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You don't run the world. Your choices affect your relationship with God, they do not affect the world. If you think your choice made something outside of your relationship with God the way it is, you need to read the first commandment. I am יהוה your God who took you out of Egypt. No one else took you out but I. Nothing you do is yours, everything is mine.
The only reason to feel guilty is if you haven't listened to the one who says I am יהוה your God.
The only reason to feel guilty is if you haven't listened to the one who says I am יהוה your God.
I suggest that you ask yourself whether the guilt is serving any useful purpose in your life.
From God's perspective what you did wrong is forgiven. You acknowledge your wrong and don't intend to repeat it.
If you drop a glass of water and it shatters you don't try to put the fragments back together. you clean up the mess replace the glass and move on with your life.
I understand that relationships are far more precious than a drinking glass; but there is a parallel.
Sometimes when a relationship is shattered it can't be put back together. However when you form new relationships you will realize the importance of handling them gently.
From God's perspective what you did wrong is forgiven. You acknowledge your wrong and don't intend to repeat it.
If you drop a glass of water and it shatters you don't try to put the fragments back together. you clean up the mess replace the glass and move on with your life.
I understand that relationships are far more precious than a drinking glass; but there is a parallel.
Sometimes when a relationship is shattered it can't be put back together. However when you form new relationships you will realize the importance of handling them gently.
G
Thank you both and for this great analogy. But when should one hope for forgiveness from the other person? Even if we cannot be in a relationship or even friends, a nice final conversation would help bring some closure. I have apologized profusely for what happened but she still wants nothing to do with me, so I am leaving her alone until I hear from her, but I find myself just doing nothing and waiting and waiting and waiting right now.
A few points that has helped me...
a. Don't worry about things you have no control over
b. Don't worry about things that have not happened yet
c. If you have apologized the ball is in her court
d. Sometimes you just have to stand up, dust off and move on
e. You cannot control what she does or does not do
f. What is meant to be will be and if not there is nothing you can do about it (refer to "a" above)
a. Don't worry about things you have no control over
b. Don't worry about things that have not happened yet
c. If you have apologized the ball is in her court
d. Sometimes you just have to stand up, dust off and move on
e. You cannot control what she does or does not do
f. What is meant to be will be and if not there is nothing you can do about it (refer to "a" above)
If it's only been two days, chill out! These things take time. Pray through your actions and words, and acknowledge your own wrongdoing. Forgive her wrongdoing. Ask God to heal your heart. Put the relationship in His hands and leave it there.
Keep your mind busy so that you aren't dwelling on the past. If she is a gracious and forgiving person, she will want to work things out. Otherwise, she's not worth the time. That sounds harsh... but as a divorced person whose ex is unforgiving, I speak from experience.
Keep your mind busy so that you aren't dwelling on the past. If she is a gracious and forgiving person, she will want to work things out. Otherwise, she's not worth the time. That sounds harsh... but as a divorced person whose ex is unforgiving, I speak from experience.
There's only one that we can't live without and that is Jesus. Make no other idols or you will be forever disappointed.
Get up...start worshipping the only One who is worthy! Think this is hard? It's the way! And will ever be the right way.
Depression will destroy you and all that will come into your life will eventually leave. Its the enemy and is a demon spirit.
Get up...start worshipping the only One who is worthy! Think this is hard? It's the way! And will ever be the right way.
Depression will destroy you and all that will come into your life will eventually leave. Its the enemy and is a demon spirit.
What on earth do mean? Every choice we make has an affect on both the world and with God, and also he needs help learning how overcome his massive guild not to learn if his actions affected the world or not.
You know guilt is not only from not listening to god the enemy also will use guilt to try to destroy us,please be more considerate to his situation if one is broken and has fallen down and wants to get up but cannot then it is our duty to help him to be able to stand again.
