Wedding Reception Woes - Can You Relate?

[FenceMan]

Hello, CC friends!

I'm an introvert lots of times - sometimes more than other times. I also get depressed suddenly for no reason or often when I'm tired.

Anyway, I was at the wedding of a close family friend and during the reception all of these things hit me at once. When everyone got up to dance together to some fun music, I finally left the banquet area and walked away down the road in the dark, cold night feeling a whole range of negative emotions.

I wanted to share my thoughts during it with you. Maybe some of you can relate and could offer me a little encouragement?

So here it is:

I want to be out there with the rest of you. I admire your ability to so easily forget yourself and not be afraid to look foolish. What you're doing looks like so much fun and I want to do it, too. This is a celebration! I want to celebrate with you! When you invite me to join with you, I accept, grateful to be included and noticed. But when the event arrives, I turn around and flee. And then I feel bad and I want someone to explain my actions to, but I'm alone...

I look around the banquet hall and I see all your familiar faces smiling and having a good time. I want to talk to each one of you and really throw myself out there socially, but it's a mountain I don't have the strength to climb... So, instead I keep to myself or talk to one person close by, even if I don't know them. Deep down I feel bad that there are close friends and loved ones I haven't spoken to. Are their feelings hurt? They must think I'm ignoring them... They must wonder why I'm so weird and quiet...

They must be thinking: "I guess he's just kind of eccentric" "Sort of antisocial" "Arrogant" "Mentally disturbed" "Just weird" "Creepy" "A social outcast" "Probably not saved" "His whole family is strange" "Prideful" "Shy" "Abused as a child"

Earlier, I told my sister I'd dance with her for fun, since her husband isn't here. The music starts playing and I can't even stand up to walk over to her seat. I see here sitting alone and glancing my direction, but I just look away feeling like an absolute heel.

Then there's my childhood friend sitting over there. She's not married, she doesn't even have a boyfriend. We had a nice conversation earlier. I could ask her. We even danced together as little children at her aunt's wedding years ago. Dancing together at her sister's wedding would spark special memories for both our families and some great photos to cherish! But if I can't dance with my own sister, there's no way I'll find the courage to ask a childhood friend... Sigh. There goes a rare opportunity... I'm a coward and I'll never get married.

If I sit here while others ask their friends and loved ones to dance, I'll look like some weak guy who is hoping a girl will ask him because he's too spineless to make the first move. Maybe I am spineless. After all, people often told me I would make a good match for the bride, and I always thought she was a very godly, pretty girl. But, I never made any attempt after the 20-some years we knew each other. And now she's married. Maybe I should just go home... I guess I have enough courage to cross the dance floor to get to the exit...

Of course, I didn't drive my own car. I came with others. So there's no true escape.

I just walk down the road in the dark knowing I must look truly creepy now, like I'm secretly a drug dealer who set up a meeting time with someone knowing where the reception was going to be held. Oh, well. I don't really care right now. Though it would be awkward to have a police car pull up... :\

I take a detour onto a dimly lit golf course and walk down the paths singing a worship song that I'm still working on. I look up at the moon and notice the beautiful iridescent ring on the clouds around it. I wonder if someone in a home nearby hears me singing and wonders if I'm a homeless man? The reception hall windows face the golf course... I hope know one looks out the window and happens to see me out here. But they're still too busy dancing under that disco ball to notice, I'm sure.

There must be a girl out there somewhere who would be a good fit for me, someone who I just "click" with and which makes pursuing them easy. Someone who would be willing to go for random walks outside with me if I need that. Or just wander off aimlessly... Someone who will listen to me talk as I try to get my thoughts in order and realize that I won't make complete sense until the second or third time explaining. Someone who will be patient with my emotional complexities. I was told I should already be praying for my future wife, wherever she is, but sometimes they seem like empty prayers...

There must be a girl out there who would leave the crowd with me... But I haven't met her yet.

 

[Willie-T]

Me too. But, I found a wife who did much of that for me.... while helping me learn to accept the crowd.

