My daughter is gay

[Judy123]

My daughter is 15 years old. She has always been a nice girl and attended church with the family and seems to be of good christian faith. Recently, however, I noticed her spending a lot of time on tumblr.com, which I found out has a thriving gay community. This irked me, but it also does not mean that she was gay.

The other day she came up and told me that she was a homosexual and that she was dating a girl. She was very calm about it. I didn't know what to do. She hadn't shown any change in personality, she had still been going to church with us every Sunday, actively praying, and all the other regular practices. I don't understand what to do. I haven't talked to her about it much yet. She says she knows that it isn't right and that she will not be accepted by our church community.

Yesterday, she left her phone on. I wouldn't usually read through her texts because I know that's intrusive, but I saw a message from the girl, Kailee, who she claims to be her partner. She was sending a message about how much she meant to her. I scrolled back a bit and saw they were sending the most loving messages that looked as strong as the love between a woman and a man. I thought to myself, Is this really a sin? She seems so happy!

I love my daughter very dearly. It is clear that she is happy. I want her to be happy. But this is still a sin, what do you say I should do? I still need to have a big talk with her, I am just at a loss on what to say and I could really use some advice, thanks!

 

[Demi777]

Well it is a sin if shes happy or not. And it wont or shouldnt change her character. Pray for her
You cannot force her to be hetero so theres not much u can do
Also shes very young so i kinda doubt shes really gay. I think its more of a phase because it became a tred and that other girl seems so nice.
I doubt its gonna be serious and stay serious

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

My daughter is 15 years old. She has always been a nice girl and attended church with the family and seems to be of good christian faith. Recently, however, I noticed her spending a lot of time on tumblr.com, which I found out has a thriving gay community. This irked me, but it also does not mean that she was gay.

The other day she came up and told me that she was a homosexual and that she was dating a girl. She was very calm about it. I didn't know what to do. She hadn't shown any change in personality, she had still been going to church with us every Sunday, actively praying, and all the other regular practices. I don't understand what to do. I haven't talked to her about it much yet. She says she knows that it isn't right and that she will not be accepted by our church community.

She said these words? If so, it sounds like she wants to rebel just for the sake of rebelling. The fact that she's been in church doesn't mean a thing if she's still not born again.

Yesterday, she left her phone on. I wouldn't usually read through her texts because I know that's intrusive, but I saw a message from the girl, Kailee, who she claims to be her partner. She was sending a message about how much she meant to her. I scrolled back a bit and saw they were sending the most loving messages that looked as strong as the love between a woman and a man. I thought to myself, Is this really a sin? She seems so happy!

That's the point of counterfeits; they're supposed to look like the real thing.

Seeming happy cannot be your indicator. Satan loves it when people are happy in sin; it keeps them in it.

I love my daughter very dearly. It is clear that she is happy. I want her to be happy. But this is still a sin, what do you say I should do? I still need to have a big talk with her, I am just at a loss on what to say and I could really use some advice, thanks!

"Being happy" is not the most important thing in life, so "but we're happy" is not a good argument in favor of her decision. Don't fall for the old, "doesn't God want me to be happy?" either. Or the "but we love each other!" Or the "I was born this way!" (In case any of those come up.)

I suggest talking about what it means to be born again. She's looking for something--for her to go to church every week and "do the Christian things" (so to speak) and deliberately look outside of God's will for "love" says to me that she does not have a relationship with God. She might not even realize that her relationship with God is missing, for that matter. Most people who "go through the motions" don't even realize there's more to knowing God than that.

Ask her why she strayed, especially since she can't claim she didn't know it was wrong. This might give you some insight. Let her know that sin can (seem to) make her "happy", but it will never make her whole. Throughout the conversation, keep bringing it back to the Gospel.

I will pray for your conversation!

 

[lizzie1]

My daughter is 15 years old. She has always been a nice girl and attended church with the family and seems to be of good christian faith. Recently, however, I noticed her spending a lot of time on tumblr.com, which I found out has a thriving gay community. This irked me, but it also does not mean that she was gay.

