Husband has church problems that effect me spiritually

[susi]

Hi. I'm woundering if anyone can give mw advice as what to do. Mu hub has real issues at church. He's a preacher, he preaches in many churches where he is invited except in the the church we attend. The leaders don't trust him because he's very straight forward biblically. He says things that are wrong that they don't like. I agree with mu hub as the church which was once a traditional church is opening up to misunderstood grace.
This is causing lots of personal problems with the leaders although most of the members of the church thank my hub for his preaching and don't want us to leave...
what to do?... this is all causing spiritual problems for me. I'm not comfortable at church. I feel like crying every Sunday.
We are not wanted there by the elders/leaders . Going to another church isn't an option because here in Spain, especially in our region, there aren't many churches.
Feeling stuck, sad, confused....
Sometimes I wonder if hub shouldn't say what he says in the pulpit... Or if this church just isn't the best place for us and our son..
We feel hurt and regected.

 

[Depleted]

Hi. I'm woundering if anyone can give mw advice as what to do. Mu hub has real issues at church. He's a preacher, he preaches in many churches where he is invited except in the the church we attend. The leaders don't trust him because he's very straight forward biblically. He says things that are wrong that they don't like. I agree with mu hub as the church which was once a traditional church is opening up to misunderstood grace.
This is causing lots of personal problems with the leaders although most of the members of the church thank my hub for his preaching and don't want us to leave...
what to do?... this is all causing spiritual problems for me. I'm not comfortable at church. I feel like crying every Sunday.
We are not wanted there by the elders/leaders . Going to another church isn't an option because here in Spain, especially in our region, there aren't many churches.
Feeling stuck, sad, confused....
Sometimes I wonder if hub shouldn't say what he says in the pulpit... Or if this church just isn't the best place for us and our son..
We feel hurt and regected.

Hubby and I had similar problems with churches we went to. It's a wonderful thing for a wife with that "submit" thingy. We submit because we trust our husbands, making submit fairly easy.

They have the hard side of the contract. They're duty is to love. (Sure, we love too. But love is just something we do. It's in our nature.) But how can they love us if they don't know what's going on with us?

This isn't something you should be telling us. It's something to tell your hubby. After all, how can he make a decision as to what to do, if he doesn't even know the decisions he is making affects you in this way?

Truthfully, sometimes I felt uncomfortable with a church because how I perceived they were treating him. When I told him about it, he did one of two things -- told me how he perceived what was going on, (when we weren't seeing it the same way), or looked for a new church. Had I never told him how I was feeling and why, he could never have course-corrected our ship.

(BTW, one time we ended up traveling 45 minutes in city traffic to go to church, because that was the closest church we knew that fit into what we believed. Ended up, they knew of a small church 10 minutes from us. So, stop worrying so much about how few churches there are. Who knows all the churches around us until we need one? lol)

No idea what your hubby will do, but he can't do anything if he doesn't know what's going on with you.

 

[Dan58]

The leaders don't trust him because he's very straight forward biblically. He says things that are wrong that they don't like. I agree with mu hub as the church which was once a traditional church is opening up to misunderstood grace.

Not much of a conundrum.. If your husband has fundamental and biblical backing for what he preaches, then I wouldn't patronize a church that objects or opposes sound teaching. For monetary purposes, some churches want to tout "feel good" messaging these days, so its in their best interest and their choice as to what content comes from the pulpit. Traditional preaching seems to be taking a back seat to the new age church, grace is more appealing to crowds than trying to inspire them to follow a bunch of ancient rules.... jmo

 

[HoneyDew]

Hi. I'm woundering if anyone can give mw advice as what to do. Mu hub has real issues at church. He's a preacher, he preaches in many churches where he is invited except in the the church we attend. The leaders don't trust him because he's very straight forward biblically. He says things that are wrong that they don't like. I agree with mu hub as the church which was once a traditional church is opening up to misunderstood grace.
This is causing lots of personal problems with the leaders although most of the members of the church thank my hub for his preaching and don't want us to leave...
what to do?... this is all causing spiritual problems for me. I'm not comfortable at church. I feel like crying every Sunday.
We are not wanted there by the elders/leaders . Going to another church isn't an option because here in Spain, especially in our region, there aren't many churches.
Feeling stuck, sad, confused....
Sometimes I wonder if hub shouldn't say what he says in the pulpit... Or if this church just isn't the best place for us and our son..
We feel hurt and regected.