 

[Rachel20]

It is okay if you are not feeling up to it to withdraw from people. Sometimes we are not in the right place or at the right time to connect to others.

However in the long run, if you continue at it you will look back and wonder about all the missed opportunities you could have had. Honestly, sometimes being introverted or extroverted is over-rated. If you want something, really, really want it - you are going to have to just push yourself to get it.

If you are not emotionally available or able to start a relationship, you can just get up and dance for fun.

Personally, I don't have this need to have one single guy who would leave the crowd to rescue me and hear my emotional complexities (or hear his). My weakness is good looks. My anathema is boredom.

 

[JesusLives]

Pray and ask God to give you the courage to take chances.

When you find yourself in that situation again. Focus on just your sister as if you two are the only ones in the room go over to her ask her to dance then just listen to the music and have that dance with your sister knowing that God is giving you the courage to do so.

When the music stops take your next chance and go to your friend and ask her to dance just focusing on her as if you two are the only ones in the room knowing God is giving you the courage to do this listen to the music and dance with your friend.

You will find your someone after you have communicated with God and asked Him to give you the courage to take a chance.

 

[Zi]

I used to be a worrying person.

Most people don't care nor think as deep about what you may or may not be doing and why.. it takes away from the joy of the moment..

Truly.. most couldn't even recite what you wore.. not in offense but because analysis detracts

I do hope you learn to not over think. Life is much more enjoyable

 

[laughingheart]

I am sorry for your pain. What I will say is that you are a very gifted writer and you used your words to create a window for people to see in. That is a powerful gift of communication. What you are describing sounds a lot like depression. Depression is not necessarily sadness. It has been described as frozen anger, often feeling trapped. It is like you are watching life on TV but you can no more interact with the people around you than the ones on the screen. Sometimes you can make the connection but often it is beyond you and it is random. It is like seeing a truck heading towards you and you do not move. When people try to force you it can induce panic. The worst part is you don't know if it will end and when normal starts or if it will. It doesn't have to be rational and it is not a defect in you are a lack of will to make things better. What I do know is that you feel isolated. I know that now is the time I'm supposed to say something amazing, but I'm not going to patronize you like that. What I will say is hang on to the truth that you know through Christ. I also went through depression and the only thing I could believe was the truth of who God is. My emotions lied. Your interpretation of events will lie. You cannot trust your own input but you can trust that God is who he says he is. I had to recite the basics of God's character in order to know up from down. It was my lifeline. You may feel weirdly isolated in your own bubble but He is there walking along side. That doesn't make it feel all better. Unfortunately in depression the easiest feelings to access are shame, self doubt, anger, loss and an exaggerated sense of guilt. What I can tell you is that there is life on the other side. I have had adventures, traveled, loved and even ended up on stage!!! I have had days of not being able to make it to that social event even though I said yes at first and decided that weaving a basket with wires and bike parts was more fun (long story) but my life became more than I dreamed.
In Turkey I found that melancholy, depression is seen as normal. Life is hard and they will sorrow together. They will then eat, laugh, cry and continue on because it is accepted.
You are normal. You sorrow. You feel deeply. Your writing shows that you are an artist. Despite your feelings you are not alone.

 

[cinder]

Well as a fellow introvert who also doesn't particularly enjoy wedding receptions crowded with strangers, let me try to be the voice of reason to your inner monologue.



I want to be out there with the rest of you. I admire your ability to so easily forget yourself and not be afraid to look foolish. What you're doing looks like so much fun and I want to do it, too. This is a celebration! I want to celebrate with you! When you invite me to join with you, I accept, grateful to be included and noticed. But when the event arrives, I turn around and flee. And then I feel bad and I want someone to explain my actions to, but I'm alone...

Bottom line is that's just not who I am, and this fun will probably never be fun for me; it's just going to be stressful and awkward so please understand that and don't make a big deal about my not participating. But I'm here to celebrate with you and just be here, even if my version of celebrating looks like sitting quietly and just being happy on the inside for you.