The other day she came up and told me that she was a homosexual and that she was dating a girl. She was very calm about it. I didn't know what to do. She hadn't shown any change in personality, she had still been going to church with us every Sunday, actively praying, and all the other regular practices. I don't understand what to do. I haven't talked to her about it much yet. She says she knows that it isn't right and that she will not be accepted by our church community.

Yesterday, she left her phone on. I wouldn't usually read through her texts because I know that's intrusive, but I saw a message from the girl, Kailee, who she claims to be her partner. She was sending a message about how much she meant to her. I scrolled back a bit and saw they were sending the most loving messages that looked as strong as the love between a woman and a man. I thought to myself, Is this really a sin? She seems so happy!

I love my daughter very dearly. It is clear that she is happy. I want her to be happy. But this is still a sin, what do you say I should do? I still need to have a big talk with her, I am just at a loss on what to say and I could really use some advice, thanks!

I know how u feel lv, my aunt is also gay, my granddad raped her for years but after he was jailed she did end up having a son then went on to marry another guy. And when that relationship didn't work out she turned to women. I don't think she see's it as being wrong and that's the sad part. I tell her about God but she wont listen to me, shes never got over at what her dad has done to her.

At the minute shes going through the early stages of dementia and anything I say to her she really doesn't take it on board. At the minute shes not with any1 and I don't think she will be ever again as shes too ill, I'm just praying for her. I have to leave it with God Hes the only 1 that can change her heart...

Cast all you anxiety on Him because He cares for you

 

[mj007]

Just accept her for who she is 'presently' or maybe even 'indefinitely'.

Either way you cannot affect any kind of change (if that is what you are hoping for) if you don't accept her the way she is.

Her changes are in God's hands let her find the way and support her.

Imagine 2 scenarios;

You accept her the way she is, she is happy, things are going well, then things go wrong, she questions herself. Who will she turn to?

You don't accept, try to change her, she rebels as she would, she is somewhat happy, but when things go wrong, she jumps into another relationship. Somehow you give her a conviction in what she believes.

This is why they say it is your parents who mess you up, most choose the 2nd option.

 

[Adstar]

She says she knows that it isn't right!

From that quote i cannot see how you can do much directly with her.. If she already knows it's wrong then the responsability for her actions are in her own hands.. All you can do is let her know about the judgement Day and pray to God to bring conviction upon her conscience..

 

[lizzie1]

Find your own support system.Don't bear this burden alone. Find others who can listen to you without judgment, then pray for you consistently

Learn about homosexuality.There are many Christian books to help you, such as Someone I Love is Gay by Anita Worthen and Bob Davies (InterVarsity Press). Understanding the underlying "root" emotional and spiritual issues will give you insights into your loved one's life.

Resist false guilt. You cannot control your loved one's choices--only your reaction to their choices. You cannot be guilty for things over which you have no control. And you have no control over the moral choices of others

 

[pckts]

Tell her it is adultery and that she will need to repent and ask for forgiveness, not in those words obviously. Just let her know it is against God, also don't be too hard, let her know that sex outside of marriage and love everyone is her age is doing is also adultery, but emphasize the homosexuality is a "double sin" (not in those words). Let her know the whole "gay pride" thing is the world encouraging mental illness, the world is going to gladly accept her behavior and give her an "identity", you need to make sure she sees this for what it is, a deception and a lie

There is an emotional problem causing this, you need to figure out what that is so you can help her. Does she have low-self esteem? Image problems? Trouble socializing? You need to nurture whatever is causing this so that she can be comfortable with herself and feel good enough for a real relationship. She's still young and can leave this behind her.


And the texts are just texts, kids typing words and phrases that sound lovey, maybe even trying to cast away there doubts and guilt about it. You really stopped and asked yourself if it was a sin? The Bible lets us know what is a sin and isn't. If you condone this behavior she will be lost, it's in it's infancy now and your opportunity to intervene.

There is some mental illness causing this, and if you want to ignore this because it's unpleasant to think something is wrong emotionally with her, and you are afraid she will feel rejected by you, the problem will become her identity and then it will be too late to ever do anything about it.

