sexual harassment and what to do?

[Depleted]

Not at all! Like it, or not, when you choose to bring a child into this world (let alone, three) you have accepted the responsibility for those children. Period! Not your mother and her boyfriend.

The truly foolish thing for her to do is listen to all the "feel-good" advice being given on here that is intended to make a big noise about how much you guys care for her. It sounds great, but it is dangerous to her and her children.

All that stuff will do is get her kicked right out of the house... onto the street, with nowhere to go, and no plans of any kind. Some of it could even result in criminal charges against her, and the very real likelihood of her losing custody of her children.

This is NOT a situation in which to simply post things that will make her feel all warm and fuzzy about a bunch of people taking her side. She needs to wake up and take the responsibility to do something effective.

Yeah, but you're The Guy who knows how to deal with this so go for it!

Otherwise, aren't you doing even less than the feel-goods and the ones telling to use physical force as the only answer with half a giggle in their posts?

 

[Tommy379]

Go ahead, oh ye of big brain! Teach her how to move out this weekend. (Because every time this jackass puts his hands on her again, or verbally makes her feel small, she does lose a little more dignity and gains a little more fear, so it has to be fast.)

What does it take to find a place for a young woman with a three-year-old to get somewhere fast?

Because, as I understand it, she first needs a job, (which is tough because there is a three year old), then save enough for down payment and first month's rent on a place for them to live, and, oh, yeah, also the money for a safe place for the three year old to stay, while she works.

Sure, there are women's shelters, but do you really think that's a safe place for a three year old? And there is family, but I don't see many, if any, wanting to invite a woman AND a three year old for long-term in their house. Three-year old -- a continuation of the Terrible Twos. They're rambunctious! Frankly, they're exhausting.

And yet, you, oh brilliant brain, thinks it's easy enough for a young woman to find her own way that what's adding a three-year-old to that?

So, please, do tell. What is this brilliant plan she's supposed to think out? You've had 49 more years than she has had to figure it out! Obviously you know, or you wouldn't have said, "There IS a way."

She never said she has a three year old.......... she has 3 kids.

 

[Lighthearted]

Sister, I'm sorry that your thread asking for help from Christians has turned into a nasty argument that is neither helpful or uplifting or hopeful for you, but very sad for all. We all make mistakes. I will pray for you, that God will lead you in a way to move forward safely and quickly. Where God leads He will provide. I did have to leave a dangerous situation and there really is help out there.

 

[Depleted]

I had kids in a stable financial situation. When I became Christian in 2015 my fiancé left me because he didn't like the fact. It's kinda of absurd ai feel the need to defend myself and on a Christian site no less. It's not easy being a single mom especially since I was always a stay at home mom so I didn't have to work. I tried for the first year to stay afloat alone and all I did was fail at it. Obviously I made bad choices but nothing can be done and at least I know I have Gods forgiveness.

Honestly? I think you've made the best choice possible. And, no, you didn't fail, because you're a failure. You failed because the plan was to keep the stable relationship and go from there. If you were 26 without a child, you could have made it on your own, barely, and then worked your way up form there, like happens for many. But the child raises the price tag incredibly. That's proof you didn't fail. You love the tyke enough to find a way to survive while young one still has Mom. That's priceless! That tells me rambunctious one will know what love is growing up.

And, God has done more than forgive you. He loves you too. Do not give up, simply because you found some people on a Christian site who aren't Christians. There are two types on here -- Christians and christians. The invisible church and the invisible church. Even Jesus knew which of the ones following him were and weren't his. That's the reality of his people. We have to assume not all who speak know him, even on a Christian site.

If you're a failure, many of us are failures. We had a plan too, and it was working out, until three gallstones and one drop of virus-loaded blood changed our plans. Hubby and I were middle-class Christians with a properly-filled retirement account, when we both became disabled within three years of each other. What we have left is the same thing you have with your three-year-old -- still got each other and Christ. Not failure! Success! The Lord's success.

I've already given you three ways to stop your mom's BF, (he is so not your Dad, even if you've come to call him that), from keeping his paws off you and his comments to himself.