I look around the banquet hall and I see all your familiar faces smiling and having a good time. I want to talk to each one of you and really throw myself out there socially, but it's a mountain I don't have the strength to climb... So, instead I keep to myself or talk to one person close by, even if I don't know them. Deep down I feel bad that there are close friends and loved ones I haven't spoken to. Are their feelings hurt? They must think I'm ignoring them... They must wonder why I'm so weird and quiet...

Really they are probably thinking about all the things they need to do and people they need to talk to during the event, unless they're introverts in which case they're thinking how long until it is over and I can put my public face away and relax. People are busy and preoccupied at weddings where they see lots of people they haven't seen for a while. And pretty much everyone is going to attribute the excuse of busy or just didn't get around to all the people you wanted to talk to if you don't talk to them.

They must be thinking: "I guess he's just kind of eccentric" "Sort of antisocial" "Arrogant" "Mentally disturbed" "Just weird" "Creepy" "A social outcast" "Probably not saved" "His whole family is strange" "Prideful" "Shy" "Abused as a child"
That's a lot of negative self talk and no they aren't thinking about you at all. If you aren't someone they already know and want to talk to they probably don't even notice you doing your introvert thing.

Earlier, I told my sister I'd dance with her for fun, since her husband isn't here. The music starts playing and I can't even stand up to walk over to her seat. I see here sitting alone and glancing my direction, but I just look away feeling like an absolute heel.

Then there's my childhood friend sitting over there. She's not married, she doesn't even have a boyfriend. We had a nice conversation earlier. I could ask her. We even danced together as little children at her aunt's wedding years ago. Dancing together at her sister's wedding would spark special memories for both our families and some great photos to cherish! But if I can't dance with my own sister, there's no way I'll find the courage to ask a childhood friend... Sigh. There goes a rare opportunity... I'm a coward and I'll never get married.

What's stopping you from dancing with your sister? Your logic is first rate (well up until the part about being a coward and never getting married because you aren't up for dancing at this moment in time), but those stupid emotions don't always heed logic. Are you worried about looking like a fool? Or will you just feel like everyone is staring at you and that just causes you to feel pressure and self conscious to the extreme? Or is it something that's so out of character for you that you're worried people will comment on it and you don't want to have all that attention drawn to you?

If I sit here while others ask their friends and loved ones to dance, I'll look like some weak guy who is hoping a girl will ask him because he's too spineless to make the first move. Maybe I am spineless. After all, people often told me I would make a good match for the bride, and I always thought she was a very godly, pretty girl. But, I never made any attempt after the 20-some years we knew each other. And now she's married. Maybe I should just go home... I guess I have enough courage to cross the dance floor to get to the exit...

Again only people who are going to notice are the ones who care for you or are hoping you will ask them to dance. And they all know you well enough to understand that this is hard for you.

Of course, I didn't drive my own car. I came with others. So there's no true escape.

I just walk down the road in the dark knowing I must look truly creepy now, like I'm secretly a drug dealer who set up a meeting time with someone knowing where the reception was going to be held. Oh, well. I don't really care right now. Though it would be awkward to have a police car pull up... :\

I take a detour onto a dimly lit golf course and walk down the paths singing a worship song that I'm still working on. I look up at the moon and notice the beautiful iridescent ring on the clouds around it. I wonder if someone in a home nearby hears me singing and wonders if I'm a homeless man? The reception hall windows face the golf course... I hope know one looks out the window and happens to see me out here. But they're still too busy dancing under that disco ball to notice, I'm sure.

Introvert rule #1 always have an escape plan for social gatherings because at some point it will get to be too much and you just need to learn to excuse yourself for the sake of your health and your relationships (because at least for me, dealing with me after I'm just done with people is not fair to other people). And chances are if someone sees you or notices you (which is pretty hard when they're in the bright inside and you're in the dark outside), they're not going to do anything at all about it. And quiet moonlit hikes, that sounds absolutely lovely, it would be a shame if you were so busy worrying about what other people think that you didn't enjoy it.

