I've been struggling with it for 5 years... and stopping is a major struggle... and its getting to be where its so deep that i had to go to the hospital for stitches and even that hasnt stopped me i just dont know what to do
If you want to get rid of this, you have to start trusting someone at some time again. As you can see you cannot get out of this by yourself, but you also do not want to end up dead.
Now I am going to be very direct and also try to say this as simple as I can describe it. People here care about you, you have to believe that. I would not take my time to write this if I didn’t care.
Having said that, I want to tell you the truth about the matter:
God is real and yes, He wants to have a relationship with you. Why? Because He does love you and He created you in your mom’s womb and He knew you before you were even created, before time began (that’s what the Word, the Bible says). He also gave you a purpose to fulfill on this earth. He put gifts and the potential for that purpose in you, for you yet to discover.
The very reason that you are alive right now is that God needed something done on this earth that ONLY YOU can fulfill. That’s how important you are for Him. He entrusts this to you, because He knows that you can fulfill this, but you have to do it through Him and also to really find out what that exactly is, you need Him to show you. He has a perfect plan for your life but in order for that to happen, you need that Relationship with him.
Now there is an enemy of your life, called the devil, or satan. He is real too and he also has a plan for your life, for destruction, misery, depression, to hinder you to ever get to God, to prevent your relationship with Him and His plan for you and to find out what you are really here for, to keep you in bondage physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Your enemy will tell you (with your own thoughts) that you are worth nothing, that nobody loves or cares about you (and he tries to make this as real to you, by even sending people [he also influences] to you to tell you that in some form or anther – in many cases). And he often does such a good job that you would believe one person saying so over one hundred saying that they care and that you are special.
If you believe it or not, you are in a battle. It is a spiritual battle. To really understand it, you need knowledge and wisdom that only God can give. People might even overcome one area of these attacks in their life by some programs, but just to stumble into the next area of weakness that will consume their life. Only God is the real way out, for good!
The devil is a liar. The Bible calls him the father of lies and he is a murderer out to kill you wherever he can. It is through God’s protection that you are still alive.
God is truth and in Him can only be truth, whatever He says He means and He will always stand by His word. Once He has you with Him, He will never let you go (unless you so choose, you always have a free will with Him!) and He always keeps His promises. He is like the LOVING FATHER.
So in order to discover you purpose you first of all need to come to him in a step of faith and open yourself to let Him in. This can easily happen by just talking to Him, like you would talk to a friend, we call this prayer.
We all had to do the first step in trusting God and the next step is to be reconciled with Him, to be in relationship and fellowship with Him. Our sins (things we did that offended God, that He didn’t want us to do) keep us from reaching out to Him and to restore that fellowship with Him. The only way to remove this sin that separates us from God is to accept Jesus as your savior, only he can take away that sin.
It’s like when someone breaks the law, there are consequences and that someone would have to pay for what they have done wrong (e.g. prison, death penalty). In order for us to be released from that prison, God sent His Son, Jesus, to pay that penalty for us by giving His own live (for ours and our mistake) to take this sin away and to set us free by doing so. Then God resurrected Him as we will also be (after we die physically, to live with Him eternally – since your soul itself cannot die)
Now the only thing you must do is to acknowledge what He did for you, repent of the sin that separated you in the first place (you might not even know exactly what all, but that doesn’t matter) and so accept the gift of God, salvation and eternal life with Him, which is freely given for the asking.
Then reading the Bible, to find out what His will and His plan is for you. Trying to seek that purpose through anything else in life is futile, because it will not give you your accurate purpose and will leave you empty and always unfulfilled without God.
This is put in a nutshell to sum it up.
Now if you really want to get out of this misery, this is your way out to freedom.
And the cry of every soul in it’s deepest desire is to be free.
People can only point you into the right direction but you have to start walking.
Praying for you!
Warrior777