Is age difference a big barrier to people.

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Lalilo

Guest
#1
#1
I'm in my forties but don't feel old. I still enjoy the same things I enjoyed when I was in my twenties, engineering, camping, horse riding, surfing, motorcross, car racing, golf , rugby, fishing, back packing, music and dancing. I've never been interested in growing my empire. I don't want to end up with a material women who wants the grandest nest (first marriage). Most of the women I have meet my age lack or have lost their passion for life. I have an Eleven year old daughter from my first marriage. For her sake should I be conforming to the norm or being my true self? Does all this make me young at heart or immature? Truth be told I relate better to younger women than older. It's not a physical thing. I think its just that they still have there spark. Second time around is so hard!!!!
 
Sevndust

Sevndust

Senior Member
#2
Jan 15, 2006
129
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#2
Sounds like you're young at heart. I think most people should be this way. Having such a zest for life just means you're LIVING, which is alot more than some people can say. I don't think you should be changing anything, especially for your daughter. You certainly know how to have a good time and she should be proud of a dad like you.

We all have our responsibilities as adults but as long as we take care of them, I think we owe it to ourselves to be spontaneous and unpredictable. For me, I don't want to wake up one day and I'm 40(mind you) and think to myself that I've got to act that age.
 
Sevndust

Sevndust

Senior Member
#3
Jan 15, 2006
129
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16
#3
And age difference isn't a big deal. Age is just a number.
 
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Lalilo

Guest
#4
#4
Sevndust said:
Sounds like you're young at heart. I think most people should be this way. Having such a zest for life just means you're LIVING, which is alot more than some people can say. I don't think you should be changing anything, especially for your daughter. You certainly know how to have a good time and she should be proud of a dad like you.

We all have our responsibilities as adults but as long as we take care of them, I think we owe it to ourselves to be spontaneous and unpredictable. For me, I don't want to wake up one day and I'm 40(mind you) and think to myself that I've got to act that age.
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Thanks Sevndust. I'll keep burning me candle everyday as if its my last.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#5
May 23, 2009
16,761
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#5
I have to be honest in that I hope I will find someone around my age, maybe give or take 5 years or so. When I was younger, say, in my 20's, maybe it wouldn't have bothered me to go out with someone 15 years older. But as I get older, I've had to care for older relatives in my family, and I wouldn't want to see my husband as an older relative I had to care for. Granted, it could be that he'd be healthier even longer than me, but because I'm adopted into a Caucasian family, people regularly think I'm my Dad's girlfriend or Grandpa's mail-order bride (I wish I were kidding, but I'm not.) I would never feel comfortable with someone who could be seen as my uncle, dad, or granddad.

I'm on two Christian dating sites right now and regularly receive emails from men ages 50-85, which very much creeps me out. While I can admit to understanding why some older men think they want a younger woman, it's just not for me.

For some people out there, age is no big deal so this is only my opinion. I have a good friend who used to only date men who were 15-30 years older, but that was while she was in her 20's-mid 30's. She's married now (ironically, to a guy two years younger), and I asked her what she thought about dating older men now if she were single. She said that it's definitely changed with time, seeing as she's in her 40's, because now the guys she'd have gone for then would be around 70...

I wonder about these kinds of things... a significant age difference may not seem to matter now. But will it matter 20 years from now?
 
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Lalilo

Guest
#6
#6
Hey I'm open on age. But I will not comprimise on Love and like minded. I have an old saying sitting on my dresser. "Do not walk in front of me. Do not walk behind me. Walk beside me and be my friend". I'm looking for the matching pea that belongs in my pod, so Love can grow and mature. If your going to live life with someone you should be walking down the same path.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#7
#7
Yes i believe its a big problem. I know some people say ''it depends on the person'' but i dont think thats true. If the person is a lot younger than you, there less serious about life in general and more about the having fun. So basically it would be a dead end thing in my opinion
 
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lightbliss

Guest
#8
#8
If I saw a 25 year old with a 50 year old, I'd have to ask, how in the world did they meet???

With relationships, in general, it's normal to form bonds with, or gravitate to, people around our age. Since we spend the most time with them a school, work, etc., it's normal to get close.