There must be a girl out there somewhere who would be a good fit for me, someone who I just "click" with and which makes pursuing them easy. Someone who would be willing to go for random walks outside with me if I need that. Or just wander off aimlessly... Someone who will listen to me talk as I try to get my thoughts in order and realize that I won't make complete sense until the second or third time explaining. Someone who will be patient with my emotional complexities. I was told I should already be praying for my future wife, wherever she is, but sometimes they seem like empty prayers...

There must be a girl out there who would leave the crowd with me... But I haven't met her yet.
There are such girls out there, but they aren't the ones in the middle of the crows (ok that was supposed to be crowd but some typos are too entertaining to correct) on the dance floor at the reception. Pursuit and connection and emotions are never going to be easy, even when you click it isn't easy (or at least not for long). But if you're looking for someone who will x, then go do x and keep your eyes open for gals out there by themselves doing x. And yes that means you're going to have to develop the courage to go and do what you want to do on your own, but it sounds like you probably already have that (you go wandering around the golf course in the dark while singing after all) so there's no reason to think your situation is beyond hope.


And if you remember nothing else, remember this: People aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hello, CC friends!

I'm an introvert lots of times - sometimes more than other times. I also get depressed suddenly for no reason or often when I'm tired.

Anyway, I was at the wedding of a close family friend and during the reception all of these things hit me at once. When everyone got up to dance together to some fun music, I finally left the banquet area and walked away down the road in the dark, cold night feeling a whole range of negative emotions.

I wanted to share my thoughts during it with you. Maybe some of you can relate and could offer me a little encouragement?

So here it is:

I want to be out there with the rest of you. I admire your ability to so easily forget yourself and not be afraid to look foolish. What you're doing looks like so much fun and I want to do it, too. This is a celebration! I want to celebrate with you! When you invite me to join with you, I accept, grateful to be included and noticed. But when the event arrives, I turn around and flee. And then I feel bad and I want someone to explain my actions to, but I'm alone...

I look around the banquet hall and I see all your familiar faces smiling and having a good time. I want to talk to each one of you and really throw myself out there socially, but it's a mountain I don't have the strength to climb... So, instead I keep to myself or talk to one person close by, even if I don't know them. Deep down I feel bad that there are close friends and loved ones I haven't spoken to. Are their feelings hurt? They must think I'm ignoring them... They must wonder why I'm so weird and quiet...

They must be thinking: "I guess he's just kind of eccentric" "Sort of antisocial" "Arrogant" "Mentally disturbed" "Just weird" "Creepy" "A social outcast" "Probably not saved" "His whole family is strange" "Prideful" "Shy" "Abused as a child"

Earlier, I told my sister I'd dance with her for fun, since her husband isn't here. The music starts playing and I can't even stand up to walk over to her seat. I see here sitting alone and glancing my direction, but I just look away feeling like an absolute heel.

Then there's my childhood friend sitting over there. She's not married, she doesn't even have a boyfriend. We had a nice conversation earlier. I could ask her. We even danced together as little children at her aunt's wedding years ago. Dancing together at her sister's wedding would spark special memories for both our families and some great photos to cherish! But if I can't dance with my own sister, there's no way I'll find the courage to ask a childhood friend... Sigh. There goes a rare opportunity... I'm a coward and I'll never get married.

If I sit here while others ask their friends and loved ones to dance, I'll look like some weak guy who is hoping a girl will ask him because he's too spineless to make the first move. Maybe I am spineless. After all, people often told me I would make a good match for the bride, and I always thought she was a very godly, pretty girl. But, I never made any attempt after the 20-some years we knew each other. And now she's married. Maybe I should just go home... I guess I have enough courage to cross the dance floor to get to the exit...

Of course, I didn't drive my own car. I came with others. So there's no true escape.

