SINGLES EMERGENCY: NUKE POOCH REALLY NEEDS A GROUP HUG!

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#1
May 23, 2009
16,761
5,659
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

If you've been following Jullianna's very cool "Mythbuster's Poll", you'll see that our friend Nuke Pooch is secretly longing for a group hug. He CLAIMS he won't like it, but I think he is secretly needing a little extra assurance.

The poor guy. (He loves to work on fast-moving machines that go vroom--maybe the fumes really are getting to him.)

So... let's all join in and give him some encouragement--not to mention a big, grizzly-bear group hug.

Hang in there, Nuke, it's going to be ok! We're here for you, buddy! 10-4!!

*Rounds up several other individuals who are available--not necessarily people I know, but people who are conveniently available and tackles Nuke Pooch in a large group hug.*

(Actually, I've managed to slip outside the ring and watch from a distance so I won't get squashed in all the well-wishing.)

I invite everyone to join in on this group therapy session! Stay tuned for the next thread: "Hey Everyone, Nuke Pooch Wants Everyone to Join Him in a Public Line Dance."

Someone queue up "Achy Breaky Heart" and have it on standby, please. :D

*Seoulsearch is anticipating having something very heavy thrown at her... and is heavily considering taking out a life insurance policy..."
 
N

NukePooch

Guest
#2
#2
Singles Emergency is a group hug? Wouldn't that be a Group Emergency, then? If you have a bunch of singles who get together, then they are no longer singles, but rather a group...or a gaggle. Whereas a gaggle of singles can be considered one thing, that one thing is made up of a bunch of single singles. It's like a pack of hot dogs. A hot dog is singular, but when in a group hug situation, then it becomes a pack.

Let's now talk about different sizes of groups. Continuing the hot dog analogy, most single hot dog packs contain ten individual hot dogs. A normal pack of hot dog buns comes with eight individual buns. If one pack of hot dogs were to be combined in a group hug situation with a pack of buns, there would be two hot dogs that would remain bunless. This does not mean that they are any less of a hot dog, but rather that they are the strongest hot dogs of the bunch, as they can proudly stand up and shout, "I am more than delicious on my own! I don't NEED a BUN! Cut me in pieces and eat me with a fork, see if I care!"

Moving on to condiments, if you take an onion, which is singular, and cut it in bits, you have an onion, cut into bits. You still have only one onion. Why do we then refer to 'onions' on a hot dog? To be truthful and correct, to say we have 'onions' on our hot dog, we would need to have two or more whole onions on top of one hot dog. Even if you were to have two or more diced onions on your hot dog, that would be correct. If you were to spread out a diced onion over the top of our group hug of hot dogs, then the proper terminology would be 'hot dogs with an onion'. Each individual hot dog should then be referred to as 'hot dog with fractional percentage of a whole onion'.

Mustard. Mustard should be mandatory standard equipment on each hot dog that is eaten. The only time mustard is not acceptable is when you have a mustard malfunction. If you are the first to apply the mustard to your hot dog, and you get either the dried-out crusty mustard bottle tip or the yellow mustard water due to improper agitation before application, simply scrape off the offending slime with a spork and begin again. If you are too squeemish, it is acceptable to begin with a new hot dog, bun, and fractional percentage of a whole onion.

Ketchup is not an acceptable condiment on a hot dog. The only food product that ketchup should be allowed to touch would be a fish stick, or 'fish sticks' in the case of a group hug of breaded fish products. The reason that ketchup is allowed on fish sticks is simply that while ketchup is repulsive, fish sticks are much more so, and therefore ketchup is needed to drown the taste of the offending fish product.

The ultimate in hot dog preparation would be the 'chili dog'. Chili, though prepared and served in one pot, is actually a group hug of all of the best food items on earth, and as such becomes better than any human group hug could ever be. The chili here is the elevating product, while the hot dog is the elevated product. Applying chili to a hot dog elevates the hot dog to a higher status then can be achieved by the addition of any other condiment or food product. There is nothing that can move chili to a higher status. The proper application of chili always moves other foods to a higher status. The one exception to this rule is in the case of chili-cheese nachos. Adding chili to nachos elevates BOTH products equally. This is the pinnacle of symbiotic group hug food preparation.

Always strive for the best. Strive for chili-cheese nachos. Thank you.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#3
May 23, 2009
16,761
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#3
A gaggle (or flock) of singles???? A bunch of single people, even in a group, would still be considered to all be "singles", unless, of course, they somehow all hit it off and then each found someone within the group to date, assuming there were an even number of guys and gals.

However.

Nuke, you don't have to be polite, and you don't have to hide behind a (gaggle) of condiments to tell me what you're really trying to tell me.

