I wish that reality can somehow be as relaxing as illusions
Is relaxation and comfort what you want? Or is it Jesus Christ? Wish what you want but what reality is - will always be - Christ Jesus.
Both nations and individuals have tried Christianity and abandoned it, because it has been found too difficult; but no man has ever gone through the crisis of deliberately making Jesus Lord and found Him to be a failure.
So, it comes back to the question: What do you want? And who do you say Jesus Christ is? But keep in mind - reality will always be Christ Jesus!
(Matthew 12:35-37): 35 The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil. 36 But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. 37 For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”