 

[Judy123]

I know how u feel lv, my aunt is also gay, my granddad raped her for years but after he was jailed she did end up having a son then went on to marry another guy. And when that relationship didn't work out she turned to women. I don't think she see's it as being wrong and that's the sad part. I tell her about God but she wont listen to me, shes never got over at what her dad has done to her.

At the minute shes going through the early stages of dementia and anything I say to her she really doesn't take it on board. At the minute shes not with any1 and I don't think she will be ever again as shes too ill, I'm just praying for her. I have to leave it with God Hes the only 1 that can change her heart...

Cast all you anxiety on Him because He cares for you

I'm very sorry to hear about your aunt's situation. I know some people turn to homosexuality after a bad experience with someone of a certain gender. Some people never listen to you, and I suppose that is their choice.

 

[Judy123]

Tell her it is adultery and that she will need to repent and ask for forgiveness, not in those words obviously. Just let her know it is against God, also don't be too hard, let her know that sex outside of marriage and love everyone is her age is doing is also adultery, but emphasize the homosexuality is a "double sin" (not in those words). Let her know the whole "gay pride" thing is the world encouraging mental illness, the world is going to gladly accept her behavior and give her an "identity", you need to make sure she sees this for what it is, a deception and a lie

There is an emotional problem causing this, you need to figure out what that is so you can help her. Does she have low-self esteem? Image problems? Trouble socializing? You need to nurture whatever is causing this so that she can be comfortable with herself and feel good enough for a real relationship. She's still young and can leave this behind her.

And the texts are just texts, kids typing words and phrases that sound lovey, maybe even trying to cast away there doubts and guilt about it. You really stopped and asked yourself if it was a sin? The Bible lets us know what is a sin and isn't. If you condone this behavior she will be lost, it's in it's infancy now and your opportunity to intervene.

There is some mental illness causing this, and if you want to ignore this because it's unpleasant to think something is wrong emotionally with her, and you are afraid she will feel rejected by you, the problem will become her identity and then it will be too late to ever do anything about it.

When she told me that she knew it was wrong, what she had said was that she knew it was against the Bible. We talked for a bit this morning and she said that she still was Faithful to god, and that she had realized that it is possible to be both faithfully Christian and gay. She has not committed adultery, if you say that teenage dating without intercourse is adultery then I don't see your point, even though homosexuality is sin. She is only 15 years old, and their relationship is a very supporting and kind one. She talked to me about Kailee and I can't see anything wrong with it in my head, besides what the Bible says. My daughter says she thinks I will be able to understand if I just listen to her. Maybe I should. My family choices are mine, firsthand.

She has never had any emotional choices. She has never had any sort of self-esteem issues or socializing problems or anything like that. I brought this up in our talk and she said that nothing had happened, and that she hadn't changed a bit. She had never shown any sort of interest in men. She doesn't have anything wrong with her. I did an online urgent care chat with a doctor. She told me that it wasn't a choice, that that was how she was born, and that there is nothing wrong with her. She says that it was not a physical choice, but built into her mind, and that nothing had influenced it. I'm not sure I can believe all of this, and I do not know how my doctor stands as far as religion goes.

I did stop and ask myself about it, because I don't want to turn away from Lizzie. Her choices are hers to make, and while I can intervene if I feel she is in danger of her life, this doesn't seem to be causing any physical danger. While God may reject her, she has accepted it at this point, but she says she will still always believe in strength in god.

 

[Limey410v2]

Homosexuality is the most picked upon sin by Christians, because it is one of the easiest sins not to fall into (most people aren't gay)
So you will get a lot of high horse, frown down, judgemental, fire and brimstone posts from a bunch of self righteous straight Christians.

My advice is to continue to show her God's love, remembering that God forgave ALL sin on the cross.

He desires a relationship with your daughter, if and when she claims that relationship by accepting His free gift of Salvation to her, He will guide her down the right path via the Holy Spirit.

It may be a sin that she struggles with her whole life, or as demi777 states it is probably just a phase.

But her salvation is tantamount, get her saved and let God take care of the rest.

