pregnant teen

[bonnie2]

Exactly. But, unfortunately, Christians are very influenced by the culture they grow up in. They tend to adopt the sentiments and thought patterns of their age.

I know, it's so sad. Abortion feels to me like the worst curse on our "civilized" country. Sometimes I just wonder how it ever came to be accepted here, where we claim to value life...
I'll be praying for this baby, and that the girl will come to her senses! Honestly, I hate these kinds of situations...knowing that baby's life is in danger, and wishing I could do something to stop it...but God can do something! I will definitely be praying.

 

[bonnie2]

Keep in mind that we are talking about a person's life being at stake here.

I'm not saying the girl's health and emotional support should be of no concern, but it would be very twisted to be more concerned about the person with murerous intentions than the intended victim.

Well said!

 

[Shard]

Let's see my beliefs on abortion: I think its wrong, and it's terrible that it happens. But people do have a choice in the matter so other than telling them not too there arent many options. Unless you support kidnapping and bombings and such. As far as if the mom's life is in danger? well if it was my wife, i would go for the abortion. Otherwise everytime I saw that child she would be the one who killed my wife. I dont think i could bring myself to forget that.

 

[advise]

i would appreciate all the prayers I can get. I did call for Christian counceling on this and they didn't help much. He basically said, whichever I choose is not wrong or right. So hard to do the right thing when both feel wrong. I am so consumed with this it is hard to think of anything else. I know if I feel this way his girlfriend must be having a very difficult time. I know this choice is not easy for her and I feel like she is rushing into something she will regret and can't take back. Please, please pray that somehow her mom finds out or figures it out without me having to go to her. I really pray that she will just go talk to her mom.

I guess what is so hard for me is if I had an abortion at 16 or any age, I would not want my mom or anyone else to know either. However, I'm not convinced she really wants to have the abortion and I think talking to her mom will help. Her mom got pregnant with her at 16 and certainly understands how hard it is to dissapoint.

 

[Christianrkchk89]

I was kinda nervous to tell you that you should let the mom know... because I was thinking, "well what if the mom was pro-abortion and convinced the girl to get rid of the baby!" but it seems from what you've said that she's very sensible. And i do agree that your family has (equal) responsibility when it comes to the child and i don't see why it would be wrong to consult her mother. I think the mother should get a chance to talk to her about the outcome of this pregnancy just like you've tried to do. And it'd be good that her family knows that if they couldn't take care of the baby that you'd be open to adopting it. anyway... hope you figure out what to do! and i hope she has the baby!

 

[iraasuup]

I think the best way to handle this is to put YOURSELF in the young girls place.

I look at this like' well what if it was me?'.

Sure, I'd be scared as anything about telling my Mum. I KNOW she'd be disappointed, but it doesn't mean shes going to stop loving me- or kick me out of the house, or disown me or anything. I look back at my teen years, and I'm sure there were countless times when I made choices that disappointed my parents, but now I'm 28 and they still love me. I'm sure you can all relate to this in some way.

No one is perfect, but that's why Christ died...to redeem an IMPERFECT world of sinners.

The point I'm trying to make is, although she is scared to tell her Mum, she really does need to. I don't know about you, but even if I kept things from my Mother, she always had a way of finding out (some Motherly instinct or something)... then when she DID find out and confront me, I'd be in MORE trouble, than if I'd just been honest and up front with her in the first place.

So I think, you should try and encourage her from a Mother's point of view. I mean, she's not the only one to blame right? Your son was involved too, and I can't speak for you and your feelings about his behaviour, but I'm sure even if you don't approve of him having sex, you still love and support him...right? So then use that as an example, and tell her, 'Hey okay, so you messed up. Your Mum might be upset or even angry for awhile, but she'll get over it, and it won't make her stop loving you. You need her support right now- so you really should tell her'.

At the end of the day though, you cannot force her. I mean even if you tie her up and drag her to her Mother's house, you can't physically make the words come out of her mouth, and I really think if you USE force, she may come to resent you for it later.

