Why arent people honest

[Lanolin]

It would be like me going to answer all threads on every forum and writing bla bla bla I dont like your thread or topic so Im gonna make it about something else. Now thats just plain rude! So maybe there is honesty but theres also rudeness like children calling out to the teacher and going BORING when she or he is teaching something. Lol

I remember one bible teacher dealing with a class like that of children and they would say they didnt like something and she would go thank you for being honest. Although she hadnt asked if they liked it or not.

But thing with threads is...nobody is forcing anyone to read them lol and you actually dont HAVE to respond at all. I think its from people that dont have anything better to do and just want to make sure everyone knows their opinions on everything.

I like contructive responses not negativity and there are ways to say you dont like something rather than be rude about it, eg you could say, not so keen on xxx what about doing xxx instead? Give an alternative.

 

[shittim]

Most it that is the nature of the medium of communication, and the built in anonymity of it.
Some OP's drift off in side talking briefly, it's people communicating and we are all learning us use it better, not really worth getting bent out of shape over, it takes time away from relationship with Jesus.
Sometimes a person may not have the right words to share at that moment and may be planning on sharing it in another setting, later.
We gotta cut each other some slack.
Give each other the benefit of the doubt.
We would want that for ours and our own.
best wishes

 

[Hazelelponi]

I think most people (and even myself before I was saved) have difficulty finding the line between telling the truth, and unnecessarily hurting someone's feelings.

For instance, if someone is wearing a dress and I don't necessarily think the dress is pretty, I'm not going to walk up to them and tell them what I think of the dress.

We have to always keep in mind the feelings of whomever we are speaking with. Women dress in a manner they think is pretty according to their own definition, so the wearer liking the dress is what matters - not my opinion.

Therefore, to give a compliment I might compliment the jewelry, or her hair, or something I genuinely like.. this way I'm giving a compliment from the heart, and it's the truth, while sparing people unnecessarily from my opinion.

However, I wouldn't go behind someone's back and cut them down afterwards either.. that's just plain meanness. It's gossip and a sin in and of itself.

I am careful to avoid talking about people outside their presence unless it's a compliment. I figure if I'm willing to say something about someone it should be to their face if its not a compliment.

I think gossiping is an issue with many Christian women. I'm not sure why that is. Certainly I'm sure it's in our nature, but it is meanness and not charitable; unbefitting a Christian woman I definitely agree.

But being concerned about hurting someone's feelings and feeling like it might be wrong to say something, I think that's normal.

 

[shittim]

nicely said, thank you

 

[Lanolin]

Hmm could look at it that way I guess, but saying you dont really like to go to a particular restaurant isnt hurting anyones feelings unless you tell it to the owner of the restaurant.

 

[Lanolin]

And also, sometimes saying you dont like something can be good feedback, as long as you also add something positive that could be improved, like be encouraging. Nobody likes a negative nelly, but its a bit fake to be positive all the time and like absolutely everything. We cant all pretend to like every single thing.

I do find it weird that you might feel you have to pretend to like something for someone elses sake. Or is it just some people wont eat their veges and wont say they dont like veges, but just pretend they like them, then go behind the veges back, so they say they actually hate them, and then go eat junk food instead.

 

[shittim]

If we are walking with Jesus and not just knowing about Him, He may direct us to go somewhere, do something, be somewhere, where he can work through us. The message of the Gospel is that in Christ we are no longer our own, we are His and He indwells us, the person who may not be "honest" according to what you are defining as "honest" maybe be Spirit led and has not been led to say to you what you want said, ask the Father for the critique or guidance you are wanting from a person, He is to have first place in all our lives.

 

[Lanolin]

Ok so she said to someone else something different from what she said to me ok, not really getting it.

That someone else then shared with me cos we dont have secrets from each other. Still I think its a bit dishonest. This person just cant be straight up though cos she had this problem with the other person before, like wouldnt tell her she was being annoying, or when she asked something would give vague replies and not just say im busy studying I cant come right now. And then she would complain to me that said person was being demanding, cos then she would take her out shopping in her car when she didnt actually need to and not just say NO.

