Is is wrong to start a relationship with a person who is separated but not divorced?

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J0Y

J0Y

Senior Member
#1
Mar 7, 2009
509
6
18
#1
Hi there!
This question was posed to me and I was not quite sure what to answer so thought I would post it here and get some advice on it.

The background to the situation: Tony is a committed Christian who is separated and in the process of divorce following his wife having an affair with a married man. They have been separated for a year.

Cathy is a single committed Christian. Neither are actually in a relationship with each other yet but they do have mutual feelings. Tony's divorce will not be legally processed till this time next year. (It takes 2 years to get a divorce in NZ). There are no children involved.

This question is based on them not knowing if 'courting' is allowed when a divorce is not final. I have no idea about these things! All I do know is that the bible clearly states that Tony could remarry because it was his wife that had an affair. But what about courtship?

Can anyone please provide me with some good sound scriptural based Christian advice to give them?

Thank you lots in advance
J0Y
 
D

DXT

Guest
#2
#2
It's clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). It should never be taken lightly and all steps need to be taken to reconcile the marriage. Nevertheless, you can't force someone to stay with you. I dont think God particularly cares about when the State files the paper work, its the condition of the heart thats in question.
 
S

Slepsog4

Guest
#3
#3
Christians are to be peacemakers. We are given the message of reconciliation. Marriage it the foundational structure of civilization. Anything that distracts or destroys that foundation is wrong.

NEVER get involved with a person who is married even if they are currently separated.
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#4
Sep 8, 2006
1,064
11
0
51
#4
He IS married.

That would be considered infidelity in my book. I think the idea that as a *comitted christian* he has even entertained the idea of getting involved with anyone else is not good.

God can still work a miracle in their situation. I applaude NZ for having it be manditory 2 year process for a divorce to be processed and finalized.
Here in the US is is MUCH more simple. (heartbreaking that they make it so easy for families to be torn apart.)

My divorce took about that long as well, but only because after my husband filed, I contested it all the way through to the end.
I was denying irreconcilable differences because I serve a God that can reconcile ANYTHING if we fully give it over to Him as scripture teaches us to.
Unfortunatly my husband was not willing....but i KNOW that I did all that I could, and I can move forward in that knowledge.

(for the record, my husband was adulterous in our marriage numerous times :( )

I think your friend(s) are playing with fire. Your advice to them should be to seek God during this time.

 
X

xJoe

Guest
#5
#5
Yeah don't do it. There's a reason it takes two years to divorce there.
What does it tell you about the man who is sooo quick to be over his WIFE looking for someone else?
 
D

DanuckInUSA

Guest
#6
#6
Respect marriage for sure.
 
J

JNEESUS

Guest
#7
#7
GOD DOES NOT CHANGE AND THE BIBLE IS TRUE SO YOU CANT DATE UNTIL YOU ARE DIVORCED OR YOU ARE COMMITING ADULTERY.THERE ARE NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT.A TRUE CHRISTIAN WOULD NOT DO IT.I KNOW BECAUSE I AM WAITING 7 YEARS FOR MY DIVORCE TO BE FINISHED AND YES HE HAD AN AFFAIR ON ME.IF I DATE I AM NO BETTER THEN MY HUSBAND.TWO WRONGS DONT MAKE A RIGHT.
 
D

dmdave17

Guest
#8
#8
JNEESUS said:
GOD DOES NOT CHANGE AND THE BIBLE IS TRUE SO YOU CANT DATE UNTIL YOU ARE DIVORCED OR YOU ARE COMMITING ADULTERY.THERE ARE NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT.A TRUE CHRISTIAN WOULD NOT DO IT.I KNOW BECAUSE I AM WAITING 7 YEARS FOR MY DIVORCE TO BE FINISHED AND YES HE HAD AN AFFAIR ON ME.IF I DATE I AM NO BETTER THEN MY HUSBAND.TWO WRONGS DONT MAKE A RIGHT.
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Amen Sister!
The times may change but God never does. If this was wrong in biblical times, it is wrong today.
 
