Controlling mother?

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tryingtofindhim

Guest
#1
#1
I have a problem my mom is an absolute control freak. I am 16 and I am an upcoming senior meaning I'll graduate next may. My mom wants me to go to UTD (university of north texas) and major in business, but I feel God leading me to ACU (Abilene Christian University) and major in nursing. She's come to the point of where she's refusing to pay for the college which isn't a big deal. It's the other things that she gets really angry about. I mean she lies a lot. She tells me she told me something and she didn't and if I say she never told me that she'll hit me. It's quite frustrating. One time she hit my brother and I told her he didn't deserve that and she gave me a bloody nose. I know I can't say anything to the authorities because if they found out I'd have to leave my wonderful school and it might crush my college dreams. At the moment she's not letting me get a job because she knows that is how I'm trying to pay for college. It's frustrating cause every time she hits me I want to hit her back, but I know I have to honor my parents. Any Christian views on how I should deal with this situation.
 
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artistic_dreams

Guest
#2
#2
ur mother is down right abusive and ur refusing to report her???? r u out of ur mind????? she needs to be locked up.....to allow the child abuse to continue is appauling.....even if they removed you..you will eventually find another way to pay for ur schooling...you need to think of yourlittle brother...what about him when u leave??? stop thinking of urself and ur dang precious college and report that pathetic excuse of a mother for beating on yall.....it irritates me to no end knowing that there are ppl out there like u that can stop that abuse but you wont do it.....
 
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silverwind

Guest
#3
#3
artistic_dreams said:
ur mother is down right abusive and ur refusing to report her???? r u out of ur mind????? she needs to be locked up.....to allow the child abuse to continue is appauling.....even if they removed you..you will eventually find another way to pay for ur schooling...you need to think of yourlittle brother...what about him when u leave??? stop thinking of urself and ur dang precious college and report that pathetic excuse of a mother for beating on yall.....it irritates me to no end knowing that there are ppl out there like u that can stop that abuse but you wont do it.....
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I think your post sounds a bit harsh; almost angry at the victim. Every 16 year old has goals and dreams and you shouldn't come down on her for that.

Tryingtofindhim, you're in a tough situation..My heart goes out to you and I will pray that God will provide a solution for you. You need to confide this in someone locally you can trust who might give you some input. Keyword: "confide".. don't let your mother know, and trust God that he will find a way for you out of this situation. It is not healthy nor is it right.

My prayers are with you.
silverwind
 
HarpyEagle

HarpyEagle

Member
#4
May 22, 2006
102
13
18
#4
tryingtofindhim said:
I have a problem my mom is an absolute control freak. I am 16 and I am an upcoming senior meaning I'll graduate next may. My mom wants me to go to UTD (university of north texas) and major in business, but I feel God leading me to ACU (Abilene Christian University) and major in nursing. She's come to the point of where she's refusing to pay for the college which isn't a big deal. It's the other things that she gets really angry about. I mean she lies a lot. She tells me she told me something and she didn't and if I say she never told me that she'll hit me. It's quite frustrating. One time she hit my brother and I told her he didn't deserve that and she gave me a bloody nose. I know I can't say anything to the authorities because if they found out I'd have to leave my wonderful school and it might crush my college dreams. At the moment she's not letting me get a job because she knows that is how I'm trying to pay for college. It's frustrating cause every time she hits me I want to hit her back, but I know I have to honor my parents. Any Christian views on how I should deal with this situation.
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This is a pretty tough situation, But like Silverwind.. I agree that this situation needs to be known by someone you can trust within Church would be best who would keep it confedential and get some counsel of how to move forward with dealing with it. So that some correction can come forth in a loving way without bring in the police right away and creating major breaking up of the family right away. Seek help with a mentor/counsel from your pastor. Explain what is going and hopefully they can direction and stand by your side in this. Also your dreams and God given visions for his purpose for your life should be followed if you are absolutely passionate and know the Holy Spirit is directing you. And first of all Pray for your mom, we wrestle not against flesh and blood by principalities and dark spirits.. that influence and cause people to act this way. So she needs deliverance from this. God Bless and best wishes. You could reply in your message when you will be online and have us all pray in agreement at the same time.. as well as individual prayers.
 
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shanaynay-deleted

Guest
#5
#5
You know I was talking to my pastor about this today...my son was telling him how his father would twist his arm/ wrist, pull his ears...is mean to him on his visits. I have tried dealing with the courts on this sort of thing and they do not do anything about it...but today my pastor talking to my son said - you are going to need to forgive him. He is not in his right state of mind. I say to you..your mom is not in a good place. She needs help. Do not try to understand why she is doing what she does, but do try to forgive her. You need to seek some help and the best place to go is to a domestic violence center. They are the best to help people who are living in the abusive environment to sort things out before drastic -potentially dangerous choices are made. I know your mother loves you....all mothers love their kids. Her problems are not yours and it is not you either. I will pray for her and your situation. Remember that this is only temporary and you need to go after your own life regardless of the stumbling blocks that are in front of you. Counseling is necessary either way, especially if you chose to have kids of your own. Abuse cycles you may be unaware of can come out later in your relations with others. God bless...
 