I'm pretty sure you're smart enough to know you need a job to save for a place. Your three year old won't stay three, (which is both sad and good), so by the time you can afford to get out, nursery school, then regular school will help defray the cost of someone watching the tyke, and you can keep affording better. Don't forget, there are rooms for rent too. Since you're just starting to work, you'll probably have to live cheap at first, but as you get more skills and get better at your jobs, you can go on to afford an apartment, and go from there.

You're path turned. Keep remembering that's a good thing, because God is walking with you and bringing you to him. Since he got you at this point, he obviously has plans for you to raise the little one up knowing him too.

Life gets complicated. God is single-minded, and his mind is always on his people with love. Since he's sovereign, this will work out for your good and his glory.

HE promised!

 

[Depleted]

Maybe it's time to start facing a few things.

Tasha, one thing that's easy to face. Click on a person's name, and then click to "view page." On their page, if you scroll down, you can find "Add to Ignore." Click that button. It works!

 

[Depleted]

No one mentioned one-night-stand pregnancies. Or the death of anyone. I think I am not used to your sense of humor. Don't worry about it.

He's not being funny. He's being arrogant!

 

[preacher4truth]

I had kids in a stable financial situation. When I became Christian in 2015 my fiancé left me because he didn't like the fact. It's kinda of absurd ai feel the need to defend myself and on a Christian site no less. It's not easy being a single mom especially since I was always a stay at home mom so I didn't have to work. I tried for the first year to stay afloat alone and all I did was fail at it. Obviously I made bad choices but nothing can be done and at least I know I have Gods forgiveness.

Please do not worry or concern yourself over the comments and derogation of williet and others. Keep trusting in the LORD as you are. God bless!

 

[Tommy379]

Honestly? I think you've made the best choice possible. And, no, you didn't fail, because you're a failure. You failed because the plan was to keep the stable relationship and go from there. If you were 26 without a child, you could have made it on your own, barely, and then worked your way up form there, like happens for many. But the child raises the price tag incredibly. That's proof you didn't fail. You love the tyke enough to find a way to survive while young one still has Mom. That's priceless! That tells me rambunctious one will know what love is growing up.

And, God has done more than forgive you. He loves you too. Do not give up, simply because you found some people on a Christian site who aren't Christians. There are two types on here -- Christians and christians. The invisible church and the invisible church. Even Jesus knew which of the ones following him were and weren't his. That's the reality of his people. We have to assume not all who speak know him, even on a Christian site.

If you're a failure, many of us are failures. We had a plan too, and it was working out, until three gallstones and one drop of virus-loaded blood changed our plans. Hubby and I were middle-class Christians with a properly-filled retirement account, when we both became disabled within three years of each other. What we have left is the same thing you have with your three-year-old -- still got each other and Christ. Not failure! Success! The Lord's success.

I've already given you three ways to stop your mom's BF, (he is so not your Dad, even if you've come to call him that), from keeping his paws off you and his comments to himself.

I'm pretty sure you're smart enough to know you need a job to save for a place. Your three year old won't stay three, (which is both sad and good), so by the time you can afford to get out, nursery school, then regular school will help defray the cost of someone watching the tyke, and you can keep affording better. Don't forget, there are rooms for rent too. Since you're just starting to work, you'll probably have to live cheap at first, but as you get more skills and get better at your jobs, you can go on to afford an apartment, and go from there.

You're path turned. Keep remembering that's a good thing, because God is walking with you and bringing you to him. Since he got you at this point, he obviously has plans for you to raise the little one up knowing him too.

Life gets complicated. God is single-minded, and his mind is always on his people with love. Since he's sovereign, this will work out for your good and his glory.

HE promised!

Again, she never said she has a Three year old, she says she has 3 kids.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Life insurance policy..

What is this? I have three kids, and I have no idea what this is... seriously. No clue.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Why are you acting like such a jack donkey??

Sorry. I forgot what I was dealing with these days. I wasn't raised in the era of one-night-stand pregnancies. I foolishly let myself think that a mother of three would have usually gotten that way due to the death of the spouse.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I have a Modern Woodmen policy my parents took out when I was a year old..

Do you carry ANY insurance?