I just walk down the road in the dark knowing I must look truly creepy now, like I'm secretly a drug dealer who set up a meeting time with someone knowing where the reception was going to be held. Oh, well. I don't really care right now. Though it would be awkward to have a police car pull up... :\

I take a detour onto a dimly lit golf course and walk down the paths singing a worship song that I'm still working on. I look up at the moon and notice the beautiful iridescent ring on the clouds around it. I wonder if someone in a home nearby hears me singing and wonders if I'm a homeless man? The reception hall windows face the golf course... I hope know one looks out the window and happens to see me out here. But they're still too busy dancing under that disco ball to notice, I'm sure.

There must be a girl out there somewhere who would be a good fit for me, someone who I just "click" with and which makes pursuing them easy. Someone who would be willing to go for random walks outside with me if I need that. Or just wander off aimlessly... Someone who will listen to me talk as I try to get my thoughts in order and realize that I won't make complete sense until the second or third time explaining. Someone who will be patient with my emotional complexities. I was told I should already be praying for my future wife, wherever she is, but sometimes they seem like empty prayers...

There must be a girl out there who would leave the crowd with me... But I haven't met her yet.

Wow! You and I think a lot alike! (kind of scary I guess...) Except I wouldn't go walking on a dark road during a wedding reception... I'd be sitting in my chair partaking of the fine culinary offerings, while thinking all those sad scary thoughts to myself..

 

[Lynx]

"You must spread some reputation around before giving it to cinder again."

I don't have anything to post because cinder already said every single thing I was thinking while I read the OP. Just go back and reread what cinder said. Especially that last line.

 

[FenceMan]

It is okay if you are not feeling up to it to withdraw from people. Sometimes we are not in the right place or at the right time to connect to others.

However in the long run, if you continue at it you will look back and wonder about all the missed opportunities you could have had. Honestly, sometimes being introverted or extroverted is over-rated. If you want something, really, really want it - you are going to have to just push yourself to get it.

If you are not emotionally available or able to start a relationship, you can just get up and dance for fun.

Personally, I don't have this need to have one single guy who would leave the crowd to rescue me and hear my emotional complexities (or hear his). My weakness is good looks. My anathema is boredom.

Well, but it's frustrating to not be in a position to connect with others at a celebratory ceremony which may only happen once in these people's lifetimes. That's one reason I felt so bad about myself.

 

[FenceMan]

Pray and ask God to give you the courage to take chances.

When you find yourself in that situation again. Focus on just your sister as if you two are the only ones in the room go over to her ask her to dance then just listen to the music and have that dance with your sister knowing that God is giving you the courage to do so.

When the music stops take your next chance and go to your friend and ask her to dance just focusing on her as if you two are the only ones in the room knowing God is giving you the courage to do this listen to the music and dance with your friend.

You will find your someone after you have communicated with God and asked Him to give you the courage to take a chance.

I have certainly taken chances before and stepped out in faith - singing in a church (a song I wrote, no less) going to another country by myself, moving out of my parent's home, giving speeches in college, etc. But no matter how much I push myself and seek courage, there's this scared, timid, depressed, over-thinking side of me just begging to take over again.

As you point out, it's definitely something to pray about if nothing else.

 

[FenceMan]

Wow! You and I think a lot alike! (kind of scary I guess...) Except I wouldn't go walking on a dark road during a wedding reception... I'd be sitting in my chair partaking of the fine culinary offerings, while thinking all those sad scary thoughts to myself..

My food was gone. There weren't no more. Well, there was the cake, but they wouldn't cut it until after the hour or so of dancing.

 

[FenceMan]

I used to be a worrying person.

Most people don't care nor think as deep about what you may or may not be doing and why.. it takes away from the joy of the moment..

Truly.. most couldn't even recite what you wore.. not in offense but because analysis detracts

I do hope you learn to not over think. Life is much more enjoyable

What?! You mean no one saw my tie which looks purple from the front and green from the side? I was proud of that!

