Advice needed!

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
S

sandstorm7

Guest
#1
#1
I recently went on a date with a really amazing Christian guy. God is what drives his life, he's caring, kind, family-oriented, and we have really great conversations. But his life is so much different than mine- he grew up in a completely different way that I did. He's super quiet- I'm loud and obnoxious. And to be honest, I always saw myself with someone WAYY different than him. He's like no one I've ever dated before. Actually, he's not like anyone I've ever met. I am definitely interested, but I have my concerns, especially since he isn't outgoing and super funny- something I've always wanted in a guy. I want to see where this goes, but at the same time I don't want to continue into something that I am reaaally not sure about, especially when he has told me he is really excited about what is happening between us. I've always struggled with when to end something and when to continue it on... and because of that I've ended up hurting a lot of guys in the past. I really don't want to hurt him, but at the same time I don't want to let him go just yet because I really see some potential here. Hope this didn't confuse everyone... I could use some advice.
 
C

ChristianGuru

Guest
#2
#2
sandstorm7 said:
But his life is so much different than mine- he grew up in a completely different way that I did. He's super quiet- I'm loud and obnoxious. And to be honest, I always saw myself with someone WAYY different than him.
Click to expand...
We need to let go of expectations. It's like we devise this list and when we meet someone we like and they don't meet the list to it's fullest, we grow in doubt. Learn to expect that people won't always be what you expect. Open your mind up to the idea that we're trying embrace the fullness of who each individual is and accept them for that. He's quiet, you're loud, but if you enjoy being with him thats fine. No one likes two loud people in the same couple anyways :eek:
 
S

sportygirl

Guest
#3
#3
ChristianGuru said:
We need to let go of expectations. It's like we devise this list and when we meet someone we like and they don't meet the list to it's fullest, we grow in doubt. Learn to expect that people won't always be what you expect. Open your mind up to the idea that we're trying embrace the fullness of who each individual is and accept them for that. He's quiet, you're loud, but if you enjoy being with him thats fine. No one likes two loud people in the same couple anyways :eek:
Click to expand...

I agree with this giving up expectations is important. We tend to make lists of qualities WE want in a guy, for things like faith thats ok, but sometimes things in our list dont match up with Gods plan for the ideal guy in our life. Definetely pray about it, and if your ONLY hesitation is that he is quiet than maybe pursue something slowly, dont rush into it cause as you said you dont want to hurt him, if theres more hesitations than just that than talk to him about it,
 
I

InkedFaith

Guest
#4
#4
My advise is more experience. I have found what i think i want is not at all what i need. God tends to out what we need into our lives. If i were you id take it as a gift. Put everything you are into the faith and take it a step at a time.
 
S

silvy

Guest
#5
#5
you know that quote:that always different people,with totally different character attract each other?if he would be like you,it would be like you will date you no?it's not that important how he grew up but what he learned from that living and what he has become.don't rush the things,just go slow and inspect the teritory;).just know each other.and something very important.when you really want to know a guy is to go somewhere with more people,i don't know,some friends,to see how he interacts in different situations.good luck
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#6
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#6
If you're not really attracted to him, let him go so someone else who is attracted to him can have him.

You will be doing him and yourself a big favor because if he falls in love with you...then what are you going to do??????????????
 
Last edited:
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#7
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#7
I feel like I know this guy because I am exactly as you described him...and I know how much it hurts when a woman that you think likes you lets you down as soon as you make your love known to her! Quiet guys like us just curl up inside and want to die. PLEASE Don't do that to him!!
 
Last edited:
S

Schwager

Guest
#8
#8
Opposites attract!

Funny thing is this is almost identical to what my mom said about my dad when they started dating!
 
S

sandstorm7

Guest
#9
#9
zeroturbulence said:
I feel like I know this guy because I am exactly as you described him...and I know how much it hurts when a woman that you think likes you lets you down as soon as you make your love known to her! Quiet guys like us just curl up inside and want to die. PLEASE Don't do that to him!!
Click to expand...
Well, like I said earlier, I'm really not sure about my feelings towards him. I'm really starting to like him, but I guess what's throwing me off is how different he is from what I expected and how he lives. I couldn't see him fitting in with my friends and family well. But I really do like him.. and, although I know there is the possibility of someone getting hurt here, I really don't want to just throw it away because of that. I see some potential, I like him, but there are just some concerns I have about how it will work out in the future. God is very much the focus in our relationship though so I hope that through prayer He will guide me..
 
P

paul1149

Guest
#10
#10
Give God time to work it out and to confirm His will. Don't get in over your head. "Do not awaken love before its time" - Song of Solomon. Keep looking to God to guide you, and over time the way forward will be made clear, with confirmations.

Blessings,
p.
 