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kiwi_OT

Guest
#6
#6
tryingtofindhim said:
I have a problem my mom is an absolute control freak. I am 16 and I am an upcoming senior meaning I'll graduate next may. My mom wants me to go to UTD (university of north texas) and major in business, but I feel God leading me to ACU (Abilene Christian University) and major in nursing. She's come to the point of where she's refusing to pay for the college which isn't a big deal. It's the other things that she gets really angry about. I mean she lies a lot. She tells me she told me something and she didn't and if I say she never told me that she'll hit me. It's quite frustrating. One time she hit my brother and I told her he didn't deserve that and she gave me a bloody nose. I know I can't say anything to the authorities because if they found out I'd have to leave my wonderful school and it might crush my college dreams. At the moment she's not letting me get a job because she knows that is how I'm trying to pay for college. It's frustrating cause every time she hits me I want to hit her back, but I know I have to honor my parents. Any Christian views on how I should deal with this situation.
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No! Your mother is not honouring you and your brother. She is not under the authority of God or else she'd be acting otherwise. And therefore neither should you be under the authority of a parent who is abusive. Honouring your parents does not involve allowing them to hit you and control you in an abusive manner. You are a precious daughter of God and even though it hurts to say this - you need to report her to the police.

I know what you are going through. From age 5 to 15 I was severely abused, controlled and mollested by my stepfather. If God is calling you to this university, then he will stop at nothing to get you there. Therefore, you reporting your mother will not hinder Gods will for you life. Your physical and and emotional safety and wellbeing is far more important to God than your education.

I left home when I was 16. I spent a week in a womens shelter then I had to sleep on my friends couch for 3 months while I completed my senior exams and not only did I pass but I got into the college that God called me into as well. I had to deal with post traumatic stress but moving to college and away from the abuse was the best thing for me. I also had to deal with the guilt of leaving my battered mother behind. But in order for me to help her, I needed to be in a right space as well. If you are to do this, seek counselling so you can grieve, and seek advice on what will happen to your brother as well. There are people out there to support you in this.

My prayers are with you
 
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elite-sky

Guest
#7
#7
gods there, he sees everything.. no need to be afraid. and KIWI_OT i totally agree with you.
 
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tryingtofindhim

Guest
#8
#8
artistic_dreams said:
ur mother is down right abusive and ur refusing to report her???? r u out of ur mind????? she needs to be locked up.....to allow the child abuse to continue is appauling.....even if they removed you..you will eventually find another way to pay for ur schooling...you need to think of yourlittle brother...what about him when u leave??? stop thinking of urself and ur dang precious college and report that pathetic excuse of a mother for beating on yall.....it irritates me to no end knowing that there are ppl out there like u that can stop that abuse but you wont do it.....
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I'm sorry I'm just so scared cause my friend reported her mom and she's in the foster home system and I don't want that to happen to us. I have no idea what to think about my brother I'm so confused. I did talk to someone and they said by Texas law if there is no visible bruises it's not child abuse so I don't know.
 
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godsbluesman

Guest
#9
#9
Right-this is wrong-Even though the bible says "spare not the rod" it doesn't say beat you so badly that you bleed! your school can be paid for with grants,ect: your health is in danger,as well as your brothers! you should report this to authorities NOW! I am seeing my Pastor in a couple hrs,we will pray for you both..as far as abuse laws.look into it better than taking word of mouth! here in california if a child even accuses a parent of abuse it is looked into by authorities and usually there are severe repercussions!
 
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tryingtofindhim

Guest
#10
#10
Thank you everyone for the advice. I am trying to talk to someone i know won't tell my parents which is hard cause my parents are friends with EVERYONE! So I might talk to my friends mom. I really appreciate the prayers.
 
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tryingtofindhim

Guest
#11
#11
HarpyEagle said:
This is a pretty tough situation, But like Silverwind.. I agree that this situation needs to be known by someone you can trust within Church would be best who would keep it confedential and get some counsel of how to move forward with dealing with it. So that some correction can come forth in a loving way without bring in the police right away and creating major breaking up of the family right away. Seek help with a mentor/counsel from your pastor. Explain what is going and hopefully they can direction and stand by your side in this. Also your dreams and God given visions for his purpose for your life should be followed if you are absolutely passionate and know the Holy Spirit is directing you. And first of all Pray for your mom, we wrestle not against flesh and blood by principalities and dark spirits.. that influence and cause people to act this way. So she needs deliverance from this. God Bless and best wishes. You could reply in your message when you will be online and have us all pray in agreement at the same time.. as well as individual prayers.
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Thank you. Your idea of everyone praying for me sounds like an awesome idea. When I know i can stay on for a while I'll tell yall. :)
 
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loeza89

Guest
#12
#12
I actually went through the same thing with my parents but there is something you should realize that it works both ways

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged

Colossians 3:20-21

you see we do have to respect them but that doesn't mean they should do what your mother is doing either as for school you should know there are thousands of scholarships each year that are not used if you need help looking just message me all i need is what major your takign ill find you some and message you with links as much as we would like to completely respect our parents you have to understand that respect should be mutual disciplining a child is fine but beating your child in no way shows any form of respect so dont be discouraged :) hope to hear from you
 
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Lndnwll

Guest
#13
#13
Im sorry that you are going thru this...It's a tough situation and I sort of understand you not wanting to report your mom...I went thru a similar situation when I was your age and younger and I choose not to report my mother because I was afraid of where I would go or what would happen to her...All I can say is pray and continue to find a way out...or a different solution. The difference for me though was that I am an only child...When you leave I worry that all of her frustration will be taken out on your brother...That is something I didnt have to think about and I think it is very selfish of her to put that burden on you.

