Is it OK for my Girlfriend and I to live together.

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J

Joshie

Guest
#1
#1
My Girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years we live together and look after her two younger brothers. I recently had a very powerful experience and now have given my life to Jesus and have been set free from the bondage of sin. We have stopped having an intimate relationship and will wait until marriage. However we still sleep in the same bed, I have been making lots of progress with my relationship with God, I no longer do alot of things I would do in the past and with constant prayer and searching for flaws I have been making progress. However as of recently God has been silent, I no longer feel or hear from him. I am starting to think that it might have to do with the fact I am sleeping in the same bed as my girlfriend.

The situation we are in is difficult because we have been living together for 4 years and been having pre marital sex (not being christian) however since my experience our lives have drastically changed and I am trying to lead a new life. Jesus has made me so much of a new person that my partner at first mourned for me because I changed so drastically and she was scared.

We also have to look after her brothers and I couldn't just leave her there alone to look after them. Should I have a look at sleep on a smaller bed in the same room but not in the same bed. Please, I have looked at scripture and cant find anything about not being able to live together but just to abstain from sexual immorality and if nothing is happening then is it still not OK. I am prepared to leave if I must, because my obedience to God is first above all, If it is wrong I will be prepared to leave until we marry.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
It is not right to live together. Even if you aren't having sex it is a situation that will make it appear that you are.
Also it increases the temptation to have sex.

I would not encourage you to make any decisions yet, but there may even come a time when you may have to break up. It's never wise to be in a relationship with a non-Christian. And if things have drastically changed between you it may lead to pressure or temptation to go back.
There are a host of other issues as well, but I won't get into it all now.
But, ultimately, I would encourage you to move out. Living together is living together. Being in separate beds doesn't change it. In fact, in the US, a few decades ago, it was common for married couples to sleep in separate beds.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Also, it's great to hear of your finding God and that He has so drastically changed you for the better. Angels rejoiced that day. (=
 
M

Miri

Guest
#4
#4
Why not make plans to get married?

I think as well that the definition of marriage can sometimes be a bit wrong.

What is real marriage, it's two people coming together in binding agreement before God.

Then there is legal marriage before man which is recognised in the west and means
signing something.

Other cultures have different definitions of marriage in their culture.

The bottom line is marriege usually involves some sort of formal binding
recognisable commitment.

Is your girlfriend a Christian?

For now until you figure all this out maybe you need to have separate rooms.
Personally I don't think you need to live apart given that you are already
a family unit. Just figure it out and take steps to make sure you are married.
If cost is an issue it needn't be, you don't have to have all the frills and trimmings
to get married. :)
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#5
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#5
If everybody is doing it, it would seem normal and ok but living together is living in sin or exposing yourselves into temptation to sin. Sex is for marriage only.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#6
Aug 2, 2009
24,688
4,341
113
#6
You've been together for 4 years... get married already. If one of you is waiting until you can afford a big fancy wedding, you can do that later on while renewing your vows.
 
PrynceNY

PrynceNY

Banned
#7
Aug 16, 2016
2,184
62
0
#7
You are correct there is no scripture against living with eachother or simply sleeping in the same bed. However it would be ideal for you two to be married in that situation. Otherwise your just opening the door for temptations to come in. Getting a separate bed is a solution, if you plan to marry her she should understand it's only temporary until then. I hope she has accepted the lord in her life as well.
 
slave

slave

Senior Member
#8
Mar 20, 2015
6,307
1,098
113
#8
Hellos Joshie - You said, "I have been making lots of progress..." and understandably you probably meant with God obviously. But what may not be obvious is the fact, as a new baby Christian (where we all start from) you are in need of death on a cross AS NOW LIFE FOR YOU IS IN THE REDEMPTIVE-LIFE, (Thus, He will make progress, in you as you intentionally do His will according and in His power." your new man, your new creation, made into your life as Christ in you thru the Holy Spirit. Thus, now as God speaks thru your enlivened spirit you must intuitively now listen as He leads. That is where we must face who is speaking to us. Satan will speak in the mind, God speaks thru your spirit first and then develops the mind after.

It sounds like you are hearing a voice, now test the spirits and follow immediately anything the Lord is investing in you as goodness over wrongness.

We know Redemption is absolutely finished and complete, but its reference to individual men is a question of their individual action. God needs to employ your will now, to act according to His will. The whole human race is condemned to salvation (meaning anything outside of Christ is dead, and all that is in Christ is life-bearing (even correction, and rebuke)) by the Cross of our Lord.

Understand God nowhere holds a man responsible for having the heredity of Sin; the condemnation begins when a man sees and understands that God can deliver him from the heredity of Sin and he refuses to let Him do it; at that moment he begins to get the seal of damnation. (John 3:19) is the final word on condemnation - "This is the judgement," i.e., the critical moment, "that the light is come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the light; for their works were evil.

