Narcissistic Personality Disorder
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M
morefaithrequired
Guest
I was watching an episode of Dancemoms. The mums were typical stage mothers, But the scary thing was the dance teacher or coach. She was a control freak, but she KNEW she was a control freak, and that didnt stop her from trying to take control of everything (making more drama in the process, causing the daughters to cry, the mums get mad, etc). After all it was her name on the line - she had named the dance studio after herself, so, fair enough, but the whole thing was unbearable to watch.
I thought ok so people know they like to be in control and when they arent they go into a huge rage. But that doesnt seem to stop them from doing it. Even if they can see themselves behave badly, and hurt people they dont think anything of it, they would just think well thats me and Im entetaining.
Its like when people get drunk, they dont know they are causing all this mayhem, and even if they end up on Police ten seven (a cop reality show) on camera they are probably too drunk to care, and even if they get sober and watch themselves they may think thats not embarassing, even think cool thats me. Im on tv. so do narcissitic people have no shame or no self awareness that thsir behaviour is Harmful at all???
I thought ok so people know they like to be in control and when they arent they go into a huge rage. But that doesnt seem to stop them from doing it. Even if they can see themselves behave badly, and hurt people they dont think anything of it, they would just think well thats me and Im entetaining.
Its like when people get drunk, they dont know they are causing all this mayhem, and even if they end up on Police ten seven (a cop reality show) on camera they are probably too drunk to care, and even if they get sober and watch themselves they may think thats not embarassing, even think cool thats me. Im on tv. so do narcissitic people have no shame or no self awareness that thsir behaviour is Harmful at all???
I think they do know what they are doing. I think they are aware.
They think they are entitled and everyone else around them owes them something. They make the rules, but the rules do not apply to them.
I've seen Dance Moms. It's crazy how those children are unfairly treated.
I believe narcissists are well aware of their harmful ways, but to them, that's acceptable. They will go on and on about how they were mistreated as a child or some other point in their life, so therefore, you must roll out the red carpet when they walk into a room! And you're right...... when they are not in control of something, they do go into a rage. I have sat through so many rages, some that lasted over an hour. You also better be careful how you approach them with conversation. Make sure you don't disagree with them, or that hurts their ego.
I have done a bit of research on this topic and it is a very sad reality that I was surprised has not been more prevalent, transparent and explained across our society as a means to inform and educate people...
The unfortunate truth is that we as a society fail to address the Narcissistic issue at the source - ie How to Raise Emotionally Healthy and Well-Balanced Children...
We too often find ourselves reacting to the backlash after being involved in a relationship with a person (parent, sibling, child or partner) that we later realize demonstrates significant NPD characteristics...
Children - unchecked - are all narcissistic... and as a result as @Tink pointed out we all have a bit of narcissism within us...
Unfortunately, several folks with severe NPDs are master manipulators and are very clever at wearing MASKS throughout their lives to achieve their personal ambitions... Now that my eyes have been open - it is amazing how prevelent NPDs are out and about amongst our society...
The worst part (for you) is that folks with classic NPD tend to gravitate toward folks who are classic Co-Dependents (and too often Empaths become their victims of choice)... The NPD feeds off of their ability to manipulate the Co-Dependents within their lives in all forms of relationships (parents, children, siblings and partners).
Much to my dismay and disappointment there are so many experts who suggest that the only way to deal with those with NPDs are to cut them out of your life...
I on the other hand do not see the world as black and white... And like your situation with your Mother, while some people will rightly choose to remove the toxic relationship by simply discontinuing their relationship with their own Mother for example... That just seems a bet harsh as a Christian...
Once you are able to 1) understand what you are dealing with and only when you are 2) capable of keeping your own emotions in check - is when I believe that it is possible to maintain a family relationship with someone with NPD... But that is NO TRIVIAL matter, and is likely beyond the capacity of too many people who are just incapable of grasping and doing both (1 & 2)...
How To Deal With A Narcissist: The Only Method Guaranteed To Work
Here are some tips to help you build a shield to protect you against someone with Narcissist Personality Disorder, even if you are fragile on the inside.
8 Ways to Handle a Narcissist
How to keep your own emotions in check when dealing with difficult people.
The unfortunate recommendation from the experts is that the best way to deal with a person with an NPD while in a couple relationship is to exit the toxic relationship - as the clinical NPD persons are incapable of ever changing...
