Good mother or bad mother or just a human?

[toinena]

The last week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I have been exhausted from travelling, the last long days at work before the Summer, my Summer job... and my son.

Some of you know that I am disabled. Some of you know I am divorced from a violent marriage. Some of you know I have a son that is transgender and has Asperger's.

Three years ago he tried to attack me while I was in defenseless in bed. First he tore my Bible in pieces. Then took my phone and control to my bed (it is a "hospital bed" with powered lift). Then he pulled out and lit a match. I just closed my eyes and prayed. I was not hurt but terrified. I thought my life was ending that moment. He was then 15. Now 18. He has refused treatment, but wants a gender change operation. Something he doesn't get, because he is not really qualified to be transgender medically.

The social services took him after Christmas that Winter and placed him in a group home for teenagers. There were no qualified medical staff, only social workers. And they supported him in everything. He wasn't a girl then, but wanted to be gender neutral. The girl phase came almost a year later. He has changed his legal gender and is now officially a girl.

He knows I am against it and of course blame Christianity for intolerance. He even claimed the Satanic Bible to be the thing to believe in.

I haven't seen him for almost 2 years. He has refused me to go to his concerts or graduation. Then. Last week he called me and said he was coming the next day. I told him it was not the right time, but he insisted. He was there when I came home after a long day at work. And he told me to rejoice. "You have got the daughter you dreamt of! We should celebrate! Can I have some wine or champagne?"

And I was stunned. All the traumas came back. All the desperation of not getting help. All the fear and uneasiness.

I have used the time to build myself a life. I feel the house is filled with the Holy Spirit and it is a good place to worship and pray. My life and psyche is getting better. Until Thursday. I felt everything just slipping away. And I found myself thinking "I don't want that person in my life!"

My mother said I should embrace him. His father said this doesn't end well. And my friends said you need to protect yourself.

Getting a restraining order is perhaps necessary, but then I feel like a lousy mother.

It is impossible for most of you to relate to this. I know. It is overwhelming. But I still want to know if people have experienced violent kids. Felt threatened by them. Or have conflicts due to transgenderism.

And I do appreciate prayers.

 

[Mel85]

Praying for you sister. I don’t know what it’s like to be in your situation but I do know we serve a faithful and loving Father who will give you strength in times of weakness and hope in times of despair.

I watched this doco about a man who became transgender and had the full op done. He later gave his life to Jesus and now is a Christian. What he said was that he thought he knew what he wanted, and it wasn’t until conviction took place from the Holy Spirit was then he realised he was being deceived by the enemy.

Its not too late for your son and I will be praying for you and Him. In the Name of Jesus Christ our Saviour. Amen.

 

[toinena]

Praying for you sister. I don’t know what it’s like to be in your situation but I do know we serve a faithful and loving Father who will give you strength in times of weakness and hope in times of despair.

I watched this doco about a man who became transgender and had the full op done. He later gave his life to Jesus and now is a Christian. What he said was that he thought he knew what he wanted, and it wasn’t until conviction took place from the Holy Spirit was then he realised he was being deceived by the enemy.

Its not too late for your son and I will be praying for you and Him. In the Name of Jesus Christ our Saviour. Amen.

I would like a stronger reaction, because this touched my heart. Bless you sister.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Your SON is NOT "officially a girl".. HE is still a HE. HE is NOT a SHE. And no amount of hormones, surgeries, wishing, etc will change that.. HE was born MALE, HE will die MALE..

Your dad is right, this ain't gonna end well. Your mom is wrong, you shouldn't embrace him because he will think you accept his lifestyle.. But DO keep continuing to love him just the same.

 

[whatev]

The last week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I have been exhausted from travelling, the last long days at work before the Summer, my Summer job... and my son.

Some of you know that I am disabled. Some of you know I am divorced from a violent marriage. Some of you know I have a son that is transgender and has Asperger's.