I think thats a problem cos by pleasing her she was making herself miserable but wasnt honest enough to say hey im really busy with my studies I cant take you out shopping anymore. She didnt LIKE shopping anyway. She thought she was doing a favour but she wasnt really doing this friend any favours and got taken advantage of. It wouldnt have hurt the friend to just say, I dont really like running around the shops.

 

[shittim]

We can't take things like that to heart and then take an action based on that, it sounds like gossip, "he said/she said", type stuff, we can't do that and live the life Christ wants us to live, it seems to me.
Anyone else?

 

[Lanolin]

I think just be straight up. It would solve many problems rather than just pussyfooting around pretending to like something when you really dont.

It would be like an actor complaining that people think they are actually the person they are pretending to be. Solution, stop acting. Lol

 

[DesertRunner]

I have grappled with this question my entire life. I get physically ill if I tell a lie and have to confess it within hrs or I'm eaten up inside. It's funny how many people walk around saying wwjd, this is a no brainer, Jesus doesn't lie, we strive to be more like him but we lie to not hurt a love one or a friend, we can't have our cake and eat it here to people lying is lying.

 

[Lanolin]

I think if Jesus had pretended to like what he really didnt like, he would have failed in his mission.
Cos what if he had said to the Pharisees yep good job Pharisees keep doing the status quo. Your long prayers in front of everyone are impressive and you show everyone how much you give to charity and I like that you wear such fine clothes. And what if he said to the young rich ruler sure you can buy your way into heaven, no problemo. Yep we take cash. See you there.

 

[shittim]

Our focus is to be on Christ, not people and what they say, I heard a quote attributed to Ben Franklin, "Believe none of what you hear, and half of what you see", people will fail, Christ will never fail.

 

[Lanolin]

I think people forget our Father in Heaven is watching over us. And will call to account EVERY idle word we say. If someone is inconsistent and dishonest, of course we are going to question their character. OK you said this, but you actually do something else.
So why should we believe anything you say anymore? That is a weakness that person needs to work on.

I had a boss who would talk rubbish, i mean really talk rubbish and admit that he was always bluffing. You could never believe anything he said I learned after a while. He would promise all sorts of things and then not deliver. One time he kept talking about how we were all going to go on this road trip and he was going to organise it all and he knew all these peoole that could show us these amazing gardens that they open for this yearly garden festival. I mean he would go on about it all the time so I was quite excited and looking forward to going. Well the time came when I was thinking ok are we going or is he just talking about it? Well it turns put he wasnt even planning it, and when I asked him he just said oh you can go by yourself.

?! This is someone who was in authority over us workers. Supposed to be a role model. My other co-workers, who werent so green, were like, no he just always talks about us going for years but weve never gone.

So if he lied about this or was dishonest about this, what other things is he being dishonest to me about? And why would he say all this? Anyway, what do you do continue to accept those lies? Lie in business? Follow his example? Not confront them about the fact theat they are being dishonest? Not just to me but to everyone?

 

[shittim]

We do the indwelling Christ no favor when we drag around slights we have experienced at the hands of people. People will fail us, Christ will never fail us, we are to focus on Christ, scripture tells us to "keep our minds stayed on Him", if we don't we are disobedient and can end up gossiping.
Nothing happens when we drag these slights around with us like luggage, we have our own "stuff" to work on, when we see a situation like this our first thought ought to be to give thanks and make sure we don't do it, people are like elevators, they either take us up or take us down, they never leave us where we were when we found them.
best wishes

 

[Lanolin]

I think when confronted someone whos dishonest, you need to pray for them. But you cant hang around them. Because you cant trust them, for they will lie to you and everyone else. I think thats worse and you need to be aware of it.

Dont underestimate what one little white lie can do. Just warning people. Its not gossip to expose this its just what people do, sadly. I dont know why people lie, but the worst thing in the is to be lied to, this is what Judas did to Jesus, pretended he was friends but really just outright lied and stole from him.

When someone is betrayed that can cause people to lose trust and when thats lost, youve lost that relationship. Permanently. Thats why liars have no part in the kIngdom of gOd.

And this is recorded in the gospels, its not like those lies could be covered up.