As for you gumptiousdude I don't know the full details of what happened or who these people are to you but I do know the feeling of being so broken and depressed and being so overcome by guilt that you just want to lay in bed and not even bother to get up. My pillow was once so drenched in my tears that I had already turned it over twice using both sides and honestly I stank from just laying there in my sorrow and guilt it was almost as if the thickness of my sorrow guilt and hurt was seeping through my pores making a stink that was not pleasant.
In that time I just wanted to die either that or just be left alone forever in my sorrows, I was truly dead inside not even enough life in me to be happy about anything even my favorite things. However as I in my great and vast sorrow and guilt looked to God and began to talk to him I felt a little better. It was comforting to have someone I could pour all my thoughts and feelings to as I lay there in sorrow knowing I could just release it all with no fear of being judged or condemned even if I was angry or just complaining. Over the next few days this was my daily routine and even though I still had not the strength to be able to be free from all my guilt and sorrow and I still could barely get enough motivation to get out of bed the more he and I conversed the better I began to feel even if just slowly and yet surely. Soon enough there was a spark of life in me and the sorrow and guilt was becoming weaker and weaker the more he and I conversed and i began to lose more and more focus on my issues and my guilt and sorrow and more and more focused and aware of him.
If I were to liken to it to an imagery I could make this, imagine a small child seething in his own iniquity consumed entirely in his deep and thick sorrow and guilt laying on the ground unable to move not having the strength or the will to even look up barely even considered alive almost like his breathing has already stopped, but then a king comes along and sees this broken child and bears with him this glowing light of pure life and he gently lifts this child's head from under his chin with a single finger and slowly lifts him up to stand and at first the child's legs are weak and shaky his body trying to remember how to be able stand and function but his face slowly turns from a deeply saggy depressed face with dark red worn eyes to a brightly smiling face glowing with life the amazing feeling of feeling alive again as if one has taken his first breath for the first time surging through his every cell within his body.
As the child once again is able to stand filled with strength and life he walks with the king moving forwards looking back at the darkened area where he once lay only to take with him the memory of where he once was but now is moving forwards with the king and perhaps one day can be the one to help another fallen child to be able to stand
You know guilt is not only from not listening to god the enemy also will use guilt to try to destroy us,please be more considerate to his situation if one is broken and has fallen down and wants to get up but cannot then it is our duty to help him to be able to stand again.
As for you gumptiousdude I don't know the full details of what happened or who these people are to you but I do know the feeling of being so broken and depressed and being so overcome by guilt that you just want to lay in bed and not even bother to get up. My pillow was once so drenched in my tears that I had already turned it over twice using both sides and honestly I stank from just laying there in my sorrow and guilt it was almost as if the thickness of my sorrow guilt and hurt was seeping through my pores making a stink that was not pleasant.
In that time I just wanted to die either that or just be left alone forever in my sorrows, I was truly dead inside not even enough life in me to be happy about anything even my favorite things. However as I in my great and vast sorrow and guilt looked to God and began to talk to him I felt a little better. It was comforting to have someone I could pour all my thoughts and feelings to as I lay there in sorrow knowing I could just release it all with no fear of being judged or condemned even if I was angry or just complaining. Over the next few days this was my daily routine and even though I still had not the strength to be able to be free from all my guilt and sorrow and I still could barely get enough motivation to get out of bed the more he and I conversed the better I began to feel even if just slowly and yet surely. Soon enough there was a spark of life in me and the sorrow and guilt was becoming weaker and weaker the more he and I conversed and i began to lose more and more focus on my issues and my guilt and sorrow and more and more focused and aware of him.
If I were to liken to it to an imagery I could make this, imagine a small child seething in his own iniquity consumed entirely in his deep and thick sorrow and guilt laying on the ground unable to move not having the strength or the will to even look up barely even considered alive almost like his breathing has already stopped, but then a king comes along and sees this broken child and bears with him this glowing light of pure life and he gently lifts this child's head from under his chin with a single finger and slowly lifts him up to stand and at first the child's legs are weak and shaky his body trying to remember how to be able stand and function but his face slowly turns from a deeply saggy depressed face with dark red worn eyes to a brightly smiling face glowing with life the amazing feeling of feeling alive again as if one has taken his first breath for the first time surging through his every cell within his body.