 

[Tommy379]

It's true, you should have life insurance policies. I just got one on my exwife, if she gets murdered by her trashy new husband, I'm going to need the money for daycare or an au paire.

 

[renewed_hope]

As a victim of sexual harassment and attempted sexual assault you get told why didn't you do this or do that as I was one of them. Now after it happened people don't understand what goes through our heads when it happens. Many of times you feel helpless and are continually beaten down until you can't do anything. I do agree with Maxwel is seeking out help from a pastor and will add to this in nailing the father to the wall for child support. Until then, see if you have friends you can temporarily move in with and pray not only for your situation, but for you step dad to find Jesus or your mom to open her eyes to him. Just remember in God you have a hope and future and he can get you and your children out of this❤

 

[OneFaith]

Since ai was 11 years old my moms boyfriend has been overly interested in me. Slapping my butt and saying inappropriate things. I told my mom then and nothing ever came of it. I moved out as soon as I could but now I am living with them again due to hardships and he is making me incredibly uncomfortable. Slapping my bitt and asking me to shop him my breast and such. I told my mom and she just shrugged it off. I ask him to stop he my dad and I'm his daughter and he doesn't. Just says were not blood related. I just need advice on what you think can stop this. I don't have anywhere to go right now and being a single mother of 3 I find it almost impossible to find anything affordable.

I felt extremely uncomfortable posting this but it's to that point I just don't know hat else to do.

I understand, I’ve been there. I had to stay with my sister once, and my brother in law would pat my but when I was behind the counter making my son’s dinner plate. If I seen him coming I would rush out of there, pretending I had to suddenly use the bathroom or something. He happened to have a friend who lived a few houses away, who happened to have left his wife in order to marry his wife’s sister, who just happened to have my same first name. To make matters worse, my sister watched a soap opera showing a husband cheating on his wife with his sister, who also had my first name. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s all true.

One day he was driving me home and said “Let’s stop by my friend’s house.” I said I really didn’t want to, but he said it will just take a minute. He brought me into a pull barn, where only his friend was. He asked me if I wanted a beer, I said no, but they kept insisting, but I kept saying no. Then his friend asked me all these questions like do I think my brother in law is cute? And saying things like how he would spend so much money on me if he divorced my sister and married me, and joked about how he’d still have the same mother in law like he does.

After turning him down in front of his friend, his flirting turned to anger. Meanwhile, my sister was saying that she knows it’s not my fault that the soap opera had that situation going on, but said something’s not right. She asked if I had feelings for her husband, I told her the truth- no. But I didn’t say everything cause I was afraid of being on the street with my four year old son.

One day my son was playing in the basement with his cousin, he swung a jump rope around, hitting his cousin’s finger by accident. I heard yelling and my sister and I ran into the house. He had tore after my son threatening to kill him. He lifted him up against the basement wall, with his feet dangling high off the floor. I shouted “Let him go!” And when he turned and looked at me, my son ran up the stairs crying. He was behind me, and I was in my nephew’s bedroom doorway, blocking him. He said if I don’t move so that he could get to my son that he’d beat me to death. That was the one moment in my life that I had the most adrenaline, and stared him in the eyes with the look of death, if he touched my son, I would fight to the death. That’s when I knew I had to get out of there.

Don’t wait, go to a shelter if you have to. Anyone who crosses such lines also puts your kids in danger!

 

[Willie-T]

He's not being funny. He's being arrogant!

She's not even married to the bum who walked out on her, but she had not one.... not two.... but three kids, and had no plans for their protection, education, housing, clothing, or feeding when the shack job gets tired of her and leaves. All of that takes money. And you have the audacity to say I am being arrogant because I point out these obvious facts?

She asked "what to do?", and I told her to start using her brain to figure out a way to very quickly move out of there. The great advice I heard from just about everyone else would only get her into legal trouble, maybe even physical danger, and possibly cost her the custody of her children.

 

[Nehemiah6]

I moved out as soon as I could but now I am living with them again due to hardships and he is making me incredibly uncomfortable... I don't have anywhere to go right now and being a single mother of 3 I find it almost impossible to find anything affordable.