So just keep talking with her, encourage her to tell her Mother. Let her know she will always have the support of you and your family, and also her Mum (if you're sure her Mother is going to support and not go mental at her)...then just pray!

I'll be praying, please keep us posted!

 

[phil36]

This is truly a heart breaking thing to read. I really feel for the girl, her mind must be all over the place. I am not saying the rights and wrongs, but if I were in that situation I would tell her mum/dad. The thing is we can all give advice and there has been good advice given, lets all pray together over this one, just imagine also how inside how frightened this girl is and is probably desperate for her mums comfort.
I ask that we all pray that her mum finds out one way or other and helps her and that she does not go through with the abortion.

Prayerfully

Phil

 

[silverwind]

my sons girlfriend is pregnant. He came to me in confidence because his girlfriend is going to have an abortion and he does not want her to have one. I have gently spoken to her about her other options and asked her to speak to a councelor. She said she would and is doing so tomorrow. Her abortion is scheduled for this sunday morning. If after she talks to the councelor and decides to have the abortion anyway what should I do.

I feel that since she is only 16 that she needs to speak with her mom before she makes a final decision. She says it is her right legally not to tell her mom and that I should not force her to do so. I don't know if I can live with my conscience if I don't let her mom know.

I would love some help in my decision process. Time is not on my side.

I agree with irassup.

You are the adult here and should take a stand for the unborn child. God hates the hands that shed innocent blood. That would include the one that makes the decision and the one that performs the procedure.
Most (if not all) women have horrible regrets not to mention guilt that never goes away when they had an abortion. Something they can never undo. It would be wise to warn her about the repercussions.

 

[Savy29]

My Bonnie lies over the ocean. lol sorry that was random. but Bonnie ... you seriously speak my mind *thumbs up* and i have to agree with Silverwind too ... just saying. BUT Most IMPT of all is PRAYING for this Girl... lets all spend double the time in praying for this Girl for God to touch her and open her mind in realising how wrong it is to have an abortion. When we pray with faith nothing is impossible... God bless.!

 

[Credo_ut_Intelligam]

As far as if the mom's life is in danger? well if it was my wife, i would go for the abortion. Otherwise everytime I saw that child she would be the one who killed my wife. I dont think i could bring myself to forget that.

Well that would be a silly thought to have since the child didn't intentionally murder your wife, conversely your wife (and you) intentionally murdered the child.

 

[MidniteWelder]

I suppose hypothetically if a teen was doing drugs they also have the legal right not to tell their parents eh?....At what point does another person who cares decide to intervene.
I feel it's not so much the teen girls privacy you would be invading by telling her mother, but more that this girl will be so emotionally torn from the abortion immediately afterward and for the rest of her life that she
1. would possibly need her mothers support after such a procedure. The mom will know something very different has happened suddenly in her daughters life and not know how to help her if her daughter kept it from her. At some point the girl may finally break down and tell her mom which at that point Yes her mother may get upset at first from finding out but Her mother would likely be more upset that her daughter hid it from her and feel hurt that her daughter couldn't trust her to confide in her. Her mother may also get upset at you for keeping it a secret if she found out you knew all along and possibly in her own frustration she may feel you were hiding the whole thing out of your own fear due to the fact that the girl became pregnant by your son and attempt to also assign blame to you. Those type of feelings toward you may be harder for you to endure than anyone being upset at you for trying to help a girl do the right thing. The thought of the baby being her Grand daughter would also be a factor.
2. Also consider that if the girl pregnant isn't going to stand up for the babies rights, who is? Telling her mother may be cause some grief, but would you rather not say something and wish you had? Some say it's not a baby yet... If it's not a baby then she's not pregnant I suppose so what are they gonna abort?
NO WOMAN WANTS AN ABORTION...they either want a child or they want to avoid pregnancy.
I think a woman would want an abortion about as badly as an animal caught in a trap wants to gnaw its own leg off.
It's a tough decision I understand, you don't want the mother or the girl mad at you. If it were you tho would you get mad at another mother for telling you something your child was about to go through that will affect them for the rest of their life. If you did get mad.....would you later realize the other parent was stepping up for what was right and change your mind for the courage of making the decision to tell you and even respect them for it?
I feel your son's girlfriend is scared and is just taking the easy way out. She may thank you later for intervening on behalf of her and her baby....if not and she ends up suing you for tattling on her...I'm sure God's arm is not too short to be able to back you all the way for doing what he would want if you had to defend yourself in court over it.
I think you'd be doing the right thing by telling the mother. I feel it was the right thing for your son to tell you, that took a lot of courage as well.
I notice that everybody that is FOR abortion has already been born........Ronald Reagan