Three years ago he tried to attack me while I was in defenseless in bed. First he tore my Bible in pieces. Then took my phone and control to my bed (it is a "hospital bed" with powered lift). Then he pulled out and lit a match. I just closed my eyes and prayed. I was not hurt but terrified. I thought my life was ending that moment. He was then 15. Now 18. He has refused treatment, but wants a gender change operation. Something he doesn't get, because he is not really qualified to be transgender medically.

The social services took him after Christmas that Winter and placed him in a group home for teenagers. There were no qualified medical staff, only social workers. And they supported him in everything. He wasn't a girl then, but wanted to be gender neutral. The girl phase came almost a year later. He has changed his legal gender and is now officially a girl.

He knows I am against it and of course blame Christianity for intolerance. He even claimed the Satanic Bible to be the thing to believe in.

I haven't seen him for almost 2 years. He has refused me to go to his concerts or graduation. Then. Last week he called me and said he was coming the next day. I told him it was not the right time, but he insisted. He was there when I came home after a long day at work. And he told me to rejoice. "You have got the daughter you dreamt of! We should celebrate! Can I have some wine or champagne?"

And I was stunned. All the traumas came back. All the desperation of not getting help. All the fear and uneasiness.

I have used the time to build myself a life. I feel the house is filled with the Holy Spirit and it is a good place to worship and pray. My life and psyche is getting better. Until Thursday. I felt everything just slipping away. And I found myself thinking "I don't want that person in my life!"

My mother said I should embrace him. His father said this doesn't end well. And my friends said you need to protect yourself.

Getting a restraining order is perhaps necessary, but then I feel like a lousy mother.

It is impossible for most of you to relate to this. I know. It is overwhelming. But I still want to know if people have experienced violent kids. Felt threatened by them. Or have conflicts due to transgenderism.

And I do appreciate prayers.

Are mothers bad mothers if their child comes down with cancer? Are they bad mothers if the child broke a bone? Are they bad mothers if the child came down with pneumonia? Are they bad mothers if the child has any illness? Then is the mother a bad mother if the child has a mental illness?

And this is the problem with transgenderism. Transgenderism is a mental illness that society is being forced into believing isn't a mental illness.

You don't let the guy who tried to kill you before, and has been encouraged into the mental illness, move back in with you. It's like going to the firing range during practice and standing in front of the target to see what happens. You know what will happen.

Your government forced him into a place without you before. Let them do it again. You stopped being responsible for him when they took him away two years ago. Don't become responsible for him now, since he is no longer a child and threatens your life. Even David was smart enough to avoid Absalom.

 

[whatev]

Praying for you sister. I don’t know what it’s like to be in your situation but I do know we serve a faithful and loving Father who will give you strength in times of weakness and hope in times of despair.

I watched this doco about a man who became transgender and had the full op done. He later gave his life to Jesus and now is a Christian. What he said was that he thought he knew what he wanted, and it wasn’t until conviction took place from the Holy Spirit was then he realised he was being deceived by the enemy.

Its not too late for your son and I will be praying for you and Him. In the Name of Jesus Christ our Saviour. Amen.

Paul helped kill Stephen. Paul was on the road to go kill even more when the Lord stopped him. I'd rather Toinena not be Stephen, if it is the Lord's will to save her son.

 

[HoneyDew]

Sweet Toinena, as a mom our instinct is to love, protect and always be there for our children. If he is a threat to you physically, I would caution you not to put yourself in a position to be harmed. You are not a lousy mother for considering a restraining order. I hope that he still has other living arrangements. Continue to pray and I will remember you and your son in my prayers.

Numbers 6:24-26
24 The Lord bless you, and keep you:

25 The Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you:

26 The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.

 

[Miri]

Sometimes life just does it’s thing, circumstances we have no control
over just happen. We certainly can’t control the decisions of other people,
even our own family.

How bad is the Aspergers? Isnt that a spectrum of autism?

Just asking because I know a few with autism/aspergers and they
seem to have difficulty communicating or understanding the world in the
same way as most people. They don’t quite get life or understand people
or situations the same.

