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Suspicion is sometimes all we have to go on. My best friend started getting panic attacks for no apparent reason, with no warning, at random times. Doc said it was because he was a maintenance man and went up and down ladders at work all day, even though he was afraid of heights. He made himself do the work, so it came out as panic attacks later. He stopped doing ladder work and the panic attacks went away.
I hope your doc's suspicion works out as well.
I hope your doc's suspicion works out as well.
M
I shut down for a while. Kinda like the time my computer had the plague and I couldn’t fix it, so I just shut it off and left it alone...except, I don’t have the plague (probably) and I just stopped talking to people because all I ever had to say was about the negative stuff that keeps happening.
Computers dont get the plague, either, as far as I know...which isn’t that far, I’m no doctor.
A week ago, I attended another funeral. And then I watched from the sidelines as family tore each other apart in grief, and I wondered...is that all some people have in this life, material junk to squabble over when a loved one passes away? Fairytale mysticism to fall back on because there’s nothing more solid, more certain in their hearts? Grief that can’t be felt because it’s buried beneath piles of useless stuff that their loved ones only escaped in death? I want my legacy to be more than a house full of things for my family to fight over.
I also broke a tooth, because Grape Nuts are ridiculously similar to gravel. My dentist is going to drill into my molars and scold me for not preventing forest fires. Or cavities. Or broken teeth.
Everything seems heavy, but if I have to move to Virginia, I’m buying a 150 year old house on 10 acres and growing vegetables I can’t get to even sprout here.
I felt a spark of something that might have been joy, though...my pastor gave me two tasks to complete. Design a postcard invitation to an appreciation dinner, and then also decorate for the event.
It’s past my bedtime and I think I’ll go back to hiding under a rock for a while longer. I miss people here, but I’m also a stick in the mud lately. Or, under a rock, as it were. Was. Is. Grammar is dumb.
Computers dont get the plague, either, as far as I know...which isn’t that far, I’m no doctor.
A week ago, I attended another funeral. And then I watched from the sidelines as family tore each other apart in grief, and I wondered...is that all some people have in this life, material junk to squabble over when a loved one passes away? Fairytale mysticism to fall back on because there’s nothing more solid, more certain in their hearts? Grief that can’t be felt because it’s buried beneath piles of useless stuff that their loved ones only escaped in death? I want my legacy to be more than a house full of things for my family to fight over.
I also broke a tooth, because Grape Nuts are ridiculously similar to gravel. My dentist is going to drill into my molars and scold me for not preventing forest fires. Or cavities. Or broken teeth.
Everything seems heavy, but if I have to move to Virginia, I’m buying a 150 year old house on 10 acres and growing vegetables I can’t get to even sprout here.
I felt a spark of something that might have been joy, though...my pastor gave me two tasks to complete. Design a postcard invitation to an appreciation dinner, and then also decorate for the event.
It’s past my bedtime and I think I’ll go back to hiding under a rock for a while longer. I miss people here, but I’m also a stick in the mud lately. Or, under a rock, as it were. Was. Is. Grammar is dumb.
Computers may not get they plague but they sure get viruses.
I really miss your reflections on your life. I enjoyed this one too.
I would enjoy continuing to read what you have to say about the way life happens around you. Your thoughts are insightful and intriguing.
Regarding you being a stick in the mud, it seems most (if not all) of us on this website have issues we are facing. Reading how someone else is facing and dealing with their issues is interesting to me, perhaps even helpful.
I say, "You go girl!"
And ask for prayer. I hear it is helpful from time to time.
so, today, my new violin made its debut at church. i was using an acoustic/electric one, but my new violin is acoustic only, which means it needed to be mic'd up. husband helped me with that. sound guy had to make some adjustments because he wasn't able to hear me. i said, "well, i hear myself, and i sound great!" lol.
tis a good day.
tis a good day.
CHILDHOOD
I was reading a science fiction book one time, a book about a group of "Starwolves" who had been artificially created by aliens to protect humans in a war that had lasted thousands of years. As the war was coming to an end, one of the aliens remarked to one of the Starwolves that this time had been the childhood of their species, while they were developing their own culture, but with the war coming to an end they were ready to stand on their own as a mature species.
It was many years ago I read that book, but recently that word "childhood" has been sticking in my mind. What if this life, with all the work we have to do to survive, all the things we endure, all the stuff we accumulate and friends we lose to death - what if this is our childhood?
As children we had everything, but we didn't really appreciate it because having all our needs supplied was all we knew. Then we grew up and found out life is not all like that, or at least this life isn't. Frequently you hear people say they wish they could be kids again, because once you experience life as an adult you realize what you had as a kid that you didn't really realize WHEN you were a kid.