As the child once again is able to stand filled with strength and life he walks with the king moving forwards looking back at the darkened area where he once lay only to take with him the memory of where he once was but now is moving forwards with the king and perhaps one day can be the one to help another fallen child to be able to stand
D
About how long do you think you deserve a good depression? (I'd estimate for you, but I have no idea about how long the relationship lasted or how deep it was.) Go ahead. Feel free to pick the proper amount of time you, personally, need.
Got a number? Good. Go for it. And when you're done, go about your life.
You're allowed to feel blue and sulk. You really are. Just make sure you go from there.
As for closure? Meh. You'll get closure sometime in the future or not. I'm thinking I'm the kind who moves on, so I would never give you that conversation. But sounds like that just makes me not the kind of woman you'd ever be in a relationship with, so that doesn't really help. You don't really have much choice but to move on eventually.
As for guilt? Well, you've got this down time anyway, so take the time to figure out how not to do that again. (Personally, I tend to need God to change me, if you need a good starting point.)
Got a number? Good. Go for it. And when you're done, go about your life.
You're allowed to feel blue and sulk. You really are. Just make sure you go from there.
As for closure? Meh. You'll get closure sometime in the future or not. I'm thinking I'm the kind who moves on, so I would never give you that conversation. But sounds like that just makes me not the kind of woman you'd ever be in a relationship with, so that doesn't really help. You don't really have much choice but to move on eventually.
As for guilt? Well, you've got this down time anyway, so take the time to figure out how not to do that again. (Personally, I tend to need God to change me, if you need a good starting point.)
G
Thank you. She actually called me this morning twice "accidentally" and I saw my phone had rang with her number but not name (I am trying to delete her from my phone). I called back, because I still care about her. Then she said her phone called me accidentally which I found hard to believe. She said that she hopes I die alone and in great pain. She said again how much she hates me. She said again that I should kill myself. I was in tears and had to hang up the phone because I tried to say well I will never hate you...but t just made her that much more intent on trying to make me feel like a piece of poop. I honestly don't know what else I can do. I have asked her not to talk to me if she is only going to be angry and insulting. I blocked her on facebook and whatsapp and removed her from phone.
Yet the pain is still there today. What is wrong with me? Why can't I forget her and why do I feel such a profound sense of loss? Why can't she just have a civil final conversation rather than constantly making me feel like I am the lowest life form on the planet? She refuses to listen to my side of the story. I don't know what else I can do. I give up trying to fix things.
Hi GD...I am very pleased that you have given up trying to fix things, you see you have to trust, lean and rely on Jesus to get you through this, He will comfort you, council you, lead you if you put your trust in Him...This is not going to be easy, but knowing our Lord is with you and that you can rest in Him should bring you so much Joy
...Take as much time as possible and spend it with our Lord, He knows how much your heart is broken, He sees your tears, He knows more then you know...Don`t heed to your feelings for they are false and fickle, if you want to spend time in bed because you feel down then by all means do so, but with the WORD opened and your eyes ready to see what the Holy Spirit is leading you to see...Your feelings are going to change from minute to the next that`s why right now you need to read God`s word, let Him wrap you up in His beautiful love while you cry and shed your pain...Make your personal space comfy, grab a nice hot drink, plenty of tissues while you soak in the arms of Jesus...Jesus said He will NEVER leave you nor FORSAKE you, cry out to Him, He is the only one who can heal your heart, spend all your time with Him, He is waiting...Call on the Lord, wait patiently for Him, draw near to God and He will draw near to you...I will pray for you...xox...
