can you guys post something funny please?
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Here is a couple ones, not one of my best.
A young Dutch couple went into a bar, the woman said "The floor here is unstable. It smells like crap. Where are we?" The man said "You asked me to take you to a bar I knew." Woman replied "Yes, but what kind of a bar doesn't have flat flooring and smells like poo? And I told you it needs to be a bar with pipes." man answered "Yes. It is a bar, a pipe bar of the sewer."
And another one, you may want to try this quick one for an easy joke.
When no one is really talking and you look like you're on your phone or reading the newspaper, and someone is sitting next to you, say something that makes you sounds startled and shocked, and answer back like you still are.
For example;
you; Oh my goodness!! friend: What!? What is it!? you: How could this possibly be!? Friend: what is it, dude!? You; I just saved 15% on my car insurance!!
A young Dutch couple went into a bar, the woman said "The floor here is unstable. It smells like crap. Where are we?" The man said "You asked me to take you to a bar I knew." Woman replied "Yes, but what kind of a bar doesn't have flat flooring and smells like poo? And I told you it needs to be a bar with pipes." man answered "Yes. It is a bar, a pipe bar of the sewer."
And another one, you may want to try this quick one for an easy joke.
When no one is really talking and you look like you're on your phone or reading the newspaper, and someone is sitting next to you, say something that makes you sounds startled and shocked, and answer back like you still are.
For example;
you; Oh my goodness!! friend: What!? What is it!? you: How could this possibly be!? Friend: what is it, dude!? You; I just saved 15% on my car insurance!!
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The finalist has been named in the worldwide search for the perfect man. After careful consideration and endless debate, The Perfect Man has been named:
MR. POTATO HEAD!
- He’s tan.
- He’s cute.
- He knows the importance of accessorizing.
- And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face.
MR. POTATO HEAD!
- He’s tan.
- He’s cute.
- He knows the importance of accessorizing.
- And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face.
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Marine Proves there is a God
A college professor, an avowed atheist and active in the A.C.L.U. was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated that once and for all he was going to prove that there was no God.Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes!!!!!"
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by. "I'm waiting God, if you're real, knock me off this platform!!!!"
Again after 4 minutes, the professor taunted God saying, "Here I am, God!!! I'm still waiting!!!"
His count down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine, who was just released from the Marines after serving in Afghanistan and Iraq and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor. The Marine hit him full force in the face! This sent the Professor tumbling from his lofty platform. The Professor was out cold.
The students were stunned and shocked. They began to babble in confusion. The Marine nonchalantly took his seat in the front row and sat in silence. The class looked at him and fell silent also.....Waiting.
Eventually, the professor came to and was noticeably shaken. He looked at the Marine in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
"God was really busy protecting America's soldiers, who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So he sent me."
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ok...this guy annoyed when he would go to family weddings, each time he went the older people would nudge him with their elbows saying "Your next" so the guy when he went to funerals would elbow the elders saying "Your next!" 
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