What If They Call You Baby... And You're Not An Infant (Or Their Significant Other.)

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

I'm sorry if this has been discussed before, but I'd like to know how all of you out there, both gals and guys, respond when someone of the opposite sex starts calling you "pet names" without any real reason.

Example: I was in the "getting to know you" process with a guy I'd met online, and suddenly, out of the blue, he started calling me "Sweetie" and "Baby"--such as, "All right, Baby, you just give me a call anytime."

The only thing is, we weren't dating. In fact, we'd met once in person but when he would call me, he would always ask when I was coming to the area where he lived so we could spend time together--he never once in 6 months offered to drive to see me, and experience has taught me, if you're running into a situation in which you have to do all the work, it's time to move on. (I eventually explained this to him as tactfully as I could muster and we agreed to stop talking.)

At any rate, I have to admit that it REALLY bothered me that he seemed to take the liberty of calling me things like that when we weren't even officially dating, let alone in a relationship. We had spoken on the phone maybe 5 or 6 other times... always just casual conversation ("How's school?" "What's new at work?")

For myself, I tend to call people by nicknames that I like to give them if it's all right with them (for example, I have a guy friend whom I call Babycakes but we've known each other 7 years and have literally been to hell and back several times over in our friendship.) I myself reserve terms such as "Baby" and "Sweetheart" for someone I'm actually in love with (yeah, it's been a long time.)

But, I don't want to sound like the Ice Queen from The Arctic Circle either, and I realize that even a nice, well-meaning person could call you by a pet name as as a sign of friendly affection without meaning any harm.

I would like to know:

1. Have you had people call you by pet names in situations that made you feel uncomfortable being called by such terms? What was the situation and how did you handle it?

2. When IS it ok to call someone "Baby" or "Sweetie" and how do you approach it--would you have to ask the person's permission or somehow talk about it in advance?

I know I may sound like an old-fashioned stick in the mud (and on most days, I won't argue that point), but I was wondering how the rest of you feel about this.

Mucho Gracias!

 

[sportygirl]

I would like to know:

1. Have you had people call you by pet names in situations that made you feel uncomfortable being called by such terms? What was the situation and how did you handle it?

2. When IS it ok to call someone "Baby" or "Sweetie" and how do you approach it--would you have to ask the person's permission or somehow talk about it in advance?

I know I may sound like an old-fashioned stick in the mud (and on most days, I won't argue that point), but I was wondering how the rest of you feel about this.

Mucho Gracias!

1. Well my best guy friend who I've known for alost 5 years called me babe the a little while a guy. It was a text message and i responded with babe?? and I dont exactly remember how he responded back, but it wasnt to serious. The only reason it bothered me at all was becasue I dont want him to think I'm interested again and was kind of trying to convince myself not to pursue anything with him

2. Well when it comes to saying them im not a pet name person AT ALL. Even in a relationship, I dont remember calling my ex, baby or sweetheart or other pet names. I call some of my friends babe, but its usually when they are hurting, and its a dont worry about it babe it will be ok. I may have said that to my ex. In a situation with the guy I like now I wouldnt probably call him pet names either, although I have been formed that maybe someday I'll be able to call him Frenchie the nickname his friends have all given him haha!!!

 

[Maddog]

Where I'm from we call everyone 'love' whatever their sex.

So, I can't really relate. I suppose if you don't like it tell them, but if I were in the same situation I can't imagine it bothering me that much.

 

[ChristianCowgirl]

1. Have you had people call you by pet names in situations that made you feel uncomfortable being called by such terms? What was the situation and how did you handle it?

2. When IS it ok to call someone "Baby" or "Sweetie" and how do you approach it--would you have to ask the person's permission or somehow talk about it in advance?

I have dealt with it before... I used to know a pastor who just used the term "sweetheart" for any girl he couldn't remember the name of. I don't remember what he called the guys. I didn't mind that because it's only real meaning was "I don't remember your name and I wanna call you something other than hey you." Other times, I've had guys say it when I knew they were claiming me as theirs even though they knew I wasn't interested. I really hated it. I usually just say something like, "my name is Susan. Call me that or don't call me anything." If I wanted to call someone a pet name, I'd probably just say something like, "how would you feel if I called you ___ sometimes?"

