Hopeful_1 - I pray that you find the strength via your faith, the peace in your heart and the conviction of your soul to persevere along your journey. This life will put numerous obstacles for us to overcome, you have demonstrated courage in seeking help here within the cc forum. I suggest if you do not have a close family member or close friend - maybe you can reach out to your local spiritual leader for guidance and direction for reinforcement and/or alternative approaches to assist you thru your struggle.
Good Luck and God Bless