Overlooking Religion in Relationships

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CharmingBirch

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Long story short, I met one guy around this time last year. He seemed to be pretty nice, humble, didn't swear and had a passion for journalism that rivaled my own. The more I got to know him, the more I found out about his hobbies; he's very athletic (and incredibly handsome!) and has hopes of becoming a boxer one day. In the "getting to know you" stage, we mentioned religion. His response? "I was raised Catholic but I don't really care if there is a God."

As I said, this was last year. We're very good friends now, talk to each other often, are protective of one another and I feel like the only thing holding me back from pursuing a relationship with him is his disinterest in religion. Recently I questioned him about being agnostic and his explanation was that "it gets in the way of important things, like two people who know they should be together but use insignificant things to keep them apart. I'm not interested in religion or politics for that reason."

I love the guy now. I mean, a lot. I'm 21 and he's 23, but we're so fine-tuned to each other it's quite eerie. I'm a little concerned that I'm starting to agree with him on the religion aspect. It matters very much to me but there's no way I could ever shove my beliefs down someone else's throat. I'm thinking of just going for it, honestly.

Are there any couples here who are dating/have dated someone who practiced a different religion or none at all? I'd like some insight. He's the perfect guy for me, except for that one thing... but right now, I think I could look over it.
 
CharmingBirch said:
Long story short, I met one guy around this time last year. He seemed to be pretty nice, humble, didn't swear and had a passion for journalism that rivaled my own. The more I got to know him, the more I found out about his hobbies; he's very athletic (and incredibly handsome!) and has hopes of becoming a boxer one day. In the "getting to know you" stage, we mentioned religion. His response? "I was raised Catholic but I don't really care if there is a God."

As I said, this was last year. We're very good friends now, talk to each other often, are protective of one another and I feel like the only thing holding me back from pursuing a relationship with him is his disinterest in religion. Recently I questioned him about being agnostic and his explanation was that "it gets in the way of important things, like two people who know they should be together but use insignificant things to keep them apart. I'm not interested in religion or politics for that reason."

I love the guy now. I mean, a lot. I'm 21 and he's 23, but we're so fine-tuned to each other it's quite eerie. I'm a little concerned that I'm starting to agree with him on the religion aspect. It matters very much to me but there's no way I could ever shove my beliefs down someone else's throat. I'm thinking of just going for it, honestly.

Are there any couples here who are dating/have dated someone who practiced a different religion or none at all? I'd like some insight. He's the perfect guy for me, except for that one thing... but right now, I think I could look over it.
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You said it yourself...this will be the result. Very, very, very few times, if any, does an 'unequally yoked' relationship end up with the agnostic partner becoming Christian. The overwhelming majority of the time, the Christian partner backslides or turns their back on God entirely.

I know you have feelings for him, but this is a bad, bad, bad idea. "it gets in the way of important things, like two people who know they should be together but use insignificant things to keep them apart. I'm not interested in religion or politics for that reason." It should be that following God IS the MOST important thing...God is NOT insignificant...and trying to have a relationship with someone who believes otherwise is a bad idea.

So many stories in the Bible relate to this...Samson comes to mind. He was raised Nazarite (set apart for God). It only takes a little yeast to leaven the whole lump. Delilah slowly leavened Samson's lump until...well, you can read the result.

Man and woman who love the Lord first and everything else second will support and educate each other to have a better relationship with God. You already don't have spiritual support from this guy. It won't get any better...it will only get worse.

You mention that God 'matters very much' to you. How much? You don't have to shove your beliefs down anyone's throat, because they will almost certainly vomit them back up. However, if you were to find a guy who ALSO loves the Lord without being forced...that's the ticket there.
 
Thank you very much for your response. I've been thinking about it for a while and since I have a free day today (Yay!) I wanted to hear other's opinions on this particular topic. It is a very difficult thing I've been battling and I have been in this situation once before. It didn't get to the same level of seriousness like this one but the guy (who is also still my friend) complimented my personality almost perfectly, though he was a Zen Buddhist.

