How do you....

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S

sportygirl

Guest
#1
#1
I have two questions the first is:

How do you move on completely. My ex and I have been apart for 7 months, and 90% of the time I feel good. Overall I am thankful we arent still together, he isnt hte same person I started dating, and in a sense he had been cheating on me (not physically but definetely emotionally). We had been together nine months and he left me for the girl that shared a house with him and his brother. The thing is he is a part of my life still in that we have a few of the same friends (less at this point since he cut himself off even when we were together from a large portion of them) but we are involved in the same youth group (if he coms back which he could, etc). But I dont really awnt anything to do with him, but yet pictures of him and his gf will come up on my facebook, and on occasion it stings a little bit still, not the pain that I used to feel but just a little I miss that. Part of me just wishes the two of them werent together, than I would feel betterbut thats not fair. How do I completely quit thinking of him or a leat in a way of longing.

My second question has to deal with the guy im currently interested in. Since January the two of us have been developing a pretty strong friendship. I didnt know him when I was wtih my ex despite the fact that apparently the three of us were at several youth group partys together (were in the same pictures). Well hes invited me to his church and has volunteered to come get me (when he gets a car) because I dont have one. Were also taking a group trip to an amusement park, and other things together. Im hoping to eventually have a relationship with him but I'm also hesitant to date someone because of the fears I have relationship related and such, but I dont want what my ex did to me to effect me in the future. Plus I dont know how to find out if he likes me without out straight out asking him. Plus theres the fact that he may know my ex, if my ex returns to youth group that is, and im not sure how to handle that.
 
D

DABEARS85

Guest
#2
#2
Don't date the new guy unless you are over your ex, period. That isn't fair to him at all on the emotion level, but then again, you won't be over your ex until you start to date/love someone else. It's a double-edged sword, but you need to make that decision yourself. You will always think about your ex UNTIL you meet someone new. That's just human nature. You will gradually care less and less about your ex the more you care about this new guy. It just works out that way.

Also, time heals all wounds. That is the truest statement you will ever hear. The longer you are apart, the less you will hurt or care about your ex. Pretty soon, you will be able to see him, be friends, and generally even hang out with him, and you will not want to date him again nor will it even cross your mind.

Also, as far as this new guy... you should be able to tell if he likes you or not. Things like that are pretty obvious if you just pay attention. The thing is, you really shouldn't be trying to avoid dating someone simply because they know your ex. Your ex shouldn't even be involved or even worried about in a new relationship. That's wrong on all levels. Either you date this guy because you like him for him (and only him), or you don't date anyone. Your ex being in the picture at all shouldn't even matter as far as this new guy is concerned. If you dated this guy and you saw your ex while with him, and you still had feelings for your ex to the point where you wouldn't want to be around your new b/f, you shouldn't even be considering dating him. All you will do is hurt him, and then you will end up hurting yourself for losing a chance with a good guy all over an ex b/f that was bad for you.

Stop chasing the guy you can't have, and start chasing the guy that is RIGHT for you. It's as simple as that. Everyone wants what they can't have, and right now you can't have your ex, but that doesn't mean he is good for you. It doesn't make it right, nor will you be happy if you ever got back with him. You just want what you perceive as untouchable right now. That is immature thinking, and you really just need to get over it. You say he was wrong for you, so accept that and move on. Who cares who he dates or what he does? It doesn't matter. You are your own person, and you are not with him. Move on.

As far as the new guy is concerned, just talk to him. Learn to communicate. It isn't difficult, and saying you have feelings for him is not a big deal. You are making it one, but you are just limiting yourself. Even if you got rejected, would it matter? At least you would know where he stood then. You wouldn't be wasting your time anymore, right? Well then, just tell him how you feel. There is nothing wrong with that, and it will help you out far more than waiting around hoping for some type of sign that you probably already got. He probably has been showing he likes you, but you refuse to notice it while thinking about your ex all the time. That's your own fault, not his.

As far as fears about relationships, that is another thing you simply need to get over yourself. Don't string some guy along simply because you have walls that you refuse to let down. Don't play with another person's feelings just because you have gotten hurt in the past. EVERYONE has gotten their heart broken before. EVERYONE has gotten hurt. It's a part of life, but it doesn't mean everyone will do that to you. There are bad apples in every group, and you simply dated one. Everyone has been down that road. Move on, get over it, and tell this new guy how you feel. You will feel a lot better about it all, and then you won't need to come on CC forums asking for advice with it. You will be a lot happier.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#3
Aug 2, 2009
24,709
4,349
113
#3
sportygirl said:
I have two questions the first is:

How do you move on completely. My ex and I have been apart for 7 months, and 90% of the time I feel good. Overall I am thankful we arent still together, he isnt hte same person I started dating, and in a sense he had been cheating on me (not physically but definetely emotionally). We had been together nine months and he left me for the girl that shared a house with him and his brother. The thing is he is a part of my life still in that we have a few of the same friends (less at this point since he cut himself off even when we were together from a large portion of them) but we are involved in the same youth group (if he coms back which he could, etc). But I dont really awnt anything to do with him, but yet pictures of him and his gf will come up on my facebook, and on occasion it stings a little bit still, not the pain that I used to feel but just a little I miss that. Part of me just wishes the two of them werent together, than I would feel betterbut thats not fair. How do I completely quit thinking of him or a leat in a way of longing.

