Is this weird???

[GodsLuv]

Is t weird that me and my ex still have a really good relationship? I broke up with him 5 months ago and we still hang out, go to church and workout together. Is this too much togetherness??? I need answers

 

[Gracie_14]

Is t weird that me and my ex still have a really good relationship? I broke up with him 5 months ago and we still hang out, go to church and workout together. Is this too much togetherness??? I need answers

Uhhh...are you currently in a relationship? Or single still?

 

[Demi777]

Just because u cant stay in relationship doesn't mean u cant get along. Im still best friends with my 2nd ex and my boyfriend knows about it and has no problem with it.
Just because you get along with someone doesn't mean u can get along with em closer.

 

[melita916]

I’ve heard of people staying friends with an ex.

I didn’t stay friends with mine because I honestly didn’t have interest to stay friends lol. He also lives in another state, so there was no hanging out together. He did email me a few times. I was cordial, but I never kept the convo going. But that was my choice.

I say if you two no longer have “feelings” towards each other, then it should be all right. If one of you starts dating someone else, then there should be no jealousy.

 

[cinder]

Is t weird that me and my ex still have a really good relationship? I broke up with him 5 months ago and we still hang out, go to church and workout together. Is this too much togetherness??? I need answers

The answer depends on too many factors for there to be a good answer here. But here are a few questions to consider :
1) How has breaking up affected your relationship in practical, observable terms? How are things different between you since you've broken up? (If they're not different, then have you really broken up or have you just kind of agreed on some sort of emotional relationship without commitment)
2) How will it affect your friendship if one of you starts dating someone else?
3) How will this friendship affect your chances of finding someone else to date ( if that's something either of you desire further down the road)?

 

[GodsLuv]

Uhhh...are you currently in a relationship? Or single still?

I’m still single

 

[GodsLuv]

I’ve heard of people staying friends with an ex.

I didn’t stay friends with mine because I honestly didn’t have interest to stay friends lol. He also lives in another state, so there was no hanging out together. He did email me a few times. I was cordial, but I never kept the convo going. But that was my choice.

I say if you two no longer have “feelings” towards each other, then it should be all right. If one of you starts dating someone else, then there should be no jealousy.

I’m totally over the relationship but he still have feelings for me and would like to be back together

 

[GodsLuv]

The answer depends on too many factors for there to be a good answer here. But here are a few questions to consider :
1) How has breaking up affected your relationship in practical, observable terms? How are things different between you since you've broken up? (If they're not different, then have you really broken up or have you just kind of agreed on some sort of emotional relationship without commitment)
2) How will it affect your friendship if one of you starts dating someone else?
3) How will this friendship affect your chances of finding someone else to date ( if that's something either of you desire further down the road)?

Those were really good questions. Honestly, nothing has really changed since we broke up. We stopped communicating for a brief moment after the breakup but other than that nothing changed. He made it crystal clear if I start dating someone he will stop talking to me all together.

 

[cinder]

I’m totally over the relationship but he still have feelings for me and would like to be back together

So let's say hypothetically you meet a guy that you just go crazy for. You date him for a bit and then he breaks it off but tell you you can still be friends. He keeps spending just as much time with you as when you were dating, knows you're longing to get back together with him, but has no intention of getting back together with you. Is he treating you well? Is he being a good friend to you? Is he sending you mixed signals?

And you probably know where I'm going with this, but that's pretty much how you're treating your friend / ex. So if you've moved on already and he hasn't, it might be best for him if you give him the freedom and motivation to start moving on by putting some distance between the two of you.

This is one of the best online articles I know on the subject and has led me to what I call the two hour rule: if you're not dating or intending to date you shouldn't be spending more than two hours a week together engaged in one on one interaction.

https://www.boundless.org/relationships/not-your-buddy/

And in answer to your original question: no it's not weird, but it's likely setting him up to deal with even greater hurt and rejection down the road

 

[Solemateleft]

Is t weird that me and my ex still have a really good relationship? I broke up with him 5 months ago and we still hang out, go to church and workout together. Is this too much togetherness??? I need answers

Not too weird... It would appear that you have friend-zoned him... That is not too unusual (a few movies made on this theme) for the life long friend to finally realize that the person they have been spending so much time with: knows them better than most, is always there for them when they need someone, and is a loyal companion...
On the other-hand if he were a genuine bestie, he wouldn't be suggesting not talking to you again - if you were ever to meet someone else...
He does warrant some credit/acknowledgement for his commitment... There is something to be said for someone's level of commitment in making any relationship work in the long run...

 

[Wild]

Yeah its fine.

 

[GodsLuv]

So let's say hypothetically you meet a guy that you just go crazy for. You date him for a bit and then he breaks it off but tell you you can still be friends. He keeps spending just as much time with you as when you were dating, knows you're longing to get back together with him, but has no intention of getting back together with you. Is he treating you well? Is he being a good friend to you? Is he sending you mixed signals?

And you probably know where I'm going with this, but that's pretty much how you're treating your friend / ex. So if you've moved on already and he hasn't, it might be best for him if you give him the freedom and motivation to start moving on by putting some distance between the two of you.

This is one of the best online articles I know on the subject and has led me to what I call the two hour rule: if you're not dating or intending to date you shouldn't be spending more than two hours a week together engaged in one on one interaction.

https://www.boundless.org/relationships/not-your-buddy/

And in answer to your original question: no it's not weird, but it's likely setting him up to deal with even greater hurt and rejection down the road

Thank you so much for your insight. This was extremely helpful and you’re absolutelt right I’m only setting him up for a greater deal
Of hurt in the end

 

[Solemateleft]

Thank you so much for your insight. This was extremely helpful and you’re absolutelt right I’m only setting him up for a greater deal
Of hurt in the end

I do agree, I do like the 2 hour/week approach, and I tend lean toward Harry's philosophy about guys in 'When Harry met Sally' - when it involves the feelings/motives of guys and girls who claim to be 'just friends' but invest an awful lot of time together...
But, I'm also open to other perspectives - one being what we genuinely mean when we refer to a 'Brother' here in cc...
Brother: 'a person who is there when you need him; a person who sticks up for you when no one else will; a brother is a forever friend.'

 

[maxwel]

A. It's not weird to have feelings of whatever kind toward your ex.

B. But it may be unwise to put too much time into that relationship, even in a different capacity.

C. It's very likely more things will go wrong.

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