Also when a kid grows up, sometimes he has to make his own mistakes. You can explain it to him, you can tell him your own experiences or what you have seen other people go through, but sometimes he doesn't really understand it because he hasn't seen it himself. You know it is going to hurt the kid, and it hurts you watching him make the mistakes because you know exactly what is coming, but you still have to let some people make some mistakes themselves.
In Eden Adam and Eve had everything. But they didn't know what they had because they didn't know anything else. They had nothing they could compare Eden to, so they didn't really have a way to realize what they would lose with sin. If God had explained it they would not have understood, because there was no way they could fit the concepts in their frame of reference. It would have been like trying to explain the color yellow to a blind man. And when they sinned, when they realized exactly what they had lost, there was no way to go back. God could have wiped out the world and started over, but that would have meant destroying Adam and Eve too, because they now had sin and sin cannot exist in a perfect world.
Perhaps that is what God intended all along. It seems a bit harsh, but when you think about a kid making all those mistakes that he won't listen to your advice about, maybe it is the only way. Maybe we have to live through this life before we can appreciate the life to come. Sure God takes care of us in this life, but maybe we still have to live through this life, work hard to survive, experience loss and sorrow, before we will be able to fully realize what we have in Heaven. Maybe this is part of our growing up.
Adam and Eve's choice in Eden seems really stupid to us because we know what they had and what they lost, but nobody could have explained to them the consequences of their choice before they made it because they had no way to imagine life without all they enjoyed. It was literally all they knew. But in Heaven every single person will be very aware of what they would lose in sin. I know when I get there I sure won't be doing anything to mess it up.
"If I ever really do grow up
Well I want to grow up to be just like You
Someday
Someday"
~ Rich Mullins
"Boy Like Me, Man Like You"
I was reading a science fiction book one time, a book about a group of "Starwolves" who had been artificially created by aliens to protect humans in a war that had lasted thousands of years. As the war was coming to an end, one of the aliens remarked to one of the Starwolves that this time had been the childhood of their species, while they were developing their own culture, but with the war coming to an end they were ready to stand on their own as a mature species.
It was many years ago I read that book, but recently that word "childhood" has been sticking in my mind. What if this life, with all the work we have to do to survive, all the things we endure, all the stuff we accumulate and friends we lose to death - what if this is our childhood?
As children we had everything, but we didn't really appreciate it because having all our needs supplied was all we knew. Then we grew up and found out life is not all like that, or at least this life isn't. Frequently you hear people say they wish they could be kids again, because once you experience life as an adult you realize what you had as a kid that you didn't really realize WHEN you were a kid.
Also when a kid grows up, sometimes he has to make his own mistakes. You can explain it to him, you can tell him your own experiences or what you have seen other people go through, but sometimes he doesn't really understand it because he hasn't seen it himself. You know it is going to hurt the kid, and it hurts you watching him make the mistakes because you know exactly what is coming, but you still have to let some people make some mistakes themselves.
In Eden Adam and Eve had everything. But they didn't know what they had because they didn't know anything else. They had nothing they could compare Eden to, so they didn't really have a way to realize what they would lose with sin. If God had explained it they would not have understood, because there was no way they could fit the concepts in their frame of reference. It would have been like trying to explain the color yellow to a blind man. And when they sinned, when they realized exactly what they had lost, there was no way to go back. God could have wiped out the world and started over, but that would have meant destroying Adam and Eve too, because they now had sin and sin cannot exist in a perfect world.
Perhaps that is what God intended all along. It seems a bit harsh, but when you think about a kid making all those mistakes that he won't listen to your advice about, maybe it is the only way. Maybe we have to live through this life before we can appreciate the life to come. Sure God takes care of us in this life, but maybe we still have to live through this life, work hard to survive, experience loss and sorrow, before we will be able to fully realize what we have in Heaven. Maybe this is part of our growing up.
Adam and Eve's choice in Eden seems really stupid to us because we know what they had and what they lost, but nobody could have explained to them the consequences of their choice before they made it because they had no way to imagine life without all they enjoyed. It was literally all they knew. But in Heaven every single person will be very aware of what they would lose in sin. I know when I get there I sure won't be doing anything to mess it up.
"If I ever really do grow up
Well I want to grow up to be just like You
Someday
Someday"
~ Rich Mullins
"Boy Like Me, Man Like You"
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M
It’s a gray, cold day here. Everything is that bright, luscious green that we only see in these parts for a few short weeks each year. I was going to drive to town for Bible study this morning, but I found a lot of perfectly valid reasons to stay home and stare out the window instead.
