some justification? or some confirmation? i KNOW i need to tell my parents. leave Kevin out of it! you just have no idea what im going through. i just asked is it okay to leave it a secret from my parents. i didnt ask to comment if he was some internet fraud. yes, i dont know if he's completly okay from his porn "addiction". but i have asked him.if.he still watches that kind of stuff and he said no. look, i dont really know. i dont mean any disrespect, but you're really pushing things for me. how do YOU know there wont be any positive outcome?
 

WineRose

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2017
3,631
265
83
Row A, Column 9
#16
I won't yell at you or talk negatively about your friend, but I just wanna say that you should always do what your gut instict tells you is right. If you have a bad feeling about this relationship, however, run far away from it and never come back. But as long as you keep yourself safe and alright, and you're happy about it, I honestly don't see what's the problem. I think you should tell your parents about it, but only when you're ready to do so. :)
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
12,818
8,594
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#17
oh my gosh!! did i say im looking for some justification? or some confirmation? i KNOW i need to tell my parents. leave Kevin out of it! you just have no idea what im going through. i just asked is it okay to leave it a secret from my parents. i didnt ask to comment if he was some internet fraud. yes, i dont know if he's completly okay from his porn "addiction". but i have asked him.if.he still watches that kind of stuff and he said no. look, i dont really know. i dont mean any disrespect, but you're really pushing things for me. how do YOU know there wont be any positive outcome?
Gracie, I have ZERO interest in offending you. Why would I want to do that? Truths are hard sometimes.

You obviously know something is wrong with this whole situation. You opened a CC account just to address this issue, because you KNOW your parents aren't going to like this internet relationship you have.

We are OUTSIDE the situation and give unbiased, truthful assessments. Something YOU are not able to do. That, combined with your VERY young age, is why we are telling you the Truth.

You said he was 19, now he's 17. Which is it?

Explain in your mind the scenario that will result in a good outcome. You moving to Italy? Kevin moving to England? Your parents being thrilled that you are in love (your words) with an older man, from a foreign country, who berated you with your 1st exchange, and has related he has a porn problem, who you have never met?

Before this gets any deeper, TELL YOUR PARENTS! And go from there.

Wishing you the Lord's Blessings and wisdom. In Jesus Name.