Obviously, you're saying that because I am single, I'm like a bunless hotdog--you can be direct. I'm a big girl, and I can handle it. You're obviously calling me a hot dog without a bun (either half...). That's ok, I've also been accused of being a few sandwiches shy of a picnic. :D

Hmm. And here I thought I was one half of a whole... now you're saying I'm missing two halves.

No wonder I feel lonely at times!
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#4
#4
I just internet hugged you in my head
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#5
May 23, 2009
16,761
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#5
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
I just internet hugged you in my head
Click to expand...
I KNEW I could count on my girl Nod to share the cyber love! :D

Even though Nuke sees us both (or at least me) as single, bunless hotdogs with no chili cheese. (Sounds like a personal ad: "Single, breadless hot dog looking for just the right kettle of chili cheese and the right side of bread"--for all the guys out there who think women are only after the bread.)
 
L

lonewolf

Guest
#6
#6
If...if...if..you start another Nukepooch thread I..I...I will burn down this f..forum.

 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#8
#8
Okay Nuke. If you were a hotdog, would you rather be with your pack smothered with chili cheese or a lone hotdog with chili cheese all to yourself?
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#9
May 23, 2009
16,761
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#9
lonewolf said:
If...if...if..you start another Nukepooch thread I..I...I will burn down this f..forum.

Click to expand...

Awww.... Everyone, I think LONEWOLF now needs a hug...

Be warned, I went to Lutheran schools.

Parochial school kids (the ones I was around at least) specialize in doing what they're told not to do.

Especially when a threat is involved! :D

(Hmm... Possible new thread ideas... "Why Does Lonewolf Hate Nuke Pooch Threads?")
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#10
May 23, 2009
16,761
5,659
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#10
thimsrebma said:
Okay Nuke. If you were a hotdog, would you rather be with your pack smothered with chili cheese or a lone hotdog with chili cheese all to yourself?
Click to expand...
LOL. This is an awesome post... am wondering how Nuke will answer this one!
 
N

NukePooch

Guest
#12
#12
lonewolf said:
If...if...if..you start another Nukepooch thread I..I...I will burn down this f..forum.

Click to expand...
And I will take my traveler's checks to a competing resort cause I asked for no salt...NO SALT on the margarita...
 
N

NukePooch

Guest
#13
#13
candymyne said:
nuke will u be my sensei????
Click to expand...
You don't know what you're asking...the training will be intense. Lug an 80 pound backpack full of quips up a granite cliff while I throw sarcastic barbs at you...Most can not handle the training. Most don't even make it out of the parking lot.
 
N

NukePooch

Guest
#14
#14
thimsrebma said:
Okay Nuke. If you were a hotdog, would you rather be with your pack smothered with chili cheese or a lone hotdog with chili cheese all to yourself?
Click to expand...
There's two wholly different scenarios here.

If I were a hot dog, then I would generally be one of the bunless ones. Still with the pack, but on the fringe... Cut in bits, smothered in mustard... Totally ready to be eaten with a fork.

However, some further examination is required with the addition of chili. Not chili and cheese...cheese is for nachos, chili is for the Pooch. I would definitely have to have fought to get a bun, as the chili soaks into the bun, so it's a must have. A fractional percentage of a whole onion is also a must. Perhaps a tiny bit of mustard, depending on my mood... So.. with the pack or without? I would have to honestly say without. I can be a glorious bunless hot dog and live happily ever after, but with the addition of chili, I have now been elevated above mere mortal hot dogs. So now as a chili dog, I say, "I don't need you...I don't need anybody. All I need is chili. More chili. It's mine, ALL MINE! MINE, I TELL YOU, MINE!"
 
candymyne

candymyne

Banned
#15
Feb 1, 2011
261
2
0
#15
I am determined master!!!! I've had parking lot training before, I already lift weights!
 
Jilly81

Jilly81

Senior Member
#16
Jan 16, 2011
2,367
138
63
#16
Hug a stranger? Oh deah, mah suthun mannahs won't allow eeut. But I'm a humanitarian first, and a Christian before that! So how about this. Certainly not XOXOXOXO, we'll take out the kisses (keeps the Southern Belles from swooning over the thought of being considered unladylike). Also, that's way too many hugs. We'll just do one. And a circle looks too squeezy, how about just the letter "C"? that appears much more platonic (just a hug around the shoulders; very respectable). Okay, a lowercase "c". Perfect for hugging a stranger who is wielding a chainsaw indoors, laughing like a maniac. Wait...

LOL :) c
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#17
#17
(pondering the amazing foot long chili dogs they sold outside of the BX in San Antonio *drool....sigh* and hiding lonewolf's stapler)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>group huggles to the Pooch<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

*slips a giant Reese cup into his pocket for later*
 
D

DanuckInUSA

Guest
#18
#18
I am in! Group hug
 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#19
#19
I was just reading all of these posts and I have realized why we are all single. We are a bizzare bunch, maybe we scare other people away. Maybe... we were meant for each other? HHHMMMMMMM?
 
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