Toddler Trouble

[MissCris]

My four year old daughter is...a handful. She’s adorable and charming half the time, but then...well...*sigh*

She bullies her older brother, screams every time she’s unhappy, argues with anyone who tells her to do anything, lies, destroys things, manipulates, tells her dad she wishes he wasn’t here, throws tantrums because she doesn’t have the same toys her brother has, and generally just treats everyone and everything like dirt.

Now- YES, much of the problem is how I handle it. Which is why I’m here; I have no idea what to do. I try to correct her; she screams and ignores me. I take things away, she screams and destroys her brother’s things. I spank her, she screams and keeps doing whatever she wants. I’ve tried rewards, time-outs, sticker charts, chores, everything I could find on how to deal with a difficult child. Nothing. Helps. I am so...exhausted. My husband works all week and I am home with my daughter while my son goes to school. I have the bulk of the responsibility in teaching her, though my husband does well with her when he’s home. I’ve tried emulating him- it doesn’t work.

I’m at my wit’s end with her- and I know if I can’t solve this now, it’s only going to get worse and be more difficult to stop. The idea of her as a teenager is terrifying right now.

Any advice would be appreciated. Bonus points if you have a success story with a difficult child...

 

[Tommy379]

My four year old daughter is...a handful. She’s adorable and charming half the time, but then...well...*sigh*

She bullies her older brother, screams every time she’s unhappy, argues with anyone who tells her to do anything, lies, destroys things, manipulates, tells her dad she wishes he wasn’t here, throws tantrums because she doesn’t have the same toys her brother has, and generally just treats everyone and everything like dirt.

Now- YES, much of the problem is how I handle it. Which is why I’m here; I have no idea what to do. I try to correct her; she screams and ignores me. I take things away, she screams and destroys her brother’s things. I spank her, she screams and keeps doing whatever she wants. I’ve tried rewards, time-outs, sticker charts, chores, everything I could find on how to deal with a difficult child. Nothing. Helps. I am so...exhausted. My husband works all week and I am home with my daughter while my son goes to school. I have the bulk of the responsibility in teaching her, though my husband does well with her when he’s home. I’ve tried emulating him- it doesn’t work.

I’m at my wit’s end with her- and I know if I can’t solve this now, it’s only going to get worse and be more difficult to stop. The idea of her as a teenager is terrifying right now.

Any advice would be appreciated. Bonus points if you have a success story with a difficult child...

Sounds like my daughter.

Mine started getting a little better when she started kindergarten. I suspect she will straighten out as she progresses through school. I noticed she does not want to act out in front of her peers.

 

[oldethennew]

this is a terrible problem, not only for yourself, but for the other members of your household,
and more than likely when you take her out with you,.,.

the 'training-process' must always start at a very young age, as even when children are infants
they will make demands at their will, and usually many parents accomadate them just to shut
them up and thus, have created a 'little demon' that no one, especially the mother can handle...

find a Christian Counselor if you can, for children who have been allowed to be the 'BOSS',
need intensive, correction in order to be able to learn how to respect others, after they have
destroyed their mothers and fathers and siblings emotionally...
thus having to reap the rewards of these once laughed at and encouraged actions...

prayers sent...

 

[gdyloves]

four year old often mimic behavior they see and repeat things they hear. is there anyone that she could have seen acting this way or saying things like "I wish you were not here"?

 

[gdyloves]

my suggestion don't allow this behavior when she acts that way don't give her, her way. if she says something unacceptable let it be known that behavior is NOT ok by putting her on time out or taking something away from her get her to realize this behavior equals this.
as adults we realize if we touch something hot, don't touch it again. it's the old cause and effect lesson

 

[Nehemiah6]

Any advice would be appreciated. Bonus points if you have a success story with a difficult child...

When your daughter is at *normal* take her aside (without anyone else present) and simply talk to her. Ask her is she knows who sent her to this home (God). Ask her is she knows what God is like (Explain). Ask her if she knows how God wants her to behave (because of who He is, and explain). Talk about Jesus and what He did for her in simple terms. Get her thinking about these things, while she is reminded that God loves her but He does not love bad behavior in children or older people and He is watching her all the time (although she cannot see Him). Too many people think that 3 and 4 year olds cannot grasp these things, but the truth is the reverse. Her motivation should be to please God, and that could make all the difference.