You need not worry IF God will speak to you, for He will. But we must first seek Him with all of our heart and mind and body as well. We must now as new creations follow Him onward and upwards always in our new spiritual life over our flesh. You are trying to communicate with God and you show worry. Don't be! Just trust He will be there as you enter your prayer room, and He will come. There are times He may be still, but I have noted He usually will do that in a mature Christian, to forge their character is all. It sounds to me as if God is speaking to you intuitively thru your spirit. The formula to that is act upon it immediately, and then your worship will not be blocked.I will pray for you in this, and May God Bless you both in Jesus Name! It was nice too meet you, my name is Dan.

 
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Z

Zi

Guest
#9
#9
Tough spot to be in..

I'd say pray a lot and do what you think is right.
God knows where you are. I pray she sees your change as good and follows. If it please God that you marry, I hope you do.. moving is expensive and there are obviously other factors to consider so I'll pray for ya.

US customs or any other mentioned shouldn't have been mentioned unless they were founded on the word of God. They're just irrelevant if not..
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#10
Feb 21, 2014
70,957
9,709
113
#10
No living together and having premarital sex is not okay. Move out of the bedroom, heck move out of the house entirely.. Sleeping in the same bed WILL lead to you having sex again sooner or later..
 
LivingIt

LivingIt

Banned
#11
Aug 30, 2017
14
0
0
#11
Being a christian is a wonderful experience, and I giuess you've already found that out. I noticed you didn't mention your girlfriend as saved. That's a problem. The Bible says we not supposed to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.

Then I noticed you said your girlfriend is scared of the change you've had. I have to agree with the others you need to leave the house and distance yourself a little bit. You might have a wake up yourseld and realize you don't really feel the same way about her.

No matter what, keep following the Lord, for your salvation is your highest priority.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#12
#12
Joshie said:
My Girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years we live together and look after her two younger brothers. I recently had a very powerful experience and now have given my life to Jesus and have been set free from the bondage of sin. We have stopped having an intimate relationship and will wait until marriage. However we still sleep in the same bed, I have been making lots of progress with my relationship with God, I no longer do alot of things I would do in the past and with constant prayer and searching for flaws I have been making progress. However as of recently God has been silent, I no longer feel or hear from him. I am starting to think that it might have to do with the fact I am sleeping in the same bed as my girlfriend.

The situation we are in is difficult because we have been living together for 4 years and been having pre marital sex (not being christian) however since my experience our lives have drastically changed and I am trying to lead a new life. Jesus has made me so much of a new person that my partner at first mourned for me because I changed so drastically and she was scared.

We also have to look after her brothers and I couldn't just leave her there alone to look after them. Should I have a look at sleep on a smaller bed in the same room but not in the same bed. Please, I have looked at scripture and cant find anything about not being able to live together but just to abstain from sexual immorality and if nothing is happening then is it still not OK. I am prepared to leave if I must, because my obedience to God is first above all, If it is wrong I will be prepared to leave until we marry.
Click to expand...
I'm going to blunt here.

First, I'm old! (Too blunt? Sorry about that. lol)

I have never understood why people "live together." If you like the person enough to shack up, why don't you like her enough to marry her?

Is she the one? The one you want to spend the rest of your life with? (Way too late to worry about her not being a believer.) If she is, marry her. If she isn't, leave and don't look back on the relationship.

I know. "We also have to look after her brothers." I did read that part, but if that's your only commitment to her, it's not going to work out anyway. You can always send money to help them, and spend time with them at your new home. But as it stands now, since sex is off the table, (and rightly so, although living together is the same commitment as having sex), resentment will build more and more the longer this takes.

So, either marry her or get out.

Oh, and don't say you can't afford to get married. You can afford a new bed, so you can afford to get married. If you want, do the legal marriage first, and then save up for the celebration with family and friends.
 
MultilingualMessenger

MultilingualMessenger

Senior Member
#13
Jan 27, 2015
2,691
367
83
#13
I'm gonna have to agree with the others here. You gotta stop playing house. Make it real or make your exit.
 
B

bigjohn

Guest
#14
#14
i'd say, in asking this question, you have answered it for yourself. what ever you decide,, god's blessings on you.
 
J

Joshie

Guest
#15
#15
slave said:
Hellos Joshie - You said, "I have been making lots of progress..." and understandably you probably meant with God obviously. But what may not be obvious is the fact, as a new baby Christian (where we all start from) you are in need of death on a cross AS NOW LIFE FOR YOU IS IN THE REDEMPTIVE-LIFE, (Thus, He will make progress, in you as you intentionally do His will according and in His power." your new man, your new creation, made into your life as Christ in you thru the Holy Spirit. Thus, now as God speaks thru your enlivened spirit you must intuitively now listen as He leads. That is where we must face who is speaking to us. Satan will speak in the mind, God speaks thru your spirit first and then develops the mind after.

It sounds like you are hearing a voice, now test the spirits and follow immediately anything the Lord is investing in you as goodness over wrongness.

