got a question for the men - modesty

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Modest?

  • yes, sleeveless shirts are modest to me

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • no, I prefer if ladies cover up a lil bit more

    Votes: 2 66.7%

  • yes, mid-thigh shorts are modest to me

    Votes: 1 33.3%

  • no, I prefer if ladies wear shorts closer to the knee

    Votes: 2 66.7%
  • Total voters
    3
R

Rissa77

Guest
#1
#1
I have two questions in particular.

Girls and sleeveless shirts - for or against? I'm not talking spaghetti strap, just sleeveless.

Girls and mid-thigh shorts - for or against? I'm not talking short shorts, or burmuda. But right in the middle with at least a 5 inch inseam.

Are these pushing the modesty limits or are they okay?
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#2
#2
I think they're fine, sleeveless tops are fine with me as I don't see anything immodest about a woman showing her arms. :confused:
As for the shorts as long as they're not skin tight and deliberately trying to emphasize a womans figure then what could possibly be wrong with that, were talking about arms and legs so it's not as if there's any potential sexual element to it, therefore modesty doesn't seem to be an issue.
 
L

Lyndies

Guest
#3
#3
Sorry for posting on here (since I'm a girl), but this could actually be very helpful....to see what would help you guys out. With...you know...the whole visual thing. So thanks for this thread. :D
 
N

nanabean

Guest
#4
#4
I am certainly not a guy either...hahha ...but I would have to say I am praying no sleeves and respectable shorts are not an issue, since if I wear anything else in this heat I would sweat like a pig!!!! :) :)
 
T

tnail123

Guest
#5
#5
The issue is not the sleeves or the length of the shorts, but how tight and revealing the cloths are. It is when (to put it bluntly) the cloths are so tight that a guys doesn't need to use his imagination that is the real problem.
 
R

Rissa77

Guest
#6
#6
Thanks guys!

I just completed two years of Master's Commission. At my school, we can't wear sleeveless and shorts have to come close to the knee. The reason for it was my pastor surveyed the guys and found out they were distracted by shoulders and shorter shorts. But you're right. Tightness plays a big factor. That could have been the issue. But I would like to hear from more guys so I get a larger percentage of pros/cons.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#7
#7
Rissa77 said:
At my school, we can't wear sleeveless and shorts have to come close to the knee. The reason for it was my pastor surveyed the guys and found out they were distracted by shoulders and shorter shorts.
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For me that sounds like a perfect example of women being unfairly burdened because men won't take responsibility for themselves and their thoughts, when it comes to clothing I'm not a fan of double standards and saying what's fine for men is not fine for women.

Men too often use the excuse that we're 'visually stimulated' as if women somehow are not, it's worse for us but women deal with it too, it's not a fair reason to prompt women to cover up.

Short of having a fetish there is nothing erotic about a woman's arms or her thighs, sure the latter can lead to other thoughts but men have to learn to deal with reality and find a bit of mental discipline, it's our duty to do that and control ourselves, it's not for women to cover up to spare us having to make the effort by wearing clothes that can make them very uncomfortable on a very hot day.

If men can go sleeveless so can women, if it turns a man on then he needs to take responsibilty for dealing with those thoughts as the women is not doing anything to solicit his sexual desire, women need to avoid wearing tight clothes that emphasis the obvious area's that provoke a man's thoughts, I'm afraid complaning about arms and shoulders is just making lame excuses.

If you want more opinions you should get the mods to move this thread to singles, it'll get lost in miscellaneous. ;)
 
R

Rissa77

Guest
#8
#8
Yes, men have to learn to control themselves but I am more than willing to help out. I do not want to be a stumbling block to my brothers.

I don't mind covering shoulders when I'm outside. I burn too easily. ^_^
And if the shorts are baggy, it doesn't make a difference to me how long they are. They're still cooler.

But I do have shorter shorts. So my questions are in respect to my brothers, not in seeing how much I can get away with.
 
J

JCB40165

Guest
#9
#9
I think you should not project (judge) your idea of modesty on the modesty of others
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#10
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
71
#10
It is helpful to a man when a woman dresses modestly, I think.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#11
#11
if they get distracted by shoulders they need a though course in self discipline! How on earth can they get distracted bu that? *sighs* some guys can be so strange! :p
 
L

Lyndies

Guest
#12
#12
wwjd_kilden said:
if they get distracted by shoulders they need a though course in self discipline! How on earth can they get distracted bu that? *sighs* some guys can be so strange! :p
Click to expand...

haha...YES! At my high school, we weren't allowed to show shoulders at all, so my friends and I used to joke about our sexy shoulders. My goodness. I think if shoulders can do it, anything can. :p
 
S

Speeder

Guest
#13
#13
Actually, when women was forbidden from showing her arms, seeing a women arm was highly sexual...
And this pattern repeats, what makes men desire women, is what they usually CANNOT see.