 

[FenceMan]

I am sorry for your pain. What I will say is that you are a very gifted writer and you used your words to create a window for people to see in. That is a powerful gift of communication. What you are describing sounds a lot like depression. Depression is not necessarily sadness. It has been described as frozen anger, often feeling trapped. It is like you are watching life on TV but you can no more interact with the people around you than the ones on the screen. Sometimes you can make the connection but often it is beyond you and it is random. It is like seeing a truck heading towards you and you do not move. When people try to force you it can induce panic. The worst part is you don't know if it will end and when normal starts or if it will. It doesn't have to be rational and it is not a defect in you are a lack of will to make things better. What I do know is that you feel isolated. I know that now is the time I'm supposed to say something amazing, but I'm not going to patronize you like that. What I will say is hang on to the truth that you know through Christ. I also went through depression and the only thing I could believe was the truth of who God is. My emotions lied. Your interpretation of events will lie. You cannot trust your own input but you can trust that God is who he says he is. I had to recite the basics of God's character in order to know up from down. It was my lifeline. You may feel weirdly isolated in your own bubble but He is there walking along side. That doesn't make it feel all better. Unfortunately in depression the easiest feelings to access are shame, self doubt, anger, loss and an exaggerated sense of guilt. What I can tell you is that there is life on the other side. I have had adventures, traveled, loved and even ended up on stage!!! I have had days of not being able to make it to that social event even though I said yes at first and decided that weaving a basket with wires and bike parts was more fun (long story) but my life became more than I dreamed.
In Turkey I found that melancholy, depression is seen as normal. Life is hard and they will sorrow together. They will then eat, laugh, cry and continue on because it is accepted.
You are normal. You sorrow. You feel deeply. Your writing shows that you are an artist. Despite your feelings you are not alone.

A basket from wires and bike parts? I would like a picture of that!

What you described actually sounds very much like me. I've often thought it might be some kind of depression, but it always seems triggered by group events where I am well known to many of the people present. I'm not sure if it's overwhelmment (yes that's a word, spellchecker) at all the different nuances to communicating with each individual with whom I share a different history, or what. If I could describe it allegorically, I would say it's like a social bomb exploding into my world demanding a response from me when I'm not able to give one. Instead, like you said about the truck, I'm just frozen to my spot and can't move. On rare occasions someone manages to pull me out of it, but if they try too hard it pushes me away farther...

Thanks for the encouragement about my writing. I really should write something of more importance some day as you are probably the hundredth to tell me this... I still have to figure out what to do with that, aside from writing music.

 

[FenceMan]

Well as a fellow introvert who also doesn't particularly enjoy wedding receptions crowded with strangers, let me try to be the voice of reason to your inner monologue.



I want to be out there with the rest of you. I admire your ability to so easily forget yourself and not be afraid to look foolish. What you're doing looks like so much fun and I want to do it, too. This is a celebration! I want to celebrate with you! When you invite me to join with you, I accept, grateful to be included and noticed. But when the event arrives, I turn around and flee. And then I feel bad and I want someone to explain my actions to, but I'm alone...

Bottom line is that's just not who I am, and this fun will probably never be fun for me; it's just going to be stressful and awkward so please understand that and don't make a big deal about my not participating. But I'm here to celebrate with you and just be here, even if my version of celebrating looks like sitting quietly and just being happy on the inside for you.

I look around the banquet hall and I see all your familiar faces smiling and having a good time. I want to talk to each one of you and really throw myself out there socially, but it's a mountain I don't have the strength to climb... So, instead I keep to myself or talk to one person close by, even if I don't know them. Deep down I feel bad that there are close friends and loved ones I haven't spoken to. Are their feelings hurt? They must think I'm ignoring them... They must wonder why I'm so weird and quiet...

Really they are probably thinking about all the things they need to do and people they need to talk to during the event, unless they're introverts in which case they're thinking how long until it is over and I can put my public face away and relax. People are busy and preoccupied at weddings where they see lots of people they haven't seen for a while. And pretty much everyone is going to attribute the excuse of busy or just didn't get around to all the people you wanted to talk to if you don't talk to them.