We know Redemption is absolutely finished and complete, but its reference to individual men is a question of their individual action. God needs to employ your will now, to act according to His will. The whole human race is condemned to salvation (meaning anything outside of Christ is dead, and all that is in Christ is life-bearing (even correction, and rebuke)) by the Cross of our Lord.

Understand God nowhere holds a man responsible for having the heredity of Sin; the condemnation begins when a man sees and understands that God can deliver him from the heredity of Sin and he refuses to let Him do it; at that moment he begins to get the seal of damnation. (John 3:19) is the final word on condemnation - "This is the judgement," i.e., the critical moment, "that the light is come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the light; for their works were evil.

You need not worry IF God will speak to you, for He will. But we must first seek Him with all of our heart and mind and body as well. We must now as new creations follow Him onward and upwards always in our new spiritual life over our flesh. You are trying to communicate with God and you show worry. Don't be! Just trust He will be there as you enter your prayer room, and He will come. There are times He may be still, but I have noted He usually will do that in a mature Christian, to forge their character is all. It sounds to me as if God is speaking to you intuitively thru your spirit. The formula to that is act upon it immediately, and then your worship will not be blocked.I will pray for you in this, and May God Bless you both in Jesus Name! It was nice too meet you, my name is Dan.
Click to expand...
Thankyou for your Words Dan, For this message came from Love and Holy Spirit for it bare good fruit. This was building up and spoke to me, I thank you because this speaks to my situation and helps me in multiple worries. God chose me I wasn't ready and he doesn't choose us when we are ready but I could not be more thankful for leading me to calling upon Jesus name and believing in his salvation, I have been listening to the conviction that the Holy Spirit was bringing into my life and the more I dropped the fleshly desires some I didnt even know were bad then the more the Lord revealed himself to me and could feel him. Almost like small pats on the back to let me know im headed in the right direction. So now that I have silence it has been making me worry, I know i still have big decisions ahead but I trust in the Lord and what he is trying to show me, I guess I have big choices ahead of me. Thanks again Dan and just know that if your wondering about you following the Holy Spirit and Listening, let this be conformation because It has spoken to me in many ways.

God Bless

Thank you everyone for taking your time to message me. I appreciate it and God bless you all.
 
MarcR

MarcR

Senior Member
#16
Feb 12, 2015
5,486
183
63
#16
Have you considered the option of marrying immediately and thereby solving the moral issue.
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#17
May 29, 2013
9,176
1,803
113
#17
Do not share a bed with her if you two are not married. It can be hard to find a place to live overnight, and you say you want to help care for her brothers. Has she been married before (or is she married?) If she is a Christian, and she's available for marriage (biblically) you could ask her father for her hand, if he is still alive. But you say you are taking care of her brothers, so I do not know if that is the case.
 
S

seventythree

Banned
#18
Sep 4, 2017
11
0
0
#18
Joshie said:
My Girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years we live together and look after her two younger brothers. I recently had a very powerful experience and now have given my life to Jesus and have been set free from the bondage of sin. We have stopped having an intimate relationship and will wait until marriage. However we still sleep in the same bed, I have been making lots of progress with my relationship with God, I no longer do alot of things I would do in the past and with constant prayer and searching for flaws I have been making progress. However as of recently God has been silent, I no longer feel or hear from him. I am starting to think that it might have to do with the fact I am sleeping in the same bed as my girlfriend.

The situation we are in is difficult because we have been living together for 4 years and been having pre marital sex (not being christian) however since my experience our lives have drastically changed and I am trying to lead a new life. Jesus has made me so much of a new person that my partner at first mourned for me because I changed so drastically and she was scared.

We also have to look after her brothers and I couldn't just leave her there alone to look after them. Should I have a look at sleep on a smaller bed in the same room but not in the same bed. Please, I have looked at scripture and cant find anything about not being able to live together but just to abstain from sexual immorality and if nothing is happening then is it still not OK. I am prepared to leave if I must, because my obedience to God is first above all, If it is wrong I will be prepared to leave until we marry.
Click to expand...
Maybe it's best not to ask these questions, and just let your God guide your conscience.
 
P

Pencildot

Guest
#19
#19
Definition of marriage is no more the same as biblical days. You guys love each other. Why would you not get married? If you don't believe in the concept of marriage(law of the land) then that's another thing.
If you love each other and commited to the relation then why not. Since you feel guilty not being married then for goodness get married. Your problem solved!
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#20
Feb 21, 2014
70,957
9,709
113
#20
Problem NOT solved. She isn't a Christian. She has no remorse for her sexual past. HE can't get over the fact that she had sex with another guy, before he even entered his life.. Marriage would be a train wreck for these guys.


Pencildot said:
Definition of marriage is no more the same as biblical days. You guys love each other. Why would you not get married? If you don't believe in the concept of marriage(law of the land) then that's another thing.
If you love each other and commited to the relation then why not. Since you feel guilty not being married then for goodness get married. Your problem solved!
Click to expand...
 
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