Used Goods and Baggage

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SecondHandHippie

SecondHandHippie

Member
#1
Jul 8, 2017
86
136
33
#1
Do any of you fear that you will be single forever because of your past or your current situation?

Hi. I'm Hannah. I'm a 35 year old single mother of four kids. My three daughters all have completely different life threatening illnesses and I am their medical "nurse" at home. My son is healthy. So there's that...

I've been married twice; a taboo in many Christian circles. My first husband beat me. My second husband started using meth and then beat me, and my kids to boot. Both of these men were professing believers.

Sometimes I feel that when men hear my story they recoil as if they just touched acid.

Other times a man sticks around, and I find myself questioning his motives and sanity for choosing me. They usually leave after a few months.

I don't know what I have to bring to the table. I don't think I'm the purdiest girl in town, and I come with my own football team. I have a passionate and loving heart for the Lord and feel deeply for hurting and spiritually lost people around the globe, and I am a hard worker and love my family. I feel I have so much love in my heart for a good man, but I feel dirty, and used. I feel like used goods. I often ask why any man would want a woman like me.



I try not to dwell on it. I am a very joyful, adventurous, compassionate, artistic and funny, and I wish I had someone just to share life's joys with who wouldn't hit or degrade me or my children. I try to be happy as a single person, but I long for a life partner. I wish I could erase the past and start over.

Do you ever feel the same? Do you have gates in the way of your road to a relationship?
 
M

mar09

Senior Member
#2
Sep 17, 2014
4,927
1,259
113
#2
SHH,
My answer to your questions are all no... but i feel and pray for your situation. You are young, well, compared to me=), and i just know God makes all things beautiful in His time. If you cannot erase the past, God can, so not to worry. The Lord sees your heart...you're not used goods and baggage at all! I will keep you in prayers.
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#3
Jul 24, 2016
7,585
3,616
113
#3
SecondHandHippie said:
Other times a man sticks around, and I find myself questioning his motives and sanity for choosing me. They usually leave after a few months.
Click to expand...
So maybe the only men who stick around are the User and abusive men who want to use you... All the ""nice guys"" you keep questioning their motives and sanity for pursuing you... So eventually they give up and move on??

The question you may want to ask yourself is there a deep problem within yourself that leads you to believe you are unworthy of being truly loved by a loving man...
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#4
Aug 2, 2009
24,646
4,305
113
#4
Adstar said:
So maybe the only men who stick around are the User and abusive men who want to use you... All the ""nice guys"" you keep questioning their motives and sanity for pursuing you... So eventually they give up and move on??

The question you may want to ask yourself is there a deep problem within yourself that leads you to believe you are unworthy of being truly loved by a loving man...
Click to expand...
That is extremely presumptuous of you.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#5
Aug 13, 2014
27,413
9,401
113
#5
SecondHandHippie said:
Do any of you fear that you will be single forever because of your past or your current situation?

Hi. I'm Hannah. I'm a 35 year old single mother of four kids. My three daughters all have completely different life threatening illnesses and I am their medical "nurse" at home. My son is healthy. So there's that...

I've been married twice; a taboo in many Christian circles. My first husband beat me. My second husband started using meth and then beat me, and my kids to boot. Both of these men were professing believers.

Sometimes I feel that when men hear my story they recoil as if they just touched acid.

Other times a man sticks around, and I find myself questioning his motives and sanity for choosing me. They usually leave after a few months.

I don't know what I have to bring to the table. I don't think I'm the purdiest girl in town, and I come with my own football team. I have a passionate and loving heart for the Lord and feel deeply for hurting and spiritually lost people around the globe, and I am a hard worker and love my family. I feel I have so much love in my heart for a good man, but I feel dirty, and used. I feel like used goods. I often ask why any man would want a woman like me.



I try not to dwell on it. I am a very joyful, adventurous, compassionate, artistic and funny, and I wish I had someone just to share life's joys with who wouldn't hit or degrade me or my children. I try to be happy as a single person, but I long for a life partner. I wish I could erase the past and start over.

Do you ever feel the same? Do you have gates in the way of your road to a relationship?
Click to expand...
Do I fear I will be single forever? Interesting way to put it. I would have to rephrase the question before I answered it.

