Question for married couples

[quidni]

Along the lines of the "don't go to bed angry" thoughts, my Great-Grandmother gave me some excellent advice before we were married. I've tried to share it with as many as possible; it works in other relationships besides marriage.

It doesn't matter what the argument is about, who started it, or who is wrong/right. ALWAYS try to be the first to apologize, even if the only thing you're sorry for is the fact that you fought.

It breaks the ice, cools things down a bit, and makes it easier to resolve the issue rationally.

And something else I've learned: when he offers to help around the house, never criticize how he does a task or go behind his back afterward to "do it right" unless you want him to never offer to help with that chore again!

Complete and fulfill yourself with Christ, not with your spouse. Expecting your spouse to complete and fulfill you is an unrealistic burden that no mortal person can live up to. If each of you are complete in Christ, then you both are truly free to be yourselves in the relationship.

There will be times when you don't "feel" in love, or even when you might not like each other. Remember that Love is a DOING, not a feeling. Love is the commitment to keep your promises, to seek what is best for the beloved, even when the feelings aren't there. And if you honor the commitment, the feelings will return and be stronger as time goes on.

Married 30 years to the same man, and hoping God keeps us both around long enough to be nuisances to the grandchildren we don't have yet!

 

[laurajean]

I know it's a common quote, but it's good advice: Envison your marriage as a rope of three strands; you, your husband, and God. If one of the strands isn't present, the rope is weak and easily severed. If all three strands are present, it can weather any storm.

 

[Graybeard]

forgive...forgive...forgive!!!!
and learn to recognize when you are at fault and to apologize.
we must remember however that there is no fixed formula.....
the reason so many marriages don't work is because of selfishness and the age old excuse of " he/she was not the "right" one"
BALLONY!!...YOU have to be the right one, not the other party.

(married 27yrs on July 30th) and by no means a walk in the park!

 

[call1home]

Honey,, I can tell you this. If God is not the center of all that you do including marrage, It will be a difficult road. I have been married for 16 years which is not a long time but long enough to have went thru some stuff with my wife. We are both God centered people (Thank You Lord) But that does not meane you will not have things that come between you. The personality differences are going to be there, that goes without saying. My wife and I have always been in church and also been involved with leading small groups in our home, Iam a decon at my church and my wife leads a commitee for the women of the church. All that does not matter,, you are not above those struggles that YOU WILL go thru. But this is my opinon,,, When you do have a struggle, DO NOT LOOK FOR WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO CHANGE HIM<< PRAY THAT GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE STRENGTH TO CHANGE YOU.
So many go down that road, including me. And beleive me when I say it does not work!! When my wife may do something that irrates me or I do not approv of I have to give myself some time to think thru what Iam feeling and why,, I know.. you just want to be right and sometimes you might be, but the worse thing you can do to your spouse is to set out to prove that they are wrong,, They will resent it and nothing is truley accomplished even if you think you won the war. You will have to stay in Gods word and pray about the things that you are concerned with. Do what you need to do to full feel what God has for you in your marrage. You have a role to play, dont try and do both his and yours. Its a burden that you do not want to take on. Let him be the head of the house, support him and encourge him even if he makes mistakes. He will not be perfect even if he puts the very best foot forward. And one last thing,, Spend time together,, Talk about what ever is going on in your life and his. It can be over a cup of coffee or a walk or what ever it is that you can do together. Some of those times may not be pleasent but you still need to talk. There is a book out called Marrage On the Rock.. Look that up. I think that will give you a good idea of what to expect.
If you are not married yet,, be sure to know if you are both on the same page.
Good Luck & God Bless

 

[mrreality7176]

Hi folks

This is partcularly aimed at couples who have been married a decent while, so please dont answer this if your a newly wed lol.

In a months time I will be engaged to a wonderful man. We've discussed everything from expected roles and family values etc etc. We have discussed what we would do if theres a crisis in our relationship/marriage, but can you really plan that much?

What I would like to know is how to pesevere and weather through those marital storms, and how to serve my spouse in a God driven way.

I dont have anyone to talk to in my family about this. My mum (despite loving her to bits) has been divorced twice (neither men being christian nor loving) and both my grandmothers husbands are non christian. I have never witnessed a marriage with God in the middle.