My second question has to deal with the guy im currently interested in. Since January the two of us have been developing a pretty strong friendship. I didnt know him when I was wtih my ex despite the fact that apparently the three of us were at several youth group partys together (were in the same pictures). Well hes invited me to his church and has volunteered to come get me (when he gets a car) because I dont have one. Were also taking a group trip to an amusement park, and other things together. Im hoping to eventually have a relationship with him but I'm also hesitant to date someone because of the fears I have relationship related and such, but I dont want what my ex did to me to effect me in the future. Plus I dont know how to find out if he likes me without out straight out asking him. Plus theres the fact that he may know my ex, if my ex returns to youth group that is, and im not sure how to handle that.
Click to expand...
You need to face the fact that its over with your ex. As the old saying goes, the fat lady has sung, that ship has sailed. You are the girl still sitting in the theater after the ending credits have stopped rolling and the house lights have come on. Of course it will still hurt when you think about what you've lost but the fact is its finished. What youve got to do is look ahead to greener pastures (boy am I dating myself here!). You are a free agent, a vivacious, adventurous, young bachlorette!! Don't sit there and mope about your ex who already has a new girl (!!!) Get out there and enjoy your freedom, see if this new guy is worth your time. You are the captain of your own ship. Stop sitting at the dock and go conquer a new world! Its waiting for you!
;)

Oh and when you see your ex's pic with his new gf,think to yourself " I hope she's making his life miserable." :)
 
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sportygirl

Guest
#4
#4
zeroturbulence said:
You need to face the fact that its over with your ex. As the old saying goes, the fat lady has sung, that ship has sailed. You are the girl still sitting in the theater after the ending credits have stopped rolling and the house lights have come on. Of course it will still hurt when you think about what you've lost but the fact is its finished. What youve got to do is look ahead to greener pastures (boy am I dating myself here!). You are a free agent, a vivacious, adventurous, young bachlorette!! Don't sit there and mope about your ex who already has a new girl (!!!) Get out there and enjoy your freedom, see if this new guy is worth your time. You are the captain of your own ship. Stop sitting at the dock and go conquer a new world! Its waiting for you!
;)

Oh and when you see your ex's pic with his new gf,think to yourself " I hope she's making his life miserable." :)
Click to expand...

Thanks Zero!

I like the last part of that haha. I really d ont want to get back wtih my ex under ANY circumstances that much I know I became someone I didnt like when I was with him thats for sure. I'm just trying to understand when it wont sting anymore I guess.
 
S

sportygirl

Guest
#5
#5
DABEARS85 said:
Also, as far as this new guy... you should be able to tell if he likes you or not. Things like that are pretty obvious if you just pay attention. The thing is, you really shouldn't be trying to avoid dating someone simply because they know your ex. Your ex shouldn't even be involved or even worried about in a new relationship. That's wrong on all levels. Either you date this guy because you like him for him (and only him), or you don't date anyone. Your ex being in the picture at all shouldn't even matter as far as this new guy is concerned. If you dated this guy and you saw your ex while with him, and you still had feelings for your ex to the point where you wouldn't want to be around your new b/f, you shouldn't even be considering dating him. All you will do is hurt him, and then you will end up hurting yourself for losing a chance with a good guy all over an ex b/f that was bad for you.
Click to expand...
I'm not avoiding dating him because he knows my ex, as far as I know he doesnt know him yet. Its more of hes gonna find out my ex and I dated, I mean most people know, but I dont want him to find it out from my ex or someone else before I get a chance to.

I'm afraid of dating someone cause of the walls Ive put in place since my break-up not my break-up itself.

DABEARS85 said:
Stop chasing the guy you can't have, and start chasing the guy that is RIGHT for you. It's as simple as that. Everyone wants what they can't have, and right now you can't have your ex, but that doesn't mean he is good for you. It doesn't make it right, nor will you be happy if you ever got back with him. You just want what you perceive as untouchable right now. That is immature thinking, and you really just need to get over it. You say he was wrong for you, so accept that and move on. Who cares who he dates or what he does? It doesn't matter. You are your own person, and you are not with him. Move on.
Click to expand...
Sometimes in this I feel like you didnt read my post, your saying its immature for me wanting my ex back. But I DONT want my ex back. I'm not chasing after my ex at all, as I said 90% of the time I am happy, and I really dont want him back under any circumstances hes not the same guy I started dating. With the who hes with, its just hte pain that he basically cheated on me that lingers there, not that I want him.