Do I think I will be single forever? Maybe. Or maybe not. Do I fear it? Not really. I like the story of my life so far, can't wait to see what will happen next and I'm interested in how it will end.

You said your girls have life threatening illnesses. Does this mean they all have different illnesses that are treatable but not curable, and if left untreated their illnesses would all be terminal? I'm just curious.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#8
#8
Adstar said:
So maybe the only men who stick around are the User and abusive men who want to use you... All the ""nice guys"" you keep questioning their motives and sanity for pursuing you... So eventually they give up and move on??

The question you may want to ask yourself is there a deep problem within yourself that leads you to believe you are unworthy of being truly loved by a loving man...
Click to expand...
From a person that still feels unworthy and lesser.

I have never been with a man that doesn't abuse me before. Now, when I am in the relation I have prayed for for years, I see that I wasn't ready for it before now. God's timing was perfect.

My son has moved out, but my disability is a huge obstacle for the nice guys. It doesn't matter anymore, because I have met a man that I am committed to as he is to me.

Give it time, sister. Pray and be patient. God has a plan for you no matter how dark it feels now. Believe me, I have been there. God can do immeasurably more for you than you could possibly imagine. To have finally got through those dark years it is no going back, and both the passion for Christ and the love I have for this man grows each day. I pray you will experience something similar one day, too. That will wipe away all tears and reject from today and the past.
 
SecondHandHippie

SecondHandHippie

Member
#9
Jul 8, 2017
86
136
33
#9
Adstar said:
So maybe the only men who stick around are the User and abusive men who want to use you... All the ""nice guys"" you keep questioning their motives and sanity for pursuing you... So eventually they give up and move on??

The question you may want to ask yourself is there a deep problem within yourself that leads you to believe you are unworthy of being truly loved by a loving man...
Click to expand...
One "nice guy" went back to his ex wife. Another "nice guy" was always talking about himself and mocked whatever I enjoyed, and one "nice guy" used very sexually crude, joking language. They were nice enough, but I just didn't feel comfortable with them.
 
SecondHandHippie

SecondHandHippie

Member
#10
Jul 8, 2017
86
136
33
#10
Lynx said:
Do I fear I will be single forever? Interesting way to put it. I would have to rephrase the question before I answered it.

Do I think I will be single forever? Maybe. Or maybe not. Do I fear it? Not really. I like the story of my life so far, can't wait to see what will happen next and I'm interested in how it will end.

You said your girls have life threatening illnesses. Does this mean they all have different illnesses that are treatable but not curable, and if left untreated their illnesses would all be terminal? I'm just curious.
Click to expand...
My oldest is 14 and in a wheelchair with an illness that she is very likely to die from early on. She needs total care and can't do anything independently.

My other daughter (8) is dependent on IV nutrition administered through a port on her chest because 2/3 of her intestines are missing.

My youngest daughter (7) has pulmonary hypertension (very high blood pressure in her heart) and could go into cardiac arrest, so she takes medication to slightly lower her pressures.

My son (13) is healthy.
 
S

Sweetmorningdew78

Guest
#11
#11
Hi! Sis :)


I told this to my sister... My sister is a single mother. She fell for someone who is irresponsible. Since my nephew was one year old he never gave anything to support my nephew not even a cent. My sister is younger than me...9 years younger than me. She was the one who told me about the things she noticed about my ex and u know I didn't listen... So one time she told me "Ate" (older sister) wake up you can still find a good man you deserve someone who will going to cherish you... Unlike me I am a single mother I already have one kid...it broke my heart hearing this from my sister... I told her don't feel like that. You deserve the same love just like me in the future...she thought that because she is a single mother, no single man will going to love her truly and marry her 😢 but that was along time ago :) she is now in a relationship with a single man who accepted her and her baby boy :)

I understand... I don't feel like I am used or a baggage but at my age now many times I got these feelings inside my heart sometimes that at my age(40) I feel like no one will going to love an old woman like me anymore 😂 but I was so wrong :)

Sis you are not used or a baggage you deserve the same love the same love like your single neighbor... you being a single mother has transformed you to become a superhero yayy yes!that is the best word I can describe people who bravely raised their kids alone :) a refined woman! godly ,brave, determined, selfless and loving :) The man who will love you next will not going to look at you like a used person or a baggage but will look at you like a priceless woman someone who has been through so much in the past and become a great woman that he will going to cherish all the days of his life :)

God bless you and your kids ❤
 
Jewel5712

Jewel5712

Well-known member
#12
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,275
113
#12
SecondHandHippie said:
Do any of you fear that you will be single forever because of your past or your current situation?