 

[Depleted]

My four year old daughter is...a handful. She’s adorable and charming half the time, but then...well...*sigh*

She bullies her older brother, screams every time she’s unhappy, argues with anyone who tells her to do anything, lies, destroys things, manipulates, tells her dad she wishes he wasn’t here, throws tantrums because she doesn’t have the same toys her brother has, and generally just treats everyone and everything like dirt.

Now- YES, much of the problem is how I handle it. Which is why I’m here; I have no idea what to do. I try to correct her; she screams and ignores me. I take things away, she screams and destroys her brother’s things. I spank her, she screams and keeps doing whatever she wants. I’ve tried rewards, time-outs, sticker charts, chores, everything I could find on how to deal with a difficult child. Nothing. Helps. I am so...exhausted. My husband works all week and I am home with my daughter while my son goes to school. I have the bulk of the responsibility in teaching her, though my husband does well with her when he’s home. I’ve tried emulating him- it doesn’t work.

I’m at my wit’s end with her- and I know if I can’t solve this now, it’s only going to get worse and be more difficult to stop. The idea of her as a teenager is terrifying right now.

Any advice would be appreciated. Bonus points if you have a success story with a difficult child...

When we did the screaming tantrum thing, we were sent to our rooms. Sure, things could be destroyed, but they were our things, so the only one we hurt was ourselves.

When we were quiet and behaving, mom returned. She'd check to see where we were. If we were sorry and contrite we came out. If we blamed someone else, or were still in a tizzy, we stayed longer.

 

[stand2]

"There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead". And so goes the rhyme. Not knowing your total situation, it's hard to give any meaningful advice. I come from a family of nine children and my wife from a family of ten. Our children are grown now. But I do have Ike. He has just turned six. He has no father........well....he has me.


We live on a farm with plenty of outdoors, so I take him outdoors often to let him "unwind".Hershey (our American Water Spaniel) is with him all the time; his constant companion. Reflecting back through all these years I cannot remember not having at least one of these dogs around. They are great with children (even the rough types).

When Ike gets "unmanageable" he gets isolation......kinda. He shares his isolation with Hershey and they commiserate together, especially after a spanking. Hershey is worth his weight in gold to an old duffer like me. When I get too tired or Ike just has one of his "moods", Hershey steps in and calms the waters.

So for me and my family a dog has always been the answer for helping us cope with children. True.....they are an added responsibility and expense, but the added love is far outweighs all of that. So after all this, maybe a dog would help you, if you don't already have one and you have the room.......like I said, I don't know your particular situation, so this is just something you might consider. I'm praying God will show you a means that you and your daughter can benefit from.........Amen......Stan

 

[zeroturbulence]

Years ago there was an episode of Dr Phil where this toddler would cry every time he wanted something and it was all the time. The parents of course gave him what he wanted but Dr Phil told them they need to stop catering to his crying. They showed how the parents watched the toddler in his crib via a baby monitor with a tv screen as he cried and cried until of course he stopped. Then when he stopped, the parents would come in and ask him what he wanted. It seemed to work.

Anyway, I would go with what gdlyloves and Depleted said.

 

[notmyown]

My four year old daughter is...a handful. She’s adorable and charming half the time, but then...well...*sigh*

She bullies her older brother, screams every time she’s unhappy, argues with anyone who tells her to do anything, lies, destroys things, manipulates, tells her dad she wishes he wasn’t here, throws tantrums because she doesn’t have the same toys her brother has, and generally just treats everyone and everything like dirt.

