Well, this has gotten quite a few responses. Thanks to everyone who contributed the discussion.
To the group of people still doubting my genuine faith. I don't know what more to say. I believed I was a born again Christian from age 10 to about age 23. Inbetween that time, my faith in Christ was real and living. I prayed nightly. I loved worshiping God through song. My identity in Christ was the driving force in my life that affected all other things I did. I went to a Christian middle school and high school and for a time considered going into the ministry. The first time I read the Bible cover to cover was when I was 13. It took me a year to do it, but oh how I grew in the faith that one year. I loved God, truly. I believed the Holy Spirit dwelt within me, as promised in Scripture. I believed my salvation was not my own doing; God was given the glory for that.....I just don't know what more to say. I understand that for many of you, someone like me simply can't exist, as it doesn't coincide with your particular worldview. So you make up some excuse as to why I was never really a true Christian, and go back to pretending we don't exist. And for those who fall in that group, I'm not sure what more I can say.
A few other observations. Ralph, I appreciate your perspective. You have left several insightful comments, and even correctly deduced my reason for making this topic. You want to know the ironic thing? Back when I was a believer, I sided with the OSAS people. I believed that there was no such thing as genuine ex-Christians, and just assumed all people claiming to be so were just ex-catholics who only went to church twice a year or something like that. I believed in eternal security, because I feel that that viewpoint was better backed in Scripture than the alternate. So oddly enough, while I never was amongst your point of view as a believer, I am thankful for your responses and your insight.
For those who said that I had a weak faith and fell away because of that. Well, I'd have to disagree, but ultimately agree I guess. Back when I was a believer, I felt my faith was very strong, and I fed the fires of my faith in many ways to keep it strong. Anyone remember the song "shout to the lord"? It was one of my favorites as a young person. My favorite line in the song was "forever I'll love you, forever I'll stand" and I believed it wholeheartedly when I sang it. I thought that I could lose everything else in this world, but I'd always have Christ and my faith in Him. I think that's why my crisis of faith blindsided me so much. Various things started chipping away. It was not just one thing and it did not take just one day. And I did not go down quietly. I struggled to keep my faith for two years before finally acknowledging that I no longer believe. When I made that acknowledgement, it felt like I lost my best friend. Like a part of me was missing. So was my faith weak? Maybe so...after all I did fall away. But when I was in the faith, it sure seemed extremely strong.
AuntieAnnie, and others like you, thank you for your responses. I am not going to pretend to know what the future has in store for me. My worldview has shifted wildly once, maybe it could again. But right now, I'm in a state of mind where I couldn't believe even if I wanted to. As I referenced above, I didn't actually want to lose my faith. And you might say, "if you want to believe again, then just do it, call out to God and ask for forgiveness." The problem is, we actually can't just believe in anything we want to believe in. For example, I can't make myself believe in Santa Claus anymore. No matter how hard I try or want to believe it, there are intellectual barriers that are preventing that from happening. Now I am not equating God with Santa Claus, those are two completely different things, and it would be insulting to Christianity to equate the two. What I was simply doing was showing an example of how we don't have full control over what we can believe in.
JesusLives, I thank you for your encouraging post. Not many responses to me were what I'd consider friendly, but I could really see love coming from that post you made and it was nice to see that.
Posthuman, you gave an interesting philosophical argument there. What you're saying is that since I no longer believe now, then I must currently believe that I never had a relationship with Christ since I currently don't believe he ever existed. I'll admit, this is true. BUT that doesn't change what I did believe at the time I was a Christian. When I was a Christian, I did full-heartedly believe in my relationship with Christ. I had no doubts that God's word was true, that He loved me, that He sent His holy spirit to dwell within me, and all the rest. Where my belief is at now, does not negate where my belief was at then. I can use the Santa Claus analogy again as an example, if you no longer believe in Santa, does that mean you never really believed? (Once again, this is just an example! I am not comparing the two, and I know that when it comes to a relationship with Christ, it goes way beyond believing. It is a living faith that encompasses ones' entire life verses a simple blind belief. I'm just using it for example purposes how future unbelief should have no impact on the genuinity of former belief.)
And that is all for now. Thanks again for the responses.
