Want to heal from being cheated on

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angelwings92

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I'm new to the chat forum. I joined tonight while online searching for a positive support system to talk with. I hope I have joined a good place to express myself.

I am a newly wed coming up on my 1 year anniversary in about a week. But as it approaches I'm having overwhelming thoughts of remembering how my now husband cheated a few years back. As a result of his cheating a child was conceived. The child's birthday was just a few days ago, and I have been heavily carrying these feelings of not even wanting to celebrate our upcoming anniversary. I'm so down. I've just never really healed, and ran away from how I felt after finding out. My now husband has not cheated since that incident, but the pain is still there. I thought it would just go away, but it's not the case. I don't want this to dwell in our marriage and ruin our family before we even have a chance to begin. Any advice?
 
angelwings92 said:
I'm new to the chat forum. I joined tonight while online searching for a positive support system to talk with. I hope I have joined a good place to express myself.

I am a newly wed coming up on my 1 year anniversary in about a week. But as it approaches I'm having overwhelming thoughts of remembering how my now husband cheated a few years back. As a result of his cheating a child was conceived. The child's birthday was just a few days ago, and I have been heavily carrying these feelings of not even wanting to celebrate our upcoming anniversary. I'm so down. I've just never really healed, and ran away from how I felt after finding out. My now husband has not cheated since that incident, but the pain is still there. I thought it would just go away, but it's not the case. I don't want this to dwell in our marriage and ruin our family before we even have a chance to begin. Any advice?
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Boy,....this is a difficult situation. But not impossible. The child's birthdate being so close to your anniversary isn't helping matters any, is it ? My heart goes out to you. Start by always remembering that the child is innocent. He or she is in no way responsible for your feelings today. But it bears noting that this childs birthday will always serve as a reminder to you of your now husband's former indescretion. Not an easy thing to deal with, always having this reminder put in front of you. You must choose angelwings. You must decide first if you want to forgive your hubby. If your answer is yes, you must take positive steps in that direction. Do you trust him today ? Again, you must answer this question honestly. Forgiveness for him will come if you seek it. But you must first believe in your heart that you want to forgive him... and believe that he is trustworthy today. If you can't answer affirmative to both of these questions, your feelings of pain will always remain. Tell him what you are feeling and if need be, seek out some counselling together on the matter. He owes at least that much towards the rectification of the problem he has created. God's love and gentleness to you both in this situation.
 
you have to learn to forgive him for his actions, and you have to forgive YOURSELF too. I'm doing a women's bible study about "walking in faith: taking off the robes" by Jennifer Kostyal

This week we talked about taking off the robes of unforgiveness.

how life, people and ourselves carry this huge weight and burden in our hearts and minds that we can't enjoy how God has blessed us.

we need to TRUST GOD and lay our burdens down on His throne. HE loves us and will lead us. have faith GOd wants you to be HAPPY, take off this robe. forgive him and yourself, ask God to help you.

Dear Lord, we ask you to help forgive everyone who may have offended us or hurt us in our lives so that we might heal and become the person you mean for us to be, IN Jesus name we pray amen.

this is one of my favorite songs. remember that GOD loves you and you should love others as God loves you: unconditionally.

YouTube - God's love letter

Help your husband be the man and father he was meant to be to this child and your future ones.
 
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Thank u so much for replying. I was just going to log off thinking no one had a reply due to this being an unadvisable thing I'm dealing with. Your sincere and christian response has me in tears. I know I love my husband and the family we have created. We have a 10 month old and enjoy so much being parents together. We decided to have a child together thinking this would move me pass thoughts of what he did. I definately do not blame the child in any way. My husband was so afraid I would leave him when he cheated that he kept it a secret until the child was almost a year old. His mother found out from the woman, and told him he had to tell me. I can't say I forgive him though. I'm not sure if I have really looked into if I do or not. I think about how for almost a year he was caring for a child I knew nothing about. What I have told him is chidlren are blessings from GOD, so this child was pre-planned by GOD and the parents who would care for that child. I know that in my heart. I'm just struggling with really how he could do such a thing to me, and not only to cheat but to be as careless as to not protect himself ( and me for that matter). The woman was also a previous girlfriend of his. So it wasn't like he was curious about her or anything. He says he wish he could take my pain away and remove his action. (not the child) I think there is hope, but I just have to find my way there. Thank u so much for replying. It means so much to me!!!!!
 
Only love can heal hearts and build bridges. As you spend time with God and him, God will open your eyes to his heart. He may have done some wrong things before, but as you grow together you will see something more than just the pain or wrong. You will see Gods love and care through him, which is one of the most important things in life. God bless
 
I feel your pain deeply Angelwings92. No one can know how wrenching the pain is until they've been there. It feels as if you are walking around without a heart in your body because it's been violently ripped out. But I want to encourage you that there is incredible blessing in being obedient to God. Even when you don't feel like it, you can still choose to love your husband & be kind. When you do this, you honour God & He will honour you! Also remember forgiveness is a process - you don't just do it once & it's done. You have to daily forgive & give it over to God.
"The godly can look forward to a reward" Proverbs 11:23
"God blesses you who weep now, for in due time you will laugh" Luke 6:21
"If you search for good, you will find favour" Proverbs 11:27
 
KezE said:
Also remember forgiveness is a process - you don't just do it once & it's done. You have to daily forgive & give it over to God.
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Well said KezE. It truly is a process.......and grieving is the first step towards this healing. And while it is certainly true that to err is human and to forgive is divine, this must not be mistaken to mean that we are to ignore and "feel bad" for those emotions that accompany any acts of betrayal and wrongs done to us. Forgiveness is an expression of God's love. But it is equally important to recognize that when we are given His grace to overcome our hurts through Him, our acts of forgiveness free US from the bondage of the pain and the scars we've experienced. Then and only then can we move forward in His grace. Angelwings husband will have to earn her trust again. There is nothing unGodly in this statement. But I am confident that Angelwings will soon discover that our life's greatest moments always come when we have nowhere else to turn but to Him. She and her family will find blessings where they thought there could be none. His strength is indeed made perfect in our weakness. God bless us, each and everyone :)
 
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