He says things that are wrong according to Gods word or according to the elders of the church? Asking so I can better understand before I comment. Also if you can give an example that would be great.

 

[MessageOfTheCross]

Church Covenant

....In case of difference of opinion in the church, we will strive to a void a contentious spirit, and if we cannot unanimously agree, we will cheerfully recognize the right of the majority to govern.

 

[susi]

Hubby and I had similar problems with churches we went to. It's a wonderful thing for a wife with that "submit" thingy. We submit because we trust our husbands, making submit fairly easy.

They have the hard side of the contract. They're duty is to love. (Sure, we love too. But love is just something we do. It's in our nature.) But how can they love us if they don't know what's going on with us?

This isn't something you should be telling us. It's something to tell your hubby. After all, how can he make a decision as to what to do, if he doesn't even know the decisions he is making affects you in this way?

Truthfully, sometimes I felt uncomfortable with a church because how I perceived they were treating him. When I told him about it, he did one of two things -- told me how he perceived what was going on, (when we weren't seeing it the same way), or looked for a new church. Had I never told him how I was feeling and why, he could never have course-corrected our ship.

(BTW, one time we ended up traveling 45 minutes in city traffic to go to church, because that was the closest church we knew that fit into what we believed. Ended up, they knew of a small church 10 minutes from us. So, stop worrying so much about how few churches there are. Who knows all the churches around us until we need one? lol)

No idea what your hubby will do, but he can't do anything if he doesn't know what's going on with you.

Oh..he knows how I feel. Should have mentioned it sorry. But he doesn't know what to do. Maybe there is a church somewhere, but honestly this is not like the USA. Or Australia where I grew up. There aren't much options...but yes, God knows..I'm praying for an answer cause its not spiritually healthy for us..I would say even mentally.. We love the ppl here...he grew up here too. Maybe that's the problem.

 

[susi]

True. But the problem isn't the church. Its the elders....most see the problem too. These elders don't get paid though. They don't do it for money. Thanks for relpying

 

[susi]

Thanks for replying

 

[susi]

He says things that are wrong about how things are done and taught at church according to the bible. He preaches how unbiblical things are done and taught and then he preachers how it should be according to the bible. The elders obviously feel accused, so its logical they don't let him preach anymore but instead of going to the bible to see if hub is right or wrong they just take it as a personal thing.

 

[susi]

Problem is church is more or less split in 2. Hard to say which is majority

 

[susi]

Not much of a conundrum.. If your husband has fundamental and biblical backing for what he preaches, then I wouldn't patronize a church that objects or opposes sound teaching. For monetary purposes, some churches want to tout "feel good" messaging these days, so its in their best interest and their choice as to what content comes from the pulpit. Traditional preaching seems to be taking a back seat to the new age church, grace is more appealing to crowds than trying to inspire them to follow a bunch of ancient rules.... jmo

True. But the problem isn't the church. Its the elders....most see the problem too. These elders don't get paid though. They don't do it for money. Thanks for relpying

 

[susi]

Church Covenant

....In case of difference of opinion in the church, we will strive to a void a contentious spirit, and if we cannot unanimously agree, we will cheerfully recognize the right of the majority to govern.

Problem is church is more or less split in 2. Hard to say which is majority

 

[lightbearer]

He says things that are wrong about how things are done and taught at church according to the bible. He preaches how unbiblical things are done and taught and then he preachers how it should be according to the bible. The elders obviously feel accused, so its logical they don't let him preach anymore but instead of going to the bible to see if hub is right or wrong they just take it as a personal thing.