 

[maxwel]

When she told me that she knew it was wrong, what she had said was that she knew it was against the Bible. We talked for a bit this morning and she said that she still was Faithful to god, and that she had realized that it is possible to be both faithfully Christian and gay. She has not committed adultery, if you say that teenage dating without intercourse is adultery then I don't see your point, even though homosexuality is sin. She is only 15 years old, and their relationship is a very supporting and kind one. She talked to me about Kailee and I can't see anything wrong with it in my head, besides what the Bible says. My daughter says she thinks I will be able to understand if I just listen to her. Maybe I should. My family choices are mine, firsthand.

She has never had any emotional choices. She has never had any sort of self-esteem issues or socializing problems or anything like that. I brought this up in our talk and she said that nothing had happened, and that she hadn't changed a bit. She had never shown any sort of interest in men. She doesn't have anything wrong with her. I did an online urgent care chat with a doctor. She told me that it wasn't a choice, that that was how she was born, and that there is nothing wrong with her. She says that it was not a physical choice, but built into her mind, and that nothing had influenced it. I'm not sure I can believe all of this, and I do not know how my doctor stands as far as religion goes.

I did stop and ask myself about it, because I don't want to turn away from Lizzie. Her choices are hers to make, and while I can intervene if I feel she is in danger of her life, this doesn't seem to be causing any physical danger. While God may reject her, she has accepted it at this point, but she says she will still always believe in strength in god.

"I can't see anything wrong with it in my head"


Judy,
I think your statement above clarifies the whole issue.

This is the problem.

It sounds like you too have been affected, colored, swayed, by the endless torrents of confusion pumped out by our modern anti-biblical culture.

If you don't see a problem, then that's a pretty large problem.
If you don't see a problem... then you really need to get a better footing in the bible, and thereby gain a better ability to discern the lies and confusion which are pumped continuously into our culture.


I'm not accusing you of being a bad mother, or of having any bad intentions.
We are pretty much all victims of a fallen world.
We are all victims of the lies and confusion bombarding us from every angle... lies which never cease.


The Bible is our antidote, and our armor.
The Bible is part of the "armor of God" we are supposed to continually wear.
This armor protects us.
If we aren't immersed enough in the bible, continually, and at a very deep level... we WILL be affected and confused by our culture... a culture which is striving to intentionally confuse, and striving to intentionally justify every kind of sin.

I'm sure you're a very nice person.
But this world we live in is a cesspool...
and the Bible is a clean, clear, pure drink of water.

 

[Judy123]

Just accept her for who she is 'presently' or maybe even 'indefinitely'.

Either way you cannot affect any kind of change (if that is what you are hoping for) if you don't accept her the way she is.

Her changes are in God's hands let her find the way and support her.

Imagine 2 scenarios;

You accept her the way she is, she is happy, things are going well, then things go wrong, she questions herself. Who will she turn to?

You don't accept, try to change her, she rebels as she would, she is somewhat happy, but when things go wrong, she jumps into another relationship. Somehow you give her a conviction in what she believes.

This is why they say it is your parents who mess you up, most choose the 2nd option.

Thank you so very much. I agree with you!!!

 

[Judy123]

I said "besides what the bible says". I know the consequences but I can't understand what it is like because they are not my choices. They are my daughters. I know what the Bible says about homosexuality, but it is my daughters choices. I cannot see anything wrong with my daughter is what i meant by that sorry for the confusion.

 

[maxwel]

I said "besides what the bible says". I know the consequences but I can't understand what it is like because they are not my choices. They are my daughters. I know what the Bible says about homosexuality, but it is my daughters choices. I cannot see anything wrong with my daughter is what i meant by that sorry for the confusion.

I understood exactly what you said, and what you meant.


If you understood the Bible better, and understood WHY God says all these things He does... you would see these things more clearly.


If you understood the Bible better, you would have a clear, deep understanding of exactly what is wrong, and why.



I'm really not trying to be unkind.
But you are feeling confused because you are confused.
God is not the author of confusion.





I'm not going to respond any more in this thread.