When I was 16 and younger my mom was extremely abusive and the people she choose to deal with were abusive as well...whether it was verbal or physical..it was still some sort of abuse. I ended up moving out as soon as I turned 17...it was my last year in hs and I moved with a friend in a different state and commuted back and fourth until I finished school. I can't say that it will get easier or that things will change because I don't fully know the situation...but it is best that you figure out what is best for you and your brother and take action before it gets any worse. Maybe if there is a family member that you can talk to in order for you two to live with them. I know college is important...and it was extremely important for me...With the choice that I made...I didnt go to college right after school but a year later I went back and I did graduate...It wasnt easy but it is def something that can be done. Take care and I hope things work out for you.
 
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tryingtofindhim

Guest
#14
#14
Well, I decided I'm going to report my mom, but I don't know how I can report her without her finding out its someone in our house that did it and she'll get really angry. I'm so scared and I have no idea what to do. Anyone have suggestions about anonymously reporting her and keeping me and my brother out of her way while she goes on her rampage when she finds out?
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#15
#15
if it's bad enough that you are in danger, I think there are places where they can keep you safe (so even if the finds out you are there, they can keep her out), but I don't know how stuff like that works
 
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silverwind

Guest
#16
#16
I would suggest the same as wwjd_kilden, find out about a local women's shelter where you could stay. For instance, here in BC we have a women's shelter,for when men abuse their wives, or women are physically assaulted they go there and sleep there. The shelter does not allow anyone in and keeps the information of who stays there confidential. But it is a tough decision to make. You could find out if there is such an option in your area. Maybe talk to a close adult friend who you can trust.
 
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Eagle5

Guest
#17
#17
Tahoma,

I am sorry that your mother abuses you and your brother in this manner. Finding someone to confide in with counseling on how to approach your mother and stop this is the best solution. I wonder have you ever said anything to her about her behavior towards you and your brother? Sometimes just calling someone out on their behavior may make them think twice and stop. I think sitting down with your mother and having points spelled out on why you want to become a nurse, the university etc may help her realize that you have it well planned out and this isn't a fly by night goal. As a nurse myself, this is an honorable profession if the intentions are for helping others and not because of the pay.

Communication is the best solution and sometimes it is difficult for teenagers to relate their ideas to their parents well. Maybe look to see if there is something in the past, her past, that frightens her for you. Forgiving adn praying for her understanding and what is bothering her helps. Mothers have natural instincts to do what is right for thier kids unless something like drugs, alchohol, illness, stress ,money interfer with their best intentions. seek those answers
 
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tryingtofindhim

Guest
#18
#18
Eagle5 said:
Tahoma,

I am sorry that your mother abuses you and your brother in this manner. Finding someone to confide in with counseling on how to approach your mother and stop this is the best solution. I wonder have you ever said anything to her about her behavior towards you and your brother? Sometimes just calling someone out on their behavior may make them think twice and stop. I think sitting down with your mother and having points spelled out on why you want to become a nurse, the university etc may help her realize that you have it well planned out and this isn't a fly by night goal. As a nurse myself, this is an honorable profession if the intentions are for helping others and not because of the pay.

Communication is the best solution and sometimes it is difficult for teenagers to relate their ideas to their parents well. Maybe look to see if there is something in the past, her past, that frightens her for you. Forgiving adn praying for her understanding and what is bothering her helps. Mothers have natural instincts to do what is right for thier kids unless something like drugs, alchohol, illness, stress ,money interfer with their best intentions. seek those answers
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oh goodness if I have a penny for the times I tried to talk to her I'd be a millionaire she isn't listening. :(
 
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tryingtofindhim

Guest
#19
#19
silverwind said:
I would suggest the same as wwjd_kilden, find out about a local women's shelter where you could stay. For instance, here in BC we have a women's shelter,for when men abuse their wives, or women are physically assaulted they go there and sleep there. The shelter does not allow anyone in and keeps the information of who stays there confidential. But it is a tough decision to make. You could find out if there is such an option in your area. Maybe talk to a close adult friend who you can trust.
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can i get in a women's shelter i'm only 16
 
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silverwind

Guest
#20
#20
hi :)
I don't know which state you are in, however, here is a link you can check out. Perhaps someone from that site can direct you to another christian website that can give you input regarding your situation, or give you a phone number for future inquiries. It would be good if you kept to christian support, rather than state or govt. Pray about this and let God direct you.
Domestic Violence Help Domestic Abuse Help Illinois

blessings
 
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