 

[Credo_ut_Intelligam]

I would also add this a quote from Augustine which seems related. Augustine is writing on the subject of women who may commit suicide to avoid rape:

"who is such a fool as to say, Let us sin now, that we may obviate a possible future sin; let us now commit murder, lest we perhaps afterwards should commit adultery? If we are so controlled by iniquity that innocence is out of the question, and we can at best but make a choice of sins, is not a future and uncertain adultery preferable to a present and certain murder?" (The City of God 1.25)​

Obviously we aren't dealing with rape, but we are dealing with murder (of which suicide is a form). I think Augustine's reasoning is good: why should we commit ourselves to act sinfully to try and prevent some sin that would not even be ours and may not even be certain?

Likewise, why commit ourselves to act sinfully (to murder a child) to try and prevent some future sin (resentment) that may not be certain? A fortiori, why commit ourselves to act sinfully (to murder a child) to try and prevent some circumstance which is no sin at all (the death of the mother)? And again, the death of the mother may not be certain either. Who knows whether God may allow the doctors to revive her after the birth of the child or spare her by some other means? But if you abort the child, its murder is certain and so is your guilt.

 

[MidniteWelder]

The question I'd like for you to ask yourself now is this......

Do you think the girls mother should find out now....
or possibly Later when it's too late and she has no voice to be able to help offer support and advice with her own daughters decision.

 

[Jullianna]

The fact that it is her legal right shouldn't weight too much in your decision.

In Nazi Germany, what Hitler and the SS did was their legal right. Civil law is, unfortunately, not synonymous with moral law.

Bonnie is right. If the "fetus" is a human person then abortion is murder, even if it is legalized murder (just like the Nazis legally murdered the Jews), and you can simply use a counter-example involving some other human person:

Imagine that Mr. Black is going to smother his grandmother to death on Wednesday and he informs his best friend, Smith, about his murderous intentions that Monday.

It seems fairly obvious that Smith has the obligation to try to prevent Mr. Black by persuading him not to and, if that fails, by going to the police and informing them of Mr. Black's murderous intent.

Saying "But what if the police arrest him and send him to jail?" would obviously be inconsequential. Likewise, saying "But what if Mr. Black's father (the grandmother's son) upon finding out about his plan to murder his grandmother tries to get revenge on his son by murdering him!!?" is obviously inconsequential. It's useless speculation, which, if consistently applied, would thwart us from doing almost anything we know to be morally praisworthy because there may always be some unintended negative consequences (if I help an old lady cross the street, she may get mugged!).

I think you have the obligation to try to persuade her to not get the abortion. If that fails, you should inform her parents or anyone else that you think may be able to prevent the murder from occuring. The fact that it is someone's choice to abort (murder) a child has no more significance than saying it was Hitler's choice to murder the Jews.

Well said, sir.

 

[Jullianna]

I am the mother of a teenage son. If I were in your shoes, I would want to prayerfully sit down with everyone involved..my son, the young lady AND her parents. If the young lady doesn't want to be there, that's entirely her choice; but this is a family AND GODLY matter, and the young lady had no right asking you OR YOUR SON to keep this information from her parents. It's an unreasonable expectation. From what you say, it does not appear that she is taking your or your son's rights concerning the child into consideration. What right does she have to expect you to sit back and watch someone murder a child? And, since there doesn't appear to be any medical reason for her not to carry the child, is there any question that this is murder?