I sincerely hope you sort through these things, and make wise decisions.


God Bless

 

[preacher4truth]

My daughter is 15 years old. She has always been a nice girl and attended church with the family and seems to be of good christian faith. Recently, however, I noticed her spending a lot of time on tumblr.com, which I found out has a thriving gay community. This irked me, but it also does not mean that she was gay.

The other day she came up and told me that she was a homosexual and that she was dating a girl. She was very calm about it. I didn't know what to do. She hadn't shown any change in personality, she had still been going to church with us every Sunday, actively praying, and all the other regular practices. I don't understand what to do. I haven't talked to her about it much yet. She says she knows that it isn't right and that she will not be accepted by our church community.

Yesterday, she left her phone on. I wouldn't usually read through her texts because I know that's intrusive, but I saw a message from the girl, Kailee, who she claims to be her partner. She was sending a message about how much she meant to her. I scrolled back a bit and saw they were sending the most loving messages that looked as strong as the love between a woman and a man. I thought to myself, Is this really a sin? She seems so happy!

I love my daughter very dearly. It is clear that she is happy. I want her to be happy. But this is still a sin, what do you say I should do? I still need to have a big talk with her, I am just at a loss on what to say and I could really use some advice, thanks!

I'm sorry about your daughter. However, the truth about whether sodomy is right or wrong isn't found in the text messages of a teenagers phone, but within Scripture where it is condemned along with other sins.

 

[Judy123]

P S Y C H E .

This was a social experiment.
I am actually a teenage lesbian and not a Christian. I have no problem with Christianity, I just wanted to see how people would respond to the scenario of a woman who loves her daughter.

Most of y'all have good points I guess I've never read the bible though. mj007 is a good person, woke Christian I support you.

 

[preacher4truth]

P S Y C H E .

This was a social experiment.
I am actually a teenage lesbian and not a Christian. I have no problem with Christianity, I just wanted to see how people would respond to the scenario of a woman who loves her daughter.

Most of y'all have good points I guess I've never read the bible though...

Yes, sodomites are all hell bent to see if everyone agrees with their practices and if not ^^^^^^

For the record, you do have a problem with biblical Christianity, and not all persons speaking in this thread reflect true biblical Christianity.

 

[maxwel]

P S Y C H E .

This was a social experiment.
I am actually a teenage lesbian and not a Christian. I have no problem with Christianity, I just wanted to see how people would respond to the scenario of a woman who loves her daughter.

Most of y'all have good points I guess I've never read the bible though. mj007 is a good person, woke Christian I support you.

This was neither original nor shocking.

Sorry to disappoint.

People come to this forum, and do this sort of thing every day.



The lesbians of the world really need to raise the bar creatively.

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

It sounds like she's confused. For her to say that she knows that homosexuality is against the Bible and that she can be faithfully Christian and gay at the same time is contradicting. Faithful Christians live by the Bible. It's one thing to struggle with same-sex attraction; it's another to deliberately persist in pursuing it.

To make a conscious choice to continue in sin despite knowing what the Bible says should raise a red flag.

The doctor will not say that your daughter has a problem, but it sounds like your daughter's problem is not being born again. You may not see a change in demeanor, or any reason to worry. But just because your daughter may be kind, sweet, sensible, calm, and whatever other good things she may be, it doesn't mean she's fine--people of all personalities and demeanors can be unsaved. Don't let a wonderful demeanor fool you into thinking that the person or their actions are fine by God.

In a way, it's harder to convince those people that what they're doing is not right or that they are not saved, because 1) we think they seem okay, and 2) they think they seem okay. We treat them as one big "nothing to see here", and that's exactly what Satan wants, and what he uses "good" unsaved people for. The doctor has no idea who/what your daughter may have been influenced by, and the truth of the matter is, your daughter herself might have no idea who she has been influenced by. The devil likes to work stealthily.

By the way, this is coming from someone who was once in your daughter's place before and is now saved, with no same-sex attraction. So there is hope yet. But she's got to be saved, no matter what the doctor says, no matter what she says, and no matter how benign it all seems to you.

Sin is never benign.