The Myths of Christian Dating

[Ancilla]

I already tried to get people to comment on this article, but no one has. I thought maybe if changed the title of the thread I'd have more luck. I think it's something everyone needs to look at because these are the very issues we're talking about.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/2008/mind0618.html

 

[Baptistrw]

Good article.

 

[MahogonySnail]

I liked it but I wouldn't underestimate God's willingness and ability to guide decision making. Or His sovereign ability to orchestrate events, chance meetings, etc. There should be a balance. Don't be too unrealistic, yet don't be too worldly either in dating.

 

[Baptistrw]

I liked it but I wouldn't underestimate God's willingness and ability to guide decision making. Or His sovereign ability to orchestrate events, chance meetings, etc. There should be a balance. Don't be too unrealistic, yet don't be too worldly either in dating.

Agreed. Providence still exists afterall.

 

[Ancilla]

I liked it but I wouldn't underestimate God's willingness and ability to guide decision making. Or His sovereign ability to orchestrate events, chance meetings, etc. There should be a balance. Don't be too unrealistic, yet don't be too worldly either in dating.

Agreed. Well, this is why (for at least the forseeable future anyway) I am not open to long distance relationships. I believe that if God wanted me to be in a realtionship with... Pheonix, for example, who lives two and a half hours away in ideal traffic, then God would have lead me to live within an easy driving distance from him. So, while I do believe that God often calls us to take an active role in meeting singles for the purpose of dating, He also can lead people together. So, yeah, like you said, it's important to maintain a balanced view.

 

[Ancilla]

On the other hand, as I've said before, I've known long-distance relationships that have worked so if one where to ask me if they were intended to be together then why didn't God put them closer together and I obviously don't have an answer for that.

 

[voiceoftruth]

wow interesting article i started talking to one of my guy friends that is getting married this summer about this... which helped me get a lot more out of it... number 4 was interesting about the guy not asking the girl out,.... that was harsh... but since i am a girl it doesn't work that way right?

 

[Ancilla]

wow interesting article i started talking to one of my guy friends that is getting married this summer about this... which helped me get a lot more out of it... number 4 was interesting about the guy not asking the girl out,.... that was harsh... but since i am a girl it doesn't work that way right?

Well that's a difficult question. Keep in mind that this article is wrtten specifically for men. It is, after all, from a book called "What Women Wish You Knew About Dating: A Single Guy's Guide to Romantic Relationships" But I'm guessing he'd say the same thing about girls. The underlying problem there is when a one hides their true feelings and intentions from someone they're "just friends" with. But seriously, has that never happened to you? Someone you thought was your friend told you that he liked you all along and you've felt almost betrayed? The worst is when a guy who likes you says "I know soemone who likes you" just to test the waters of your interest. On the other hand, if I guy just comes out of nowhere and says he likes you, that's awkward too. One of the guys who used the "I know soemone who likes you" line on me said that when he askes a girl out that he likes right off the bat, they say no because they don't know him. But, if he takes time to be friends with them before he asks them out, then they say no because they think of him too much of a friend and therefore couldn't imagine dating him. So, yeah, I don't really have any answers, just lots of questions.

 

[Moviefan2k4]

I loved this article; in fact, I'm going to print it out so i can go over it again when needed. My favorite line was from Myth #5...

"In fact, without sexuality, men wouldn't date. They'd play video games and eat pizza."

AMEN!!!

 

[Pheonix]

Maybe God puts a distance between two people because they would have too much trouble keeping there paws off each other if they were closer.

There is also the possibility that they are supposed to be exactly where they are until some future date when God wants them to move closer to each other.

 

[Pheonix]

Us Guys can't seem to get it right no matter what we do. everywhere we turn we get burned. Or maybe that's just my experience.

 

[Ancilla]

I loved this article; in fact, I'm going to print it out so i can go over it again when needed. My favorite line was from Myth #5...

"In fact, without sexuality, men wouldn't date. They'd play video games and eat pizza."

AMEN!!!

I have a better idea, instead of just printing it out, how about you actually read the book and tell the rest of us what it's like. I'd read it myself but... well it's not just that I'm trying to save money. I'm running out of space on my bookshelf, and then there's the obvious issue of how awkward I'd feel buying a book meant for guys! Maybe I'll buy a copy for my boyfriend.... that would work. Anyway, I'd love to know what he really means by the 5th myth.

Anyway, I hope the other lesson here is what a great singles site Christianitytoday.com has. I've critized the site in the past for offering advice on how to "cope" with being single like one copes with chronic pain, but the bottom line is that it's a great site. So if you're Christian and unmarried and you've never been to that site, you're missing out.

I read an excerpt on that site from a book called "Singles at the Crossroads." Wow! Now there's a good book. That's a great book for Chrisitan singles who don't actually have marriage at the forfront of their mind, but feel kind of left out when Christians in our society are having a "love affair with the nuclear family." I mean, the church I went to in university is had a sign on it that said "A family church in the heart of the city." I wanted to say "Well I'm single, can I go this this 'family church?'" Like, I know they just wanted to be clear that they had a Sunday School, but...

Anyway, I do not want to get into that and I want to make sure that if anyone else wants to get into that, they do so in a different thread because I don't want to get off topic. I mean further than I already have.

