Parental Opposites

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Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
32,505
13,123
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"Learn from the mistakes of others. You'll never have enough time in one life to make all the mistakes yourself."

I've heard a lot of people say "My (parent) always did ____________ and I'm NEVER going to be like (him/her)! Learning from the mistakes of a parent is fairly common... so I decided to start a thread about it. What did your parent do that you will never do?

I'll answer my own question in another post.
 
My mother is always running around looking for stuff at the last minute. She can NEVER find her car keys when it's time to leave. I made up my mind early on that wouldn't happen to me if I could prevent it. I have a designated place for the stuff in my pockets. If my pen, keys, pocketknife, billfold, etc. are not in my pockets, they are in that place. It has been a wonderful saving of time for me.

My parents both smoked weed in college. My father used to have what is commonly known as photographic memory... before college. Weed messed with my mother's distance vision a bit, so it's harder for her to tell how far away faraway stuff is. Me, I'm kind of afraid to even try it. I already have sufficiently limited brainpower, thank you. I don't want to find out what weed might knock out for me.

My parents have both been married and divorced twice. Once with each other, once with other people. I can't be sure without a psychologist, but I'm guessing that's a primary factor in my dilatory attitude toward dating. I'm not OPPOSED to dating and getting married, mind you - I'm just apathetic toward it.
 
My parents also got divorced- I was determined that I wouldn’t do that. So, I was married AND divorced by the time I was 18. And...I tried real hard to end the marriage I’m in now, several times. I’m thankful I failed, especially after having kids.

My biological father was addicted to meth- which I didn’t know/understand until my teen years. Everything good in his life was laid to waste by his addiction; he was extremely intelligent, a talented artist, very likable, a musician...all the potential in the world, wasted. He died a few years ago, leaving behind 6 adult children who never received anything from him, except a strong lesson on how not to live. He is the main reason I never experimented with drugs when my friends were.

My mom used to be like an angry monster in a bathrobe in the mornings- she would get angry and yell if we happened to be in the bathroom when she got up, she would flip out if we were noisy, that kind of thing. We knew to leave her alone for a couple hours, but sometimes we just couldn’t. She never hit us or anything, she was just...very...yelly. I told myself that when I had kids, the first thing I’d do each morning would be to hug them and ask if they’d had any dreams. I’ve held to this fairly well...mornings are hard when you wake up feeling like a zombie.
 
My parents were great. But i think they made two mistakes.
They raised 4 children (3 were step children to my dad, but he raised them as his own). Very solid discipline. Consistent. Thought through. Never done in anger. Until i hit junior high they seemed to ease up. A Lot. There were some legit reasons, but it seemed they just stopped trying with me. Burned out, i'm guessing. But it allowed some of my traits that Needed to be kept on to go free and grow instead. While i don't blame my parents for my life, i think their easing up did do me a disservice.
And now i forget the second one. I'll hit the post button, then i'll remember.
 
My parents separated when I was really little. I lived with my Mom and never did see or hear much of my Dad even though he didn't move that far from my Mom and I. There were times when he would say on the phone that he was going to come see me a certain day and he would say something like "Maybe you and I will get out and go do something", only for him to never show. I was disappointed and heartbroken when he would do that to me.

I wish I could have spent more time with him. I would have been happy if we hadn't done much other than just hung out together and talked. Then, as I got older, he moved to Kentucky (I live in Florida) so it's highly doubtful I'll ever see much of him now.

If I meet a woman and it doesn't work out, but we end up having one or more children in the process, I vow to make an effort to see my child or children a good deal. I would want to do things with them like see movies, go fishing and things like that. And if I say I'm going to come see them, I also vow to do my very best to keep that promise unless my car suddenly breaks down or something. I wouldn't want them to be disappointed over and over again like I was.

Don't get me wrong, I love my Dad. He did have some issues, though.
 
Ugly said:
My parents were great. But i think they made two mistakes.
They raised 4 children (3 were step children to my dad, but he raised them as his own). Very solid discipline. Consistent. Thought through. Never done in anger. Until i hit junior high they seemed to ease up. A Lot.
Click to expand...

This is about how I feel too. Especially about my mom, who is amazing. And actually my problem was/is more that they have eased up in name (trying to get me to make my own decisions, etc). But when I make a decision that they didn't want me to make, they are upset. I love my parents. I want their input. I think honoring and (to a point) obeying parents continues into adulthood. If they choose not to give advice to me as part of growing up...well, I wish they would, but I understand. I cannot understand not giving input, and treating me as if I had disrespected or disregarded them when I make a choice.

So I guess what I will STRIVE to do if I have children is probably the hardest part of a parent's life. Give advice...and let go.
 
My dad is selfish and my mom is selfless. I sense she's getting very weary though. I do wish he tried harder to show that he cares about her wants , but I don't see it happening... it's sad really.
 
Both parents hardworking, diplomatic, friendly, tho father was more reserved, probably one of the things i noticed and remember abt my mom however, was how she gets carried away when chatting with a friend or neighbor. I'm not saying it is a grave sin at all! but at a young age, i thought i would listen more than speak=). When she gave instructions or reminders, i would edit her say, 5 sentences into 2 or 3 in my mind, and that's how i've probably come to think and speak nowadays.
 
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