Talk to your husband about Starting a weekly prayer meeting/ Bible study at your home

 

[Tommy379]

He says things that are wrong about how things are done and taught at church according to the bible. He preaches how unbiblical things are done and taught and then he preachers how it should be according to the bible. The elders obviously feel accused, so its logical they don't let him preach anymore but instead of going to the bible to see if hub is right or wrong they just take it as a personal thing.

So you are saying your husband IS wrong? Why would your husband say things that are wrong? Maybe your husband needs to say things that are correct.

 

[Miri]

A few things came to mind. You and your husband are not pastors or elders of
this church. Therefore you are not responsible for the other church members.

As man and wife you have a responsibility to each other.

The other church members are responsible for themselves. They have to make
their own decision as to whether to stay or leave this church.

So what im saying is that it is up to each church member and each couple
to decide what it right for themselves in this situation.

If you both decide to stay at this church. Then you will have to “put up and shut up”.
If you decide you cannot do that, then leave. It really is that simple.

Oh I know this will shock some but going to church (while it is a good thing to do)
is not the be all and end all of the Christian faith. You won’t go to hell for not going to
a church. You won’t lose your salvation for not going to church. There are other options
like on line churches. On line services.

Someone mentioned setting up a house group, sounds a good idea if you have
like minded friends.

I went to a church years ago. It was good to start off with but many years later
it went sour. There was bickering, different groups and ideas about how people
thought things should be run. It was a toxic situation. Several people left.

I hung on for a while longer, I knew these people they were friends I felt if I went
I would be betraying them in some way, like betraying the church. In the end I could
not put up with it any longer so I left. It was the best thing I ever did, it had
become a dead church.

That church declined even further after until only a handful of the original old people
were left. They didn’t have the resources to maintain the building so it fell apart.

Eventually a leaking roof forced the remaining people to vacate the building.
They still met up for a while in a local village hall.

The original building then got vandalised and later set on fire. It’s been demolished
now for a few years.

As to the people meeting in the village the older people have
either since died or are too infirm to go to church. A new minister came and seems
to have turned it around. There is now a new congregation of people of all ages.
They still meet in the village hall as they have nowhere else to go.

Im sad by what happened it was a big part of my life in my teens and 20s. But I
can’t help thinking about the Israelites in the wilderness. They were set in their
ways, there was no helping them to change. So they were destined to walk
around the wilderness for 40 until most of the original group had died off.

Only then with new generations could God begin to do a fresh work.

My old church was like that, it was stagnant, unhealthy, too many bosses
each pushing their own idea.

If your church is not going, growing and glorifying God, then get out.

That is motto of my new church Going (moving forward spiritual, reaching
out to others, etc). Growing, Glorifying God.

 

[Miri]

So you are saying your husband IS wrong? Why would your husband say things that are wrong? Maybe your husband needs to say things that are correct.

No. She was explaining her husband says the things the church are teaching are
wrong. See the first post.

 

[wanderer6059]

Church Covenant

....In case of difference of opinion in the church, we will strive to a void a contentious spirit, and if we cannot unanimously agree, we will cheerfully recognize the right of the majority to govern.

just because a majority say its right doesn't make it right.

 

[wanderer6059]

just because a majority say its right doesn't make it right.

I would say be still an watch. Gods plan will unfold, pray for them to see truth and wait for the spirit to guide you to either leave or act in the church.

 

[Tommy379]

No. She was explaining her husband says the things the church are teaching are
wrong. See the first post.

I have read both post. In both, she writes that her husband says things that are wrong.

 

[notuptome]

If the doctrinal differences are cardinal then separation is essential. If the differences are more esthetic then compromise may be in order.

Without specifics there is no prudent way to offer advice.

For the cause of Christ
Roger