...Take as much time as possible and spend it with our Lord, He knows how much your heart is broken, He sees your tears, He knows more then you know...Don`t heed to your feelings for they are false and fickle, if you want to spend time in bed because you feel down then by all means do so, but with the WORD opened and your eyes ready to see what the Holy Spirit is leading you to see...Your feelings are going to change from minute to the next that`s why right now you need to read God`s word, let Him wrap you up in His beautiful love while you cry and shed your pain...Make your personal space comfy, grab a nice hot drink, plenty of tissues while you soak in the arms of Jesus...Jesus said He will NEVER leave you nor FORSAKE you, cry out to Him, He is the only one who can heal your heart, spend all your time with Him, He is waiting...Call on the Lord, wait patiently for Him, draw near to God and He will draw near to you...I will pray for you...xox...
One can sincerely ask for forgiveness and not repeat that sin or mistake, and when God is involved, He will forgive you. But when people are involved, you can ask for forgiveness but don't waste your time and energy on "hoping" for it. Some will wholeheartedly forgive, others love their grudges and thrive (read shrivel) on them. Move on once you have done your part.
We can all "wish" for things, but not hang our hopes on our wishes. Wishful thinking is unproductive.
This is where you should have stopped. Leave her alone and move on.
This is a sure formula for more grief. Put the past behind you since life if full of other opportunities and other choices. As long as you apologized sincerely, there is no need for either guilt or wishful thinking.
We can all "wish" for things, but not hang our hopes on our wishes. Wishful thinking is unproductive.
This is where you should have stopped. Leave her alone and move on.
This is a sure formula for more grief. Put the past behind you since life if full of other opportunities and other choices. As long as you apologized sincerely, there is no need for either guilt or wishful thinking.
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Letting your tears fall in prayer is very healthy and sometimes the pain will linger strongly for a good while but this is why we have both God and our fellow believers because while the human heart can handle such pain and sorrow it is not meant to do so alone. the cross you carry is heavy and will only continue to weigh you down if you try to bear it alone for even Jesus himself needed help to carry his cross. The storms of life can be chaotic and scary it can be fierce and painful but in the middle of the giant torrent of a storm you are going through there stands a man with an outreached hand calling you to meet him in the storm.
You see it's easy to focus on the pain and sorrow and all the storms we are going through but so long as we do this then it will be that much harder to release the chains we bear that are pulling us down. however if we only look at Jesus and if our focus and our daily thoughts and activities are focused on him then we become blind to the storm swirling around us. These inner wounds and bleedings you feel may not go away instantly but there is a way for them to heal and become mended.
I have helped to give many people advice and have constantly been doing everything I can to bestow the precious teachings and advice and changes and insights that father gave me and the first and best advice that i can ever give is the very first and best advice that he himself spoke to me. Seek love above all others things and everything else will fall into place.
Those words were the greatest treasures he ever gave me but what did he mean do think? He meant more than the scripture seek first the kingdom of God and all other things will be given to you, he was saying to seek his heart first to strive to deepen the love and the bond between you and him to grow closer to him as much as possible to get to know him let him be the one that heart burns for more than anything else let that intense hunger and thirst to know him just a little more to grow just a bit closer to him to deepen the bond and the love between you and him just a bit more fuel your every day thoughts and prayers let that fire be your torch in the darkness that we walk in.
I have never heard better advice than this in my entire life and I live this advice everyday with that same fire and hunger and in doing so he has given me things that my heart treasures endearingly not physical things mind you but these treasures of mine have given me hope in a complete state of hopelessness they have given me strength when I should not have any they have given me the ability to stand in the face of the enemies onslaught when no one could and I was never alone he was always there standing next to me.
And so this is my advice to you from one student of the ultimate teacher to another seek love above all other things and everything else will fall into place
You see it's easy to focus on the pain and sorrow and all the storms we are going through but so long as we do this then it will be that much harder to release the chains we bear that are pulling us down. however if we only look at Jesus and if our focus and our daily thoughts and activities are focused on him then we become blind to the storm swirling around us. These inner wounds and bleedings you feel may not go away instantly but there is a way for them to heal and become mended.
