A proper roast for LighthouseJohn

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I don't have a boss yet, but I'll get you the number when I get one.
 
Be sure to give him a glowing reccomendation and tell him what an awesome person I am.
 
I thought this was supposed to be a roast! Whaat's a guy have to do to get some notice around here?
 
How can we have a roast if the guest of honor is missing??? I haven't seen John around here in ages.
 
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