 

[Lynx]

Quote from a Keith Green song:

Well I came running when I got the news
That you were crying
Oh my friend, has life been
So unkind to you
You say you wanna find a place where
People are not lying
If you find a place like that
I'll go there too

No, you can run to the end of the highway
And not find what you're looking for
No it won't make your troubles disappear
And you can search to the end of the highway
And come back no better than before
To find yourself you've got to start right here

 

[kaylagrl]

If you really dont like something, why dont you just say instead of pretending. If you say nothing, wont that mean you are indifferent, if you say you like something then thats fine, but I do not get it when people say they like something and it turns out they really dont.

Eg one person who i invited for a birthday dinner for a friend said she maybe could make it, but then last minute says she wasnt coming, and it turns out she told this other friend she doesnt like the place we were planning on going for dinner. But why didnt she just say that to me? Why do you need to pretend to be polite? We all went to this place before and it seemed she liked it so Thats why I thought we would go there again.

Anyway I just thought was odd because either she put a big thing on faking she liked it all the other times we had gone. Unlesss...she just changed her mind and decided she just doesnt like xxx anymore. It just makes me think isnt that people pleasing to pretend you like things just for the other person. I would rather people be honest and say. Well I didnt like it. Then go through life pretending to like whatever other people like to fit in. And that goes the same for being a christian.

Better be honest and say you not one and dont believe than to pretend to be one.

Ha! Reminds me of a story my mother tells. When my parents were dating she use to make pork chops for my father. He use to brag on what a great cook she was and how he loved her pork chops (no that's not a euphemism) Well they get married and he comes home from work to my mothers famous pork chops and he looks at her and says he hates pork chops and was just eating them all along so as not to hurt her feelings. She almost hit him with the plate rofl She was sooo mad. 47 yrs of marriage later and she's still telling that story. smh

 

[kaylagrl]

Quote from a Keith Green song:

Well I came running when I got the news
That you were crying
Oh my friend, has life been
So unkind to you
You say you wanna find a place where
People are not lying
If you find a place like that
I'll go there too

No, you can run to the end of the highway
And not find what you're looking for
No it won't make your troubles disappear
And you can search to the end of the highway
And come back no better than before
To find yourself you've got to start right here

Loved Keith Greens music. Had such a heart for God and used his terrific talent to glorify Him. He was very direct with his writing. This is a great song. Still have his albums.

 

[kaylagrl]

A gardener friend said to me she thought orchids not in flower were ugly when i asked her about going to see an orchid show. Ok. My feelings werent hurt that she didnt want to go. But thing is it not like she has to buy any. Just look at the flowers others have grown and appreciate them. Cos they arent going to show orchids when they arent in flower are they?

Im glad she is being honest though, but maybe the orchids feelings were hurt. No matter I will ask someone else who might appreciate that orchids in bloom are amazing (they are)

Yes, we want an ideal world. I have the same issue with my family. My sister comes up with her kids and I'm always trying to do something to create memories. I've lost a lot of family to cancer so memories and time spent together is important to me and you'd figure it would be for my family too. We have a place we go to that is one of those old timey villages. They have a sprawling property and it's beautiful. So we took a couple car loads, my parents,sister and her kids, hubby and I. I take a lot of pictures, especially when the boys come so we have memories of the day. Everyone agreed to go and I was having a great time. But behind my back my sister said to my father that her kids weren't enjoying it and didn't like getting their pictures taken. She said they were bored. Well, my husband who is easy going, laid back and never loses his temper told my sister off. He came and told me and it hurt my feelings and just ruined the day. Funny thing is we walked up to the barn with baby ducks and my nephew said "Aunt M can you take a video of me with the ducks?"

So I realized that people have their own intent and agenda. I often put things together for my family, they often complain behind my back. They agree to go, then complain. Thing is my nephews do enjoy it. So now we make sure we have two vehicles. When they start with talking behind my back or complaining I simply say, "go home,I'm staying and having a good time". The kids have stayed with hubby and I every single time. I don't know if family is jealous or what. But my point is people in an ideal world people would tell the truth, they wouldn't do things to hurt your feelings and be rude. But people are people. Different things I do I say to hubby "I know this isn't fun for you" to which he says "if you enjoy it, I get pleasure from you being happy". I try always to be truthful yet not be rude and hurt peoples feelings.Not always possible but I try.