S

sensitive

Guest
#9
#9
All I can say, WOW, he sure got over her real quick didn't he? Meaning he got over the wife realllllllllllllllllly quick.
 
D

DanuckInUSA

Guest
#10
#10
Agreed. There does seem to be a lack of devotion.
 
Red33

Red33

Banned
#11
Jun 24, 2010
3,822
19
0
#11
JNEESUS said:
GOD DOES NOT CHANGE AND THE BIBLE IS TRUE SO YOU CANT DATE UNTIL YOU ARE DIVORCED OR YOU ARE COMMITING ADULTERY.THERE ARE NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT.A TRUE CHRISTIAN WOULD NOT DO IT.I KNOW BECAUSE I AM WAITING 7 YEARS FOR MY DIVORCE TO BE FINISHED AND YES HE HAD AN AFFAIR ON ME.IF I DATE I AM NO BETTER THEN MY HUSBAND.TWO WRONGS DONT MAKE A RIGHT.
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I love your heart that is filled with conviction from the Word, but can we say that a Christian, WHO IS LIVING BY THE WORD OF GOD AND IS NOT BACKSLIDDEN IN THEIR HEART, would not consider doing such a thing. I think a backslidden believer could make the mistake of getting remarried before the divorce (initiated by the guilty party was final). If they did make that mistake, they would be disobeying what has been laid out in the scriptures for them and they would be committing adultery against the unmarried spouse. Let me ask you this. If the unmarried spouse (who had the affair) was to get remarried would that allow the other to continue in their marriage or should it be annulled or what should they do?
 
J

JNEESUS

Guest
#12
#12
IF MY HUSBAND MARRIES HIS GIRLFRIEND AFTER OUR DIVORCE IN GODS EYES HE WILL STILL BE COMMITING ADULTERY BECAUSE HE IS THE ONE WHO CHEATED.
 
D

DanuckInUSA

Guest
#13
#13
You are correct. Adultery occurs through the division of any marriage.
 
Red33

Red33

Banned
#14
Jun 24, 2010
3,822
19
0
#14
JNEESUS said:
IF MY HUSBAND MARRIES HIS GIRLFRIEND AFTER OUR DIVORCE IN GODS EYES HE WILL STILL BE COMMITING ADULTERY BECAUSE HE IS THE ONE WHO CHEATED.
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If your husband remarried that would set you free to be married again, right? If you married again what would that do to your former husband's second marriage? Would he still be committing adultery, and if so, who would he be committing adultery against? If he no longer is committing adultery through you being married again, can God redeem his situation and allow his second marriage to be approved unto God?
 
J

JNEESUS

Guest
#15
#15
READ YOUR WORD!TRUE REPENTANCE IS TURNING FROM YOUR SIN.YOU CAN"T TELL JESUS I AM SORRY AND KEEP DOING THE SIN OVER AND OVER.THE BIBLE STATES YOU CANT REMARRY UNLESS THE WIFE OR HUSBAND DIES.WHEN YOU MARRY IT IS FOREVER IN GODS EYES.TILL DEATH DO US PART.
 
J

juliet84

Guest
#16
#16
Matthew 5:31-32 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.”

Mark 10:11-12 [Jesus] answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

Luke 16:18 Jesus is quoted again, saying, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

Romans 7:2-3 The apostle Paul taught that “...by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.”

1 Corinthians 7:10-13, 27, 39 The apostle Paul’s teaching continues: “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him ... [27] Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife ... [39] A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.”
 
S

Seriously_Cool_Wife

Guest
#17
#17
When we submit ourselves to a legal marriage contract, do we not also submit ourselves to follow the standards set within? While it may not be a sin persay, as he may be excused to release his first wife biblically.... is he not under the law of NZ when he sought a NZ marriage license in the first place? Does this fall under the category of "render unto ceasar"....