But I do find it odd (the topic of this thread) because it's like, either the younger or the older is going out of their way to spend time with the other (if they don't already know each other).

It's normal to form friendships, but I can't really see myself getting that close to someone that much older than me, even as "friends."

And I ask, are you with/do you like this person because of their age or their person. If you say, "I like younger woman/men because ___________," that's a bit ageist and shows you're only interested in them because of their age.

It's also stereotypical to say women in their 40s and up aren't "full of life." Perhaps they're tired of stale relationships with guys their age because men don't try? Or they've given up because men their age "tried the family life" and it wasn't for them? Or, perhaps, the men are stuck in the 20s? After being alive for a certain amount of years, some women, if not most, want to be taken care of instead of dealing with men who don't have a clue.

Also, if you can have "lots of fun" with someone way younger than you, why not someone your age? You'll find that when you're serious about someone and vice versa, they'll show you a love you've never seen before.

I'm not attacking you in any way, I just let my thought run out.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#9
May 23, 2009
16,761
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#9
Lalilo said:
Hey I'm open on age. But I will not comprimise on Love and like minded. I have an old saying sitting on my dresser. "Do not walk in front of me. Do not walk behind me. Walk beside me and be my friend". I'm looking for the matching pea that belongs in my pod, so Love can grow and mature. If your going to live life with someone you should be walking down the same path.
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I was just curious as to how much of an age difference you had in mind? I mean... say 7 years, maybe even 10... and maybe that's not so big of a deal. But 15? For me, personally, that's way too steep.

She might not necessarily be walking beside someone that much older--he'd probably be trying to subconsciously raise her as a daughter. To me, that's too creepy.

I probably wouldn't have gone out with a 40-year old when I was 25... but today, he'd be 52 and I'm 37... Different things work for different people, I understand... but to me, that borders on pedophilia, even between adults.

Sorry for the strong opinion but it's because older men have tried to talk to me my entire life--today, a guy in his sixties was waving at me and trying to get me to talk to him at work. I promptly walked away without a word.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#10
#10
After having been with someone 10 years older, I don't think I would want to be with anyone more than 5-6 years older at this point in my life, as I'm a very active, energetic person. And having an 18 year old son would most likely make it uncomfortable for everyone involved if I were to date someone more than 5 years younger. Having said that, for me it's really more about maturity, interests and energy levels than a number.
 
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lightbliss

Guest
#11
#11
seoulsearch said:
I was just curious as to how much of an age difference you had in mind? I mean... say 7 years, maybe even 10... and maybe that's not so big of a deal. But 15? For me, personally, that's way too steep.

She might not necessarily be walking beside someone that much older--he'd probably be trying to subconsciously raise her as a daughter. To me, that's too creepy.

I probably wouldn't have gone out with a 40-year old when I was 25... but today, he'd be 52 and I'm 37... Different things work for different people, I understand... but to me, that borders on pedophilia, even between adults.

Sorry for the strong opinion but it's because older men have tried to talk to me my entire life--today, a guy in his sixties was waving at me and trying to get me to talk to him at work. I promptly walked away without a word.
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I understand what you're saying but pedophilia is a strong word.

At the most, I'd say Chronophilia.

* THIS IS NOT BASED ON THIS THREAD BUT HER POST ALONE. No misconceptions.

God Bless :)
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#12
May 23, 2009
16,761
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#12
lightbliss said:
I understand what you're saying but pedophilia is a strong word.

At the most, I'd say Chronophilia.

* THIS IS NOT BASED ON THIS THREAD BUT HER POST ALONE. No misconceptions.

God Bless :)
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I understand it's a strong word. And it's only my opinion. When I was 12, I had a 25-year old teacher at my Christian school trying to talk to me. When I was 15, a guy in his 40's was trying to talk to me at my job. It's a pattern I've found throughout my life, unfortunately. Therefore, I see all men who are that much older than me as potential predators, even as I grow older myself. I see the men in their 50's, 60's, 70's, and 80's who try to talk to me as predators as well. But again, it's just me.

I have a relative in my family who is dating someone almost 30 years younger, so for some people, it's not an issue.
 