God Luck, and good bless...
I'm kinda new to CC so I'm not certain how private messaging works but you can definitely message me! I'm glad that the link was useful to you! Dealing with a narcissistic partner is absolutely exhausting and terrible so I'm glad if I can help in any way.
M
morefaithrequired
Guest
A narcissist or difficult people in general test out our self belief. Test our self esteem. We need to be fully awake when dealing with them. We cant be passive. We cant be soft.
It can be seen as an opportunity. A chance to grow. A chance to develop a part of us that is either dormant or untapped perhaps. As Jordan Peterson says we need to find appropriate ways to show our claws. Dont let people mess with us. Stricter boundaries are needed because these people have an instinct for finding a weakness and wreaking havoc.
Boundary busters!
You gotta toughen up. Simple as that ...maybe
It can be seen as an opportunity. A chance to grow. A chance to develop a part of us that is either dormant or untapped perhaps. As Jordan Peterson says we need to find appropriate ways to show our claws. Dont let people mess with us. Stricter boundaries are needed because these people have an instinct for finding a weakness and wreaking havoc.
Boundary busters!
You gotta toughen up. Simple as that ...maybe
na but if you toughen up you just get all bitter and twisted and become like they are. After all it was the Pharoah's hard heart that would not let Moses and Gods people go.
God had to kill his firstborn son in the final plague before the Pharoah relented.
God had to kill his firstborn son in the final plague before the Pharoah relented.
what therapists say is send them to a therapist, but the thing is narcissists would be the people who would least likely ever go and see a therapist.
True - sure... Therapist would like to conduct an assessment first and foremost...
And while they do recommend therapy as treatment - unfortunately - like so many other illnesses their prescribed treatment is acknowledged as not being a CURE for NPD...
Part of my frustration and surprise is the fact that there is NO CURE for NPD and this fact among professionals would seem to be a well kept 'un-said' secret...
They have too much to gain financially - to ensure they have a flock of regular patience...
Interestingly, the very clever and manipulative NPD persons are often willing to attend couples therapy (initially) as a means to manipulate and skew the diagnosis of their spouse as the one who has the problem in the relationship...
Too often we hear stories of how a master manipulator is able to masterfully arrange for their spouse to be diagnosed based upon evidence that they have instigated and arranged all as part of their master plan to protect their own wrong-doing at all cost and at the expense of their co-dependent victim...
The bigger issue is that there are too few qualified 'couples therapists' to earnestly and professionally advice couples on how bast to practically cope and navigate the vary nature of these complex and dynamic relationships... realistically...
A narcissist or difficult people in general test out our self belief. Test our self esteem. We need to be fully awake when dealing with them. We cant be passive. We cant be soft.
It can be seen as an opportunity. A chance to grow. A chance to develop a part of us that is either dormant or untapped perhaps. As Jordan Peterson says we need to find appropriate ways to show our claws. Dont let people mess with us. Stricter boundaries are needed because these people have an instinct for finding a weakness and wreaking havoc.
Boundary busters!
You gotta toughen up. Simple as that ...maybe
Simple for some, yes. And by all means, I do agree with you.
My case, however, is not as simple as that. I do understand where you are coming from, I am not dismissing it and I absolutely respect your statements.
However, as you mentioned in your above statement, being a chance to grow and developing a part of us that might be dormant..... If anything, I have definitely learned a lot from my experience. I've learned that I'm a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I learned what it means to really respect or disrespect someone, and I learned that we can't always give everyone the help we want to.
I think it's shaped me into a more observant person and maybe a better Christian since my faith was tested. No matter what happens, my true self will never be taken away from me.
Finding a therapist who remotely knows anything about NPD is also rare.
Is narcissism common? The answer may surprise you
Narcissistic personality traits on a continuum
Narcissism exists on a continuum. From normal, healthy, with a few narcissistic traits, to a pathological (clinical) full blown personality disorder on the other. Our level of narcissism can vary over time, between situations and life events.
It’s important to remember that the major distinction between narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is that narcissism is not a mental illness or personality disorder.
Normal narcissism
Healthy narcissism is adaptive, flexible and empathic. It causes elation and joy and helps us function everyday.