I'm a nickname person. When I'm working with kids, I use "sweety" and "buddy" as a generic name if I can't remember theirs. With my close friends, I usually have a shortened version of their name or something that makes me think of them... Like my friend KayCe is Kase and my brother is "mister." I think situation and what the person's meaning makes a big difference...

 

[erika83]

I don't mind being called sweetheart by some older poeple, especially some loving women tend to do this, even if they don't know you well, they just address younger people with sweetheart.
BUT when it comes to guys I'm not in love with I simply hate that, and they are usually up to no good especially online if they start calling you names in the first few chats, I always make it clear to stop calling me 'babe' or what not or they get ignored

 

[seoulsearch]

" Other times, I've had guys say it when I knew they were claiming me as theirs even though they knew I wasn't interested. I really hated it.

You really hit the nail on the head with this thought, ChristianCowgirl, and I thank you for articulating the very point I was trying to make.

I usually don't have a problem at all with "certain" people calling me Sweetie or whatever... as some people listed as examples, such as co-workers, mentors, older people, etc.

But with a guy I don't have a particularly close relationship with, I don't like it because, as you said, it often seems to implicate that they are somehow staking you out as their girl or giving a strong hint that you should be something more than a friend, even if you're not.

That's why I try to say something right away--so that they aren't mislead and think I'm somehow going along with being seen as something more--to me, in that kind of situation, the term "baby" especially is like a flag staking a claim to a relationship, and even more so if they start calling you that in front of other people.

If any of you remember one of Janet Jackson's most famous songs when she hit the music scene, "Nasty Boys," she has a lyric that became a classic: "No, my first name ain't 'Baby', it's Janet. Miss Jackson if you're nasty."

NOT that the guys I've talked to are somehow "nasty" (some of them have been!!! Trying to hide true colors!! And yes, I know it goes both ways) but I couldn't help but think of this song as I wrote this.

 

[ashlaa]

1. Pet names in general makes me uncomfortable, especially when my girlfriends hit me with a ''babe''
Even for me to use a pet name on someone makes me laugh.
With my last bf I asked him to quit calling me babe and instead call me shark, and although he thought it was odd, he did and I got a great laugh out of it.
although as our relationship grew i was able to open up to the option of pet names and we used "huniii"

2. I generally don't think there's a set out rule in when to use pet names. whatever makes you BOTH comfortable I guess, if you like each other then by all means, if you're still in the stage of getting to know each other, well for me its just gonna be ready to lay out to open a door of AWKWARD.

although I do tend to ignore being called by pet names, if I were in your position in a similar situation I would definetley say something lol.

but that's just me lol....

 

[Sharp]

I refuse to be called anything other than Megatron by the opposite sex.

 

[ashlaa]

I refuse to be called anything other than Megatron by the opposite sex.

how about BABEATRON

 

[Sharp]

how about BABEATRON

Haha I would consider it, provided it is said in a machine-like voice.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

I hate the pet name baby. It is the stupidest thing i've ever heard. Why would you do that to someone you love, call them baby? A baby is a small drooling pooping non talking crying, whining, messes up your house, need i continue.... ..... ok, well now i can see why a woman would call a man baby, but most certainly not why a man would call a woman baby.

STUPID STUPID STUPID

 

[grace]

I hate the pet name baby. It is the stupidest thing i've ever heard. Why would you do that to someone you love, call them baby? A baby is a small drooling pooping non talking crying, whining, messes up your house, need i continue.... ..... ok, well now i can see why a woman would call a man baby, but most certainly not why a man would call a woman baby.

STUPID STUPID STUPID

Ok...i'm sorry...but this brought me to histarics!! LOL I sooooooo needed this, this morning. HAHAHA!

 

[seoulsearch]

I refuse to be called anything other than Megatron by the opposite sex.

(Most mechanical, robo-tized voice possible HELLO SHARP, OH-I-MEAN SWEETIE-TRON.

I hate the pet name baby. It is the stupidest thing i've ever heard. Why would you do that to someone you love, call them baby? A baby is a small drooling pooping non talking crying, whining, messes up your house, need i continue.... ..... ok, well now i can see why a woman would call a man baby, but most certainly not why a man would call a woman baby.

STUPID STUPID STUPID

Nod, I can't even... what can one say about this... except throw up her hands and laugh!! Sorry, guys!!!