Hi. I'm Hannah. I'm a 35 year old single mother of four kids. My three daughters all have completely different life threatening illnesses and I am their medical "nurse" at home. My son is healthy. So there's that...

I've been married twice; a taboo in many Christian circles. My first husband beat me. My second husband started using meth and then beat me, and my kids to boot. Both of these men were professing believers.

Sometimes I feel that when men hear my story they recoil as if they just touched acid.

Other times a man sticks around, and I find myself questioning his motives and sanity for choosing me. They usually leave after a few months.

I don't know what I have to bring to the table. I don't think I'm the purdiest girl in town, and I come with my own football team. I have a passionate and loving heart for the Lord and feel deeply for hurting and spiritually lost people around the globe, and I am a hard worker and love my family. I feel I have so much love in my heart for a good man, but I feel dirty, and used. I feel like used goods. I often ask why any man would want a woman like me.



I try not to dwell on it. I am a very joyful, adventurous, compassionate, artistic and funny, and I wish I had someone just to share life's joys with who wouldn't hit or degrade me or my children. I try to be happy as a single person, but I long for a life partner. I wish I could erase the past and start over.

Do you ever feel the same? Do you have gates in the way of your road to a relationship?
Click to expand...
I feel your pain..i was a very young mom..married twice to professing believers..first one cheated..second on hit..raised 4 kids mostly on my own..church people shunned me for multiple marrieges and many didnt want to date a woman with so many kids..can be a very lonlely road..even at my age now..kids grown ..have dated some but nothing serious since 3 yrs ago..see..i CAN relate and yes DO feel sometimes ill be single the rest of my life..most of my adult life was being single and yes..sometimes gets frustrating but i try not to focus on it and beliebe thay God wants the VERY BEST FOR ME..and TODAY..Gods VERY BEST for me is to be single..might change tomorrow or may NEVER change but either way..i have to trust God ;)
 
Solemateleft

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
#13
Jun 25, 2017
13,864
4,029
113
#13
SHH,
I have tremendous empathy for you and your situation. The lord has blessed you with four loving children whom are dependent upon you and your faith along their young journey... The burden you carry upon your shoulders every day is herculean and the lord knows this, he knows your strength and he knows your perseverance.
The lord hears your prayers. As hard as it is to say, hear and understand - the lord wants you to focus upon being the best possible mom you can humanely be to those precious angels - and he doesn't want you to burden yourself with your hopes and dreams for a man - at this time. He wants you to entrust that burden unto him.
I suspect that in the lords time that he wants you to realize how strong and independent you really are, because once he shows you this - then he will have shown you to value your own worth...
Once you are able to value your own worth - I suspect the lord will open the flood gates for 'good men' to come a callen...
I will pray for your strength, your peace, patience and trust in the lord. I pray for all four of your kids during these difficult times, and I pray that the lord blesses you with the knowledge of your true value... I pray that you know that many men will recognize that you are a beautiful woman inside and out. Give this to the lord, God Bless
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#14
Jul 24, 2016
7,585
3,616
113
#14
SecondHandHippie said:
One "nice guy" went back to his ex wife. Another "nice guy" was always talking about himself and mocked whatever I enjoyed, and one "nice guy" used very sexually crude, joking language. They were nice enough, but I just didn't feel comfortable with them.
Click to expand...
They don't sound very nice to me.. But such is life i guess..
 
T

toinena

Guest
#15
#15
Adstar said:
They don't sound very nice to me.. But such is life i guess..
Click to expand...
I agree. Not nice men at all.