Not that I’m going to waste an entire day doing that- not when there’s a never-ending list of jobs that need done. Later.
If you think you’ve been rude to someone, what’s the proper course of action to take? Apologize if they mention it? Apologize ASAP whether they mention it or not? Shrug it off and just be nicer next time? I took it upon myself to apologize and explain myself because it was bothering me, but now I just feel awkward. I’m beginning to build quite the reputation for being awkward at church, but I can’t seem to stop. Between visibly shaking every time I speak to more than two people at once, blurting out how I once punched a girl in the face, and never being able to carry a conversation further than ‘good morning’...if I could just serve, and not speak, I would be fine. The trouble with getting involved with people is that you end up having to talk to them.
I feel like God is letting me flail around, trying to find solid footing. Like He decided to shake up my entire life and see where I land. The secure little bubble I was happily floating along in has burst- things keep changing, being left uncertain, and I keep praying and telling God I’m willing, whatever He wants of me I’ll obey...but...What?
My pastor is preaching verse by verse through Titus. I was excited last week, we got into chapter 2. I’ve been telling my husband for months that I wish our church had some kind of mentoring set up; there is a clear generational gap and I never thought it should be that way. I want to learn from the older women, and I want to connect with those younger than me. I wanted to hear the pastor teach on verses 4 and 5 with as much detail as he put into verses 2-3, 6-8. But he skipped it. For the second time since we started going there, this pastor skipped right over verses that talk about how women ought to behave. It’s no wonder there’s a generational gap when we aren’t being told we should be teaching/learning from each other.
On the bright side...I get to paint stuff today.
Also- Lynx, I really enjoyed your post about childhood/Adam and Eve.
Also also...? It’s snowing now and I’d like to file a complaint.
...this concludes the frivolous dumping of the contents of my mental garbage can.
Not that I’m going to waste an entire day doing that- not when there’s a never-ending list of jobs that need done. Later.
If you think you’ve been rude to someone, what’s the proper course of action to take? Apologize if they mention it? Apologize ASAP whether they mention it or not? Shrug it off and just be nicer next time? I took it upon myself to apologize and explain myself because it was bothering me, but now I just feel awkward. I’m beginning to build quite the reputation for being awkward at church, but I can’t seem to stop. Between visibly shaking every time I speak to more than two people at once, blurting out how I once punched a girl in the face, and never being able to carry a conversation further than ‘good morning’...if I could just serve, and not speak, I would be fine. The trouble with getting involved with people is that you end up having to talk to them.
I feel like God is letting me flail around, trying to find solid footing. Like He decided to shake up my entire life and see where I land. The secure little bubble I was happily floating along in has burst- things keep changing, being left uncertain, and I keep praying and telling God I’m willing, whatever He wants of me I’ll obey...but...What?
My pastor is preaching verse by verse through Titus. I was excited last week, we got into chapter 2. I’ve been telling my husband for months that I wish our church had some kind of mentoring set up; there is a clear generational gap and I never thought it should be that way. I want to learn from the older women, and I want to connect with those younger than me. I wanted to hear the pastor teach on verses 4 and 5 with as much detail as he put into verses 2-3, 6-8. But he skipped it. For the second time since we started going there, this pastor skipped right over verses that talk about how women ought to behave. It’s no wonder there’s a generational gap when we aren’t being told we should be teaching/learning from each other.
On the bright side...I get to paint stuff today.
Also- Lynx, I really enjoyed your post about childhood/Adam and Eve.
Also also...? It’s snowing now and I’d like to file a complaint.
...this concludes the frivolous dumping of the contents of my mental garbage can.
If you think you’ve been rude to someone, what’s the proper course of action to take? Apologize ASAP whether they mention it or not.
I took it upon myself to apologize and explain myself because it was bothering me, but now I just feel awkward.
Most of the time it is not important to explain ourselves. Just apologize, say you were wrong and that you'll try to do better next time.
I’m beginning to build quite the reputation for being awkward at church, but I can’t seem to stop. Between visibly shaking every time I speak to more than two people at once, blurting out how I once punched a girl in the face, and never being able to carry a conversation further than ‘good morning’...
I can surely identify with how you feel. There were several problems I had to overcome, one of which was how my brain worked. In my thirties I was diagnosed with ADHD. I got the right medication and 60 minutes after my first dose, my life changed. It went from 2 dimensions in to 3, from black and white to color.
Blurting out things is a common characteristic of ADHD. I have struggled with it all of my life. I invite you to take a few online tests and see if you want to talk to your doctor about it.
if I could just serve, and not speak, I would be fine. The trouble with getting involved with people is that you end up having to talk to them.