Humans need admiration and attention. Everyone has a desire for success and love. But, we all occasionally experience a lack of empathy. People like having power and control, and once in awhile we may feel grandiose or self-important.
So it’s not uncommon for someone displaying normal everyday narcissist traits to hurt our feelings or push our boundaries. This is normal. We may classify these experiences as someone being selfish, aggressive, egotistical or insensitive.
Narcissistic personality type
Further along the continuum is an unhealthier narcissism called narcissistic personality type. This is not a mental illness, it’s a more-extreme form of narcissism. Whilst most or all of the characteristics of NPD may be present, this kind of narcissism is considered within the normal range of personality.
A person may appear obnoxious, because they feel superior to others. They may have little or no empathy with the feelings, conditions, situation or plight of others. Or they could feel entitled to the best of everything, while looking down on those who show admiration for them.
Pathological narcissism or NPD
The diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is usually determined through clinical evaluation of the person. NPD was defined by the DSM-5 as significant impairments in personality functioning, such as looking excessively to others for the regulation of self-esteem, viewing oneself as exceptional, having impaired empathy, and having mostly superficial relationships and the personality traits of grandiosity and attention-seeking.
Pathological narcissism is maladaptive, rigid, persistent and causes significant distress and functional impairment. These qualities remain relatively stable over time and are not caused by a medical condition, drugs, or a person’s developmental stage.
Research shows that although people with NPD experience high self-esteem, it is also fragile and insecure. Their self-esteem fluctuates from moment to moment and day to day. Yet people with NPD are more likely to state their self-esteem as high rather than low. This suggests that although people with NPD describe themselves in positive terms, their nonconscious feelings are not necessarily so positive.
So, while it is common to refer to a selfish or arrogant person as a narcissist, the psychological definition is not only subtle but is also relatively rare.
Narcissistic personality traits on a continuum
Narcissism exists on a continuum. From normal, healthy, with a few narcissistic traits, to a pathological (clinical) full blown personality disorder on the other. Our level of narcissism can vary over time, between situations and life events.
It’s important to remember that the major distinction between narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is that narcissism is not a mental illness or personality disorder.
Normal narcissism
Healthy narcissism is adaptive, flexible and empathic. It causes elation and joy and helps us function everyday.
Humans need admiration and attention. Everyone has a desire for success and love. But, we all occasionally experience a lack of empathy. People like having power and control, and once in awhile we may feel grandiose or self-important.
So it’s not uncommon for someone displaying normal everyday narcissist traits to hurt our feelings or push our boundaries. This is normal. We may classify these experiences as someone being selfish, aggressive, egotistical or insensitive.
Narcissistic personality type
Further along the continuum is an unhealthier narcissism called narcissistic personality type. This is not a mental illness, it’s a more-extreme form of narcissism. Whilst most or all of the characteristics of NPD may be present, this kind of narcissism is considered within the normal range of personality.
A person may appear obnoxious, because they feel superior to others. They may have little or no empathy with the feelings, conditions, situation or plight of others. Or they could feel entitled to the best of everything, while looking down on those who show admiration for them.
Pathological narcissism or NPD
The diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is usually determined through clinical evaluation of the person. NPD was defined by the DSM-5 as significant impairments in personality functioning, such as looking excessively to others for the regulation of self-esteem, viewing oneself as exceptional, having impaired empathy, and having mostly superficial relationships and the personality traits of grandiosity and attention-seeking.
Pathological narcissism is maladaptive, rigid, persistent and causes significant distress and functional impairment. These qualities remain relatively stable over time and are not caused by a medical condition, drugs, or a person’s developmental stage.
Research shows that although people with NPD experience high self-esteem, it is also fragile and insecure. Their self-esteem fluctuates from moment to moment and day to day. Yet people with NPD are more likely to state their self-esteem as high rather than low. This suggests that although people with NPD describe themselves in positive terms, their nonconscious feelings are not necessarily so positive.
So, while it is common to refer to a selfish or arrogant person as a narcissist, the psychological definition is not only subtle but is also relatively rare.
Excruciating pain. Can you measure the agony of the soul? Physical pain is nothing.
You use the word ”truly” with such unimportance but the truth Is not just aimed at someone politically but the truth cuts both ways.
IE If I were to say something that Donald Trump did that was untruthful would you side with the truth and say yes that’s true or would you be political and Suppress the truth.