They must be thinking: "I guess he's just kind of eccentric" "Sort of antisocial" "Arrogant" "Mentally disturbed" "Just weird" "Creepy" "A social outcast" "Probably not saved" "His whole family is strange" "Prideful" "Shy" "Abused as a child"
That's a lot of negative self talk and no they aren't thinking about you at all. If you aren't someone they already know and want to talk to they probably don't even notice you doing your introvert thing.

Earlier, I told my sister I'd dance with her for fun, since her husband isn't here. The music starts playing and I can't even stand up to walk over to her seat. I see here sitting alone and glancing my direction, but I just look away feeling like an absolute heel.

Then there's my childhood friend sitting over there. She's not married, she doesn't even have a boyfriend. We had a nice conversation earlier. I could ask her. We even danced together as little children at her aunt's wedding years ago. Dancing together at her sister's wedding would spark special memories for both our families and some great photos to cherish! But if I can't dance with my own sister, there's no way I'll find the courage to ask a childhood friend... Sigh. There goes a rare opportunity... I'm a coward and I'll never get married.

What's stopping you from dancing with your sister? Your logic is first rate (well up until the part about being a coward and never getting married because you aren't up for dancing at this moment in time), but those stupid emotions don't always heed logic. Are you worried about looking like a fool? Or will you just feel like everyone is staring at you and that just causes you to feel pressure and self conscious to the extreme? Or is it something that's so out of character for you that you're worried people will comment on it and you don't want to have all that attention drawn to you?

If I sit here while others ask their friends and loved ones to dance, I'll look like some weak guy who is hoping a girl will ask him because he's too spineless to make the first move. Maybe I am spineless. After all, people often told me I would make a good match for the bride, and I always thought she was a very godly, pretty girl. But, I never made any attempt after the 20-some years we knew each other. And now she's married. Maybe I should just go home... I guess I have enough courage to cross the dance floor to get to the exit...

Again only people who are going to notice are the ones who care for you or are hoping you will ask them to dance. And they all know you well enough to understand that this is hard for you.

Of course, I didn't drive my own car. I came with others. So there's no true escape.

I just walk down the road in the dark knowing I must look truly creepy now, like I'm secretly a drug dealer who set up a meeting time with someone knowing where the reception was going to be held. Oh, well. I don't really care right now. Though it would be awkward to have a police car pull up... :\

I take a detour onto a dimly lit golf course and walk down the paths singing a worship song that I'm still working on. I look up at the moon and notice the beautiful iridescent ring on the clouds around it. I wonder if someone in a home nearby hears me singing and wonders if I'm a homeless man? The reception hall windows face the golf course... I hope know one looks out the window and happens to see me out here. But they're still too busy dancing under that disco ball to notice, I'm sure.

Introvert rule #1 always have an escape plan for social gatherings because at some point it will get to be too much and you just need to learn to excuse yourself for the sake of your health and your relationships (because at least for me, dealing with me after I'm just done with people is not fair to other people). And chances are if someone sees you or notices you (which is pretty hard when they're in the bright inside and you're in the dark outside), they're not going to do anything at all about it. And quiet moonlit hikes, that sounds absolutely lovely, it would be a shame if you were so busy worrying about what other people think that you didn't enjoy it.

There must be a girl out there somewhere who would be a good fit for me, someone who I just "click" with and which makes pursuing them easy. Someone who would be willing to go for random walks outside with me if I need that. Or just wander off aimlessly... Someone who will listen to me talk as I try to get my thoughts in order and realize that I won't make complete sense until the second or third time explaining. Someone who will be patient with my emotional complexities. I was told I should already be praying for my future wife, wherever she is, but sometimes they seem like empty prayers...

There must be a girl out there who would leave the crowd with me... But I haven't met her yet.
There are such girls out there, but they aren't the ones in the middle of the crows (ok that was supposed to be crowd but some typos are too entertaining to correct) on the dance floor at the reception. Pursuit and connection and emotions are never going to be easy, even when you click it isn't easy (or at least not for long). But if you're looking for someone who will x, then go do x and keep your eyes open for gals out there by themselves doing x. And yes that means you're going to have to develop the courage to go and do what you want to do on your own, but it sounds like you probably already have that (you go wandering around the golf course in the dark while singing after all) so there's no reason to think your situation is beyond hope.