Good news is: God can turn all the negative experiences you have had and have into huge blessings. There is a way out of the darkness, but sometimes the walk through the desert seems too long and unbearable. And when you finally get to the promised land (not necessarily in Heaven but here on Earth) you will see that every heartbreak, every tear and every rejection lead you and prepared you for it. For me that walk took more than 20 years and I can truly say, God loved me and protected me through the illness, the abuse, the violence and the humiliation. And I believe that He has still more to come.
 
C

CandieM

Guest
#16
#16
SecondHandHippie said:
Do any of you fear that you will be single forever because of your past or your current situation?

Hi. I'm Hannah. I'm a 35 year old single mother of four kids. My three daughters all have completely different life threatening illnesses and I am their medical "nurse" at home. My son is healthy. So there's that...

I've been married twice; a taboo in many Christian circles. My first husband beat me. My second husband started using meth and then beat me, and my kids to boot. Both of these men were professing believers.

Sometimes I feel that when men hear my story they recoil as if they just touched acid.

Other times a man sticks around, and I find myself questioning his motives and sanity for choosing me. They usually leave after a few months.

I don't know what I have to bring to the table. I don't think I'm the purdiest girl in town, and I come with my own football team. I have a passionate and loving heart for the Lord and feel deeply for hurting and spiritually lost people around the globe, and I am a hard worker and love my family. I feel I have so much love in my heart for a good man, but I feel dirty, and used. I feel like used goods. I often ask why any man would want a woman like me.



I try not to dwell on it. I am a very joyful, adventurous, compassionate, artistic and funny, and I wish I had someone just to share life's joys with who wouldn't hit or degrade me or my children. I try to be happy as a single person, but I long for a life partner. I wish I could erase the past and start over.

Do you ever feel the same? Do you have gates in the way of your road to a relationship?
Click to expand...
You seem like an absolutely awesome person to me. Incredibly strong. I admire you.

It's not that I experience fear of being single for the rest of my life, but that I fear being around people at all. People such as yourself, who have been so afflicted by the darkness in others ─ I am very sensitive to the plights of others. This is why I think it's best for me to be a single cat lady for the rest of my life. ... Then there are the few out there who want to convince me that falling in love is one of the best experiences ever, but I could care less. Due to my sensitivities, I can't handle the full-on brunt of other peoples' darkness. Personally, I have my own. ... You think you know someone ... but please trust me when I say you can't even say you know me ... even if you think you do. Life has taught me that somewhere inside our subconscious mind, there lies a little seed of insanity. Know one knows what can set it off, or when. ... That's what I think, anyway.

If there is someone out there who can be safe, caring, and loving to you and your children, I definitely want you to find them, or them to find you, and that you two have a wonderful relationship together. Just make sure that boundaries have the foremost importance in the relationship, for everyone involved, including the kids. This wasn't so for me when I was a lot younger ... and it made my life substantially more difficult. Since I'm now an adult I'm responsible for myself but when you're little, you really can't be. 😟

Thanks for reading. 😳👋
 
C

CandieM

Guest
#17
#17
CandieM said:
You seem like an absolutely awesome person to me. Incredibly strong. I admire you.

It's not that I experience fear of being single for the rest of my life, but that I fear being around people at all. People such as yourself, who have been so afflicted by the darkness in others ─ I am very sensitive to the plights of others. This is why I think it's best for me to be a single cat lady for the rest of my life. ... Then there are the few out there who want to convince me that falling in love is one of the best experiences ever, but I could care less. Due to my sensitivities, I can't handle the full-on brunt of other peoples' darkness. Personally, I have my own. ... You think you know someone ... but please trust me when I say you can't even say you know me ... even if you think you do. Life has taught me that somewhere inside our subconscious mind, there lies a little seed of insanity. Know one knows what can set it off, or when. ... That's what I think, anyway.

If there is someone out there who can be safe, caring, and loving to you and your children, I definitely want you to find them, or them to find you, and that you two have a wonderful relationship together. Just make sure that boundaries have the foremost importance in the relationship, for everyone involved, including the kids. This wasn't so for me when I was a lot younger ... and it made my life substantially more difficult. Since I'm now an adult I'm responsible for myself but when you're little, you really can't be. 😟

Thanks for reading. 😳👋
Click to expand...
**No one

🙄
 
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