I know there are couples out there who believe in different religions and are dating/married; my best friend's mother is Christian and her father is Catholic and my aunt is Christian and her husband is Jewish. I know it's not like being agnostic or atheist, but it's not a Christian couple.

Thank you in advance to those who would be so kind as to share their personal experience dating someone who was not a Christian.
 
i dated a christian it went well infact it was great i ended it for reason i wont get into it. the only adive i can give you is dont pursue a relationship thinking you can change that person down the line rarely works and a stupid thing to do if the religion thing is a big deal for you then obv hes not the one for you if it isnt and you love him for who he is and not what he is then wheres the problem
 
ITS A BAD IDEA point blank. God calls us to win souls for him. not to conform to this world and say "its ok if you don't believe in your savior" all thats telling him is that you really don't care about God because your relationship with him is more important. you're willing to blow off God to be with this guy.

God wants us to be equally yoked for reasons we can't begin to think about until we're IN the relationship already. i know it sounds bad but don't let the devil whisper lies into you ear. what you believe in is NOT insignificant. its your way of life. What happens when you have children and he doesn't want them learning about "your" God. or when he wants you to stop going to church and spend him with him or doing other things cause "your religion" is a waist of time.

i know you said that you knew others who were in a mixed religious relationship but if those ppl were serious about their walk with God then that marriage wouldn't have happened in the first place and if it did it wouldn't be a very happy one.

i refuse to let ppl near me go to hell because "i'm scared they'll feel like i'm pushing it down their throats" every chance i get i wanna spread the love of God so that i can see them in heaven with me. so that others can know just how AWESOME God is and how amazing it is to live a Godly life. and i'm sure it would drive me and anyone apart if they really didn't wanna hear it. i've lost friends because of it but thats what it means to be a Christian!

If you're serious about your walk with God then this shouldn't even be a question. you should have known from the beginning that if he wasn't willing to change and see God then this relation ship wouldn't work. its much easier to pull someone down then to pull others up. Jeremiah 17:9 says the heart is deceitful. meaning following your "heart" could lead you into bad situations. thats why God gave us a mind to think. we have to think carefully about the situations we're putting ourselves into.

don't blind yourself with the butterflies and excitement of a new relationship. there are guys who are worth the wait. you just have to wait for them. ^_^
 
You have once chance on this earth to make a go at it. I'd rather burn in hell than regret being happy on earth :)
 
Jallen057 said:
You have once chance on this earth to make a go at it. I'd rather burn in hell than regret being happy on earth :)
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With the exception of the burning in hell part, that's exactly how I feel :). But I know what you mean.

It's a very complicated matter. I never wanted to persuade him to believe in God, only because I wouldn't appreciate anyone trying to persuade me to stop believing.

Also, thank you to the person who sent me a video link regarding the same situation I'm in. It was pretty enlightening and has given me a lot to think about.
 
The religion issue might not be an issue now. Heck, it might not be an issue for some time even, but eventually, it WILL surface, and one of you will have to make a choice. Sometimes the turmoil lies dormant and does not surface until children are born, as each side tries to pull the kids toward their own set of beliefs.

When the Bible says not to yoke unequally, I agree completely: whoever has one religion or a set of beliefs should marry a person of like-mindedness, as this will result in better harmony between the two (regardless of what faith is being shared).

Now, in my opinion, if anyone as a Christian is willing to compromise beliefs for the sake of romance, then behold their new god: romance. Idols take many shapes, and this shape of misguided romance may perhaps be the most deceiving and cunning of them all, as it is as close to light as possible without shedding that last hint of darkness.
 
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AllCoolNicknamesWereTaken said:
The religion issue might not be an issue now. Heck, it might not be an issue for some time even, but eventually, it WILL surface, and one of you will have to make a choice. Sometimes the turmoil lies dormant and does not surface until children are born, as each side tries to pull the kids toward their own set of beliefs.

