Salesmen and Truth?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
F

freylbm

Guest
#1
#1
I recently married (December of 2009) a 35 year veteran salesman. I posted earlier in May that I was having marriage difficulties already. Mostly due to debts he failed to tell me about and the fact that he drank and frequented bars until early morning hours at least once a week. I received many postings advising me to "hang in there and pray".

I recently was talking to my daughters about my situation and during our conversation, I, myself, had a lightbulb go off in my head. I suddenly realized that I had never witnessed a TRUE, GENINE, emotion come from him; not anger, love, fear, reference, remorse, repentence, loyalty...nothing. Although he says the words, "I love you", and "I apologize"; there is absolutely no emotion detectible in his voicee or facial expressions.

I was wondering if anyone else has encountered this type personality, having a close relationship with a salesman and if there was anything I could do about it to help him separate his business life with his personal life? With father's day coming up, he has a daughter (from rumors, living only a couple of counties away) and a son that he has no idea what part of the US he is in, and he does not try to find out about them. He has not seen or spoken with them in nearly 20 years; his reason being "their mother made it almost impossible for me to see them when they were little and I gave up...plus, they have not tried to contact me". Being a mother of three, I find this IMPOSSIBLE to understand on his part.

Anyone out there who has had this experience and if so, what did you do?
 
E

enduretotheend

Guest
#2
#2
Make the best out of the life you have now and don't ruminate on the broken relationships of the past. The LORD can make a powerful and Godly team out of the two of you.
 
F

freylbm

Guest
#3
#3
I apologize for the waste of time. Since finding this site a couple of months ago, I have asked advise on two subjects and have received the exact same responses. Yes, I know what God would have me do (make the best I can out of the situation and rejoyce in Him) and I do that daily. However, I thought I would also find others with similar experiences who could share their stories too, and I have not.
 
S

silverwind

Guest
#4
#4
Perhaps the reason that he is showing very little emotion about anything is related to the 'giving up' of not being able to have contact with his children years back? To 'give up' makes a person passive and unresponsive to much in life. I am not in your shoes nor am able to provide a similar life situation, but if I may give an opinion I would say that your husband would find healing in reconnecting with his children or reconciling any differences from the past that may have made him unemotional. He is probably hurting but is not able to discern that himself. He may have also closed himself up to any topic relating to the past in fear of breaking down emotionally (hence the passive emotions he is now showing). (just an opinion)
 
F

freylbm

Guest
#5
#5
Yes. That makes a lot of sense. I agree that he could possibly find healing (or the ability to feel honest emotions) in reconciling with his children, but I cannot convenience him to reach out, although we have heard his daughter is less than 50 miles away. Whatever influence their mother had over them at 5 years old, is most possibly to bear a different response at this 20-25 years later.
 
S

silverwind

Guest
#6
#6
A very delicate matter. 25 years of lost time to connect is reason enough to 'not bother' because he may not see it as valid and it could just stir up alot of bitterness. Have you considered connecting with his daughter by yourself?
This is tough. I will pray for you that you can find a solution to a very delicate situation.
 
E

enduretotheend

Guest
#7
#7
Trying to get him to reconnect with his children, with the goal in mind to open him up, does not seem the prudent first course of action. First finding a way to wiggle into his emotions yourself and allowing him time to be comfortable with you residing in there might leave room for him to opening up and brave the possible rejection of his children in case he decides to venture the chance of relationship with them once you have planted the seed into him heart. But before you plant that seed you must till the ground and ready it.


freylbm said:
I apologize for the waste of time. Since finding this site a couple of months ago, I have asked advise on two subjects and have received the exact same responses. Yes, I know what God would have me do (make the best I can out of the situation and rejoyce in Him) and I do that daily. However, I thought I would also find others with similar experiences who could share their stories too, and I have not.
Click to expand...
 
B

broken

Guest
#8
#8
keep in mind that men, generally speaking, do not show emotions as clearly as women. This is neither good nor bad, just different. Also, perhaps the sort of pain he's experienced might be the source of his drinking? You guys should maybe consider counseling together. Online really isn't very useful for the kinds of issues you have.
 
F

freylbm

Guest
#9
#9
Thanks for the replies. As far as connecting with his children myself, I have three daughters that I have worked very deligently all my life to build and continue a loving and trusting relationship with and they take up a lot of my time. I also have a granddaughter that in my life. I am not saying that I don't have time for his children in my life; quite the contrary. However, I feel that he must be the one to put forth the effort to connect with them; he is THE PARENT. I apologize if this feeling is determental to anyone's thoughts, but I after surviving a tramatic, abusive childhood myself and working hard all my life to make sure I have healthy relationships with my children, I neither have the time or energy to take on the healing that needs to take place between my husband and his children.

Emotions are one thing; lying is another. My husband lies to me and to himself all the time; concerning not only his feelings, but finances and such. He has issues that are much deeper than simply "being a man" and the difference in men and women.

I will continue to try to encourage him and pray for him. As far as therapy, he stays at the office until around 9-10 pm, 6 days a week and will not take time for therapy - stating that no problem exists.

Again, I thank all of you, but you are correct in suggesting that this type of problem will not be solved on this chat site. And, I really did not expect a solution, but perhaps some suggestions from someone who has had a similar situation. I appreciate everyone's time.
 
T

tryingtofindhim

Guest
#10
#10
Don't judge salesmen on the one husband please. NOt all salesmen are alike that all i have to say. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.