Honestly, I'm not sure, but I would think that if they honor the authority of their government (unless it went against God)... they would find their new life together much more blessed....

Not sure about the courting thing... do they really know the proper way to court? They aren't supposed to have unsupervised time alone, I believe... or do you think they mean a platonic dating relationship? (platonic meaning hands and lips to self..LOL!) ... I dunno... I believe they need to seek the face of God on their own for this one.

but who am I????
 
Red33

Red33

Banned
#18
Jun 24, 2010
3,822
19
0
#18
JNEESUS said:
READ YOUR WORD!TRUE REPENTANCE IS TURNING FROM YOUR SIN.YOU CAN"T TELL JESUS I AM SORRY AND KEEP DOING THE SIN OVER AND OVER.THE BIBLE STATES YOU CANT REMARRY UNLESS THE WIFE OR HUSBAND DIES.WHEN YOU MARRY IT IS FOREVER IN GODS EYES.TILL DEATH DO US PART.
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For you and the understanding you have, when the divorce becomes final and your ex-husband marries his girl friend, you will have to remain unmarried until he physically dies. Is this how you understand what the scriptures teach concerning your situation? If your ex-husband gets married to another, then you do not consider that you have been severed from your marriage vows to him. If he was to divorce his second wife and want to come back to you, are you obligated to take him back or do the scriptures teach something against that? If I have this right, when the divorce is final, you will not be free to marry another even if your ex-husband remarries. You will only be free if he physically dies, anything else would be adultery on your part.

True scenario. A married man commits adultery, he separated (not divorced) from his wife. While separated his wife commits adultery with a married man and becomes pregnant. The separated couple come to you for counseling, what do you tell them and how do you treat the third party that impregnated the woman who is also a married man? Under the law of Moses, if this happened, all guilty parties would be stoned, but we are under grace and not the law, so how can this situation be redeemed?
 
J

JNEESUS

Guest
#19
#19
YOU CAN'T REMARRY UNLESS YOUR EX HUSBAND OR WIFE DIES.WE MUST LIVE BY GODS WORD IF WE LIKE IT OR NOT.GOD TELLS US TO OBEY OBEY OBEY NO MATTER WHAT THE COST.WE ARE UNDER GRACE BUT THAT DON'T MEAN YOU CAN SIN.HELL IS A REAL PLACE AND SOME PEOPLE WILL GO THERE.NOTHING IS WORTH YOUR SOUL NOT MONEY NOT A MAN NOT A WOMAN NOTHING!!! GOD DID NOT SAY FOLLOWING HIM WOULD BE EASY BUT HE DID PROMISE IT WILL BE WORTH IT.
 
Red33

Red33

Banned
#20
Jun 24, 2010
3,822
19
0
#20
JNEESUS said:
YOU CAN'T REMARRY UNLESS YOUR EX HUSBAND OR WIFE DIES.WE MUST LIVE BY GODS WORD IF WE LIKE IT OR NOT.GOD TELLS US TO OBEY OBEY OBEY NO MATTER WHAT THE COST.WE ARE UNDER GRACE BUT THAT DON'T MEAN YOU CAN SIN.HELL IS A REAL PLACE AND SOME PEOPLE WILL GO THERE.NOTHING IS WORTH YOUR SOUL NOT MONEY NOT A MAN NOT A WOMAN NOTHING!!! GOD DID NOT SAY FOLLOWING HIM WOULD BE EASY BUT HE DID PROMISE IT WILL BE WORTH IT.
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Your bottom line is this. If you remarry before your ex-spouse dies physically, then God has no redemption for you, you will be guilty of adultery, you will never have forgiveness and you will go right straight to hell. Then this act of remarriage before your spouse dies will constitute a sin that you can never confess and be forgiven of, because in your understanding the blood of Christ did not pay for that sin of adultery on the cross and there is no hope of any kind of redemption through the blood of Christ. Is this what you believe? No one is saying that God gives anyone grace so that they can continue in sin.
 
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