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lightbliss

Guest
#13
#13
seoulsearch said:
I understand it's a strong word. And it's only my opinion. When I was 12, I had a 25-year old teacher at my Christian school trying to talk to me. When I was 15, a guy in his 40's was trying to talk to me at my job. It's a pattern I've found throughout my life, unfortunately. Therefore, I see all men who are that much older than me as potential predators, even as I grow older myself. I see the men in their 50's, 60's, 70's, and 80's who try to talk to me as predators as well. But again, it's just me.

I have a relative in my family who is dating someone almost 30 years younger, so for some people, it's not an issue.
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I'm sorry you had to go through that and it makes sense in why you feel the way that you do.

I agree but you know...
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#14
May 23, 2009
16,761
5,659
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#14
lightbliss said:
I'm sorry you had to go through that and it makes sense in why you feel the way that you do.

I agree but you know...
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Thanks. Again, it's just an opinion. As I said, I know different things work for different people.

But, I do think it's a subject that should be approached cautiously because many, many people in today's world have been preyed upon by someone older. It can be difficult to see someone older and of the opposite gender as well-meaning when that's happened.

I thank God that I was spared from harm, but so many others are not.
 
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Lalilo

Guest
#15
#15
I have a cousin who married a man 20 years older than her. They have been married for over 23 years and now have two boys, oldest 21 years and the second 18 years. It is interesting to see how stereotyped alot of christians today are. I will be basing my choice in a partner on how evenly yoked we are, not by numbers.
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#16
Sep 8, 2006
1,064
11
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#16
Lalilo said:
I have a cousin who married a man 20 years older than her. They have been married for over 23 years and now have two boys, oldest 21 years and the second 18 years. It is interesting to see how stereotyped alot of christians today are. I will be basing my choice in a partner on how evenly yoked we are, not by numbers.
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I will be basing my choice in a partner on how evenly yoked we are, not by numbers.

Agreed..could not have said better myself.


 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#17
#17
If the person is older im all for it, but noooooooot younger
 
C

cess28

Guest
#18
#18
What do you mean by not wanting to grow your empire, age might not man anything but it will after a while for some people when one starting to look like their father or mother. Age is just a number but you still haveto be careful and s a christian we have to stop and ask ourself if we are doing thr right thing. It is good that u are still active, you might feel that an older person might not be able to keep up with you or you might fine them to bemore attractive. It look as though you just ant to have fun and not settleling down because you were married before, don't make one bad relationship spoil it for the next. Not all woman are the same give someone else chane, just get to know them well before u get serious
 
Jaynee

Jaynee

Banned
#19
Jan 16, 2011
85
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#19
Lalilo said:
I'm in my forties but don't feel old. I still enjoy the same things I enjoyed when I was in my twenties, engineering, camping, horse riding, surfing, motorcross, car racing, golf , rugby, fishing, back packing, music and dancing. ...Most of the women I have meet my age lack or have lost their passion for life. I have an Eleven year old daughter from my first marriage. For her sake should I be conforming to the norm or being my true self?
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Hi Lalilo,

You ought to take a closer look at your self-centeredness and think more about sharing some of those adventurous activities with your eleven-year-old daughter. The camping, backpacking, music, and dancing sound like activities that she would really enjoy - with you as a mentor and companion, of course.

Be careful though about the horse riding. Practically everyone I know who has tried that has had at least one fall. One very dear friend suffered extremely dire consequences. Don't force that activity on your child; skip that because of the high risk involved and do the backpacking/camping bit, instead. Good luck and blessings to both of you!

- Jaynee
 
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Pillar319

Guest
#20
#20
i dont think age difference is a huge thing, but however the difference can dictate where people are at in their lives and whether marriage is right for them or not. for example myself, i a girl 2 years or 3 years younger might not be ready for marriage, because either a) they dont feel called to be yet, b) it just doesnt click with that person, and c) its not Gods will for them (this should be more like A but oh well lol ). its important not to be unequally yoked, that is to say, your both on the same page life wise, spiritually ( like is christ the main focus ?? ). im finding this to be a struggle, in which case im just focusing on serving christ, for i know the Lord will provide me with a wife he knows is best for me. If thats his will.... like i said still young... still searching :p
 
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