You have my sympathy but I don't have any suggestions for you.
I’ve been telling my husband for months that I wish our church had some kind of mentoring set up; there is a clear generational gap and I never thought it should be that way. I want to learn from the older women, and I want to connect with those younger than me.
Ask your pastor if he can set you up with someone or two. And see if there are any women's Bible studies you can attend.
I wanted to hear the pastor teach on verses 4 and 5 with as much detail as he put into verses 2-3, 6-8. But he skipped it. For the second time since we started going there, this pastor skipped right over verses that talk about how women ought to behave. It’s no wonder there’s a generational gap when we aren’t being told we should be teaching/learning from each other.
That is sad.
...this concludes the frivolous dumping of the contents of my mental garbage can.
Thanks for sharing.
I took it upon myself to apologize and explain myself because it was bothering me, but now I just feel awkward.
Most of the time it is not important to explain ourselves. Just apologize, say you were wrong and that you'll try to do better next time.
I’m beginning to build quite the reputation for being awkward at church, but I can’t seem to stop. Between visibly shaking every time I speak to more than two people at once, blurting out how I once punched a girl in the face, and never being able to carry a conversation further than ‘good morning’...
I can surely identify with how you feel. There were several problems I had to overcome, one of which was how my brain worked. In my thirties I was diagnosed with ADHD. I got the right medication and 60 minutes after my first dose, my life changed. It went from 2 dimensions in to 3, from black and white to color.
Blurting out things is a common characteristic of ADHD. I have struggled with it all of my life. I invite you to take a few online tests and see if you want to talk to your doctor about it.
if I could just serve, and not speak, I would be fine. The trouble with getting involved with people is that you end up having to talk to them.
You have my sympathy but I don't have any suggestions for you.
I’ve been telling my husband for months that I wish our church had some kind of mentoring set up; there is a clear generational gap and I never thought it should be that way. I want to learn from the older women, and I want to connect with those younger than me.
Ask your pastor if he can set you up with someone or two. And see if there are any women's Bible studies you can attend.
I wanted to hear the pastor teach on verses 4 and 5 with as much detail as he put into verses 2-3, 6-8. But he skipped it. For the second time since we started going there, this pastor skipped right over verses that talk about how women ought to behave. It’s no wonder there’s a generational gap when we aren’t being told we should be teaching/learning from each other.
That is sad.
...this concludes the frivolous dumping of the contents of my mental garbage can.
Thanks for sharing.
L
So I work for a tutoring center that usually helps elementary aged students...although most of mine are middle schoolers. Today there were quite a few little ones waiting for their parents in the lobby area. Sometimes we read them a story while they wait. I decided to grab a book and go at it. I picked The Giving Tree. I love the story. I think they enjoyed it too, although one of them said the kid was mean. haha He is right.
The story reminds me of a son and his mother. If I were a male...I would so buy this book as a Mother's Day gift. It would fit well. But I am a girl and so it does not. Any guys out there that enjoy this book...you're welcome for the idea.
Here is a video of Shel Silverstein reading his work. Grab the tissues...
[video=youtube;1TZCP6OqRlE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TZCP6OqRlE[/video]
The story reminds me of a son and his mother. If I were a male...I would so buy this book as a Mother's Day gift. It would fit well. But I am a girl and so it does not. Any guys out there that enjoy this book...you're welcome for the idea.
Here is a video of Shel Silverstein reading his work. Grab the tissues...
[video=youtube;1TZCP6OqRlE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TZCP6OqRlE[/video]
S
So I work for a tutoring center that usually helps elementary aged students...although most of mine are middle schoolers. Today there were quite a few little ones waiting for their parents in the lobby area. Sometimes we read them a story while they wait. I decided to grab a book and go at it. I picked The Giving Tree. I love the story. I think they enjoyed it too, although one of them said the kid was mean. haha He is right.
The story reminds me of a son and his mother. If I were a male...I would so buy this book as a Mother's Day gift. It would fit well. But I am a girl and so it does not. Any guys out there that enjoy this book...you're welcome for the idea.
Here is a video of Shel Silverstein reading his work. Grab the tissues...
[video=youtube;1TZCP6OqRlE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TZCP6OqRlE[/video]
The story reminds me of a son and his mother. If I were a male...I would so buy this book as a Mother's Day gift. It would fit well. But I am a girl and so it does not. Any guys out there that enjoy this book...you're welcome for the idea.
Here is a video of Shel Silverstein reading his work. Grab the tissues...
[video=youtube;1TZCP6OqRlE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TZCP6OqRlE[/video]
( the background music makes me cry more... Thanks for sharing Littlemermaid ❤ Beautiul story ❤