Hi, I'm 38 years old and have been married for 9 years. There is no recipe for a couple so called "making it" or recipe for success. You and your mate have to love each other with a love that each of you will indeed will die for the other, that kind of love is developed over time, by experiencing life's ups and downs, success and failure, good times and bad. At first because everything is so new you both need to get to really know each other and accept the things that are different about you and embrace the things that make you both different individuals. Always put your spouse above all others, after all you two have become one by your marriage vow but now you both need to become one in life. Try not to seek too much advice from others on how to become close or how to have this "perfect' Heavenly marriage. We are here on earth and deal with material and physical things, such as financial, and emotional challenges everyday to say the least and we all have different approaches and solutions. Another man's solution to a similar problem of yours could lead your marriage to disaster. Talk to your spouse and find out from them what do they expect from this marriage and what they desire and then you two can work toward making your marriage better for the two of you. Don't try to please people, or family. If things are to the point to where it's dangerous for either of you remaining together without being physically harmful to one another then you both should do the wise thing and evaluate things and go your separate ways if violence continues. You might don't want to take my advice because I simply don't follow religion, but think on this: why pray to a god that should already know what's going on in your life and know exactly what you need or desire and not play this game of waiting until you meet this certain level or lifestyle until he hears and answers you. Why would a god that so calls love us all so much put us through so much suffering and pain, why to make us stronger, c'mon. Believe in yourself and what you see everyday "you". You can have anything that you work hard to obtain. If we all are created beings by god then you believe in creation, right. Then who created God???? and if everything god created was good then how did the devil which once was a angel that god created become evil when there was no evil in God who created him???? incest is considered sin but if adam and eve was the only humans on earth, when they had children their children slept with one another????? God stopped the people from building the tower of babel because he said they would build it to heaven, however even if they would've continued building no way could they have even past the earths hemisphere without suffocating for lack of air, then floating in space??? religion is for those void of self direction and those who have this strange desire to have a definitive answer about something that not one person on this earth can confirm with 100 percent fact, only faith, which is like believing in Santa Claus. Others can try to discredit what i'm saying but use common sense: a man spent days inside of a fish??? the ocean opening so people can walk through??? God's favorite king was an murder, adulterer, liar, etc: King David "a man after God's own heart"???, need I go on. Wake up live your life, love your mate, enjoy life and LIVE. stop living for the afterlife when your alive in this life.

 

[mrreality7176]

husband and wife equals a strong rope, not an invisible god. no offense. when good happens they blame it on god, when bad happens they blame it on the devil. when are we responsible for anything. we make good or bad come our way depending on what we do in our lives. our choices, decisions, determines our outcomes. stop hiding behind religion and discover who you really are: a person who's not perfect but powerful enough to take control of their own life.

 

[BABYCEESMOM]

submit to God-allow him to be first in your life
I would recommend praying for your spouse daily. And, find time to pray with your spouse.
Be honest with each other from day one.

There is a wonderful book from a Dr. Willard Harley Jr. It is "Your Love and Marriage". It would be wise for both of you to read it.

God Bless!!!

 

[lighthousejohn]

Hi folks

This is partcularly aimed at couples who have been married a decent while, so please dont answer this if your a newly wed lol.

In a months time I will be engaged to a wonderful man. We've discussed everything from expected roles and family values etc etc. We have discussed what we would do if theres a crisis in our relationship/marriage, but can you really plan that much?

What I would like to know is how to pesevere and weather through those marital storms, and how to serve my spouse in a God driven way.

I dont have anyone to talk to in my family about this. My mum (despite loving her to bits) has been divorced twice (neither men being christian nor loving) and both my grandmothers husbands are non christian. I have never witnessed a marriage with God in the middle.

I have been married to the same woman for forty-two years. I can only giveglory to God for her staying with me for so long. I will give you the same advice I try to live by and that I tell every couple I marry.

Keep God first because your relationship is founded in Him. Do everything you can to strengthen your relationship with Him. Keep him in the middle of your relationship with your husband. If you are angry at your spouse, talk it out but before you begin to talk it out, pray together for each other. Then pray about whatever you are angry about.

Now here ismy key for a long and loving relationship wirh each other:

Always be willing to give more than you receive. If you do ,you will always receive more than you give.

In Christ,
John

 

[nanabean]

Always be willing to give more than you receive. If you do ,you will always receive more than you give.

AMEN!!!!!!!!!

 

[nanabean]

Always be willing to give more than you receive. If you do ,you will always receive more than you give.

AMEN!!!!!!!!!

Sorry.....I've been thinking about my "AMEN" and just wanted to add that the beautiful part of lighthousejohn's statement is that BOTH of you will feel this way!! If you are each one willing to give more than you receive you will both feel you recieve more than you give.........it's just funny that way!!!