And if you remember nothing else, remember this: People aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are.

Cinder, your responses to each of my lines of thinking are extremely helpful and encouraging!

One of the problems was that for some reason I was placed at the table in the center of the room right up front at the dance floor and closest to the bride and groom... Even their relatives were farther away! So sitting there at an almost empty table was feeling extremely uncomfortable and people literally were all facing me as they watched the dancers...

If I did join the dance, even with my sister or childhood friend, it would have been sure to draw attention and remarks from people and lots of photos. Because they all know how hard it is for me to get up and do something like that in front of everyone. I didn't want all that attention, but then sitting where I was also seemed to draw attention, so I was not very happy overall...

I appreciate how you point out that it's not fair to people to have to deal with the done-with-people me. I've felt bad about it, but never gave it a whole lot of thought, either. In the future, when people give me a hard time for withdrawing temporarily (which they always do) I'll point this out to them and say something like "Would you rather talk to a happy, pleasant FenceMan or a frustrated, tired, leave-me-alone FenceMan?"

 

[cinder]

Cinder, your responses to each of my lines of thinking are extremely helpful and encouraging!

One of the problems was that for some reason I was placed at the table in the center of the room right up front at the dance floor and closest to the bride and groom... Even their relatives were farther away! So sitting there at an almost empty table was feeling extremely uncomfortable and people literally were all facing me as they watched the dancers...

If I did join the dance, even with my sister or childhood friend, it would have been sure to draw attention and remarks from people and lots of photos. Because they all know how hard it is for me to get up and do something like that in front of everyone. I didn't want all that attention, but then sitting where I was also seemed to draw attention, so I was not very happy overall...

I appreciate how you point out that it's not fair to people to have to deal with the done-with-people me. I've felt bad about it, but never gave it a whole lot of thought, either. In the future, when people give me a hard time for withdrawing temporarily (which they always do) I'll point this out to them and say something like "Would you rather talk to a happy, pleasant FenceMan or a frustrated, tired, leave-me-alone FenceMan?"

Well if it's true confessions time.... there have been plenty of times that I didn't try something new, or kept quiet about it if I could where no one knew because I didn't want to deal with other people's comments about how unlike me it was. I hate that.

 

[laughingheart]

A basket from wires and bike parts? I would like a picture of that!

What you described actually sounds very much like me. I've often thought it might be some kind of depression, but it always seems triggered by group events where I am well known to many of the people present. I'm not sure if it's overwhelmment (yes that's a word, spellchecker) at all the different nuances to communicating with each individual with whom I share a different history, or what. If I could describe it allegorically, I would say it's like a social bomb exploding into my world demanding a response from me when I'm not able to give one. Instead, like you said about the truck, I'm just frozen to my spot and can't move. On rare occasions someone manages to pull me out of it, but if they try too hard it pushes me away farther...

Thanks for the encouragement about my writing. I really should write something of more importance some day as you are probably the hundredth to tell me this... I still have to figure out what to do with that, aside from writing music.

I tried to include some photos but it didn't work this time.
When it comes to writing don't worry why you are doing it. Sometimes the benefit is in the journey rather than just the destination. I would put some of my silly rubbish on Facebook to get people to laugh. After a while it refined and I was contacted by someone who wanted to hire me as a social media writer. He said his wife was pestering him to read my writing as it made her laugh and was engaging. Wow.
With you you do more than put words on paper. You communicate. All of art, whether drawing, singing, dancing, writing is about connection. It is why you might prefer a simple piece of outsider art to an elaborate technically correct piece. It speaks to you. I draws you in and makes you feel something. You have that gift. Don't let the editor in your head tell you that you first need a reason. It is creating a reason for you not to write, to protect your ego.
Write something every day. Share it if you want. What you wrote above has already had people saying "hey that sounds like me!". That is the perfect reason to write. It is a door to interact when face to face is too overwhelming.
All the best.