Whether the young lady knows it or not, she is going to need her family more than ever now, whether she has an abortion or not. Her family needs to know. And, as a mom, I have a feeling she may be secretly hoping that someone DOES tell her parents because she's afraid to do it herself.

 

[nanabean]

I?Whether the young lady knows it or not, she is going to need her family more than ever now, whether she has an abortion or not. Her family needs to know. And, as a mom, I have a feeling she may be secretly hoping that someone DOES tell her parents because she's afraid to do it herself.

Wow Jullianna!! You just took the words right outta my fingers! hahaha.... I always read a whole thread before putting a post on it, and in many cases, as with this one, I also pray before posting. I pray to have the right words, the right wording, to make my post make sense to those who read it. Gathering my ideas on this together, I kept going back to the same thing you just said, that the girl may want it in someone else's hands, so to speak, to tell her mom about the pregnancy. Children WANT guidance, they just DON"T want to admit it!! And at 16 she is still a child.....with an adult's decision ahead of her. My heart and prayers do go out to her......

Advise.........I really have prayed over this.......Being a mom of two girls, I know I would want to know if they had gotten pregnant and were considering an abortion, and I would have to pray that they would either come and tell myself and their father about it, or someone who knew would do so. I'd want to be there for them no matter if I could or could not dissuade them from such a decision. The repercussions of an abortion are huge, and long lasting.....I would certainly try to get them to have the baby...but if they legally had the "right" to abort and did so, I'd want to know so I could "love them through it" if you know what I mean?? I'd just want to know....be there for them afterwards.....talk about "rights" does a mom (or dad) not have the right to be there for such life changing experiences for their child?? Please know my heart and prayers are with you and your son and this girl's mom (and dad??) and especially with the girl herself. I know this suituation is not ideal for anyone concerned, but I applaud your son for telling you the way it is, and for wanting to be there for his baby and the girlfriend and will contuinue praying for a healthy baby to be born even if it is with trepidition for all of you.

 

[Shard]

Well that would be a silly thought to have since the child didn't intentionally murder your wife, conversely your wife (and you) intentionally murdered the child.

That may be but me and my wife could try again on another kid. That kid wont help me get another wife. Also I know my wie, i havent met the kid yet.

 

[advise]

My son's gf has agreed to talk with a councelor at a nonprofit christian pregnancy center tonight. I thought I would wait and see if after she talks to them that she decides to tell her mom. If she is still adimant that she will not, I have decided I cannot live the rest of my life knowing she aborted and I just let it go and that she did not go to her mom.

With that said, need a little more advise. I am sure she will tell her mom because I am going to tell her that I will give her until noon tomorrow, saturday to tell her since her abortion is scheduled for sunday morning. My question is, how can I be certain she spoke with her mom. I was going to tell his girlfriend that I would like a phone call from her mom by noon tomorrow and if I don't get a call from her mom that I will then call her mom myself. Can you think of any other way to be certain?

 

[Shard]

and what is your plan if the mom supports the abortion...

 

[advise]

Ultimately, the choice is my son's girlfriends choice to make. I just don't feel that a 16 year old girl can make this decision on her own and should not make this decision without a parent due to her age. I know it is legal but I did not vote in favor of it being legal and therefore have a hard time not informing her mom or having her tell her mom. None of this easy. No I don't want her to have the abortion but in the end I have not control or choice in the matter. If she were 18 and out of the care of her parents I would express my concerns for her and the child and leave it at that to make her own choice. However, she is not and certainly is not emotionally equiped to make this decision. Up until she was pregnant she did not believe in abortion and would actually go on chat lines and share her point of view on the subject. Now she is scared and not thinking clearly and really needs the emotional support I know she will get from her mom no matter her choice.