Now- YES, much of the problem is how I handle it. Which is why I’m here; I have no idea what to do. I try to correct her; she screams and ignores me. I take things away, she screams and destroys her brother’s things. I spank her, she screams and keeps doing whatever she wants. I’ve tried rewards, time-outs, sticker charts, chores, everything I could find on how to deal with a difficult child. Nothing. Helps. I am so...exhausted. My husband works all week and I am home with my daughter while my son goes to school. I have the bulk of the responsibility in teaching her, though my husband does well with her when he’s home. I’ve tried emulating him- it doesn’t work.

I’m at my wit’s end with her- and I know if I can’t solve this now, it’s only going to get worse and be more difficult to stop. The idea of her as a teenager is terrifying right now.

Any advice would be appreciated. Bonus points if you have a success story with a difficult child...

we raised 6, and our hardest was our son (#4). he was a combination of charm and rage. he flew at his older sisters and bit them when he was 1 and 2, which we got under control. but really, for the rest of his growing up years, there were problems. i tried to see the strength of mind and purpose as something God would use in our son as an adult, and sure enough, God did that. so many traits we see in our kids that we despair of at the moment really can be things God turns to good account when they're adults.

i know i did many things wrong, mostly out of not knowing what to do. kids learn so much more from what we do than what we say, and i learned that too late, too. i think we need to be aware of what type of behavior we're rewarding, and how we're doing it. not complicated at all.

each situation presents its own opportunities and challenges, and there may not be a cut and paste way to raise children. every parent is different, as are every one of our kiddos, and we need to be a little flexible at times. not with "da rulez", but with the way we deal with recalcitrant behavior, if that makes any sense whatsoever.
but along with the rules, we must give them the Gospel. the true Gospel and the one that says, you are my child and no matter what you do, i love you. my son tells me he realized when he was an older child and acting out, he was looking to see if that anchor held. (he also thanks me for disciplining him and not letting him become a total jerk. lol)

sorry i have no hard and fast answer; i'm not even sure there is one. though this situation with your daughter is very real, and difficult for you all, time will go by. things will change. all of you will grow and change, so try not to do what i do: future trip about a terrible adolescent period that may never come to pass. future tripping is never a good idea, and i speak from a wealth of experience in that arena.

i just want you to know my horrible son is almost 30, and an absolute delight. there is light, there is hope, there is God.

 

[lizzie-marie]

it sounds like she always wants the attention on her, and when she is mis behaved .. maybe the attention is more focused on her than anyone else? have you tried ignoring her all together? like when she mis behaves, keep putting her in that corner with no words, its going to be hard work but don't EVER give up. then she will crave the good attention off her mother. any attention is good attention in her eyes maybe, and what child wants a silent life with NO ATTENTION at all. so as soon as she starts or you spot the signs, try putting her straight in the corner without even a warning anymore. show her, you can have the attention and fun when your good, and only good. good luck !

 

[OneFaith]

You need to take a day to be her shadow- follow her around all day- focusing on nothing but her behavior. At the first sign of trouble you can see what the situation was and where her thinking went wrong- then correct it. Present to her the correct behavior, if she doesn’t do it put her in time out, sit with her in time out- let her know that today she will get away with nothing. Then take her back, remind her of the proper behavior, and have her do it. If she does not, put her in time out again. It might be tiring but when she realizes she can never get away with it, she will test you less and less often.

Make her accountable- if she pours crayons on the floor you do not pick them up- she does. Show her that you are the one in control. Also, take her off of sugar and things that contain red food dye for a week. No chocolate milk, no fruit loops cereal, no candy. Make sure she gets plenty of sleep, and fun time with you, because to her negative attention is better than no attention- so keep her full.

 

[Deade]

My oldest daughter (grown now) went through a bad phase during her terrible twos. She was smart and well behaved most of the time. Except when we were in a restaurant. She would take her spoon and bang the highchair table until she had the whole place doing everything they could to stop her. She was really loud, and a couple of times we had to leave without eating.

She outgrew that behavior and became the model child: we never had to paddle her for anything. Then at about 9 years of age a friend moved in with us temporarily with her two boys. The older one was 8 and the younger was six. Under the influence of the 8 year old she would pick on the younger one, and had to be paddled a few times. It is nature and nurture and every child is their own unique story.

The main thing to remember is: be smarter than your child.