DABEARS85 said:
As far as the new guy is concerned, just talk to him. Learn to communicate. It isn't difficult, and saying you have feelings for him is not a big deal. You are making it one, but you are just limiting yourself. Even if you got rejected, would it matter? At least you would know where he stood then. You wouldn't be wasting your time anymore, right? Well then, just tell him how you feel. There is nothing wrong with that, and it will help you out far more than waiting around hoping for some type of sign that you probably already got. He probably has been showing he likes you, but you refuse to notice it while thinking about your ex all the time. That's your own fault, not his.
Click to expand...
Ok again I said I do talk to him hes becoming one of my best friends very quickly. AND AGAIN im not thinking about my ex all the time, when I'm with him he's the ONLY one I'm thinking of wethere thats online or in person. And I dont know about signs, hes friendly to me, and for a while it seemed like it, but he could also like my friend he treats us just about the same, although she thinks he likes me.

DABEARS85 said:
As far as fears about relationships, that is another thing you simply need to get over yourself. Don't string some guy along simply because you have walls that you refuse to let down. Don't play with another person's feelings just because you have gotten hurt in the past. EVERYONE has gotten their heart broken before. EVERYONE has gotten hurt. It's a part of life, but it doesn't mean everyone will do that to you. There are bad apples in every group, and you simply dated one. Everyone has been down that road. Move on, get over it, and tell this new guy how you feel. You will feel a lot better about it all, and then you won't need to come on CC forums asking for advice with it. You will be a lot happier.
Click to expand...
And yeah maybe I do need to get over myself, but I'm not stringing him along or playing with his feelings. I truely care for him, even just as a friend. I dont want to lose his friendship or make things weird between us.
 
O

Ohpiddle

Guest
#6
#6
Don't listen to the guys, most men can move in and out of a relationship with out hardly noticing any one around them. They don't understand that a woman's heart goes deeper than the obvious, God did not design them for that. I kind of get the idea that you walked out of God's word and was intimate with him. I have done the same and have paid the price. Walk in God's word this time, intimacy is for a husband and wife. If he truly believes in the Lord he will know this and will in force self control on his part. The mans obligation to the woman is to treat her as God treats the church, to defile her is to walk out of the Lord. He is to protect her heart as his own. Only a serious Christian man would understand this and take this seriously. Always know that God is watching and blesses on the things that are in Him. Seek the Lord for the hurt that you feel and remember that even when you do heal more it is never forgotten, remember you are human. Make sure that this fella you like walks in the word with no excuse and no blame towards others, he has to be accepting of his own mistakes as well as yours. Yes there are men out there that do believe this, the hard part is being patient and dealing with the ones that are all talk and no walk....so to speak.
 
G

greatkraw

Guest
#7
#7
Ohpiddle said:
Don't listen to the guys, most men can move in and out of a relationship with out hardly noticing any one around them. They don't understand that a woman's heart goes deeper than the obvious, God did not design them for that. I kind of get the idea that you walked out of God's word and was intimate with him. I have done the same and have paid the price. Walk in God's word this time, intimacy is for a husband and wife. If he truly believes in the Lord he will know this and will in force self control on his part. The mans obligation to the woman is to treat her as God treats the church, to defile her is to walk out of the Lord. He is to protect her heart as his own. Only a serious Christian man would understand this and take this seriously. Always know that God is watching and blesses on the things that are in Him. Seek the Lord for the hurt that you feel and remember that even when you do heal more it is never forgotten, remember you are human. Make sure that this fella you like walks in the word with no excuse and no blame towards others, he has to be accepting of his own mistakes as well as yours. Yes there are men out there that do believe this, the hard part is being patient and dealing with the ones that are all talk and no walk....so to speak.
Click to expand...
you are kidding me

girls want the current guy who is handy until some better option comes along
their first instinct is to lie to a guy in the name of sparing his feelings but it is really about saving themselves embarrassment and facing their own selfishness
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#8
#8
It sounds as if you may be afraid to date the new guy just in case the guy you once dated becomes available. If you feel that he cheated on you, is that a good idea? Would you really want to give him another opportunity to hurt you? God always has something better than second best in mind for His children. :)

In order to truly move on, sometimes the best thing to do is to completely shake yourself loose from that person for a bit, even if it means you can't be around mutual friends. If they are truly your friends, they will be respectful of your need to heal, right?

It really is important to heal before you jump right into a new serious relationship, but does that necessarily mean you can't date other guys? The new guy isn't asking you to marry him. He's just asking you to go to church and date, right? :) Go out and have some fun!!!! Laughter is fantastic medicine! If you date someone new, you just might see why the guy you're no longer with wasn't the right one for you and meet someone amazing along the way. :)

Youth is a gift. Move on and enjoy it! :)
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#9
Aug 2, 2009
24,709
4,349
113
#9
Ohpiddle said:
Don't listen to the guys, most men can move in and out of a relationship with out hardly noticing any one around them..
Click to expand...
NEWS FLASH!!!:
According to various sources we have reason to believe that a woman has actually left her significant other for another man! Yes, we couldn't believe it either!! Stay tuned for more details!
 
G

Grizzly_Bare

Guest
#10
#10
Fix ur eyes on Jesus... and allow him to heal ur heart.

THEN... when that is taken care of ...

move on to the next person.

It's really that simple.
 
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