Mentally broken and falling behind

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M1chaeL

Member
#1
Jan 18, 2019
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#1
Ever since a long depressed anxious time of insanity for a year or two during freshmen year, my mind has felt broken and dead, and I can't help but feel like it's carried over to now. God's easy to talk to, but with others I just feel like my mind is too broken, and sometimes I feel like it was such a close call with God because without him I would've fell into a bad insanity. Because of such a close call, socially I just feel so strange and so lacking because all of that pain of the past I felt without God has drained me and I feel like everyone has gone on without me in that time where my mind felt like it was in perpetual worry and had me stranded in a mental desert. Sometimes I feel like friends think I don't care when I just don't know how to start or what to say because all of that searching for a reason to live without knowing of God felt like endless wandering in a desert and with the anxiety and loneliness it made me feel so crazy.
 
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M1chaeL

Member
#2
Jan 18, 2019
72
50
18
#2
It feels like socially I was gone for so long because of it and now I feel like I barely woke up socially. Either people don't care, or if they do, my dead and tired mind disappoints them. I don't know what to say, I just feel like I can't function.

My tired eyes and brain just stare off in the distance, thinking about God's love at times unaccustomed to seriously talking because the person who's kept me alive and gave me comfort the whole time is God, and I don't talk to him like humans because I can talk to him without even opening my mouth.

It feels painful getting attention at times because i just don't know what to say it feels suffocating because my mind feels brain dead socially after that suicidal and depressed desert of isolation. All i thought was to find a way to live, not much else and after my best and first friend abandoned me leaving me in grief, I was left thinking I could never be loved by anyone in my life and everyone would just leave. I felt destined to live a life alone. I'm told that these feelings are lies by God, but they just hurt me so deeply..
 
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M1chaeL

Member
#3
Jan 18, 2019
72
50
18
#3
It feels hard to ever let myself love, sometimes attention on me brings me to an anxiety attack because I just feel like i can't... I can help, and try to be kind, but I just can't........ even with my parents, or even kind words friends say I feel scared
 
Mii

Mii

Well-known member
#4
Mar 23, 2019
2,059
1,320
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#4
Well I rarely give this advice but do you like animals? There is a purity to their love that I see the Lord present in ways that I don't in people. It's unspoken. Ask for his direction there, I'm sure he'll help you find a good animal friend :)


I once disconnected from love. I wouldn't allow myself to "need it" but of course I did. I wanted love from people in ways that they couldn't give it (at least not that I saw)...in reality they give what they are equipped to give and we have to bring our needs before the father and know that it won't always look like what we think it will, but if we just trust him and let him lead us...it's a pretty cool thing.
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#5
#5
M1chaeL said:
Ever since a long depressed anxious time of insanity for a year or two during freshmen year, my mind has felt broken and dead, and I can't help but feel like it's carried over to now. God's easy to talk to, but with others I just feel like my mind is too broken, and sometimes I feel like it was such a close call with God because without him I would've fell into a bad insanity. Because of such a close call, socially I just feel so strange and so lacking because all of that pain of the past I felt without God has drained me and I feel like everyone has gone on without me in that time where my mind felt like it was in perpetual worry and had me stranded in a mental desert. Sometimes I feel like friends think I don't care when I just don't know how to start or what to say because all of that searching for a reason to live without knowing of God felt like endless wandering in a desert and with the anxiety and loneliness it made me feel so crazy.
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Find some good friends. Good listeners. Not the bullying critical kind. A girlfiend might help. Then there are counsellors. I myself need to get out more. away from this computer and meet some real people and have real conversations. face to face. authenticity is the goal.
you are fine don't worry. we are all screwed up. (oops that will annoy some)
 