Having already had some serious issues earlier, now as an adult with three children, you should not even be living in this household. Everyone has hardships, but if you chose to knowingly enter the lion's den, what do you think the outcome is?

So the only option for you to resolve this issue is to move out immediately. Which could mean getting help and advice from other relatives, friends, church members, church leaders or from social services.

 

[Willie-T]

Having already had some serious issues earlier, now as an adult with three children, you should not even be living in this household. Everyone has hardships, but if you chose to knowingly enter the lion's den, what do you think the outcome is?

So the only option for you to resolve this issue is to move out immediately. Which could mean getting help and advice from other relatives, friends, church members, church leaders or from social services.

Yep. As I said, use her brains and figure out how to get out of there.

 

[Depleted]

She's not even married to the bum who walked out on her, but she had not one.... not two.... but three kids, and had no plans for their protection, education, housing, clothing, or feeding when the shack job gets tired of her and leaves. All of that takes money. And you have the audacity to say I am being arrogant because I point out these obvious facts?

She asked "what to do?", and I told her to start using her brain to figure out a way to very quickly move out of there. The great advice I heard from just about everyone else would only get her into legal trouble, maybe even physical danger, and possibly cost her the custody of her children.

I heard your charges just fine. It came down to you're a prefect specimen of a man because you were born in a different era. Whereas you think she's less than whale dung.

I never heard your advice, because you never gave any. THAT's your arrogance. You couldn't even give advice for Jen, because you were being so full of yourself. And honestly? Life insurance on a child is helpful... how?

Tasha's been a believer for two years. What's your excuse? (Personally, again, I think that's your problem. You've been an ethnical christian for decades and therefore believe you are a believer. Action speaks volumes on if we are believers. Your actions keep saying you're not.)

I heard nothing of value from you. I heard lots of disdain from you. You were too busy proving how superior you are that you even forgot to give help. I also keep hearing an old Mac Davis song every time you do this.

[video=youtube;QCsNunGnqE0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCsNunGnqE0[/video]

Scary part is you deem yourself to be the great savior for the younger generation. You aren't a life preserver. You're an anvil.

 

[Willie-T]

I heard your charges just fine. It came down to you're a prefect specimen of a man because you were born in a different era. Whereas you think she's less than whale dung.

I never heard your advice, because you never gave any. THAT's your arrogance. You couldn't even give advice for Jen, because you were being so full of yourself. And honestly? Life insurance on a child is helpful... how?

Tasha's been a believer for two years. What's your excuse? (Personally, again, I think that's your problem. You've been an ethnical christian for decades and therefore believe you are a believer. Action speaks volumes on if we are believers. Your actions keep saying you're not.)

I heard nothing of value from you. I heard lots of disdain from you. You were too busy proving how superior you are that you even forgot to give help. I also keep hearing an old Mac Davis song every time you do this.

Scary part is you deem yourself to be the great savior for the younger generation. You aren't a life preserver. You're an anvil.

If you weren't so obsessed with trying to find some way to defend your own wounded pride by putting me down with every post you make, you might not have missed this.

http://christianchat.com/christian-family-forum/159598-sexual-harassment-what-do.html#post3322652

 

[PennEd]

Since ai was 11 years old my moms boyfriend has been overly interested in me. Slapping my butt and saying inappropriate things. I told my mom then and nothing ever came of it. I moved out as soon as I could but now I am living with them again due to hardships and he is making me incredibly uncomfortable. Slapping my bitt and asking me to shop him my breast and such. I told my mom and she just shrugged it off. I ask him to stop he my dad and I'm his daughter and he doesn't. Just says were not blood related. I just need advice on what you think can stop this. I don't have anywhere to go right now and being a single mother of 3 I find it almost impossible to find anything affordable.

I felt extremely uncomfortable posting this but it's to that point I just don't know hat else to do.

You are in a very difficult spot. It really doesn't matter what mistakes may have been made, this is the situation you are in NOW. I'm terribly sorry you are being sexually harassed.

I obviously don't know what resources, both monetarily, and friends you have, but finding another place, immediately should be your primary focus.

The children's father must pay for support.

Holy Father, please protect Your daughter and her children. In Jesus Name I pray.