Unfortunately they seem to have a lot of mental health problems, depression etc.
One couple I know well, a pastor and his wife, their son committed suicide 2 years
ago. Life just got too much for him. He couldn’t have been raised in a better home.
He always had trouble accepting himself but you know, he was really gifted in
art even from a 3 year old. When other toddlers were drawing stick men, he was
drawing life like people, bags, cats etc.

I don’t think it will be due to a poor upbringing. Please don’t blame yourself.
If anything he might not be in a fit mental state to even make a decision about
transgender or to know the long term implications.

He sounds as if he needs more help than you can give him right now.
I know it’s hard to take in but all you can do really is love him even if you
disagree with his decision. That doesn’t mean he should live with you, that
depends how much help he needs and how much you can cope yourself.

I have a brother who is gay, I disagree with his life style but I still love him.
He is an amazing person and would do anything to help anybody. You can
disagree with the way a person lives but still love them and show them the
love of Christ.

 

[mar09]

Hi toinena,

I do not believe you are a bad mother. We have an older son who, when he was in his late teens, was an angry young man. His father was working away then, and there were times when, with just one pc in the house, some nights he would come to our room where it was located, and play those ugly, violent games i could never understand. I was afraid, of course ,and had little sleep. In time i just locked the room...

Fwd to years later. He was delayed in schooling as he stopped and ppl probably thought him a bum. But he took the effort to take alternative schooling, deciding and standing on his own. He is also very gifted, which we failed to understand at the time... Now he is a mature, quiet-natured person with a good job. I cannot explain his transformation, except the Lord working in his life. I know his sibs look up to him, in spite of his troubled teenhood, and he is most welcomed when he drops by these days.

Praying that God give you strength and courage as you face and make decisions, while loving and praying for your son now.

 

[keep_on_smiling]

Praying for you during this very difficult time. Remember the Lord is with you always.

If you are frightened and scared to be in the same house as your son, you need to make changes so that your are safe. This doesn't make you a bad mother for doing so. Trust the Lord and the way that your are feeling.

Loving someone doesn't mean that you do everything they say and it doesn't mean you have to agree with them. Loving someone is sharing the truth, praying for them always, and hoping that they one day will change.

Know that you aren't alone. Reach out for help if that's what you need. Praying for your safety, courage, and strength through this trying time and I pray that the Lord speak truth into your son's life and that he will feel the love of his Father and change for him.

 

[Miri]

Hi toinena,

I do not believe you are a bad mother. We have an older son who, when he was in his late teens, was an angry young man. His father was working away then, and there were times when, with just one pc in the house, some nights he would come to our room where it was located, and play those ugly, violent games i could never understand. I was afraid, of course ,and had little sleep. In time i just locked the room...

Fwd to years later. He was delayed in schooling as he stopped and ppl probably thought him a bum. But he took the effort to take alternative schooling, deciding and standing on his own. He is also very gifted, which we failed to understand at the time... Now he is a mature, quiet-natured person with a good job. I cannot explain his transformation, except the Lord working in his life. I know his sibs look up to him, in spite of his troubled teenhood, and he is most welcomed when he drops by these days.

Praying that God give you strength and courage as you face and make decisions, while loving and praying for your son now.

I know this may sound a strange opinion. But I think the violent video games
are responsible for a lot of problems and anger in people.

Personally I think they open the door to satanic attacks. I have an older
brother who played them a lot, he especially enjoyed the zombie, monster
stuff and ones such as silent hill, which have connections to witch craft etc.

He just changed and eventually developed anxiety, stress, agophobia fear of
going outside.

If you watch and actively engage with evil, it does affect you.

 

[zeroturbulence]

If you were anyone but his mom I would say avoid and get as far as possible, but since this is your son.. (and some here will hate me for this)... I think you should accept his decision and let him know that you love him. He probably really needs you.... really needs a mom in his life.....that could be why he was so upset and acting out. I'm not saying you are/were a bad mother... I'm just giving my opinion of what I think you should do.