 

[voiceoftruth]

Well that's a difficult question. Keep in mind that this article is wrtten specifically for men. It is, after all, from a book called "What Women Wish You Knew About Dating: A Single Guy's Guide to Romantic Relationships" But I'm guessing he'd say the same thing about girls. The underlying problem there is when a one hides their true feelings and intentions from someone they're "just friends" with. But seriously, has that never happened to you? Someone you thought was your friend told you that he liked you all along and you've felt almost betrayed? The worst is when a guy who likes you says "I know soemone who likes you" just to test the waters of your interest. On the other hand, if I guy just comes out of nowhere and says he likes you, that's awkward too. One of the guys who used the "I know soemone who likes you" line on me said that when he askes a girl out that he likes right off the bat, they say no because they don't know him. But, if he takes time to be friends with them before he asks them out, then they say no because they think of him too much of a friend and therefore couldn't imagine dating him. So, yeah, I don't really have any answers, just lots of questions.

oh yeah i kinda thought it was ment to be for guys....but it was still an interesting article. Ummm i am not sure what i would do if one of my guy friends said that to me. I would probably ask who having no idea that its them.... i guess i have never really told someone face to face that i liked them though soo i am not really sure how i would do it. I will probably not untill the guy tells me i donnno but anyways... yeah

 

[Ancilla]

Maybe God puts a distance between two people because they would have too much trouble keeping there paws off each other if they were closer.

I couldn't figure out why you wrote that until I remember that I mentioned about me not doing long-distance. Like I said in the thread about long-distance relationships, I've done them before, too many times, really. I said that the big advantage is that there's not the temptation to get too physical when you're not with them. However, I was thinking about this today and I'm really convinced that if a couple needs to be seperated by distance they're probably not mature enough to be in a realationship and definitly not marture enough to be working towards marriage.

 

[Kenny]

i think the article is dangerous.

it will lead christian men into thinking that pre-martial sex is not a sin.

i've seen it happen and it will happen with this article. it can be somewhat misleading if misinterpereted.

 

[Ancilla]

i think the article is dangerous.

it will lead christian men into thinking that pre-martial sex is not a sin.

i've seen it happen and it will happen with this article. it can be somewhat misleading if misinterpereted.

I don't know that he's getting at with the fifth myth. I'd have to read the book to find out. But he clearly says "The Bible tells us to save sex for marriage (1Cor. 7:2). That's crucial.The Bible tells us to save sex for marriage (1Cor. 7:2). That's crucial." If someone wants to overlook that and pretend that the article is saying what it's not saying, well, then they know that they are decieving themselves for sinful gain.

 

[Lady_Karen]

My daughter was into a Long Distance Relationship with a young man that lived in The Netherlands & things were going very well for them in the beginning ... then they started to drift apart then just ah few days before there 6 month anniversary of being a couple { if you call being miles a part & only able to have web cam dates a couple } he said " I cannot handle this anymore ... " then he broke it off with her but ... they reamined " friends "

But ... with that my daughter was not happy ... there talks via web cam became shorter & shorter & they grew more distant ... she was always busy with school & other friends ... till finally her " best friend " introduced her to someone much closer to home & they started talking & talked for a couple of months till one day ... he asked her out & they met up ... and they have been together ever since & this young man treats her like GOLD ... he is the best thing that has happened to her ...

They spend a lot of time together ...
His family has excepted her with open arms into the family ..
On weekends she is there with his family ...

And, they have both chosen to WAIT to do anything { sexually that is } till they are married and they are both wanting to give each other purity rings ... as they know that the Lord has given them to each other & they are willing to wait for as long as it takes ... it might be 5 years down the road but it's worth the wait & just to see my daughter happy that is all that matters to me !!

 

[Lighthearted]

On the other hand, as I've said before, I've known long-distance relationships that have worked so if one where to ask me if they were intended to be together then why didn't God put them closer together

On the other hand, as I've said before, I've known long-distance relationships that have worked so if one where to ask me if they were intended to be together then why didn't God put them closer together and I obviously don't have an answer for that.

I say, follow where God leads whether we see something in it for ourselves or not. We are here to serve Him. You never know what His reasons are...but there is always seems to be some good fruit to be had.

 

[CozHElivesIcanface2morrow]

My daughter was into a Long Distance Relationship with a young man that lived in The Netherlands & things were going very well for them in the beginning ... then they started to drift apart then just ah few days before there 6 month anniversary of being a couple { if you call being miles a part & only able to have web cam dates a couple } he said " I cannot handle this anymore ... " then he broke it off with her but ... they reamined " friends "

But ... with that my daughter was not happy ... there talks via web cam became shorter & shorter & they grew more distant ... she was always busy with school & other friends ... till finally her " best friend " introduced her to someone much closer to home & they started talking & talked for a couple of months till one day ... he asked her out & they met up ... and they have been together ever since & this young man treats her like GOLD ... he is the best thing that has happened to her ...

They spend a lot of time together ...
His family has excepted her with open arms into the family ..
On weekends she is there with his family ...

And, they have both chosen to WAIT to do anything { sexually that is } till they are married and they are both wanting to give each other purity rings ... as they know that the Lord has given them to each other & they are willing to wait for as long as it takes ... it might be 5 years down the road but it's worth the wait & just to see my daughter happy that is all that matters to me !!

Sometimes relationships end peacefully without so much drama between romantic couples. They slowly drift apart... Sometimes they don't realize it...or maybe they do but they just stop trying anymore they are just there hanging but not doing anything anymore it might be because they can't imagine It ever happening in the future anymore. It is sad but God sees through us He knows what's best for us

 

[17Bees]

This long distance communication is pretty complicated. If you want to know the truth I think language is at the heart of love for a woman. With men it's all senses. Words eventually wax thin after a while. And though this interweb broadens our communicative scope it lacks a physical touch. I think sometimes women suffer more than men with this.