I for example, find more "attention disruption" some tight sexy clothes, than a actually naked women. I saw some naked people, to me, naked people is that: naked people. So, if I see a naked woman, I usually don't get excited.

But, in my college for example, I saw a girl using absurdly high-heel boots, a really tiny skirt, and no panties. This one attract my attention a lot, not because she was more gorgeous than average (in fact, she was really gorgeous), but because the way that she clothed, actually was meant to attract attention, and it worked.

So I think that it depends on context, culture, and other things.

But one thing that DO bother me, is girls below 13, wearing sexy clothing, it is even disturbing... (it is like: why a 8 years old girl, is wearing thongs, mini-skirt, top and high-heels? ?!?!?)
 
G

greatkraw

Guest
#14
#14
i feel very strongly about men telling women how to dress

I think drawing arbitrary lines is not the way to approach this

if a girl stands in front of a mirror and says to herself -"THIS will stop them in their tracks - then she will just have to cope with unwanted attention"

A girls is entitled to dress in a way that feels comfortable and it is the guys who will have to deal with it


there are extremes of this all over the world where women variously have to wear burkas, of have their heads shaved, or wear uniforms or wear shallots all because some guy has a problem

it is his problem - let him deal with it
 
R

Rissa77

Guest
#15
#15
wow... ya'll don't have any slack for the guys, huh?

your comments are no help to me or them.

we're human. we sin. i wouldn't mind some help in that area and i bet there's some guys out there that wouldn't mind either.
simple comments like "no, i'm not attracted to shoulders." are what i'm looking for, not men-bashing ones.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#16
#16
Rissa77 said:
wow... ya'll don't have any slack for the guys, huh?

your comments are no help to me or them.

we're human. we sin. i wouldn't mind some help in that area and i bet there's some guys out there that wouldn't mind either.
simple comments like "no, i'm not attracted to shoulders." are what i'm looking for, not men-bashing ones.
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It' s fine and good to help men avoid sin but it is very important not to coddle men and present them with a reality within their christian circles that presents a false reality to the one they will face out in the wider world.
Fact is they go to the beach with their families they'll see women wearing a lot less than a sleeveless shirt as many bikini's these days barely qualify as clothing, these men who seem so troubled by the distraction of bare shoulders need to becomes resistant to sin rather than just avoiding it by asking their sisters to cover up, the majority of women in the world will not do that, they will see things that will distract them so they need to be a man about it and learn to see it and stop the thoughts that lead them into sin.

Womem have an obligiation to help but that help can only go so far, too much help and you are just doing harm by leaving these guys ill-prepared to face the world, it's not bashing to say that young men who can't see a shoulder without distraction need to grow up and be more disciplined and mature, they have no right to expect women to cover their shoulders and women shouldn't agree to that request.

I cut men slack when I say women shouldn't walk around almost naked, I don't cut them slack when they say they can't look at a shoulder without being distacted by the beauty of it.
 
R

Renewedlife

Guest
#17
#17
I think modesty has to do with not getting as close to the line as possible, but staying as far from the line as possible.

Men do need to control their thoughts and themselves, but women also need to respect their own bodies and honor God with them.

Paul said this in 1 Corinthians 8:9, Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.

Something can be viewed as no big deal, or not sinful to one person, but if it causes another person to stumble for whatever reason, and we know this, then we are sinning if we cause that person to stumble in their faith.
 
G

greatkraw

Guest
#18
#18
greatkraw said:
i feel very strongly about men telling women how to dress

I think drawing arbitrary lines is not the way to approach this

if a girl stands in front of a mirror and says to herself -"THIS will stop them in their tracks - then she will just have to cope with unwanted attention"

A girls is entitled to dress in a way that feels comfortable and it is the guys who will have to deal with it


there are extremes of this all over the world where women variously have to wear burkas, of have their heads shaved, or wear uniforms or wear shallots all because some guy has a problem

it is his problem - let him deal with it
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ok I will join the dots for you....


different men have trouble with the following

a girl with her natural hair

wearing slacks

wearing shorts

showing her face

showing her ankles

showing her hands

showing her arms

showing her shoulders

being in public on her own

speaking to men they are not related to

wearing any colour but black white and grey


i suggest you keep those things in mind so that you do not cause any man to stumble:D:D:D
 
R

Rissa77

Guest
#19
#19
sarcasm not helpful either.
 
R

Renewedlife

Guest
#20
#20
greatkraw said:
ok I will join the dots for you....


different men have trouble with the following

a girl with her natural hair

wearing slacks

wearing shorts

showing her face

showing her ankles

showing her hands

showing her arms

showing her shoulders

being in public on her own

speaking to men they are not related to

wearing any colour but black white and grey


i suggest you keep those things in mind so that you do not cause any man to stumble:D:D:D
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Just giving a scriptural example. You're taking my point out of context. You are clearly referring to middle eastern men, things are different over there. I never said men should dictate what we should wear. Just that we should honor God in our dress, as well as our *attitude* (especially toward fellow believers).
 
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