S

seetheunseen

Guest
#11
#11
My pastor tells a story about how he meet his wife and how she was nothing that he wanted in a girl but he felt she was the one that he was going to marry her and he new that before she did. Well as it goes there were a lot of problems at the being because he tried to change her to what he wanted and she would have none of that it pushed him to the brink, so he went to God and from that he found out and will tell that what you want and what God feels is for you is not always going to be the same so you need to be open to God and his wish's. With that being said you must remember that it will be hard so just trust and rely on God.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#12
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#12
sandstorm7 said:
Well, like I said earlier, I'm really not sure about my feelings towards him. I'm really starting to like him, but I guess what's throwing me off is how different he is from what I expected and how he lives. I couldn't see him fitting in with my friends and family well. But I really do like him.. and, although I know there is the possibility of someone getting hurt here, I really don't want to just throw it away because of that. I see some potential, I like him, but there are just some concerns I have about how it will work out in the future. God is very much the focus in our relationship though so I hope that through prayer He will guide me..
Click to expand...
As you might be able to tell, I was very upset about something when I posted those. Truth is, you might be the best thing that's ever come into this guy's life.
 
S

sandstorm7

Guest
#13
#13
I have an update on the situation. I went on another date with him this weekend. It was a lot of fun but I think during the date I came to the decision that he just isn't right for me. But at the end of the day, we decided to pray together and we both ended up crying and I felt an incredible connection to him. So now I'm more confused than ever. Part of me thinks he's all wrong for me, but another part thinks he's perfect. I don't really know what to do
 
H

HI

Guest
#14
#14
You do think too much
 
H

HI

Guest
#15
#15
...and thinking too much is not necessarily a bad thing but it just sounds as if you're profoundly analyzing the guy, as if you're putting him on the "perfect scale" to see how he weighs out. Maybe you would enjoy his company even more if you stopped worrying whether it could work for you two or not. From the sounds of it, it is working. Besides, if it doesnt work out I'm sure he won't jump off a cliff into a jagged rock bottom, nor will you.
 
S

sandstorm7

Guest
#16
#16
HI said:
...and thinking too much is not necessarily a bad thing but it just sounds as if you're profoundly analyzing the guy, as if you're putting him on the "perfect scale" to see how he weighs out. Maybe you would enjoy his company even more if you stopped worrying whether it could work for you two or not. From the sounds of it, it is working. Besides, if it doesnt work out I'm sure he won't jump off a cliff into a jagged rock bottom, nor will you.
Click to expand...
Yeah, you're right. I guess I just feel some pressure in this situation because in the past I've sometimes led guys along unknowingly because I was "unsure" of him... and then when I finally determined that I didn't want to be with him, he would get hurt. I don't want that to happen again so I'm being extra-careful and over thinking EVERYTHING lol But do you see where I'm coming from?
 
H

HI

Guest
#17
#17
sandstorm7 said:
Yeah, you're right. I guess I just feel some pressure in this situation because in the past I've sometimes led guys along unknowingly because I was "unsure" of him... and then when I finally determined that I didn't want to be with him, he would get hurt. I don't want that to happen again so I'm being extra-careful and over thinking EVERYTHING lol But do you see where I'm coming from?
Click to expand...

You're trying to save him possible pain in the near or far future, that's very kind of you. If you prayed together, it seems you can have an honest conversation with him, an honest conversation where you can tell him how you are feeling with the present situation and a bit of your fears. If he doesnt freak out from your overthinking, than he's a keeper, no?
 
S

sportygirl

Guest
#18
#18
HI said:
You're trying to save him possible pain in the near or far future, that's very kind of you. If you prayed together, it seems you can have an honest conversation with him, an honest conversation where you can tell him how you are feeling with the present situation and a bit of your fears. If he doesnt freak out from your overthinking, than he's a keeper, no?
Click to expand...
I completely understand your over thinking. I do it WAY to much, haha. Sometimes it can be good though, the best thing to do is talk to him, tell him exactly how you feel, if hes a good guy he'll understand and be patient, and also know at the very least your not trying to hurt him.
 
S

sandstorm7

Guest
#19
#19
sportygirl said:
I completely understand your over thinking. I do it WAY to much, haha. Sometimes it can be good though, the best thing to do is talk to him, tell him exactly how you feel, if hes a good guy he'll understand and be patient, and also know at the very least your not trying to hurt him.
Click to expand...
Alright, well how exactly do you suggest I approach this? I mean... how would I tell him about all of this without him getting overwhelmed or hurt?
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#20
#20
It is possible to create hurt by trying to avoid it, sounds like you need to give the guy some credit.....if he is reasonably mature then he's gone into this situation just like you knowing that it might not work out and getting hurt to some extent is always the risk we take, that's sometimes the price of trying to find love.

No matter how much you may want too you will never be able to avoid that and neither will he.....the only thing you can do is be honest with yourself about what you're feeling and once you know be honest with him....hurt is sometimes part of the process and that's just a fact of life.

If you're unsure then tell him that, he can't hold your feelings against you and if he gets hurt by that truth then chances are he's not ready for something serious just yet and you'll have an answer.

Focus on figuring out what you feel and if that requires another date or two then it's no big deal, all they are is a way to get to know someone, and getting to know someone isn't leading them on.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.