When the Bible says not to yoke unequally, I agree completely: whoever has one religion or a set of beliefs should marry a person of like-mindedness, as this will result in better harmony between the two (regardless of what faith is being shared).
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Wow. Thank you, Taken. This also perfectly explains why I'm not so eager to hop on board with it. I mean, we're really young and could go a good stretch of time not even really thinking about/mentioning religion or politics and the like but it would come into play later. Even then, would it really make sense to enter a relationship with someone if you're not looking to build something for the long run? Hmm.
 
I'm doing it now. My girlfriend isn't at all religious (she KIND OF believes in some Buddhist scripture but mostly the practice, not spiritual side) and we get along PERFECTLY. She respects my beliefs and I respect her's. The thing is, many people who are a certain religion will start dating an unreligious person and try to change them. That isn't at all how to go about having a relationship. You can't go into with that goal. You also shouldn't let that person influence you to change your mind about your religion. Religion is and should always be a very personal thing that shouldn't be changed by whom you're dating or anything like that. Best of luck too you, sister!
 
I think a key issue here is whether the relationship you are seeking is a passing one or a serious one (casual vs non-casual dating, if you will). That is a topic in and of itself, but in response to the comment above:

"Religion is and should always be a very personal thing that shouldn't be changed by whom you're dating or anything like that."

Life is not so simple, and as you grow older, you will learn that the line between black and white is much more ambiguous than you think... Heck, I still have a lot to learn. But I've learned enough to say that two people in a relationship will have some influence on each other, and not all of it is intentional. Going back to my original thought, whether this is casual or serious dating will determine how strong the repercussions will be in the future.

I only have one question though: I know that as human beings we cannot control our feelings, but why do we invest feelings, time, etc. in relationships that we are doubtful about to begin with? It's as if we set ourselves up for hurt... I know that entering ANY relationship means risking a world of hurt, but why add additional variables to something that is already uncertain at its most basic level?
 
We are the Bride of Christ. Christ by proxy is the groom.

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Whenever we go against the commands of God, we leave him standing at the altar.
When you are unequally yoked, you are leaving God at the altar.
 
If believers date non-believers and begin to care deeply for them, as it appears may be happening, at some point the believer must choose between obeying God (regarding being unequally yoked) and being with the unbeliever. Life can hold enough heartache without creating more for ourselves.

I pray that God will give you wisdom in this situation; but, to be honest, perhaps He is already be speaking to your heart about it, as concern regarding the matter has brought you to this forum for direction and advice.

God bless you.
 
Go for it, toss the dice and let them fall. And hope you come up triple 6.
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I missed that post but I'm not quite sure what it's supposed to mean. A joke, perhaps? :confused:

I'm doing it now. My girlfriend isn't at all religious (she KIND OF believes in some Buddhist scripture but mostly the practice, not spiritual side) and we get along PERFECTLY. She respects my beliefs and I respect her's. The thing is, many people who are a certain religion will start dating an unreligious person and try to change them.... Religion is and should always be a very personal thing that shouldn't be changed by whom you're dating or anything like that. Best of luck too you, sister!
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Thank you. It's nice to hear from someone who is already in the same boat. If you don't mind me asking, how old are the both of you and how long has the relationship been going on? It's the personality that's the draw for me; it's hard to find people who are like-minded in personality, let alone anything else. With that said, I'm still weighing the issues I feel about it.

Going back to my original thought, whether this is casual or serious dating will determine how strong the repercussions will be in the future.
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I'm not really sure. I'm a fan of the idea of a long-term commitment and serious dating but on the other hand, I have trouble picking what I want to eat for dinner some nights. :o I'm not hearing wedding bells with him but then again, I don't know the future. God does. I'm just hoping He steers me in the right direction. Sometimes people are put into our lives for a reason. Maybe he's in mine to give me an idea of the kind of man I should be with. I don't know.


And thank you Jullianna. :) You've all been very helpful.
 
The question you need to ask yourself is this.........Am I putting him before God or the other way around. If you are truely saved then GOD IS THE CENTER OF YOUR UNIVERSE and anything that could possibly hurt your relationship with him is dangerous. Run run as fast as you can. I went down that road in the past and got burned badly. please don't make the same mistake.
 
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