Roughsoul1991

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
#6
Sep 17, 2016
8,784
4,452
113
#6
M1chaeL said:
Ever since a long depressed anxious time of insanity for a year or two during freshmen year, my mind has felt broken and dead, and I can't help but feel like it's carried over to now. God's easy to talk to, but with others I just feel like my mind is too broken, and sometimes I feel like it was such a close call with God because without him I would've fell into a bad insanity. Because of such a close call, socially I just feel so strange and so lacking because all of that pain of the past I felt without God has drained me and I feel like everyone has gone on without me in that time where my mind felt like it was in perpetual worry and had me stranded in a mental desert. Sometimes I feel like friends think I don't care when I just don't know how to start or what to say because all of that searching for a reason to live without knowing of God felt like endless wandering in a desert and with the anxiety and loneliness it made me feel so crazy.
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“Life is 10 percent what you experience and 90 percent how you respond to it.” ~Dorothy M. Neddermeyer

Your mind sounds very familiar. A over thinker, a deep thinker, and a mind that feels trapped within the deep thoughts as if too deep to find it's way out. A dark corner in the mind they feel chained only to walk and repeat the same circle over and over hoping one day the chain will break or something will set you free. In this asylum we are a slave to its design and so much so that the silence is always the loudest. And the thoughts are often your worst enemy.

God doesn't lie but the evil one does. And just as a good seed can be sown, a bad seed can also be sown. Which seed you choose to water, will be the bigger tree within. The tree of life or the tree of knowledge ( knowledge of good and evil brought sin and sin brought death).

Tree of life or tree of death.

Genesis 2:9 New International Version (NIV)
9 The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Choose carefully with every thought which tree you will feed.

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The tree that you feed has control on your life. And if you are not careful it can begin to infect the whole body and spread down the nervous system and your arteries can restrict blood flow during extreme anxiety. This every day feeding can exhaust even the strongest of person.

You are not alone. Billions of people struggle with mental illness and I am included.
 
Mii

Mii

Well-known member
#7
Mar 23, 2019
2,059
1,320
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#7
hmm, I was actually pondering this concept and discounted it yesterday in frustration. The saying about which wolf wins, the one you feed.

Same concept @Roughsoul1991 I just don't know if it's fully accurate. Personally, I wonder why other believers don't go through that.

Sifting?
 
Roughsoul1991

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
#8
Sep 17, 2016
8,784
4,452
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#8
Mii said:
hmm, I was actually pondering this concept and discounted it yesterday in frustration. The saying about which wolf wins, the one you feed.

Same concept @Roughsoul1991 I just don't know if it's fully accurate. Personally, I wonder why other believers don't go through that.

Sifting?
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You could also say which lion do you feed. The lower case lion or the upper case Lion.

1 Peter 5:8
8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Revelation 5:5
5 Then one of the elders said to me, “Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals.”

So much has to do with genetics and environmental factors. But much of it is also spiritual warfare.

If someone says they dont experience it. I would almost assume they are lying. There are certain subjects in the church that people do not like to discuss because of their nature.

Divorce, homosexuality, when God doesn't heal, politics, or mental illness to name a few.

Or the false idea that Christians who struggle with mental illness just doesn't have enough faith.

Certain subjects may be uncomfortable until they become personal and then you are begging for answers and guidance.
 
T

TheLearner

Well-known member
#9
Jan 14, 2019
7,897
1,458
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67
Brighton, MI
#9
M1chaeL said:
Ever since a long depressed anxious time of insanity for a year or two during freshmen year, my mind has felt broken and dead, and I can't help but feel like it's carried over to now. God's easy to talk to, but with others I just feel like my mind is too broken, and sometimes I feel like it was such a close call with God because without him I would've fell into a bad insanity. Because of such a close call, socially I just feel so strange and so lacking because all of that pain of the past I felt without God has drained me and I feel like everyone has gone on without me in that time where my mind felt like it was in perpetual worry and had me stranded in a mental desert. Sometimes I feel like friends think I don't care when I just don't know how to start or what to say because all of that searching for a reason to live without knowing of God felt like endless wandering in a desert and with the anxiety and loneliness it made me feel so crazy.
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Ask them How are you really doing, What they have been up to, basic questions about them.
 
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