I have helped to give many people advice and have constantly been doing everything I can to bestow the precious teachings and advice and changes and insights that father gave me and the first and best advice that i can ever give is the very first and best advice that he himself spoke to me. Seek love above all others things and everything else will fall into place.
Those words were the greatest treasures he ever gave me but what did he mean do think? He meant more than the scripture seek first the kingdom of God and all other things will be given to you, he was saying to seek his heart first to strive to deepen the love and the bond between you and him to grow closer to him as much as possible to get to know him let him be the one that heart burns for more than anything else let that intense hunger and thirst to know him just a little more to grow just a bit closer to him to deepen the bond and the love between you and him just a bit more fuel your every day thoughts and prayers let that fire be your torch in the darkness that we walk in.
I have never heard better advice than this in my entire life and I live this advice everyday with that same fire and hunger and in doing so he has given me things that my heart treasures endearingly not physical things mind you but these treasures of mine have given me hope in a complete state of hopelessness they have given me strength when I should not have any they have given me the ability to stand in the face of the enemies onslaught when no one could and I was never alone he was always there standing next to me.
And so this is my advice to you from one student of the ultimate teacher to another seek love above all other things and everything else will fall into place
Sometimes forgiveness will never be given to us from others it's in this kind of situation that you have to learn to forgive yourself or else you will only continue to suffer. Jesus has already forgiven you and this person may not ever forgive but what is important is to understand that you are forgiven by God and that you now must forgive yourself or else you will never be able to move forward
D
R.C. Sproul did something awful to a woman he knew back when he was in seminary. He went to her and apologized, but she would not forgive him. He went back to apologize again with the same results.
So he took it to an 85-year-old retired missionary he knew, who was also the arbitrator in his church. And the guy told him something like this:
You made two huge mistakes. The first one was what you did to her. The second was to apologize twice. The Lord tells us to seek forgiveness and to forgive. He says absolutely nothing about forcing that forgiveness. What you did was wrong. No doubt about that, so it was good to seek forgiveness. But there was no reason to keep trying. It didn't help her or you.
He went on to say there is only one reason to kick someone out of church. For the sin of impenitent. We must all repent. And we must all forgive when others wrong us and ask. But when the other won't repent or won't forgive, that is where the difference goes beyond any relationship.
You do not know if she will ever forgive you. Have you yet been given the time to seek it? If not, you have to wait. If you have, but she will not, go about your life. No need to wait that which may never come.
But do understand, sometimes it takes a while for someone to be pressed in by God to forgive. She might be willing to forgive you in the future, but as it stands now, you're mourning a great loss. And you are supposed to do that. But when you're done, move on. You can keep doing that whether she forgives you or not. God tells us to seek forgiveness, but he also never said to expect it.
So he took it to an 85-year-old retired missionary he knew, who was also the arbitrator in his church. And the guy told him something like this:
You made two huge mistakes. The first one was what you did to her. The second was to apologize twice. The Lord tells us to seek forgiveness and to forgive. He says absolutely nothing about forcing that forgiveness. What you did was wrong. No doubt about that, so it was good to seek forgiveness. But there was no reason to keep trying. It didn't help her or you.
He went on to say there is only one reason to kick someone out of church. For the sin of impenitent. We must all repent. And we must all forgive when others wrong us and ask. But when the other won't repent or won't forgive, that is where the difference goes beyond any relationship.
You do not know if she will ever forgive you. Have you yet been given the time to seek it? If not, you have to wait. If you have, but she will not, go about your life. No need to wait that which may never come.
But do understand, sometimes it takes a while for someone to be pressed in by God to forgive. She might be willing to forgive you in the future, but as it stands now, you're mourning a great loss. And you are supposed to do that. But when you're done, move on. You can keep doing that whether she forgives you or not. God tells us to seek forgiveness, but he also never said to expect it.