 

[1still_waters]

I'd think it's just a matter of emotional intelligence.

If someone calls someone they don't know by some odd pet name, it shows they lack emotional intelligence of when to use or not use certain pet names.

People should be at a place in their relationship with the other person where they can just feel it out and know if such names are acceptable to the given person at the stage/level of the relationship.

As far as how to address it. You're a female. You have many indirect methods at your disposal to make this guy stop.

Use them.

If he doesn't get the hint, it might be a sign you need to find others with a higher emotional intelligence to be with.

 

[seoulsearch]

I'd think it's just a matter of emotional intelligence.

If someone calls someone they don't know by some odd pet name, it shows they lack emotional intelligence of when to use or not use certain pet names.

People should be at a place in their relationship with the other person where they can just feel it out and know if such names are acceptable to the given person at the stage/level of the relationship.

As far as how to address it. You're a female. You have many indirect methods at your disposal to make this guy stop.

Use them.

If he doesn't get the hint, it might be a sign you need to find others with a higher emotional intelligence to be with.

Fortunately, I tend to aim for "direct" rather than indirect.

This past week (before I wrote this thread), I called him and brought up a lot of concerns (his expectations that I would always drive to where he was, etc.) and as I'd written in my original post, ended talking to him.

I'm all for the direct approach, though, I sometimes struggle because I don't like feeling as if I'm really hurting a person's feelings.

I was curious as to how others out there have dealt with the same issue when it's been encountered.

As for people with higher emotional intelligence... unfortunately... does anyone else feel this way? They seem to be far and few in between these days.

 

[Jennifleur]

Err, I can't relate. I've never had a guy call me "baby" before... I've had both older men and women call me "sweetie" before, and that doesn't bother me, because I think it's more an age thing than flirting.

What really drives me crazy are when women my age call me sweetie. I mean, seriously?! I know it's because they think I'm a teenager, but it still drives me nuts.

 

[greatkraw]

I hate the pet name baby. It is the stupidest thing i've ever heard. Why would you do that to someone you love, call them baby? A baby is a small drooling pooping non talking crying, whining, messes up your house, need i continue.... ..... ok, well now i can see why a woman would call a man baby, but most certainly not why a man would call a woman baby.

STUPID STUPID STUPID

 

[1still_waters]

Fortunately, I tend to aim for "direct" rather than indirect.

This past week (before I wrote this thread), I called him and brought up a lot of concerns (his expectations that I would always drive to where he was, etc.) and as I'd written in my original post, ended talking to him.

I'm all for the direct approach, though, I sometimes struggle because I don't like feeling as if I'm really hurting a person's feelings.

I was curious as to how others out there have dealt with the same issue when it's been encountered.

As for people with higher emotional intelligence... unfortunately... does anyone else feel this way? They seem to be far and few in between these days.

Why are you still spending time on this guy?

I mean if he's just a friend and that's all you see him as then ok, iron things out for the friendship.

But if he's a prospect for love, it seems clear to me this fella is just clueless and not worth expending the effort on.

 

[JMans1187]

Some people have that kind of personality!! like me! I call people Sweetie and Hun all the time! But I dont mean it out of context! The elderly people love it when I call them that, or if I say 'Hey Kids! How R ya' I have a few people i call babe also! Only people I call baby are my kids and my boyfriend!

 

[seoulsearch]

Why are you still spending time on this guy?

I mean if he's just a friend and that's all you see him as then ok, iron things out for the friendship.

But if he's a prospect for love, it seems clear to me this fella is just clueless and not worth expending the effort on.

I'm not spending time on him, Still.

I met him online about six months ago and as I'd written, we met one time in person (I drove to see him)... had a few phone calls... and last week I called him and said, "If something was meant to head in the direction of actual dating or a relationship, I'd have thought it would have headed that way by now or God would have led us spend more time together or something..."

We agreed to move on, wished each other the best, and hung up with the understanding that it was all over... not that anything had started in the first place!

I'm sorry if my intent of the thread was unclear--all of this happened BEFORE I wrote this thread--I wasn't asking for advice for my own situation, though I always appreciate the feedback and comments from others.

I was simply hoping to start a discussion from others who had maybe been through similar things to see how they'd felt and reacted.

Sorry for any misunderstandings!