 

[Clear_River]

Miri
I don't believe video games make people violent cause if that's the case I would be a very violent individual in real life, but I am not. I have been playing games like that since I was five or six years old, plus anxiety is a mental illness caused by a multitude of things like overprotective parenting, genetics, prolonged exposure to stressful situations, including personal or family illnesses or different brain chemistry. Btw silent hill is not satanic it's a psychological horror game about people who create their own purgatory out of guilt, sadness, shame, and anger which in return those feelings by the main character or others will have start taking physical forms and become creatures that symbolize those feelings.

 

[Miri]

Miri
I don't believe video games make people violent cause if that's the case I would be a very violent individual in real life, but I am not. I have been playing games like that since I was five or six years old, plus anxiety is a mental illness caused by a multitude of things like overprotective parenting, genetics, prolonged exposure to stressful situations, including personal or family illnesses or different brain chemistry. Btw silent hill is not satanic it's a psychological horror game about people who create their own purgatory out of guilt, sadness, shame, and anger which in return those feelings by the main character or others will have start taking physical forms and become creatures that symbolize those feelings.

Have to disagree with you there and children should definately not be playing
such games. It affects them even worse than adults. At minimum it
desensitises the mind and exposes people to terrible things until it gets
to the point where they don’t even flinch at horrible things, blood, gore etc.

That’s not desirable or right it creates hearts as hard as stone.

 

[Clear_River]

Your opinion, but you are contradicting your own belief as the bible is filled with violence, gore, slavery, death, and mass genocide.
With that backward logic of yours, children should not be reading the bible especially the first three chapters.

 

[Mel85]

1 John 1:5-7

“5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.
6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth.
7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”

We do have to be careful of the things we expose ourselves to, this includes sinister video games, tv programmes, movies, social media, entertainment, books, basically all things that are not of God. It’s actually a dangerous position to be in because by looking or engaging in things like that, you’re inviting the enemy into your house/life via the spiritual realm. It’s a spiritual warfare and one must be wise about what they are exposing themselves to.

 

[toinena]

Sometimes life just does it’s thing, circumstances we have no control
over just happen. We certainly can’t control the decisions of other people,
even our own family.

How bad is the Aspergers? Isnt that a spectrum of autism?

Just asking because I know a few with autism/aspergers and they
seem to have difficulty communicating or understanding the world in the
same way as most people. They don’t quite get life or understand people
or situations the same.

Unfortunately they seem to have a lot of mental health problems, depression etc.
One couple I know well, a pastor and his wife, their son committed suicide 2 years
ago. Life just got too much for him. He couldn’t have been raised in a better home.
He always had trouble accepting himself but you know, he was really gifted in
art even from a 3 year old. When other toddlers were drawing stick men, he was
drawing life like people, bags, cats etc.

I don’t think it will be due to a poor upbringing. Please don’t blame yourself.
If anything he might not be in a fit mental state to even make a decision about
transgender or to know the long term implications.

He sounds as if he needs more help than you can give him right now.
I know it’s hard to take in but all you can do really is love him even if you
disagree with his decision. That doesn’t mean he should live with you, that
depends how much help he needs and how much you can cope yourself.

I have a brother who is gay, I disagree with his life style but I still love him.
He is an amazing person and would do anything to help anybody. You can
disagree with the way a person lives but still love them and show them the
love of Christ.

It is a light Autism, and he functions very well when he is "in charge", like when he is playing music or does his things. He is doing so well, he even got accepted to the Music Academy as a jazz soloist. He is very gifted

 

[toinena]

If you were anyone but his mom I would say avoid and get as far as possible, but since this is your son.. (and some here will hate me for this)... I think you should accept his decision and let him know that you love him. He probably really needs you.... really needs a mom in his life.....that could be why he was so upset and acting out. I'm not saying you are/were a bad mother... I'm just giving my opinion of what I think you should do.

I told him that I accept his decision. He said that was not enough, because he claims it wasn't a decision to make.

 

[toinena]

He wasn't into violent videogames. More fantasy. I can't blame it on video games, but rather a violend and distant father.

 

[Miri]

He wasn't into violent videogames. More fantasy. I can't blame it on video games, but rather a violend and distant father.

Oh I’m sorry about that.